Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?
I had a physical relationship with someone who is very special to me. It was emotional in the best and worst of ways at one time or another. I'm still grateful for both my relationship with him and still emotionally attached in ways that make life hard at times, but worth it.
My brother sued me. I'm mad and resentful.
I got engaged to Michael and it made me more confident.
I got engaged! I'm relieved and inspired. Oh and I passed medical boards š
I went to the state championships for Archery
I worked harder than I have in along time and have found a place that I want my child grow up in
Going through a divorce. I am not sure what to think, I did not have a clue that I would be experiencing this. It is an eye opening event.
My brother- and sister-in-law, along with their two kids, moved back in with us. It is trying but I am making an effort to, and feel I am succeeding in, being tolerant of divergent habits and lifestyle choices.
my son had some personal challenges. He and his father had some hard times. The troubles in my household have made my husband and I have a clear stronger connection. I am relieved that we have passed this hard time. My son is beginning college and doing well in a new environment.
My mother has been mentally ill since I was a kid. It had never been diagnosed, but she was always behaving in a very difficult way and could not manage relationships with other people. Me and my brother suffered throughout our lives from her behavior. Last year she was admitted to a psychological hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia for the first time. She took medicine and her situation became better first and then worse, because she stopped the medication. She threatened to kill herself, went back to the hospital. Tough times. Especially for my brother, who was all the time there to help her. I lived abroad, but through all this I got closer to my brother (and in a way to my mother) again and I decided to move back to Europe. Not to my home country, but to my boyfriend's country. I met my boyfriend 1.5 years ago - never would have imagined I meet someone so nice! So for me this October means not only a new year, but in a way a new life!
This year my daughter became pregnant, after having had 6 miscarriages in her life. She's not in a relationship with the father so as my my parents helped me raise her, I will gladly help her raise her child. With that responsibility comes fear, honor, relief (for her - she's only ever really wanted to be a mother). This is good for me, too. I've always had a tendency to take work too seriously. 11 years ago the death of my mother gave me the perspective to stop allowing work to rule my life. It seems only appropriate that now when I see myself slipping into old bad habits, this time it is the birth of my grandchild that will help me realign my priorities.
I took a job!! It's been an interesting and mostly enjoyable experience. I have enjoyed being really part of something but struggled that I do not have so much control over my life as I am expected to be physically present. I'm now working on my exit strategy for the end of the financial year as I plan to get back to working independently in 2015.
Relieved I am getting better but releasable that I will be passing soon and want see my grandchildren before I go to god's house
I have done study abroad this Summer in France and currently in London. I have hated my time in college and wished to escape. However,I have had a mostly terrible time for I have not connected with any of the students. I am grateful for the opportunity to travel, but wish I was happier doing so. Because of this, and my experiences in general at college, I have become quieter and less outgoing, choosing to stay alone rather than spend time with boring and basic people who drain me.
I moved. Changed cities. From house to apartment. I love apartment living! Who knew? I've always owned my own house. I'm single and have always lived with numerous animals--dogs, cats, the occasional squirrel (oh wait, that's another story). Anyway, my houses were never what/how I wanted them to be--way too expensive to fix them up how I wanted. Now, in my small apartment, I can do this and that and achieve the effects I'm hoping for. Fabulous dahling...! I sit on my couch on a lovely day with my door wall open... I'm loving this. It's September, a chill is developing in the air, not too long before winter and snow. Except for my tiny balcony and around my parking space, no shoveling. Wow. Did I say, I'm loving this? I am. Wow. I am so grateful to God for giving me all this. I tell Him all the time. Thank You.
I moved into a new position at my job. I'm glad to be doing something different and for the opportunity to show how I can make a positive difference. I am worried that my skill set is not where it needs to be, so I plan on taking some classes in the near future.
Nothing truly significant has happened this year. It has all been a continuation. I will be graduating shortly and I am relieved that the last five years of school will be coming to an end but nervous about what comes next. This year has been a place holder for me.
My son and his wife gave birth to a baby girl - I became a grandmother. My son would like for his daughter to call me Savta - which is what he and my daughter called my mother. My mother died in 2009 and my granddaughter will be named after her. My parents were holocaust survivors so the knowledge that there is continuity is so affirming. I found this enormously moving and I am so grateful for this child's presence in my life.
I'm living with the person that I love. Which is new because we fell in love as we were both married to someone else. It's been five years now (both divorced) and I'm beginning to accept the sin that Ive committed. I hope I can being a new and meaningful life. Hear oh Israel the lord in one. Thank you for what you have given me.
My mother offered an acquaintance at her church the opportunity to for her daughter to talk to me about our mutual mental disorder. Initially I accepted her volunteering me gracefully. Over the course of a week, my angry at not having been consulted about revealing something that is very private to me to members of a community where I plan to retire grew. I finally confronted my mother as to her motives. I resented her for considering the needs of an acquaintance before that of a daughter. I now feel relieved by the confrontation, not because I'm satisfied by her explanation - I don't believe that her motives were wholly altruistic - but at finally having confronted my mother, something I rarely do. I'm grateful for the opportunity to do this. I'm disappointed that it didn't bring us closer in the end. I'm inspired to consider sharing my experience with mental illness to help to counter the way in which it stigmatizes and handicaps those who are afflicted. Yes, I see the irony in this.
My son, Richard, completed high school and moved out of our home. His leaving was difficult, as we argued constantly and things were tense, with anger and misunderstandings on all sides. I was terribly hurt when he did not include us in his baccalaureate and left commencement ceremonies immediately after they concluded. I suspected his "new family" of taking advantage of Richard. I finally had an epiphany when I took myself to church alone, hoping to hear from our kind interim pastor, Father Dan Hyman, but instead an unannounced visiting priest with an accent came in, preached about using God's love and wisdom, not ours. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and my attitude changed completely. Richard seems to be very pleased with his choices, holds a job, has bought a car, so that is a comfort, but my change of heart was key.
Something significant that happened in the last year was working on (and finally completing) my Aliyah process. It was a frustrating process that I am extremely grateful for because it taught me a lot about myself, what I value, and what I can achieve. It also taught me about how strong I am. Now that I am finally here in Israel, living my values and dream I am happier than I have ever been.
New job. I believe I had Heavenly help in getting this job. I am overwhelmingly grateful. I have been struggling with physical pain and limitations. Finally I have a job I can do until retirement.
My children (accidentaly) killed our pet rabbit. It reminded me of the massive responsibility of being a parent. I cried, not because the rabbit had died (there are millions of them !) but because I had failed as a parent. My children suffered through the grief and the rabbit died unnecessarily and painfully. It was my fault, I didn't watch them carefully enough. They didn't know any better.
Volunteering. This year started off very slow. I had no idea what I would be doing or where I would be until woman in my community offered me some admin work at her offices. It really opened my eyes to what direction I want to go in at the moment and helped me find the tools to pursue it. I am so grateful to her, the opportunity she gave me and the time that she spent mentoring me. I have now commenced studying business administration and it has already opened so many doors I never thought would open for me. Thank you. :)
I had the worst break up imaginable. I met my soul mate. He still is. He is still in my life. He had a mental break down and turned all of his resentment and blame on to me. His friends, who had become my friends, turned vicious. I lost people that I loved. In this experience, I lost myself. Everything that I believed in my world was shaken. I became suicidal. It was horrible. I am still heart broken. I hope to continue healing. I hope to find help in the ritual and looking in of the high holidays.
Moved to the DC area, and started a new job.
My husband and I have become one-day-a-week caregivers to my mother-in-law. I'm pleased to be of use/service to Mary. I enjoy spending the time with my husband. In some ways, I find I really look forward to the visits. Early on, I got into the habit of bringing her a small flowering plant each week. She looks forward to seeing what I've brought and I have fun picking out the plants for her. It's been difficult to watch her gradual decline, but she handles each loss with grace and dignity. It's been a learning experience on many levels. I think more about my own and my husband's mortality, about how our children will be affected by our eventual decline. My challenge is to figure out how to apply what I'm learning.
This year I learned to play guitar. I learn Amazing Grace, the Beetles Blackbird, David. Crosby's Helplessly Hoping, and 44 Blues. Never having played a musical instrument, and being a slow learner, this process and continuing accploshisment has caused to to spend a lot of time alone. I always challenged to find the time to practice, to not get frustrated, and learn my instrument and music. So many times I'll ask myself why are you doing this and thought I'm not going to ever get this song, this concept, rhythm. But, daily mornings before work and evenings after and one one day off a week I've come back to my room and sat with my guitar and lave slowly learned to play. I am grateful to be able to learn how play guitar. It's a really beautiful Taylor accustic guitar and it sounds so sweet. I'm also enrolled in an online web site that brings these really great teachers into my life. I see myself learning more this year ahead . I've always loved listening and going to see live music, and playing is a new found love.
I went through a very painful divorce with 2 babies in tow. It has affected me tremendously. I seemed to have forgotten how to be happy, unless in the presence of my kids. It has made me a sadder but stronger person. I feel less scared than I used to. Nothing could possibly be scarier than what I have gone through in the last year. While I a,m not necessarily grateful for having gone through the situation, I am happy to be out of a marriage with the wrong person and trying to look forward to making a new life for me and my kids.
Death of youngest sibling...learned a deeper type of compassion ...profound sense of loss and feel like there is a hole in my heart...glad there was an end to his suffering but I miss him tremendously.
My 21 year old son studied abroad in Australia for six months this year. I missed him so much. Toward the end of the period, although we had skype calls regularly, all I wanted was his hug. I let him know and when he got home he let me hug him long and close. Now in our exchanges we regularly close with I love you. I have always done that with all my close connections, parents, spouse, children, and friends. Now he closes with I love you too. That is one of the reasons I am so glad he studied abroad for so long and so far away.
My most significant experience of the past year is getting married in November 2013. I married my best friend and soul mate, Jamie. This is our second marriage for both of us - my ex-husband came out of the closet, and his ex-wife basically decided she didn't want to be married after all. Not a great deal has changed, in terms of our everday lives, but I am very thankful, each and every day, to know that our lives are intertwined on every level. Our love is so very easy - we bring out the best in each other and my weaknesses are his strengths and vice versa. We balance each other. We communicate very well. We love, with every breath. We've both been through a lot in life, in relationships romantic, platonic and familial - and I know I (and I think for him, too) am incredibly blessed to have found peace and joy and harmony with each other!
The terrorist attacks on Israel out of Gaza and the reemergence of virulent hatred of Jews. Grateful that the IDF and Iron Dome was able to put a stop to it; relieved as well. Very resentful that terrorists would start a war they knew they could not win, only to conjure up sympathy from the world's anti-Semites.
My mother is getting more forgetful. She forgot she made a kugel that she only made a few weeks ago. She has forgotten how the direction we drove to places. She's beginning to worry me, and I've talked to her about this. I wish I could make her talk to her doctor, but I can't make her do anything.
Over the course of this year, I have been asked to teach, coach and engage people from a larger audience base than I am normally accustomed to working with. With Chinese kids ages three to twelve, private music students ages six to sixty-six, inner city high school kids majoring in performing arts, curious and good-hearted women at my synagogue, curious and good-hearted singers from a neighboring synagogue, a barbershop quartet, a barbershop chorus and three cantorial soloists, I have had to tweak my teaching style to better fit the diverse learning styles of my audience(s) and find ways to connect with each person within each group so s/he could find that experience valuable, meaningful and fun. I am immensely grateful for these opportunities to serve in my community, share the music that I love so dearly, stretch my teaching skills and challenge my beliefs in how people learn and view themselves in the world around them. ... My secret fear is that someone, like the child in the story of the emperor with no clothes, will finally stand up with a pointy finger and call me a fake.
In the past year, I have changed my job and solidified the relationship with the person I'll be marrying today. As to the job, I realized how important it is to be in an environment that creates opportunity and doesn't destroy your views on self worth. I have nothing good to say about my tyrant ex manager, and I'm still healing from the time under his domain. I am relieved that I no longer work in that company, and I think I will resent my ex manager for quite some time. About the personal things... I learned to mind less what others may or may not think, and do what makes me happy. I'm marrying someone 20 years my senior, that I truly love and loves me back. I hope we make it!
I became sober again. I am relieved, grateful, and feel blessed. I feel that through god's grace I was able to get well and have access to life, to god, and to a spiritual life. I feel my souls has been restored to the potential to grow and thrive
In the last year, I had just resigned my full time job and straddled a few part time jobs for a while. Jumping ship from a steady gig with benefits to an uncertain professional future was scary, but completely worth it in the end. I am calmer and happier as a result of leaving my last job. I am about to celebrate my one year anniversary at the new place and feel much wiser, more educated, and a better therapist because of it. God completely provided for something that he told me to do. I am about to make the leap again by signing up for an Ironman today while officially resigning from after-hours. Today is a scary day.
I decided to move from Oregon to Maine for a job, completely by myself. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. I thought there was going to be someone waiting for me in Maine, but in the end that wasn't the case, and I had to go it alone in my new home. I am relieved that, despite his being part of my decision (even if I didn't want to admit it) I love my new home in its own right. I've found friends, beauty, challenges and rewards living and doing what I do now. It isn't perfect, of course, but I feel like I'm on a better track now than I was seven months ago.
Seeing my folks age and decline is very difficult. Having to relocate them to a retirement community was also very hard. Seeing able bodied, hard working people become able to do less and less is heartbreaking. Going through a lifetime of memories and achievements showed me a lot about mortality. Putting them in an environment where they are well taken care of was a huge relief. They still have more to give and they now have a stable home based platform with dignity and care. They are very courageous on this part of their journey.
Over a period of ~6mos I slowly and helplessly endured the withering of a job and career choice that lasted almost 7yrs. No fault of my own or my company but rather a comedy of errors, ineptitude, incompetence and denial by military and govt. Current events would dictate using tools such as we have built and operationalized, but no. Longest I've ever lived in a single place since childhood, and longest I've ever worked a single contractor and for a single customer. Have sprouted roots and become involved and committed in local community. Job likely gone in another 4 days, but cannot move, so will work globally. Have done nothing wrong, and have been told as such, but it all feels different. Tough. Let my guard down and really believed in the effort and trusted those around me. Humans can be such shitbags. Now is perhaps worst time for this to happen with another war, cutbacks, continuing resolution, downward cost/price pressure, stagflation, and oh yes looming "American Ramadan" where nothing gets done from week before Thanksgiving thru second week of February. Fantastic! I do have my faith, family, health and life. All else is so much accoutrement.
I moved back to the United State after living in Eastern Europe for three years. It completely changed my life in that I was finally able to be closer to family and friends. I am grateful to have found a job that allows me to be back home. It has given me a better outlook on my future.
The unexpected death of my father, which made me very sad for a long time. I'm grateful that he is no longer suffering, relieved that he is free from the prison of early dementia and the limitations imposed by cognitive loss. But I miss him and think about him every day. I miss his smile, his hugs, his quiet presence. I regret not having spent more time with him in the months leading up to his death, not stopping by his house more often. We always think we have time, but we don't. Still, I'm grateful for all the memories, and all the ways in which I was able to let him know that I love him. I continue to be inspired by his life, by the sacrifices he made, the difficulties he overcame, the challenges he endured, the contentment with which he lived his old age.
I am still healing from losing a job just over a year ago. While I am blessed to have found employment since my dismissal, the pain and heartbreak of the way the termination happened continue to haunt me. It is easy to blame others for the situation but I am still struggling with the issues that caused me to behave in a way that caused the problem. Why don't I feel like I am enough just as I am? What are ways I can feel less "like a fake" in my life? Since this situation happened in a Jewish setting, the whole situation has made me angry at Jewish communal life. What does it mean to forgive others? What does it mean to forgive myself? Why am I so hard on myself and so forgiving of others?
I recently accepted a new job in Las Vegas. A week from today, I move there from Oklahoma City. I'm nervous about the adjustment, mainly because of my husband. I really expected it to be easier for him to find a job there, but no luck yet. We have a backup plan for him to make money while he finds something, but it's not what I really want because we'll have to be apart indefinitely. It looks like the route we're going to have to take for now, though, because we otherwise cannot afford the relocation. I don't want to leave him behind, but it's preferable to him taking a job he doesn't really like and resenting me for it. I'm going to have to find a balance between staying busy so I don't get lonely and communicating with him enough that he doesn't feel like I'm shutting him out. We've been apart before due to a work situation and that was a challenge. On the other hand, I'm very excited about this big move in my career and the adventure of moving to a new city. The house we've found is beautiful and I really look forward to learning and growing a lot in my new position. I believe ultimately, things will work out fine, but there are just a lot of uncertainties right now that make the situation tense. I will miss my job in Oklahoma City and the people I've met. It's going to be hard to get into the car and drive away for the last time.
I worked really hard. I have known hard work in my lifetime but this was different. I took on a job / position that I had done in my youth. My current career was in grave jeopardy - I actually lost my positions and ability to support myself in my chosen and trained for field. I made some choices in my work that led to its loss. So I found a job in a cafe a block from home. And I cooked again. And I sweated , smelled, ached, cried , yelled, mopped floors, and took out the trash. And made 368 dollars every two weeks. I used to make much more than that in a day. What did I learn? Shear exhaustion, fear, hurt, loss. But also how to let go. I learned how strong I am. I learned how hard people- women- work. I became a part if A family. I fell in love with my co- workers and was enriched by their lives and stories.
I was asked to resign from a job. I felt humiliated, and hopeless. This experience shook my confidence to my core. Although I was hurt by the betrayal. I have given resentment a rest.
Tough question. I had pancreatitis, but that was slightly over a year ago, April 2013, technically. But coming off of that, I've been much more appreciative of my good health. It propelled me into wanting to have more fun and doing things that I want to do and make me feel good. I've become much more athletic and bold (for me - I am extremely shy!!)
Economic circumstances have forced me to live without certain things and I've actually enjoyed the challenge. At the same time, realising that life is short I've tried new things I never would have before and have loved every minute of it. I've come to believe I'm the bravest person I know because I choose to swim rather than sink. I've also learned that life is all about choices.
I had a former friend attempt to undermine my relationship with malicious gossip. I didn't think this person would ever do something like that to me. I resent this person deeply for this. I also resent others who I thought were friends as well for spreading it. Nevertheless, I am also relieved and grateful in my partner's faith and trust in me. This has deepened my commitment to my partner.
I was in a flood. I had to crawl out the window of my car it came on the heels of weeks of stress following my 89 yr old mother falling, three ER visits, hospital, rehab. I started smoking cigarettes. Smoked for a month. Just quit yesterday.
Well, S. isn't here anymore. He isn't even alive anymore. He can't hurt me again physically. He also can't reform himself. He will never reclaim his fatherhood. It confounds me. I'm really tormented by memories and thoughts. Memories of the nice guy and happy father he once was. And of the horrible, awful things he did to me later. How does a person change like that? But I had more or less accepted it. His suicide knocked me back so hard. I can't stop thinking about it and pitying him for all his self-inflicted losses over the years. It's easy, I suppose, to think about him that way since he's no longer around to threaten me. I would never want to live again the way he made me live. I love life. I love my life. I wish he had chosen another path.
I bought and moved into what I hope will be the only house I will ever own, with money that my grandmother left to my mother. My mother and I bought the house outright, so I don't even have a mortgage, and my daughter and I have some security for the first time since we left her father in 2009 and moved here. I am unutterably grateful.
Bad case of poison ivy. We are not supposed to feel our skin. It was so bad I couldn't sleep, couldn't sit still, couldn't get relief. I wouldn't wish the ordeal on my worst enemy. It made me recognize how much we take for granted. It was debilitating and made me recognize what others with disabilities must experience on a daily basis. The frustration of not being able to do what you normally do is difficult to cope with any mine was 3 weeks, not permanent.
I had a miscarriage last year in the fall. I lost hope and trust in my body for a while. I am grateful things turned out the way they did because there was something wrong with the pregnancy. Now I treasure what I do have and I was able to focus on my son more.
One of my good friend's husband committed suicide recently. He gave no indication that he was hurting or considering taking his own life. He went upstairs after saying goodnight to his wife and hung himself. In the same manner that Robin Williams took his own life just a few weeks prior. It has left me with a feeling of being unsure about anything. Do you really know anyone or what anyone is truly thinking? She thought she had an honest open relationship with her husband, the kind that the rest of us envied. But he had secrets and worries he didn't share with anyone! How honest am I with the ones I love with how I really feel? And how honest are they with me? It has shaken me to the core and really made me feel the need to express my gratitude to those I care for around me. And to express appreciation for what people do for me or others regularly. Has it made me grateful for what I have? Or has it made me unsure of it? I'm still questioning. I'm trying to reach out to the people in all aspects of my life and pull in the people I'm closest to. Let everyone know that are valued, appreciated and loved. Least of all by me!
I resigned from my full-time job after 15 years. I have so many emotions about it: grateful that I was financially secure enough (I hope) to do it, relieved to be away from such dysfunction, scared about whether or not I really am financially secure enough, lonely at times, needing community, inspired to find new avenues like self employment, hiking, art, self-awareness, personal health.
My youngest child graduated high school. It is a time to evaluate where I am, and what the next part of the journey of my life is going to look like.
This year I published my first book. My experience has been full of emotional ups and downs. My first month's sales were great, the second month was not as great...but still okay, but after that sales fell off. I realize I have no control over this. All I can do is write more books. That's the part of the process over which I have control.
Loosing my wife to breast cancer tremendously impacted my soul and spirit. Seeing ones soulmate enduring such pain, agony and fear creates feelings never encountered nor imagined ... Impact to me ? Lost my heart, ability to see and feel the suns warmth, smell of flowers and that feeling of love each time we greeted one another ... A year later ... Life goes on as I slowly recover if that the correct word for this. God Bless & keep my wife close .
Took a new job that is pushing my boundaries, professionally and personally. While an opportunity I had been looking for for a number of years, I am only now beginning to grasp the range and depth of this position. I am inspired to do my best to support my colleagues . When I feel overwhelmed, I have to reach deep into myself to identify and utilize the strengths that I believe I have.... Somewhere ....
Lost a very old Maple tree in my backyard . Made me very sad. Mirnful. No, mildly, defenatly.
I was robbed at gunpoint yesterday in my home for the cash on hand. I am grateful that I was not killed and that I do not have a gun in the house. I am relieved. I keep re-living the event with a less peaceful outcome in my vivid fantasy life. I imagine turning the tables on the guy or even shooting him through the front door. The policeman was kinda critical of my not reporting the incident until 12 hours later.
I became pregnant, and I was thrilled! I was also relieved.
I started receiving treatment for my ongoing battle with an eating disorder. It has easily affected every aspect of my life; emotionally, physically, financially etc. I was at first extremely resentful and angry with myself that I had broken down an reached out for help. At the time I felt my choices were limited as my body was falling apart. I wasn't yet able to see that what had been my best coping skill for 21 years was slowly killing me. I traversed a myriad of outpatient, partial hospitalization, and hospitalization this physically and emotionally painful process allowed me to learn to feel again, even as I started with the most basic of skills. I restart my life with mixed emotions of fear and pride. I am not entirely convinced of my ability to succeed, but I am convinced that I will re-enter the world a new person.
Being introduced to adaptive rowing through a single random incident in April 2013 and the subsequent awesome happenings stemming from that. This first-time experience of working with a disabled athlete has opened so many things up for my professional and personal growth, it's astounding. I've never felt more patience and warmth and awe at the human condition as after I meet a new athlete who, despite losing limbs, losing sight, or having never achieved intelligence past a toddler. The pedestal isn't necessary, it's simply a matter of adaptation and compassion for EVERYONE involved. There is an incredible spectrum of the human physical and spiritual experience and any imagining of one's superiority is highly suspect!
Loss. Of income, house, car, security, peace. I am grateful that I still have my family my healthough and above all God.
I was fired from a job of 9 years for taking a stand against misplaced and abusive criticism from the boss. I talked myself back into the job before the meeting was over, but I still resent the jarring experience, in light of all my dedication; all of my contributions to the health of the company. It has inspired me to redouble my efforts toward creative endeavors, so I might one day prosper from a creative career path.
I fulfilled a dream this year. I participated in the Health Certification training. I also have participated in the online NLP programmer training from NLP University. I have studied w/ Robert Dilts. I have changed jobs and have a better situation. I continue to bring milk to the Broadway Christian Parish for their food pantry. That continues to be very important to me. I am extremely grateful for the opportunities that have opened up to me this past year. I am inspired and motivated to heal those in need of healing.
I was "promoted" to the position of Fleet Communications Developer. It was a big leap for me especially because I left my safe zone. I go into work some days with excitement and enthusiasm and others I have no motivation to accomplish anything. The worst part is that I was warned this was going to happen. Fingers crossed, it's just a phase and I will grow out of it.
I spent time in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park with park scientists helping with research...collecting and banding songbirds, data on various plant species, salamanders. One day I was snorkling in various rivers observing fish and aquatic species. I wrote a poem many years ago about being in that moment of drifting, being part of a river, just being aware. I think like a Zeno's paradox of an infinity existing within a finite boundry I felt the metaphorical eternity inside moments and how accesible that really is to me. While it really inspired me to want to repeat that experience--I turned 53 over the summer and I am very depressed about having to leave that existence and having to put the remainder of my life into a lot of time with teaching emotionally disabled teenagers, a regime of mostly futile, inconsequential activity that no longer remits the most basic of money I need to support my family.
The disclosure that my youngest son had stolen $8000 from me. It made me realize how vulnerable children are to experiences over which they have no control. I am grateful to know his secrets and relieved to find out where the money had gone. Yes, I am resentful because I have always tried to be a good mother. He is 14 1/2 currently and it is very hard to get through to him. The inspiration has yet to be found. I suspect it will be revealed slowly to me, if it ever is.
Rocket attacks from Gaza into Israel. I am grateful that I live in the US and we are not subject to random rocket attacks from countries on our border.
My mother died. She'd been affected by Alzheimer's for quite a few years, and living with my sister for the past six years. Her physical health was good right up through my oldest son's bar mitzvah in June 2013, but then she took a steep decline. Physically, I'm relieved. Emotionally, I'm torn... part of me regrets all of the "should haves" that accumulated over the years, and part of me remembers all the joy and love and laughter. I'm trying to take that regret use it to make fewer - or at least different - "should haves" going forward. So there's some inspiration. I've also been inspired to become closer to my sister, which is a wonderful thing.
Retirement from public schoo; system Sort of lost for what to do yes, grateful, but decided to do volunteer work at the church after school program
The company that I work for "merged" with another company. In reality, it was a sell-out of the company by the top execs who netted big bucks and left the employees to be taken over by an out of state company that has been fairly ruthless in their acquisition. For a few months I did not know if I would have a job. Eventually, it became clear that I would be retained, but that the job would require me to have a very long daily commute out of state to work with entirely new people. While the work I am doing is challenging and enjoyable, my co-workers are fundamentally unfriendly and the goal of the business seems only to please shareholders and move the stock price of the company, not please the customer and empower the employees. I remain relieved that I have a job - a good job, although the cost of commuting in both time and dollars is brutal - but highly resentful that a very good company, that had been independent for years and had a history of extremely loyal employees is gone so that a few people could pocket large bonuses and other stock goodies. I am hoping the new year allows the now-merged company to have a corporate culture more like the "old company" and that things become more enjoyable.
My youngest daughter graduated from high school. I am very grateful for the loving and kind woman she has become and for her talent and intelligence. I am also grateful that we are privileged enough to have afforded the great education that she received.
Actually I had two significant experiences - both related but also both different. My only two children married seven weeks apart - my son first, followed by my daughter. It was an exciting but hectic time, and now it seems so slow and empty in life. It's not that I am not busy or bored, because I am always busy. I guess I just need time to reflect on the change and all that the change has brought with it - namely, growing older.
Last year was great! I began a new carrer (spanish and literature training college) and this experience make me feel excited and gratefull. i continue with the studies but, in my second year, i don't feel as the same way i felt when i start to study so... i feel hopeless, think that i will never end the carrer ( the full carrer is 4 years ) because i have to do the final exams i fell insecure. ( there almost 42 asignatures in the full carrer and 10 o 11 per year). i will continue but i will need more confidence and i will need to think in a positive way.
My husband finally decided to go into an outpatient mental health program to deal with his depression that resulted from a work injury. At first I had so many reservations about this choice. I just didn't think he needed such a high level of care. When he first started to see a light at the end of a tunnel, about the end of the first week, I was so relieved. I had been trying to be hopeful and supporting him and myself before this and was exhausted doing so. I was also trying hard to be a parent to our one-year-old son, many times feeling like a single parent. I was annoyed at first that all he seemed to say about the program was that they had good food, but I knew that meant he actually liked the program. By the second weekend he took our son for a few hours so I could have some time to myself. This was the first time in months I was free. I cried with joy that my husband was coming back to me. There is still a long road both mentally and physically for him to go, but now there is an end in site. What is more, is that I am no longer carrying him. I feel like now we are walking hand and hand, and I just hold a little tighter when he trips. My shoulders are relieved.
My mother, who is 82 years old was in the hospital. She got better, so I was relieved about that. However, I decided it was important to spend more time with her. I talked to her on the phone almost every day. However, I feel the need to spend more time with her while she still has her memory and can function fairly well, even if a bit slower than in the past.
Kidney Stones. Truly a health issue that encompassed two months of my life. Made me thankful for my health and prodded me to make a more concerted effort to be healthy.
I have been a teacher for 30 years. Last year my principal observed me. She was suppose to come in during an early period of the day, but was unable. So she came in during the period I was the most challenged with. The students were running a student lead discussion. The topic was do males and females view the levels of intimacy. If you have never run a student lead discussion it can be hard. Students can easily change the topic, sit there and not say a thing. As the teacher you need to ask guiding questions without taking over the conversation. My students were awesome and it went well. I was able to let them lead, ask questions and I said very little. For the students who did not like to talk I went up to them and asked them to summarize the discussion in their own words, which was differentiating the outcome to meet their needs. It was a wonderful experience for everyone. The principal then used this experience with others as an example of excellent student lead discussion. In the 30 years I have been a teacher I have been observed less than 15 times. I never received feedback on half of them. It was the first time I felt like I am a good teacher. I am super grateful for this. I really respect this principal and her opinion means so much to me. It still helps to fuel me in doing the best job I can everyday at work.
I had an engagement break off. Initially it was very traumatic. I felt alone, chastised, and devalued. As time passed I realized it was a blessing. I learned a lot about who I am and how I operate in a relationship. I am hopeful this time was just getting me readied for the person I am to spend my life with. I Need to remember that each challenge affords me the opportunity to live the life I've always strived for.
I fell down and fractured my knee cap which led to a back spasm which led to a bout of some kind of arthritis that is affecting my whole body. Sometimes it is hard to take a walk. It is hard to go up steps. it has left me frightened. I had to contemplate big changes. I have to think about continuing care and who will do that for me. This might be the moment where my life really changes and the end of what I've known. I feel like I am in a state of transition.
Crippling back injury...brought me to my most weak and vulnerable state. Gave me intense continued suffering for months. It was a real lesson in humility and perseverance. There were days I truly would not have minded dying just to stop the pain. While I would not wish this on anyone, I'm not sorry it happened to me. It taught me compassion and placed me in the orbit of a truly amazing new friend. It opened up a new world to me of gratitude, being thankful for the simplest of things. I still struggle with being alone, injury and disability are frightening by yourself, but my journey has made me MOTHERFUCKING STRONG.
I explored the dark side and went against everything I have been taught. It was a philosophical exploration, but had deep resonance in the physical world. It affected me by helping me to see the patterns that I continue to repeat in my life. I count all the things that happen in my life as joy. I try to let the pain of the events inform me. It feels incomplete though. This cycle has ended, but I have no closure so perhaps I am resentful. However being right and acting on it to just prove a point can cause more harm than is necessary. One does not always need to get their pound of flesh.
i got divorced. it was a difficult emotional and physically challenging process but i am grateful to have elminated the bad energy from my life and feel inspired for the future.
I gave birth to my first child. It has utterly changed my life in every way, but mostly in a very positive way. I am deeply grateful to be a mother, and to have spent this past year staying home to raise my son. It is truly the most meaningful thing I have ever done. There have been some struggles, of course, but overall it has been a wonderful year.
I lost my job in August. It was a shock and a relief. I continue to be embarrassed and ashamed, while at the same time feeling happier and hopeful.
Sold the house. We live in an apartment now and it sucks. However, we sold in order to move to Portland, so I am excited at the same time. I miss the old neighborhood and my house, but this inspires me to look into my abilities in order to find a great job in our new location in Oregon.
When faced with an opportunity to eliminate my job and move the duties to the (other) business partner's location, my boss chose to keep me and my duties at our current location. He chose to recognize my contributions and support the "many hats'" that I wear around here. I am relieved, but do not take the gesture for granted. Job contraction is all too common an occurrence, and I, unfortunately, fit into a growing stereotype of a middle-aged worker, where finding new employment can be challenging (at best). Keeping this job means everything to me. It is interesting and challenging, and the staff relations are fantastic! It enables me to continue with the care-giver role for my mom. I can honestly say that for all of the important, non-monetary criteria, this is the best place that I've ever worked. I am so grateful for the support. It inspires me to try harder and do more.
Divorced Painful Grateful that it is over and that I grew Inspired Sometimes resentful Relieved
The last semester of college was a strange combination of stress and fun, as I tried to navigate plans for the 'real world' while finishing my thesis and enjoying time with friends. While I was grateful, I often felt overwhelmed and like I wasn't taking full advantage of opportunities. I want to make sure I don't have such an experience as I enter into my first job, and that I am inspired enough to keep working towards my goals. I would like to feel comfortable with my decisions and more confident in my abilities.
Moving in with my grandmother. Motivated me to save money and pay off debt. I am grateful to have had this experience. Feel more centered to my morals.
I believe had been asking that I consider a radical change in my life. As I reflect, he had been asking for some years and I had chosed not to answer. I relied on the usual excuse that I was much too busy. Earlier this year I agreed I would pursue what I believed Geod wanted and in my heart I'm not sure I believed it would work, but I did as I committed. While it is still in process, I am amazed at how other issues that blocked my path have been resolved - the walls fell - and it seems to be in process. My regret is that I did not listen sooner and did not trust that if it was his will, he would find a way, it is and never was just up to me.
Prior employer of 3 years, outsourced entire global department which included my job. I have felt very powerless since my performance reviews were excellent. So there was little more I could do to ensure my continued employment at that location. I was as positive as I could to the change. I really did not want to look for another job again. Luckily I was actively recruited by two local companies at the same time while still employed. I feel very grateful and lucky that I found another job before the loss of the first. i am relieved in that there were other options out there. It has made me feel more confident in my abilities and that positive outcomes are possible.
The serious illness was perplexing rather than frightening. Why my body chose to go into syncope three times with subsequent headaches and body aches was an incredibly reflective time. The medications which were prescribed for my asthma and allergies also contributed to a major shift in me. I am so grateful to wake up three times, relieved that I can control my body in specific ways to be healthy without prescription medication. My energy is increased to be able to really focus on my employment and proceed to explore relationships.
MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED. I AM HAPPY AND THRILLED THAT SHE FOUND HER WONDERFUL BESHET!
I changed jobs. I am grateful, anxious, inspired and challenged.
There were serious developments in my employment situation. It caused me considerable mental anguish. I was angry because the situation was out of my control, but I have since become more sanguine with the situation and have resolved not to let it affect me adversely in the future.
Left work Dec 13,2013! Relieved & resentful. Never thought I would retire b4 age 70. The last year was awful, but of course I feel stronger bc of it--work politics, meanness, deception, disappointment in HR, unpaid overtime, exhaustion, heart problems and hospitalization. My dear friend (who was in the hospital when I made my decision) didn't leave in time. The place took her precious life a few months after I left. I am now so grateful that I left, and that I have been able to survive financially.
This past year I finally ended a marriage of 15 years... Our partnership had ceased to be a supportive relationship about four years previous and I along with our children were being dragged down along with my ex who had become alcoholic and financially reckless. I sold our house 1 month before the bank was going to foreclose upon it and moved my three teenage sons to an apartment just a few blocks away. I am so grateful for all the help and support for family and friends who helped along the way - especially my cousin who really helped me get unstuck and started me on a yoga practice that gave me the emotional and spiritual strength to navigate the class 4 Rapids. I am so relieved all that is behind me and we have arrived at calmer waters now. Now I am inspired to move forward into a new year with all the possibilities for growth and healing.
I changed jobs. My old job was killing me, body and soul. My new job is like breathing for the first time, hearing music for the first time. About once a week, I find myself stopped short, like I've been hit in the chest, and I realize that I'm having old-job-anxiety, and it's like I'm there again, drowning. But as tough as those moments are, they're wonderful, because they're followed by the most tear-prickingly amazing moments of relief and gratitude and joy. Because I'm not dying anymore. I'm alive. I survived.
Being called to serve a small church near my home- after not being a regular church attender because of poor treatment by my presbytery- which casued me to question my call and my faith. I am an ordained presbyterian PCUSA minister- and I can honestly say that this experince has given me more joy in the last year tahn I have known since my children were young. I am extremely grateful and thank God every day for this gift of the ability to serve these people and God in such a joy filling way- if I could I would dedicate all my time to this work- to expanding faith that serves communities- and eliminate the belief that a community needs to serve a chuech. I am inspired each week to bring us to the central tenents of our faith- the table, the baptism and the going forth into the world.
In the past year, I moved to Boston. It was my first time moving out of state from my family that didn't have a definite time cap (like study abroad does). This has been thrilling to get away from the conservative oppressive nature of my job's overseers in the south and to find it to be a job that is well supported here in the more liberal north, but it is also kind of lonely at times. Being from a smaller town (300,000) where my family has lived for many generations means you see someone, often many someones, you know every day. Friends are in mass. Here, that doesn't always happen.
We came home from a great Sunday Funday to a huge flood (aka slab leak) at our new home. We were frantic trying to figure out the situation. The damages to our house we around $21K which most was covered by insurance. It created a tremendous amount of stress for our new marriage. At first we were both resentful for buying a fixer upper home. Resentful for poor work provided by vendors. Reflecting on the experience now - I am grateful has it taught me some extremely valuable lessons. 1) Learning to compromise and work through house projects with my wife. We have a long road together in life and being thrown into this situation taught us much about ourselves and how to be a team. 2) House Ownership and the responsibility needed to maintain it. This is a on going struggle but inspiring to become man of house by taking care of things. 3) Project management skills and need for clear communication. We had issues with the work done at the house and clear expectations up front would have help tremendously. Plus walk through to review the work every time. Once we got to a week out from project being complete and almost able to get to the relieved to be done phase. We had another water issue with washer which will force us to change the flooring AGAIN. We have owned the house 2 years in Nov and this will be the 3rd time we had to redo the flooring in the living room. In the end - when struggles on house improvement are weighing on me I lean on the love of my wife, family, friends, and how happy I am with life in general. We are very lucky and that is most important.
I got an operation to make my stomach smaller. This was after years of being morbidly obese, trying and failing to lose weight, body image issues and depression. I won't say things have changed completely but I feel better and my body image issues have improved. I also did this because I was having trouble meeting some one and I feel that things won't improve as time goes by. Again I won't say that things have changed much on that front but at least I have more confidence now. There is still ways to go.
There are so many to chose from, but I will pick when I got sick during a family vacation. Towards the end of the trip, I couldn't even leave the hotel room. My husband took the kids to the beach, the pool, the zoo, etc. Really, those last two days it was like they were on their own. While sitting on the patio of our hotel room overlooking the ocean I realized that even if I don't always see eye to eye with my husband, even if I sometimes love him and hate him at the same time, even if we have our ups and downs, I knew then that G-d forbid something should happen to me and I died while the kids were still young, my kids would be just fine with my husband. Yes, they'd need to find a nanny with a great amount of flexibility to accommodate my husband's crazy work schedule. But they'd be fine - he is a wonderful father and would raise our kids to be wonderful men. It was a sense of relief and comfort.
My husband lost his job in June. I was terrified, but so proud of how he refused to let it beat him down. He struggles with depression and I was terrified that this would trigger a serious episode - but it didn't. I am so proud of him. He still has not landed a new position, but has been freelancing like crazy and is talks with two companies. I'm feeling hopeful. I also found myself rethinking a project I've done each summer for the past 8 years - and am feeling inspired by the possibility of taking it in a new direction, away from an organization whose people only support when it suits them, toward the ability to enable it to do more for more people.
The birth of 2 grandchildren--Connor and Georgie--so close together (March and June) and my being able to be involved in different ways in their first days on earth. I guess I was both grateful and inspired....I love the period when a soul isn't here at all and then it is...so magical. Especially as I am pondering my whole 60 years of life...to catch it right at the beginning gives it all an amazing perspective.
My 93 year old Mom died after a year and a half of being in serious pain and after adjusting to the loss of my Dad, her very beloved Husband, 5 years previously. I am glad she is no longer in pain and I find that I think of her and my Dad more often than I did when I knew they were only a phone call away. I am learning more about how their attitudes and biases affected who I am today as I move forward as an "orphan" who was always seen as being different in some ways than the rest of the family. Combine some Victorian era standards with the "you can be anything you want to be" mantra that few girls heard growing up as early Baby Boomers and you create some internal conflicts that persisted as long as my parents talked to me about their views. I have connected with a number of 2nd and 3rd cousins that my parent's did not stay in touch with as a result of her death and finding most of them quite liberal and adventurous - traits I think I share. This larger family of origin is a blessing that has come out of this huge change in my life.
I met David. He has restored my hope that a good relationship can exist. He has motivated me to transition from a life and place which has played itself out. I am grateful, relieved and hopeful. I expect life to be very different. I hope it encourages me to be engaged with a new life and new people, while keeping in touch with those now important to me.
My wedding day was one of the most stressful times I've ever experienced. Nothing went as it was supposed to. My dress was too tight. The DJ was clueless. I didn't get to dance with my father. The list goes on and on. But, I did get to marry my best friend. At the end of the day, that was what really mattered, right? Not that my mother still resents me for having that wedding, or that my grandfather still says my last name wrong because the DJ said the wrong last name when introducing us. I am delighted to be married to my best friend, and so grateful for the opportunity, but if I had the chance to do it again, we would have just eloped to Disney Land and been fine with it.
Mom passed away. Im grateful i took care of her and relieved she's gone. I resentful she was the way she was. Im inspired to be a better person to let go of my resentments and move on.
My second son left for college, so now my wife and I have an "empty nest". Am I grateful? Relieved? Resentful?.... None of the above. Probably the best way to describe it "Confused".
Sophie's platlet counts went out of whack. Tried a couple of treatments and didn't work. Very dangerous. Needed to go on steriods. It worked but she blew up like a tick. I was VERY grateful that the treatment worked. I was also incredibly relieved. Most of all I was inspired that a 14 year old girl, at a new school didn't miss a beat. Her transition to the school was a huge success. Not to mention she made Honors with Distinction, one of 8 kids who made it. Very impressive for a kid who had to over come a serious health issue and deal with weight gain at a new school!!
I made the decision to run for City Council. Becoming a candidate really showed me the importance of being involved in my community and how other peoples' "problems" can become our own. I am grateful for the trust my neighbors have instilled in me. Their trust inspires me to fight for my community, and leave it a better place compared to when we began.
When Sammy Sommer died I learned a lot about what a family goes through during an impossible time. I also learned how a community can show love and support during, and after, a tragedy.
In the past year, I had my heart attack. I say "my heart attack" because my dad had more than one. My younger brother had a set one summer--years ago--and many of Dad's brothers died from heart attacks. I would like to say that it changed my life, that I turned around. Now, though, months later, it is more of an event in the past. I had to wrestle at the time with questions a person of faith must answer. Why did I live? Did the Divine intervene? I resolved (no answer possible) the questions, for now. I am thankful to still be on this side of space-time.
I got divorced. Surprisingly, it has made me uncertain even though we have been separated for years. There was an incident that was the final impetus - I am grateful that my children are physically fine and we are working on the emotionally. I am definitely relieved. I am very much looking forward to this new year!
I've had so many significant experiences in the past year alone I don't even know where to begin. Firstly I graduated high school and started attending college aswell as getting my first 'real' job. All of this was so hard to get through sometimes but I am also so grateful that it happened because it has prepared me for the 'real' world.
I had major surgery in May, which has been one of the most significant and healing experiences in my whole life. Having medically-related PTSD that, in the past, has meant days of flashbacks from something as simple as going for a regular exam made the prospect of undergoing a gynecological operation while unconcious and then being in the hospital - thus being CONSTANTLY surrounded by environmental PTSD triggers and being touched by medical professionals that I did not know - absolutely TERRIFYING. I couldn't eat or sleep for days after finding out in January that it was time to move toward surgery. At that time, I honestly could not even imagine the possibility of getting through the surgery and hospital stay without being retraumatized. However, I knew that I needed the surgery for my health and I didn't want the abuse of a doctor in the past to continue dictating my physical health as an adult, so I resolved to put the work in and do whatever it took to get through the surgery with as little trauma as possible. One of the things that was so healing about the process is that the people who offered the most support throughout it were all current or past healthcare providers of mine. First, there was Beth - my former obgyn and LMT - who was the first provider to ever really do focused trauma work with me as part of the care that she provided for me. I called her and sobbed to her over the phone when I found out it was time to move forward with surgery, after years of delaying it. I remember her saying that she felt like I could handle the surgery and that it could even be a positive, healing experience for me. I was certainly dubious AND I knew that Beth had been right about things like that in the past. I did a lot of work with Ellen - my former MD and current therapist - to prepare for the surgery as well. She was my main go to when I would be struck by a new fear about the procedure and needed to be talked down by someone who could speak to me rationally about medical procedures and what does/doesn't happen. We also did EMDR to deal with the PTSD that was back in force. EMDR is one of the hardest, most exhausting things that I've ever experienced. And, it really helped. And then, of course, there's Dr. Rainville; I honestly could not ask for a more compassionate obgyn/surgeon. She offered SO much emotional and logistical support throughout the whole process. First, she and I had three pre-op appointments (instead of the standard one), so that I could get to know her better. I brought a list of 10-20 questions to each one of those appointments, and she very cleary and patiently answered all of them. She was also super supportive of the idea of creating a surgery/hospital plan that outlined what I needed in order to avoid trauma triggers. She put it right in my hospital chart so that everyone would be on the same page. When I would ask if something was possible, she would typically respond with more than I asked for. For example, when I asked if I could have surgical shorts or underwear put on my before/after surgery, she responded that I could have my own shorts and underwear on and she would remove and replace them while I was under anesthesia so that I would have my own clothes on at all times when I was awake. And she said I could wear a sports bra the whole time and that she'd even tell the anesthesiologist to leave it on during surgery and work around it! She made sure that my surgical plan got taken seriously, from big things, like having an all-women surgical team and having only women nurses work with me, to "little" things, like asking that no one approach me while wearing a white coat. And then she did things that I didn't even ask for - like have a nurse from the adjoining children's hospital bring me a teddy bear while I was in pre-op! And the surgical plan was powerful as well because it was Beth's suggestion, Ellen helped me work on it, and Dr. Rainville supported and enforced it - so it was a HUGE show of support and safety from multiple medical providers. After I woke up from surgery, I found out that it had turned out to be way more complicated than initially expected, and it took twice as long as anticipated. So not only did Dr. Rainville keep me safe, but even when I was unconscious, she stuck with me for 4 hours in that O.R. and made sure that I got the surgery outcome that I wanted, when other surgeons might very well have converted to a more drastic, but easier, surgery. Everyone in the hospital was very responsive to my safety needs, and I felt really cared for and respected. It was extremely powerful to see that there are providers out there who will deeply listen and respond to my needs when I can advocate for myself. It was also amazing - as a trauma survivor and a feminist - to be wheeled into an operating theater with only women by my side. I came out of the experience with no trauma symptoms and with a stronger sense of empowerment in medical situations. So, once again, Beth was right!
I met the love of my life. It brought back my smile, for which I am grateful.
I graduated school and found a decent job. However, I also found a wonderful man and currently I work and live almost 2 hours away from him. So I am grateful, relieved I can begin paying off my student loans. I got a credit card and have begun paying my own rent. Resentful because I am so far away and infinitely sad because I am far away from not only him but also the majority of my friends and family. Conflicted. That is how I feel. Because I am now making money I realized how much I could be giving back to people who need it more. I was already feeling quite guilty when my mother showed me this youtube video of homeless who gave the VERY little they had to someone they thought needed it more. I kind of joked that I was knitting scarves for the homeless but now I vow to do this for real. I must remember to give back. Next year I hope that I will feel like I've kept my promise.
Started third year of medical school. Excited and motivated to finally practice medicine. Learned I want to become a surgeon.
Me and my family got dragged into my brother's in law divorce fight with his wife, precisely because we didn't want to get involved he decided to take back his investment in our start-up business and we ended up sleeping on the floor at a friends house. The situation made us rethink our family relationships, short-term goals, and the future of our daughters. Fortunately during that situation we found new friends who supported us and helped us get back on our feet. I found a job at a great company and we are happy now.
I got a new job back in my old home state after three years in a very different region where we had no family and very few close friends. It meant better pay and getting a stronger support network, and the possibility of getting involved again with the communities we used to love. While everything hasn't been perfect, it gave us the chance for a sort of clean start in some areas, and for that I'm grateful.
Went to Puerto Rico with my wife to celebrate my 35th wedding anniversary. Grateful for the opportunity and the time and inspired. Magical, Intimate, Authentic
I had a Whipple, the hardest surgery the human body can undergo. I am so blessed, no cancer, I have recovered better than most people do from this surgery and I am VERY grateful and relieved.
Not in the last year, but in the last 16 months I've had a baby, a beautiful baby boy. It's been the most challenging, frustrating and rewarding experience. You never know your cappacity to love another humanbeing until you become a parent. There are days that are exceedingly diffictult, especially as he enters toddlerhood; but all of the is set aside when he snuggles into my lap to read a book, it all just melts away as we read "Goodnight Moon" for the 10th time. I could read that book over and over and over again, as long as I'm reading it to him.
My toddler has really begun to talk and communicate this past year. I am just amazed at witnessing and interacting with my little man. I am so grateful (and relieved) that he is catching up on his verbal abilities, after a slow start he is just absorbing and repeating so much. It inspires me to be a better parent and steward of this amazing person.
Back went out 3 times and it scared me and made me appreciate helping with seva and satsang, walking and working.
My husband realized that life is short and that you need to live it fully. I am grateful he is young enough to make changes in his life to live more in the moment and experience life fully.
The loss of two beloved elderly relatives, both remarkable women, one in her 90s and one 104 years old. I felt a combination of feelings--sorry that I did not make time to see them more often (especially when they were not in such dire health circumstances), relief that their suffering/decline was over, sadness about the end of an era. Even though the losses were fully anticipated, I was surprised that I felt as sad as I did. I also have a 92-year-old mother and their losses reminded me that I might not have my mom for many more years.
Selling the old house. Relieved but confused. What should do with the extra fund? How to avoid misappropriating the extra income that I have. I am also grateful. Because who would want to buy a house that is badly maintained? But God made it happened.
My husband and I drove to Montana from Virginia with out parrot Zorro to spend 5 weeks visiting my parents. Parts of the trip were harrowing. Parts were fun. We did a lot of work. I caught Hand Foot and Mouth virus. The toughest thing was seeing how much older my parents look and how hard it is for them to get around. The best part was just being with them. I miss home so very, very much.
I am a savta. Transformed. To see my daughter as an eema has been amazing. To meet my first grandchild priceless. I am inspired and all i want to do and be is a savta.
This past year, I have made a few big commitments. Of these though, the most meaningful to me is adopting a dog. I started as a foster for an organization that brings stray puppies from the Caribbean. In meeting Mario, I did not fall in love at first sight. He was certainly cute, and I thought it would be a fun few weeks with a puppy in the house. When I brought him home though, Adam looked at me and said, "how will we ever give him back...he's perfect". He was and we wound up, after a few detours, adopting him. I have had dogs before, both growing up and as a young adult. But never have I co-owned a dog with a partner and been able to provide such a good home and routine for a pet as we are able to do with Henry. It is easier for me to wake up in the morning because I am getting up to let him out and to feed him. I get home earlier from work because I don't stop at the grocery store, Marshall's and the bank on the way. I am outside every day at least once, as he needs a walk in the morning and afternoon. On the weekends, Adam and I schedule our day around where we want to take him on a hike. This little guy has improved my overall well-being in so many ways, and I am so grateful that he joined us. I look at him with such adoration, and love his quirks. I feel proud of how easy he is to bring places, and how much people get a kick out of him. I look so forward to getting home to him every day, and getting a "hug" from him upon my arrival. I am also brought to how grateful I am to have such a good boyfriend, who shares in loving this creature with me, who supports me in taking the best care of him, and who, at the end of the day, I love and genuinely feel loved by. In this past year, I have seen my house become a home, and for this, I am so thankful and happy.
I guess the biggest thing that happened this year would be trying to get into the stock market. (Marijuana stocks to be exact). It was an epic fail. I lost money, and had to hide the fact that I lost money. Just as anyone would I never admitted how much lost. What I actually lost was a little respect for myself. I was very stressed by all this. I felt the only to begin again was to make extreme changes. I quit smoking marijuana and began taking medication for anxiety. Both of witch have had a very positive effect on my entire life and my family. I stopped fighting and arguing with my wife and children because of the anxiety medication. Making my relationships at home much happier. And having not spent money on a continuous level to buy marijuana, I no longer have to lie all the time about money or what I am doing every day. My loss was my gain.
my husband had to have 5 bypass surgery on his heart. stressfull. lack of sleep. difficult to pay attention to things that normally come easy to me. have to pay extra attention to husband to keep him on track. children minimally cooperating with household chores which is normal for them but stressful for me because i dont have my husbands help which means i have to do it all by myself. I have had to step back and prioritize. I realize that the normal flow of income can be derailed and I need to work and minimizing debt because there is a possiblity that I wont be able to pay on excess debt. ie credit cards, loans
I changed jobs. For the most part I feel that it was a positive decision. It came at the right time in my life - I'm able to spend quality time with my family and balance my work and home life a little more than I would have in my previous job. At the time it was the best option available to me. At times I look back and wonder whether I stunted my career by making the move, whether I would have thrived and succeeded in balancing it all. Whether I jumped the gun. At other times I feel that this was how it was meant to be and I am grateful to have landed on this opportunity. Only time will tell. I will be interested to see how I feel about it a year out.
My business partner, Marilyn, died last October. Even typing that sentence makes me stop and hold back tears. I miss her her optimism and her practical bullheadedness. She was my best friend, my business spouse, my confident, and my north star. I find myself thinking about how she would handle situations each day. She makes me braver. But she has left a hole in my heart. Any success this year makes me wistful--I wish Marilyn were here to share them with. When I feel frustrated and helpless, no one else listens with such deep empathy. No one else in my life--not my boyfriend or my other friends--is part of my life the way she was. Who else can I tell absolutely everything to?
In the past year i've learned a lot about myself. My wants, needs, desires, abilities, and more. After losing my job & being unemployed for about 9 months I didn't see the end of the road. I only saw what was in front of me at that moment and for me it wasn't looking too great. Yes I wanted to leave that job but would have preferred to find another one first. Once I got back to work (some time after) I dove right in. Now as I sit at the desk of my new position typing this I am overall a happy camper but still unhappy about where I am in life at this moment. I know my potential. It isn't being shown here. It isn't their fault and the people are nice but i'm over it. I need to creatively express myself and since I've graduated college, I haven't had a position that allowed me to do that. I ask the Lord every day to guide me. Or at least find me a man lol but I guess in his time everything will work out. So overall (after all that babbling) a significant experience would be losing my job(Yay & Nay), being unemployed (depressing at times but I got a lot of sleep lol), finding a new job, (it's been hell), landing one through a temp agency(Eh, I need more), and still single through it all(No Love) lol. So right now I am grateful for all my parents have done for me (My boos) and highly anticipating the next steps (soon) in my life. Ready for a change(NY maybe). Ready for Love. Ready for a new job. Ready, Ready, Ready!
I started teaching at Cerro Coso Community College just before Rosh Hashana last year. Granted it's only adjunct right now, but it feels so good to be back in the classroom and teaching adult students to love, or at least not hate, Maths. I thank G*d for the opportunity to be back in the classroom, after a year of not teaching it really brought me back to life. I am also inspired by the strength of my students, many of whom are coming back to school after many years.
After announcing our intention to divorce to our kids in June and then broader to friends and family, my husband Jeff and I separated. He moved out of the house into an apartment at the end of August. I am relieved, to a certain extent. I'm a bit sad too. But mostly I feel hopeful that the next year and beyond will put me in a better place as a person. I look forward to "finding myself" and living a happier life.
Taking on a new job. There were so many unknowns and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be good enough. I wasn't sure I would know how to reach my students and if I would be accepted by my peers. I have learned through this year that I am capable of an insane amount of patience. I have learned that trust and unconditional love can build the strongest relationships, and that once you've built a solid relationship with trust and unconditional love that anything is possible. I have learned that the greatest accomplishments are achieved through the smallest of steps and to celebrate the tiniest wins. I am grateful, I am inspired.
My mother died in November. She was 61. It was completely unexpected for me even though she had been struggling with severe mental illness for some time. She was in a lot of emotional pain and had a lot of anger. She overdosed on alcohol and pain medicine. Despite her religious fervor she never applied the rules to herself, allowing her to be a rebellious aggressor. I am both both grateful and relieved that she is at peace now; although, I'm also sad that she died alone and we didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I'd pushed her away in the last year of her life. I couldn't be with her when she wasn't sober. I had no compassion for her addiction and often chastised her. I wish that I could have done more to convince her to get help although she adamantly refused that she had any problems to begin with. I did the best I could as her daughter. I love her and I miss her.
Our Rabbi retired. The adjustment to the new Rabbi(s) requires a lot of personal adjustment and effort. I am not sure how I feel. It's impact is still being processed. How I feel is all over the place. I am not grateful or relieved. They have been here a year and I am still processing this.
My daughter was born slightly over a year ago. I am incredibly grateful for this experience. Every day brings a new experience and makes me appreciate my precious baby more and more. Even though she has been a relatively easy baby, this has been a very hard year for my relationship, my friendships, and for my sense of self. It has taught me how much I have to work at every aspect of my life and to not take anything for granted
I 'went skydiving. It was a fantastic experience and taught me that most of the time there is nothing to be scared of. Now I feel inspired to 'take the leap' in many aspects of life.
I am a very light Jew, I think if god exists, live is not but a passing moment if it does not, you never know when you die how long you live, So just take the goodness in live don't do any harm intentionally and help everybody you can always. But my wife is catholic one day entering our building garage I got mad because I told my wife that someone had put a statue floating of the virgin Marie in the wall and that was not in order no one should put religious symbols in common grounds. But i was the only one that could see it. So we approach the place and it was not there, it was the hole were you put the fire hose and the hose and the canister where there in their place. I took it as a sign that yes god exists maybe not as one or another see it, but in many ways it does not matter how you worship him just believe. So I will not forget my Jewish traditions but I believe that every religion worships the same god and all are true and have worth so I became also a pantheist. I am so now I am grateful and a little more inspired.
I celebrated my 35th birthday this year. I didn't think it was going to put many things in perspective. I am grateful for my blessings and my health. I just feel more motivated to really figure out what I want and to get my "ducks in a row"
I tried to freeze my eggs. And it didn't go so well. Made me accept the prospect of not having kids. Which was very scary at first. But I guess what really scared me was my life not going as planned or me missing out on a milestone. With that prospect I came to realize and accept that one cannot plan out your life in those terms. I am trying now to take life on in a much shorter time frame. Kinda like a five-year-plan at a time. I feel less attached but also less hung up.
My wife had some meaningful success at work, giving her much more job security. I am relieved because her immense stress was having a negative influence on her, our household and our relationship.
There were two things that happened this year of significance: one. My wife and I opened up a garden boutique store. Neither of us has any real retail experience and so this was a stretch for us. For my wife, it was a career changer..and so for her, a much bigger change than for myself. Still...stressful wife- stressful husband. We have made into our own and love it. After one year, we have grown in leaps and bounds with the store. More emotionally than financially. The other big thing is that for the first time in 5 years, I've been busy enough with my photography to almost quit my second job of waiting tables. The photography has been great..and I knew eventually it would be. Yet, the bib thing that this allowed, was for me to save lots of money. This was huge for us in terms of eleviating the kind of financial stress that has been a burden for us the last several years. Left has been good to me thus far and sometimes I think I have it luckier than most. I love my wife, I love my life. I'm doing what I love to do and making just enough money to do a little better than 'just getting by'. My family is well..and if there's one regret is that I don't see them enough..but a modern family is what I have and we are all so spread out, that it can be challenging to fulfill that.
I am grateful for being in a relationship that has required me to address my "stuff" addressing these things, I know will help me to grow as an individual and be a better partner, father, son and friend. The greatest growth in our lives happens during our greatest challenges.
My autistic son developed an obsession with the neighborhood pool. It didn't matter what time of day it was, if he had his swim trunks or not, if anyone was going with him. If the door was opened, he was running full tilt to the pool. He is five and he's too big and strong for me to carry him when he's having a meltdown. Not to mention I also have a two year old son to watch/manage. It meant we couldn't go outside unless we hustled him into the car and drove some distance (he has a great sense of direction ). I hate to drive (although I'm getting better) so I felt like I was quite literally trapped in the house with my children. Eventually we bought a wading pool and the obsession faded. But it was very hard for a long time and made my summer very stress filled and unhappy. Although the obsession with the pool has passed, he does still does obsess over certain destinations, so playing in the backyard or just going for a walk is a thing of the past. And overall, yes it makes me sad. The good that has come out of it that it has forced me to get better at driving and do it more often.
I was able to serve as a support person for my sister as she donated a kidney to my cousin. To be a witness to this incredible experience was a beautiful, inspiring gift. The most emotional and touching moment was when my sister and cousin saw each other after surgery. They shared a look of love and awe that I don't think I will ever see again. I'm grateful that the recovery has gone well for both my sister and cousin, the kidney is functioning better than most peoples original kidneys, and it has solidified the bond between our families. My sister's selfless act has pushed me to be more giving and look for ways to go beyond the usual acts of kindness. While I will likely never have an experience like this, I will continue to look for ways to help others in small and big ways.
I moved back to the US after living abroad (in the UK) for over 2 years. It was hard to leave but also great to come home to familairity and mostly, very happy to be living in the same country as family again.
I dropped my son off at college. Inspired and grateful that he dis so well with scholarships that we could do this thing. The bill hurt but are feasible. Grateful that I have the opportunity to participate and support. More of this capability would be nice!
I'm currently in the process of earning my 200-hour yoga teacher training certification. The process is proving to be one filled with growth- mental, emotional, and within my practice. Through the various meditation and self reflection exercises, I've done a lot of introspection into trying to find (or re-find) who the 'real me' is. I'm worried that I've strayed from that person, that something is missing now that I've grown up and left the bubble of college that allowed me to be whatever it was that I wanted to be. Doing this training is something that, I'm hoping, will help me get back to that person, whatever that might mean. I'm grateful for the process, inspired by the self-analysis I've been doing so far, and quite honestly scared of where it might take me. What if, at the end, I figure out that I have changed beyond what I can fix? Or what if I discover that relationship I've poured myself into for the last 2 years isn't, in fact, the right one for me? I want to challenge myself to remain true to who I am, to be confident in my authentic self and content with where and who I am. I also know that it's a continuum, and a journey rather than a race to a finish line of enlightenment or nirvana. I feel incredibly challenged, to find what's right for me and make it work within the framework of my life. I feel incredibly grateful for my family, who is so supportive of me, and I want to work on letting them know how important they are to me, and I want to work on having a healthy relationship with both myself and my significant other, without nagging or putting down, which I think I do to both myself and to him. This training is pushing me to figure out who and where I am, and to be content. It's a scary, wonderful, inspirational opportunity and experience.
In mid-January, my almost 90 year old mother fell and broke her hip. It has been a constant challenge to keep up with the changes that have happened to my mother since then. The spiraling downward of her physical and mental bodies, has been hard to watch. To see the aging process first hand brings up many feelings and questions about my own journey of being in a physical body and, whether for a long time or short, what is it really about. I am grateful for being exposed to those issues in that I have gained compassion. At the same time, I get angry that life is not honored enough to allow us to choose when to let go. Medicine keeps us alive beyond what Natural Selection would have it be. I have had moments of resentment that I must take care of my mother. And that she never was a mentally healthy person to raise children. And this is all mixed with a connection with my mother that is biologically based. There is inspiration, or maybe an inner survival mechanism, that grows from this experience, which is to live fully, to address my own mental issues, and to hopefully, leave when I am no longer a consciously participating person.
The most significant experience I've had this year was opening my business, Queen of Hearts Fitness. My business partner and I worked for a really long time to get this open and it was like conceiving and, gestating, and having a baby. The baby is here and now its all about keeping the baby alive and growing and thriving. I've learned so much, and I've loved 90% of it. I hope in a year I can say that we are still doing well and the baby is getting bigger and bigger!
In the past year, I dropped criminal charges against my father for molesting me as a child. I did this for a number of reasons. 1) It had taken three years out of my life already and wasn't going to wrap up any time soon. Every time we had a trial date, the judge postponed it because there were more pressing cases to be heard. There was no risk of me forgetting my testimony (any more than I had already forgotten it over the decades) and they didn't feel my dad was an imminent threat so he wasn't being held in custody. Any case that was more urgent would always bump us off the docket. 2) Despite the fact that my father is guilty of what he'd been charged with, it bothered me that our legal system had him $80.000.00 in the hole and counting, when he hadn't even been convicted of anything yet. 3) After three years of being harangued by my mother and siblings, I started to doubt myself. I couldn't, in confidence, give evidence anymore. 4) I was feeling suicidal at the time, due to an alteration in anti-depressant medication. It was time to lay the ghost to rest. Since that time I have severed ties with my whole family. It has been bittersweet. I realize that, even if they would say all the things I want to hear - that they love me, support me, are sorry, etc. - that it won't restore what has been lost. That the only healing available comes from inside of me. I am relieved to no longer have to justify myself to my family. I am lighter, for not constantly having to remind myself that I am not the terrible person they think I am. But I am also sad that we couldn't use this opportunity to be honest with each other about the past and to come to some place of reconciliation and peace. Yesterday, I found out my dad has cancer. I'm so glad I confronted him before he got sick, or died. I know he came from an abusive home as well. He has never been a happy man and now his life is almost over. I feel sorry for the boy inside of him.
My spouse finally opened up and invited me to share the pain and suffering their coming out experience as transgender had caused me. For nearly four years, they seemed to sweep under the rug my concerns, framing my worries as "not being supportive." This during a time of great transition, too -- we moved twice, our daughter was born, I finished my doctorate, and started working. It was so stressful and painful to feel alone and unlistened to. Once I told them I was seriously considering divorce and we began marriage counseling, things began to improve, but I still felt like I was looking for my exit. However, during our anniversary weekend (12 years in August) we went on our first vacation without our 4 year old daughter. During that time, they asked me to tell them all the hurt I had felt. Rather than become defensive, they listened, absorbed it, apologized. We finally were able to recommit to our marriage. I still feel the need for solitude and aloneness, but not the same "make it go away" feeling I had about our relationship. I think this is a great achievement, and I hope I can develop a better sense of the direction I want our relationship to go from here.
This summer brought the ling awaited wedding of my daughter, Sydney to her partner Rob. I actually was not a part of the wedding planning, just a guest. I was happy to see them plan their day and to get the ceremony and reception they wanted. I didn't realize how I would feel until I took Nixon downstairs to where she getting ready and realized I was nit part of the hubbub. She had gathered her group of friends and they clustered about getting her ready. When the ceremony started her father, my ex-husband Steve, walked her down the aisle. Suddenly, I felt very left out and wondered if people wondered why I was so uninvolved. I felt very disconnected and like I was on the outside. The realization dawned....this was about them and the life they were starting together. No one was really paying attention to me. Once I realized that I was able to focus on enjoying the moment and supporting Sydney and Rob and Nixon and meeting Rob's family and friends. I watched my grandchildren dash about and enjoyed the food and talked to the guests. I focused on the wonderful feelings of celebration and love and that I was so thankful that my daughter had made it through difficult and trying times and had emerged to enjoy this much deserved new beginning.
Survived a big round of layoffs at work ā layoffs that severely impacted my department and claimed two close friends. I was initially shocked by the news, and deeply saddened for my two colleagues. I am still bewildered by the companyās decision. And while I am very grateful to still have my job of 20+ years ā and moreover my health insurance, I donāt really know why I wasnāt laid off too. Very unsettling. Yet I am inspired by one colleague who embraced this ānew opportunityā and enthusiastically embarked on a cross-country road trip of the U.S. with her dad. What spunk! While she gleefully sets off on new adventures, I canāt help but think that if the layoff had hit me, Iād be in tears looking down from a bridge somewhere.
I have been involved in a Jewish/Muslim dialogue group. Through the group, I and others have developed meaningful relationships. The relationships were tested during the recent Gaza conflict and are now in need of repair.
Wow. There are so many significant experiences to choose from. It has been quite a year. I decided to take my life to the next level and made two significant changes this year: 1) I decided to build on my education and signed up for a certificate program to become a leadership coach. I plan to transition out of my current job next year and become a coach full time. 2) I ended a three year relationship that was no longer serving me or my higher good. It was a painful separation, but I am proud of my decision to take a stand for myself and my desires to live a bigger, fuller life. I feel excited about what comes next -- it could be anything!
My first answer was the kindergarden shooting affected my sole and makes me question what kind of people are we becoming. I expect more of us as a nation and a people. I AM SAD THE USA ACCEPTS NOTHING BEING DONE TO AID THESE EVENTS. TOO NUMEROUS TO LIST. why?
Travel to England and Ireland. It was amazing and fantastic with a few downs and learning experiences but mostly ups and being in the zone. I'm very grateful for the experience and relieved that it is ove.r no resentments
This past year my grandmother was hospitalized for a serious heart condition. She underwent surgery and survived, which was both relieving and inspiring since she somehow found the strength to go on a road trip with her cousin, covering 20-plus states!
I 26 and I had a liver transplant on January 5. It was A huge relief. Some complications have Occurred. I am currently back on the transplant List waiting for another organ. 3rd liver's The charm right? It's scary, exhausting, & humbling. God bless.
This year I moved to France for 8 months to teach English. It was both a wonderful, exhilarating experience of a lifetime, and a time full of challenges, doubt, loneliness, and questions. I am so glad to have done it. I feel that while it answered some questions for me, it also raised a whole host of others. During that time, I got engaged to the love of my life. That journey, too, has been both absolutely wonderful and eye-opening. I came to understand that loving each other means loving ALL of each other, and I think we are both learning to do that better and loving each other more for it. I am so grateful for him, and for the experience of the last year. I feel I have a lot more to do, to be the person I want to be. I have so many questions - and I am trying to figure out how I can, as they say, "live the questions" instead of angsting after the answers. I feel both relieved to come through the emotional turmoil of the resurfacing of my depression while in France, and awed at the support and love I've experienced. Filled to the brim with emotions, questions.
Happened just over a year ago. I gave birth to a seemingly healthy daughter. The day she was born we noticed that something was wrong with her pupils -- they were really big. The pediatrician told us that it was normal. Five weeks later we moved to Denver and the night she and I flew in she started vomiting after each attempt to nurse. After a week in the NICU we were told that she was going to have emergency heart surgery. They also found that she had a very rare genetic eye disorder called aniridia. I spent a total of three weeks in the hospital with her, while my husband started a new job. It was an exceedingly traumatic time for us. Added on to the regular stresses of moving, starting a new job, buying a house... Am I grateful, no, not grateful exactly. I am grateful that we all survived. Am I resentful, no. These were the cards we were dealt and we have learned how to cope. I am grateful for my daughter and my husband. She has such a strong spirit, as do her parents. She is a never ending delight, all the more because of the very delicate and scary way her life started out. I am not sure that I can say that I'm grateful for having experienced this great suffering, but it opened a whole new level of emotion and pain for me. I am able to empathize now in a way that I wasn't able to before.
A few nights after my cousin passed away in a car accident, I was lying in bed and before sleep I began to do a self-Reiki session. I was thinking of him, reaching out to him - and I began to have the "feeling/vision" of rolling and spinning, the image of cracked glass and I was surrounded by a blackness. I was frightened. I sat upright in bed and then I turned the light on to go to sleep. The rest of the night I tossed and I turned.
We moved my parents into a retirement facility... and then moved them back into their home 5 months later. They are in their mid 80s. We were happy that they were safe with support in the Center. They were not happy their. This has made me think a lot about what a good life is when you are getting old and what being in control of your own destiny means to health and well being.
This past year, I had that moment of realizing that Josh was never going to love me the way that I loved him, but that someday, someone will, and that not only would I survive this, I would thrive. So far, I'd say I've thrived, and truthfully speaking, I love Josh, but I am no longer in love with him. And yeah, I'd say that I am grateful
A friend passed away. Forty five years ago, She and her husband were mentors and second parents to me and many of my friends. We were planning a reunion to honor them but she died before we completed plans. It inspired me to hurry and let people know you appreciate them before it's too late.
During the first week of December 2013, a few months after my wife and I bought our first condo, the toilet in the unit above ours flooded. Water poured down a vent that led to the bathroom on the second floor of our unit, collected on our bathroom floor, then seeped through the floor. From there, water poured down through a light fixture in our kitchen (which was right below our second floor bathroom) and down our kitchen wall. The water in our kitchen wall collected under our dining room floor, damaging the hardwood. A water removal company came out shortly after the incident and had to remove the hardwood in the dining room, as well as half of the wall in order to dry everything and inspect for mold. This exposed screws and nails in the floor and all our kitchen water pipes in the wall. While these things were exposed, our living room and dining room were inaccessible, not to mention unsafe for our one-year-old son. Coincidentally, a hot-water pipe common to the building began leaking a few weeks after the water damage occurred. The pipe ran underneath our kitchen floor and water bubbled up around the tiles throughout the day. We put towels down on the kitchen floor but they would be soaked within minutes. The cost to repair all this was almost $10,000. Thankfully, our insurance covered the water damage and the condo association paid the repairs for the leaking hot-water pipe. However, because we had to go through insurance and the condo association, the repair process was slow. Between the inaccessible living room and dining room, and the water in the kitchen, our first floor was almost unlivable for over two months. Throughout the ordeal, I was bitter and discouraged. I hated coming home and having to tip-toe around the screws and nails in the floor, hated seeing the exposed pipes in the wall. I felt bad for my son who wanted to run around and play but was cooped up in a bedroom. I also felt helpless because there wasn't anything I could do but wait for others to do something. After everything was over, I came to appreciate our condo a lot more. Despite having two floors, it's a relatively small unit, 900 sq ft at the most. But for two months, I experienced what it was like for a young family of three to live in half that space.
Twice this year, and a couple times in the past couple years, I have reconnected with a long-ago ex. Our chemistry is electric, and it's that electricity that puts my hormones in overdrive, and subsequently leads me to think about a relationship, a future. That's usually the point that he disappears. We are both so incredibly busy that even under the best circumstances, we could probably only devote one day a week to each other, and I have a child, which is understandably intimidating. But, I feel like I haven't been respecting myself by allowing this person to do the same thing to me repeatedly. We tell each other that we love each other, and we mean it, but I think that my love naturally leads to bigger things while his goes nowhere. I've already tried the no expectations, take it for what it is route, and I just can't do it (Sorry, Gurus). The last time he disappeared was three months ago, and I didn't take it as badly as before. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I get the text "Hey." Wow, I know that I just should have let it go but I responded "Hello." He told me that he had taken too much on again, and was going crazy. I told him that was my status quo. He asked if my shoulders need a rub, I said I didn't think they'd mind, but then cut it short and said goodnight. Haven't heard from him since, and thankfully, I haven't reached out. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I think that I deserve more.
Being transferred/promoted to sales. I am extremely grateful. I was nervous and was resentful when it first happened, but now I am relieved and grateful. I have an opportunity for a great and successful future and it is going better than I ever could have expected.
My son had a severe anxiety/depression episode leading to his hospitalization. Much of the episode was due to his failure to consistently take anti-depressants and to consistently see a counselor. However, part was due to pressures he felt from me, and our family. I am relieved he was able to seek some help and appears to have gained some insights. Grateful that his two older sisters were there to help him and that our family rallied. Resentful that he did not come to us earlier and sometimes have a feeling of being manipulated. Frustrated that he still does not seem to recognize the aid the drug and counseling could provide. Hopeful, in that in some way he always pulls through on his own. Afraid, the he will face all of this again and again and that the outcome may be worse.
During this year we went to visit a prospective place to live. It is an hour and a half away from where we work now, but we decided to explore the possibility because the quality of living there. When I entered the place for the first time, I clearly heard a voice telling me "You are home". That visit has affected how I see my living conditions and how I see what others are doing to our places. I'm grateful for it because it gave me some needed perspective. We are scared of taking the step because it is getting out of our comfort zone (and an hour commute is not something to take lightly). However, when I was to just start writing this, the sale representative from the place called me, after several months and asked me how we were doing. Coincidences?
I WAS HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME PARENTING MY SON, WE WHERE GROWING APART AND BEHAVIOR ISSUES WHERE GROWING DAILY. I FELT LIKE I WAS LOSING HIM AND THAT WE WHERE ON THE WRONG PATH. I ULTIMATELY REACHED OUT FOR HELP THROUGH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM FOR GUIDANCE AND SUPPORT. I WAS NERVOUS , DUE TO HAVING TO ASK FOR HELP BUT ALSO DUE TO THE FACT THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST THAT THE GUIDANCE OFFERED WOULD WORK. I WAS SCARED THAT I MAY LOSE MY SON OR THAT PEOPLE WOULD VIEW ME AS AN UN-FIT MOTHER. ONCE I RESIGNED TO THE IDEA THAT I COULD NOT DO IT ALONE , CHANGES STARTED TO HAPPEN. WE ARE STILL IN PROCESS BUT I HAVE HOPE AND CONFIDENCE THAT IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. I AM GRATEFUL.
We had to decide whether or not to let our 14-year-old go to boarding school. It was difficult for a lot of reasons: was he too young to go away? Would he get enough guidance there? What about the money? Would he become disengaged from our religious life? Did sending him away mean we didn't care or did care about him? In the end it seemed to be the right decision. He's happy, and he's doing well. I feel proud of him because he's adventuresome and confident enough to try this, and proud of myself and his dad for letting him go. I also feel a little guilty because everyday life is so much easier and more peaceful without him around - not to mention tidier. I feel hopeful - and apprehensive. It's going well and I really, really hope it continues this way.
This has been a year of firsts. For the first time in my life, I have taken the initiative to start a major project, take all of the steps to own it, see it through, and watch all of it's moving parts come together to form a cohesive whole. Buying the house on Catskill was a frightening thing, but I am grateful--for it gives me hope that I will finally have the resources, both monetary and physiological, to move forward. In the course of this job, I find myself consciously making choices. I am choosing not to be angry, not to rush and be angry, but rather to savor the moments, and appreciate the time I am investing here. It is my sincere hope that this leaves me a better person, stronger, and more prepared to move on with my life. For the first time I have been rejected by someone I dessired. I have lost my connection with IEA--to a career I loved. I have lost my connection with Anthony--the first man I desired to date after my traumatic relationship with Adam. At first I chose negative coping mechanisms. The night Anthony said he didn't want to see me, I drowned myself in whisky. But now I chose strength. I no longer worry--I no longer regret the things I wish to be, and would rather be, doing. Instead I view my actions as leading me to a place where I will have the things I desire, and do the things I wish to do. Each and every day is an investment in my future. Yet I have wasted many hours, and many days on hollow prusuits this year. Phil was a waste of time and energy. I know he cares for me, but he and I can never be together. His career, and my energy have already taken us apart. Yet I have not faced this. I started seeing Kevin without cutting off this relationship. Yet for this I feel no guilt. For neither connection can truly last. The realist in me knows I my time here is short--and their time in each of their places is also fleeting. So, rather than invest in myself, hone my skills, nurture my ties to family and my interests, I engaged in a meaningless fling. However, for this I do not feel hollow. I have simply learned of a new form of relationship. That things can be good, for a time, and that longevity is not a key to fulfillment. Above all, in the past year, I have conquered demons, and I have grown. At this time, I feel younger than ever, brimming with the absolute knowledge that I will succeed, and primed for the next chapter in my life. More than ever before, I feel hopeful--all that remains is for me to decide in which direction to channel this energy, and to remain positive.
I have met someone who has helped me a great deal with learning about awareness & spirituality . I have been on an exciting journey that is making more and more sense of the things I have experienced throughout my life. I feel at ease & for the first time in a long time I look forward to learning & trying to use the knowledge I do manage to absorb on a daily basis. This journey is inspiring, exhausting, frustrating, fun but most of all full of love.
In this past year I was made redundant and I got myself a full time job that pays quite well. I'm greatfull that I have a job that will pay the bills and keep me comfortable. I have also joined the MET which I'm excited and nervous about. Hopefully this time next year I will read this back and be in and on the streets.
I suppose it is a pre-experience, for I will become a grandmother in February. I don't want to minimize the joy and delight and anticipation I feel - for those feelings are ever present. What I didn't realize was that I would also experience a deeper anxiety about the finite limits of my life. My children having children. How is that possible when I can still smell the deliciousness of their shampooed hair, that discreet place on the backs of their necks which I would kiss ad nauseum? How can it be that I am now sixty - requiring that I scroll farther and farther and farther down when a computer program requires my birth date? As delightful and grateful as I am for this amazing life I have been given, how can I bear the thought of it ending? I want to revel in the pleasure and the nachas of holding my son's son, experience the spiritual connection of one generation holding another, And so it goes..
I married someone that is my most loyal, loving and forgiving friend. And she is beautiful!!
I recently flew to Houston to see my brother (who is in the end-stage of brain cancer) one last time. We hung out with his family over the weekend and then, on Monday afternoon, we sat alone together for a few short moments and we said our last goodbye. By Thanksgiving time this year, my baby brother of 52 years will be gone, but that time in his hospital room will be something I will never forget. What a remarkable thing to tell someone how much you love them and have them say it back to you. It touched me deeply.
Our local library system offered a writing workshop. Only 8 individuals were permitted by the teacher. Those interested were asked to submit a 20 p manuscript by e-mail to the teacher who would then accept only 8. I have been interested in writing, but had no ms on my computer. I am very much a non-computer user. But I wanted to try and therefore sat down, approximately ten days before the deadline, wrote the necessary 20 pp (two chapters) on a subject I have been mulling for decades, and sent it off two days early. It took me hours to figure out how to send an e-mail from wordpad. In the end I sent the wrong version, with uncorrected typos. Then I sent a corrected version with apologies. That arrived late. I did not make it into the class but I am now on Chapter 9 and enjoying the experience. An old friend from my first year of grad school is now a retired English teacher and she has been giving me feedback and I just keep writing. I can now send two chapters at a time from separate word documents. I guess the experience is proving inspiring.
I entered into a relationship for the first time in 7 years. It has been a learning experience that I am grateful for. But it fills me with fear of being hurt again. We both have baggage from previous relationships, of course, and it takes its toll on us, sometimes.
On a practical level there was one recent experience. I was able to fly to Boston to take care of my mother and give my sister a break. I can see things getting worse over time, but this is one of the major reasons I retired early from my day job. On a spiritual level, there is no one experience, but overall it is nice to have time to do some learning and I hope to do more of it.
The loss of my husband who passed away three weeks ago. We had been together for 30 years and the loss is unexplainable. He was not Jewish, but shared each year in the celebration and joy of each New Year. He was able to inspire and encourage positive change while gently pointing out lessons that were learned. I hope to keep that precious part of him with me
One year ago, everything was bliss. I celebrated with my reconstituted family. A few months later, it came to light that I had been having some VERY inappropriate conversations with an old friend. My wife took that as a betrayal on par with cheating, and we are no longer together. I'm angry at her for not loving me enough to forgive, and hate myself for putting her in that position. I have a new friend who would be great, but I am unable to really open myself to her, still desperate to try to fix the hurt with my ex, and maybe even reconcile, as hard as that would be for both of us. It has destroyed my relationship with my daughter, left me lonely and scared and broken.
I was diagnosed with inoperable prostate cancer. I am alone and certainly feel that way. I was afraid; I probably still am.
Once again i feel much of this year was defined by loss and grief, but this time it was its impact on my husband not me. The burden of grief has changed him and placed me in a new role. I'm not so good at it yet. I'm not grateful for the grief, and i've struggled with deep resentment. I grapple with a different, more imaginary loss: The life I thought I'd have, what I figured would've happened by now, "where" I thought we'd be. I think burning these expectations on their own pyre will release me into inspiration. I'm working on that.
There are two for me. My husband's retirement and the birth of my third grandchild, the daughter and first child of my son. The relationship with my husband has been only sixteen years. Most of that time he has been unhappy and unfulfilled with his work. In retirement I have found a new man. He is happier and much more available to me. I did not experience his presence in my daily life ( I have been retired for seven years) as intrusive as I was anticipating. I am grateful that we are rediscovering each other. Relieved that some of my fears were unwarranted. Inspired by our shared exploration in this phase of life. The birth of this grand daughter holds special meaning for me. She has opened my eyes to re experience the tender and caring side of my son. I am grateful that they welcome my involvement even though I live at a distance. I am relieved that parenthood fits him well. I carry no resentment. I am inspired by the way he and his wife manage the challenges of their ongoing lives.
My Mom died. Sad. Empty. Tired. Fat. A little bit of relief. Worried about what to do with her stuff.
In the past year I travelled to Costa Rica, without my husband nor children, to meet my cousin for 5 days, then a friend for the other 5 days. I was able to really relax and enjoy the experience of travelling to a new country. The sights, the sounds... everything about the place was so inviting and brought peace to my soul. It was just what this momma needed! Since then, when I meditate, I often turn my mind to the waterfalls of CR... where I let go of so much.
I decided to apply to medical school. This was a big deal for me because I previously lacked the confidence to take the entrance exam and dedicate myself to this rigorous life path. I am now in the middle of more applications and interviews, and am more than ever grateful for all the support of my family and friends in this process. I am hopeful that I will be able to do good unto others in the world through this training.
I got a new Girlfriend. inspired me to be heappier on the average day
I finalized my divorce. I am grateful, relived, resentful, and inspired. It was just a day - a letter in the mail with some court signatures. "Nothing" changed . . . we were over a year separated and years and years past pretending we had a healthy, strong marriage. My ex was dating. I was dating. Our daughter was adjusting. It should not have really mattered and yet it did. Immensely. I think it is more about the "failure" in the closure (like an athlete leaving the field with injury or accepting defeat before the end of the contest) than anything else but it was a profoundly confusing day. I am glad it is over. Nearly a year later I am happier, healthier, stronger, and better off mentally and emotionally. My ex-wife and I are "friends" (we have very few dust ups and we seem to enjoy each other more and more all the time). Our child is doing better and better. Life is full and good again. I appreciate it but I wish I never went through it (if that makes sense).
I decided to pursue my degree, 20 years out of high school. After dusting off some old community college credits, I should have my associate's degree by the end of Spring. It has made me recognize that I can achieve great things for myself at any age.
I had an old boyfriend come back into my life, wanting to move forward with me--it completely shocked me: I was not thinking about it (we'd been talking as friends at a distance & had seen him once a yr ago) but it was like a bolt of lightning....and now we are working on making it a reality! I am NERVOUS because I want this more than I ever thought I would, and so I'm scared it won't actually happen. Having my heart opened up is so vulnerable!! If it does actually happen/work, I KNOW it will be life-changing!!!
My 96 yo Mother suffered a stroke during the High Holidays, 2013. I moved her into assisted living. Physically moved furniture and sorted through her belongings and clothes. Took over her financial affairs. I live two lives. Sometimes I am exhausted by the effort. She had three overnight hospital stays this year. Two long stays in a rehab center. Many ER and Urgent Care visits. Countless dentist visits for new teeth. Audiology visits for hearing aids. I cringe every time the phone rings. I have no other "life". I visit her twice on most days. Take her for walks or for meals, because the meals in her expensive assisted living place are often disgusting. Never Kosher. Try to get her ready for bed at night. I don't always like her or my daily chores and responsibilities. She doesn't "get" the need to stay safe and/or use her walker. I remind and often yell at her to lock the walker before she sits or stands. I exhaust myself. Grateful that a year has passed and we are still here. Inspired by my strength. Always fearful that she'll fall -- again. An only child, I have no other choice. I receive a call and go meet the EMS. Grateful that my kids are healthy and strong and my four grandkids are thriving. I haven't seen my son and his family for over a year. I have not been away for a year and a half. Not resentful. Surprised that this is where I am.
I essentially renewed my love and dedication for life to my husband. And to myself. We are one but we are also individuals. It is important to enjoy meaningful time together and make time to nourish ourselves as individuals too. I feel grateful knowing that I am sharing my life with him. We are fortunate to have everything we have including our wonderful, healthy and happy boys. I am inspired to live, love, work, play, think, feel and contribute.
I moved to Chicago for a new job. I had spent three years in DC and was getting bored with the work and disenchanted with the people and process. Though, I felt like an expert at the time, I realize now my actual knowledge was superficial, and I've quickly lost most of my deeper ideas on the subject of the work there. My emotions about moving from DC to Chicago were surprisingly weak, I wasn't rejuvenated or racked with nerves about the transition, I just slid away. I didn't see much distress in the friends I left in DC about my leaving, maybe I wasn't there long enough. I think my closest friends could tell I was going to leave. I'm always going to leave. I am proud of myself for making an effort when I got to Chicago to get out there and make friends, try to get to know the place. I met a girl. I hope she is reading this with me when it is emailed to me in year. I undoubtedly love her, but have not said as much just yet. I hope she doesn't leave, but I worry she may be ready for a new city. I found the Chicago winter inspirational. God damn that was harsh. The degree to which friends, colleagues and acquaintances all shared the experience and told stories of everyday things made difficult by record-breaking polar vortices and the constant accoutrements of a never ending winter, experiences and stories which by all right should have been those of urgent pathos, were talked about such neighborly lightheartedness and togetherness, that was inspiriting. I don't know, maybe I just met good people, or maybe that's how it is every winter, but I liked it. Gah, I played it heavy with this question, tomorrow I'll joke.
My father passed away several months ago. He was in his early 60's, and the (executioner) was Alzheimer's disease. Honestly, his death wasn't that big of a deal to me. He had been in the nursing home for about 8 months, and before that he had been going to daycare there for a year or two. He lost his ability to talk some years ago. I guess it's the stereotype that people with alzheimer's forget who their family members are, or mistake them with other people. That never happened. Nothing like that ever happened. If my dad didn't recognize us, he didn't say anything. God, that's the worst, that's the absolute fucking worse. Have you ever seen Memento? Well, I saw that around 2002, and I mentioned that my dad should see it, because it was about a guy whose memory was just about as bad as dad's was. He was diagnosed a couple years later. The last time I saw him was last summer. He was in a wheelchair, and he couldn't talk. He couldn't even sit on his own. He was slouched forward, his head hung over his chest. He couldn't feed himself, he couldn't lift his head, he couldn't keep it lifted if someone else did. He had lost something like 60 pounds in a few months, and the denim at the waist of his jeans was bunching up beneath his belt. I knelt on the floor to get beneath him so I could look up in his eyes and say hi to see if he would recognize me that way. He didn't even recognize me as a human. His eyes weren't dead, they were the same gray-blue they've always been, but they didn't focus, they weren't looking at anything. That was last summer. He died about 6 months later. I never went through a period of terrible grief about his death. We knew it was coming, and he was long gone before he died. I guess, really, I was grieving for the few years before his death. Seeing him the way I did for so long was painful, and in a way his death just meant that I didn't have to see him anymore. Before he died, I would avoid thinking about him (in ANY context) because it made me really depressed. Now that he's gone, I don't hold myself back. There are so many things about my father that I hadn't thought of in years, things I hadn't allowed myself to dwell on in fear of losing composure. I'm thinking about them now, and it does hurt, but it's somehow positive. Thinking about him, I can think about the things he did that inspired me. I notice in myself more of his unique personality quirks than I did before, and it makes me proud. When I was a kid, I was always embarrassed by my dad. I didn't understand how he was bold enough to ask questions or make silly puns even around groups of strangers. Now I realize that this is a trait I continue to strive for. At some point in the last 10 years I lost my egotism. Unfortunately, with it I also lost my confidence. I'm afraid of causing a stir, I don't want to cause anyone any inconvenience, people will think I'm stupid, etc. Honestly, I feel like I would rather just blend into the background and go unnoticed most of the time. But I feel the predisposition, the potential inside me to make dumb "dad jokes", to ask questions even if they may be "pointless", to stand up for myself and to say what I think. To care more about myself as a person than what other people think about me (while maintaining civility). Anyway, it's a struggle, but I'm working toward it. I'm trying to take initiative the way he would in his life. He did a lot of things in his life, and he was the one who started all of them. I've got to start stuff, too. I'm relieved that the struggle is over. I'm grateful that I had a dad who was worth looking up to. A dad who taught me morals, who taught me to be curious, who taught me to try anything. We were out of milk one morning when I was 5 or 6, and I suggested using orange juice in my raisin bran instead. Think about it. Orange juice in raisin bran is obviously a terrible, terrible idea. But my dad let me try it. He let me be curious, he let me explore my curiosity, even if he did know from the start that I would absolutely HATE the combination of orange juice & raisin bran. I don't know why, but that's really something to me. I'm grateful. My dad didn't take care of us very well as he was getting the disease, but that's not his fault. He really tried his best. I'm grateful that I had a father who was smart, curious, creative, and a hard worker. I really hope I can grow to be more like him as I get older. The only thing I want to be different is I want to increase the amount of friends I have over time rather than letting it dwindle. That will be scary, but I'm gonna give it a shot.
One of the biggest & most significant experiences this year has been being BLESSED with the gift of abstainance! I'm a food addict & was graced with what is called in AA, "the gift of desperation". I got a sponsor & started working the steps. One day at a time I am working toward recovery & looking forward to passing it on to another struggling food addict. I am more grateful than words can express!! I have a gratitude journal that I use when I have moments of "getting into self" to remind myself of the MANY blessings!!
Boomerang boy is living with us again after another prison stint. I do not have the capacity for denial that my wife has, nor a bottomless well of selflessness and excess energy necessary to cope with the intrusion into my space, my (our?) peace, my (our) home. I am angry that I am so easily disregarded. Decisions she takes regarding her children are never discussed, and any request for change or accommodation I express is relayed to them (by her) as something they should do for me (so I am the bad guy, the fussy person, the nettlesome one), instead of something that is coming from her as a function of her commitment to our lasting happiness and contentment, or simply a statement that she values decency and considerate behavior from them. I am angry that she criticizes my children (who are both law abiding, productive citizens presenting no drain on our lives or finances) for slights, while being completely unperturbed by the constant rain of disrespect, thoughtlessness, and disregard for law and order coming from her sons. I deeply resent her expectation that I should be "okay" with whatever her children do, or whatever she decides to do in response, without any attempt to find out what I think or feel about any of it. I finally realize that there will always be four people in this marriage, that running after both of her damaged and willfully ignorant children and trying to mitigate the destruction and shame left in their wake will never end. I also realize how little my feelings mean to her. I am adrift, I am alone, and I am a fool.
I traveled for the first time to Latin America for a climbing trip. While I was there I found the conditions dirty, fearful, sometimes squallid and inconvenient but the people in general were warm, honest, hard working, caring, sincere. The reverse culture shock has been deeply depressing. I prefer the sanitation and cleanliness here but relatively speaking am moribund about the officiousness, litigousness, righteousness, cheapness, separateness and judgmentalism of my culture compared to what I saw in Peru. I am finding myself in a place I thought was good become one that repeatedly triggers annoyance, anger, depression and terrible boredom. But I don't know where else I could go or what I could do that would be a better option given my current set of legal limitations and citizenship status.
I have several significant experiences . My first born son left for college, my father-in-law had a massive stroke and I finally committed to getting my drinking under control. A: Drinking. I don't know if I fit the definition of alcoholic. I haven't lost a job or family members over my drinking nor have I had any DUI/DWIs. But, I was drinking every night and I know that I have not been present in my kids lives the way I should have been. My son left for school before I stopped drinking (it has been 61 days since I have stopped) so his memories are going to be of me drinking. It was about 8 years ago that I had an affair. He ended it and my family stayed together but I used alcohol to deal with the pain I caused and the loss I suffered. My drinking got really bad, passing out on the couch every night. But then I got a new job and worked to cut back and did. But I knew that wasn't enough so I have tried to stopp all together. My goal is to go 90 days without drinking and then see if I am able to drink socially. Like I said, my son left and he left while I was still drinking so his memories of me will be with a drink in my hand. Already, I have been able to be so much more involved with my daughter, who is still in high school, because I am not drunk in the evenings. We can go to the YMCA or go shopping or go for a walk. Previously all I did was sit at home and drink and watch TV. I worry that my son will resent me and not want to have a relationship with me because he didn't get to have me in his life like his sister will. He has been gone 34 days and he has spoken to me one time and only answers a few texts each week. The only time he has sent a text was when he needed money. I feel like I have failed him as a parent. My other major even was my father-in-law's stroke. My husbands family is really fucked up. For people who believe in an afterlife the are amazingly unable to deal with end of life issues. They act like a grandparent's or parent's death is the biggest tragedy you can experience and that no one else has had to go through it before. I hate to be blunt but grandparents and parents are supposed to die before you. FIL can't move the left side of his body and although he can talk he can only talk about what he wants to talk about he can't follow a conversation or even ask you a question about your life. Yet the family is acting as though he will recover and go back to work. They think he will be singing in the church choir again. This is all just going to be really hard to live with as they are in such denial over how life is changing. I read a great quote and wrote it down but I don't remember who said it. "Life moves as it should and rarely asks your permission." I like that and I want to remember that. I am grateful that my son is able to make a life for himself away from me but sad that he doesn't need me anymore like he once did. I am sad about my father in laws situation and frustrated that I will have to put up with the family's inability to deal with life changes. I am hopeful that I will be able to control my drinking going forward.
Two big things happened and one is in progress. My divorce was finalized June 25, 2014. I loved my husband and I still love him. We were having some challenges in our relationship. We tried a lot of things - activities together, counseling, workshops. We couldn't seem to stick to anything. I evenutually took a job in Montana and he simply didn't come with me. We just sold our beautiful house in Portland, OR which was our last physical connection. At this point, I'm sad, I do get angry, sometimes resigned. I took a new job as the superinetendent of a school. I am on a huge learning curve. After one and a half months, I am still smiling most of the time. I am in the process of buying a house. This is the scariest and most exciting! I also have one dog and a new puppy and I'm excited about them having their very own backyard. I'm looking forward to feeling settled and I wonder how long that feeling - if it comes - will last as I tend to move around every few years - either with a new job or a new place to live.
I left my job to start my own translation practice. I put a lot of thought and did a lot of research, and had fun with it. The website is cool, the business cards rock, and I love the fact that I am learning entirely new things every day: It feels right, and my work-life balance is so much better and easier now. It is better for all of us. I know there will be much busier times, so I am making the most of these first few weeks when the machine is getting oiled and warmed up. Financially, it is a big, big gamble, but I am really determined to make it work, my way. It's the kind of challenge that motivates me and, surprisingly, I am not too stressed out about the money. The biggest challenge by far is to not let the home to-do list take away from the business to-do list. Each and every really good thing in my life has come from a similar leap of faith: immigrating to Canada, getting married... It was long overdue, and it feels good to be taking some risks again. I hope that one year from now, I have managed to keep us out of the red, have established a few regular customers, and learned a whole lot.
My father died at age 90. I think of him much more often than I expected to. I am incredibly grateful for his generosity in life and in death. He left enough money that I will be able to retire and should not need to depend financially on my son. My father was gracious and kind. He loved his children when we were lovable and when we were not. I aspire to his courage when faced with infirmity and to the strong friendships he forged throughout his lifetime.
A long time friend made my family feel unwelcome to enroll in her child's high school, though our family was in a crisis finding a new school for our child. We chose a different school but not because of her. It was an oddly staged "intervention" and cost her my friendship. I am still angry and resentful, and I will have to manage crossing paths with her. It is almost Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and I am supposed to forgive but don't know how I will. Maybe next year it will not be so raw.
My mother reached her 100th birthday. I am sad that I do not feel joy for her and that spending time with her feels like a chore.
My friend had a baby! I felt ashamed that I felt sorry for myself when she shared the news. Once she had the baby I was so thrilled to meet her & absolutely honored to help care for her. And seeing how difficult it has been, up close and personal, is helping me come to terms with the reality that I'm never going to be a mom. And I am so attached to that kid, much more than to my own nephews who live so far away.
I went to Chicago to help my brother through a health crisis. I had not left my home state in over 12 years and had not flown in over 20, so it was a boundary smashing experience in itself. When I saw my brother after more than a year, I was surprised at the toll the issues he has faced had taken. Reconnecting with a loved one and helping them is one of the most soulfully satisfying experiences. I hope that he recovers quickly, but would do this again without hesitation. It almost made me want to rethink a career in healthcare - or at least consider volunteering. The need is so great and a very little effort can make a huge difference in someone's life.
So my wife left me and I got divorced in the last year. She told me in July that something was wrong. I can't say that our relationship was amazing or anything but it really hit me out of the blue. I tried hard for a number of months to save the marriage. It was heart and soul wrenching. Finally she moved out. The hardest part was telling our kids. I worked with a counselor for a number of months. At Christmas she told me it was over and she wanted a divorce. I wasn't until August that the divorce was finalized. It truly was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I decided to meet my emotions head on. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling and worked through all of it. It was a hard road. But now I feel happy in my life. And though I still feel for my kids and there are many unknowns about how our future will look and feel I am hopeful for my future.
I have lost myself. And then struggled to find it. Lost my job, gave up my home state, I threw out all ideas of who I thought I was. Now, unfettered, I hope to move on, learn from it and become a better person. For me. For Kaedence.
My wife asked me to leave my house, and wants to get divorced. I am resentful, generally angry and depressed.
Well, immediately tears come to my eyes. In an effort to live a good life we could afford and not be financially stressed, my husband came up with the idea to sell our home and move into an RV with our 2 dogs and 4 cats. I went along with it, sometimes enthusiastically, sometimes kicking and screaming. After a trial run of 5 days in the RV, we returned home to our house which was not yet sold, and I had a breakdown. I couldn't do this move, and I blamed myself for not speaking up, blamed my husband for comping up with this stupid, stupid plan. My reaction shook my husband, and threaten our marriage, and I went into a deep depression that lasted 6 months. 6 months of not being able to get out of bed, questioning my judgement, commitment to life, to my husband, and to change and challenge. I wish I could say that we went back to live in the RV after realizing that anyone can change their life and embrace a new path. But I did not have the courage to do it. I punished myself because I lacked the flexibility to do something new and demanding. I mourned the loss of something I could not put my finger on. I finally came out of my depression, and my husband and I decided on a new path, one that threw us into initially uncomfortable arenas of meeting lots of new people, even becoming close with people we barely knew, people that we previously might dismiss. We formed new bonds and learned new strategies, and stretched the change muscle in old but familiar ways, ways that were easier 30 years ago. Surprisingly, we are flourishing. I don't think we would have found this new path, were it not for the RV experience. I thank God for helping me through this trying time, and for guiding me, showing me the way, and being my friend throughout. I gave up my tight control over my life, and accepted that with my husband and faith, I could figure it out and be O.K. And I did figure it out, and I am O.K. I am, in fact, feeling amazingly wonderful!
Conflict with my son - I'm grateful it has been resolved.
I helped my mother move out of my childhood home and my grandparents move out of the home in which my grandmother and mother were born. With my grandparents' home, I felt relief that they were moving into a better situation and away from a home that was swallowing them. With my mother, I do think it was the right choice for her and I'm glad to have her living closer, and when I'm awake I don't feel any sense of loss but I have dreams about the house almost every night.
My daughter has been experiencing chronic illness that is still not diagnosed. It leaves me weary and even more compassionate for people caring for loved ones.
I picked an experience that was the most significant because it was me operating as honestly as I could. I was challenged to respond with 3 things I am grateful for per day, for 7 days in a row (I made it through 6 of them). The experience was cathartic, revealing some of my deepest and most intimate thoughts, to close friends and not-so-close friends. Doing anything else would be ingenuine, and while I've been in similar positions before, what I've revealed was not so revealing and made me feel like I wasn't playing the game fairly. In this case, I was.
Fell in love for the first time. Grateful and also very sad.
After attending one semester of college at Missouri S&T, I had to come home for winter break 2013-2014. I had gotten a C in Chemistry which was extremely hard but I worked hard for that C, but my other grades were fine. Maybe in the long run, I didn't do as much as I should have, I could have worked even harder, but I came home unwillingly to go to community college. The expenses of living in a sorority and tuition was a lot for my parents, and at least at the community college I could retake classes 5 times over, for the price of one class at Rolla. I had a bad attitude about coming back, seeing community college as a place for stupid people, but I realized it wasn't like that. There were people just like me in my advanced science classes who had to the same goals and even wanted to go to Rolla once they completed their pre-requisites. I'm currently in my second semester of community college, finally a sophomore, and I realize that my parents were right about coming home. I was able to set better habits and take the time to organize how and when I needed to study while also balancing my hobbies, friends, etc. While I'm still trying to complete my pre-requisites to becoming an engineer, I realize I will appreciate going back to Rolla or a university in which I have worked hard going for because of the sacrifice on my part but also my parents part. I realize that I can be more focused and appreciate where I am and where I am going because of my parents.
I was invited to write a book for someone I admired, and I altered my life, even my family's living situation, to do so. I took it on faith--did not insist on a contract, and within two months, the subject/employer pulled the plug on the entire project: she did not fully understand the time commitment and writing process (my fault for not understanding that an 80 year old woman academic might have very different ideas about what it means to "write a book" than I would as a 50 year old woman academic, and writer). At the same time, this same woman paid for a very expensive training for me, simply because she wanted to know more about those particular facilitation methods. I've also spent a great deal of time pursuing this track--a track reflecting her interests, originally, not mine. I still do not know if _this_ path will yield any fruit. Some days I think it was a gift, some days I think it was a wasteful diversion at worst, a red-herring at best. Without a doubt I resent the loss of time and money and security that this unethical behavior (and my naivete) caused my family. But, more and more I understand that each experience (and they've been hard lessons won since I began praying for wisdom several years ago) sharpens not only my experience as a woman, and not only my professional outlook, but also my faith. One surprising thing I've learned? Yes, don't agree to do work without a contract; Yes, make no assumptions about anyone's value systems or even generic understanding of the world; but, here's the one I'm interested in discovering whether this lesson lessens (!) or evolves or increases in weight over time: Don't let another person's priorities and goals (and ego) get in the way of discerning your own.
I got out of a significant relationship. Even though it brought sadness, I am grateful that it happened and the lessons learned from it. I hope to grow from it.
This past year I had friends who were my roommates. They decided that they did not like me and they did not like living with me. They ended up going behind my back to my Boyfriend and told him they were moving out, recruiting my other roommate to move in with them, before I even knew what was happening. It was very painful because I considered them to be best friends. My lease was not up for four more months so for four months we lived not talking to each other hardly and avoiding eye contact. After we all moved they continued to ignore me but invite my friends and my boyfriend to events. Never once have they apologized or said a word to me since. I've tried to reach out and have received cold shoulders back. I still don't know why this happened, what I could have done to make these people that I trusted and loved turn against me so harshly. I can only sit and draw endless assumptions as to what is wrong with me. This has affected my relationship as they are my boyfriends best friends still. We've almost given up so many times because of the fights we've had over them where I've demanded he talk to them about it or not talk to them at all. Two months ago, I decided to let go. I am realizing that they should not have so much control over me. That I should not let this affect my own self image and I should not brew over people who do not value me the way I deserve. Now my relationship is going wonderful again and I am able to talk about them and hear about them without any pain. This has taken almost a full year to reconcile myself with; it hurts to be rejected by people you trust, but you cannot let hurt stop you from being happy in the future.
In the past 12 months, 6 of my friends have died. 2 of them were especially close over decades and were harder to understand. I know this will start happening more as I get older, but this year was a sad shock, even for the friends who were battling illnesses over a long period of time. I am grateful for the passings of those who left in peace with family or friends. And I was angry at the ones who could have prevented the conditions that led to their early deaths. I am getting over myself and have started coming to terms with the loss. I am happy for having these wonderful, kind, fierce, and funny people in my life. And I can still love them unconditionally.
I remain stable with treatment for multiple myeloma. I am very grateful.
I transitioned from working as a consultant with a company, which involved working out of my apartment, to working at a 9-5 job in an office with a whole new set of responsibilities. Basically, I got a new job. I had to adjust to this new style, which was difficult at first. The new job is also quite different from the old job - it does not have anything to do with West Africa or international development, for example. I have mixed feelings - I am grateful for the new opportunity and relieved that I found something in the city, very near my home, which allows me to get home quickly and easily. I walk to my new job, about a 20-minute trek, which has also led me to appreciate the city in a new way. I was somewhat resentful at the way the former employer seemed so blase about my departure but also was grateful that I did have such a comfortable work routine for as long as it lasted.
2014 was FULL of significant experiences, some planned, others not. Turning 60 in December was definitely a HUGE event. Daughters celebration with me couldn't have been more perfect. My birthday present to ME was a celebration-victory-survival ring and a wonderful cruise in Santa Barbara with my boyfriend. A picture perfect day!! My daughters continue to amaze me with their accomplishments! In February, my second grandchild was born! A little girl, Calista to Kimberly and Justin. Michelle not only received 2 Masters degrees, but married a WONDERFUL guy with a Fantastic family and the happiness and joy continues! Tandy was awarded an aviation scholarship and decided that she really wanted a real LIFE, so took control and continues to work for ExpressJet. In March, there was a huge corporate shake-up at Weight Watchers, so I quit to start my own business of sorts as a magazine publisher with N2 publishing. It's been a lot harder than I thought, but it's progress and gives me a 5-year plan I didn't have a year ago. I have no doubt this will be successful. I'm both excited and terrified and wish I were 40 instead of 60, but the questions isn't why didn't I do this before as much as the answer is that I'm doing this now. I'm also writing a column for an on-line publication "Heard It on the Grapevine" which seems to be very popular and keeps my writing skills going to a certain extent, but I've still not had the time, or energy to finish the book that I've been talking about for about 10 years. All in all, this past year has been chock full of wonder, fantastic, incredible experiences. I'm more than grateful for the family I created, the close friends I have and the opportunity to have financial security somewhere down the road! BEST YEAR EVER!!!!
My neighbour accused me of harrassing her and the police believed her. It really shook me and took me a long time to recover. It was the culmination of 2 years of stress living above her. It was also a relief because it gave me the impetus to move out and 'let go'. I felt I was using a lot of energy to maintain equilibrium. It allowed me to move on with my life.
I lost a lot of weight. We thought it was due to sickness or something physically wrong. Many tests were run. We could not find anything negative. I have gained a little weight back and am feeling much better about things. I still have my job and am making the most of it.
My sweet Isabella was born!!! I was so thankful he arrived sad and healthy! I had so much anxiety leading up to her delivery. I had such a difficult labor and delivery with Conner I was terrified of it repeating. But, praise God it was a fairly easy (as easy as natural childbirth can be) delivery! From the moment I saw her I was in awe. She's ten months old now. She is so beautiful and has such an infectious smile! I love her more and more everyday.It's so sweet to see Izzy and Conner play. They love each other so much! I can't wait to see their relationship get stronger and more meaningful (hopefully). I can't believe how much she has grown and changed over the last ten months. I have never seen a baby love people so much. She loves to play and snuggle! I am so grateful for the precious addition to our family!
I failed my doctoral comprehensive oral exam. While I don't know for sure, I suspect this is why I was passed over for funding this fall. I'm married with a child, and this meant not only a significant loss of income but also our health insurance. It changed everything. We could no longer afford our small two bedroom apartment. My husband, who could only find part time work, took up two jobs to try to make ends meet. We got into debt fast. There were days where I would look up the local food banks, but I lacked the courage or humility to go to them. As long as my daughter got fed, it was enough. A sweet and very spiritual friend encouraged me to envision what my dream is for this life. What was I truly called to do? What would this look like? What would it feel like? I focused on clarifying this vision, enriching it with detail in my mind. It was almost like prayer. I envisioned a decent home, no money troubles, a desk by the window where I could do my research while watching my husband and daughter play in the yard. Our lives were small but content. In this dream, we were happy. It was so very far away from where we were. I kept my heart open. I've lived long enough to know that on the other side of every sorrow, crisis, frustration, loss, etc. there was wisdom to be had. This life that God had given us was a precious gift. Every piece of it. I stayed focused on the vision and tried my best not to wallow in self-pity. It was hard. I cried a lot. We decided to move out of the city to a small agricultural town where the rent was much cheaper. I had taught at the community college there once, and I had loved it, despite the long commute. I called them up to see if they needed and instructor. I doubted that they would remember me. When the heart is open, God provides. There is a mystery to the way this works, but astonishingly, it does. It has been two months since our move. We found a large townhome for less rent than our old tiny apartment. While we were moving, we found a free desk, coffee table, etc. that we could fill our new space with. Our lives were uprooted and changing. Just a few weeks ago, as I was doing my research at my new desk, I looked up and out the window. My husband and daughter were laughing and giggling, chasing each other around the yard. The college here had hired me back. My husband landed his dream job, with full time benefits and nearly double the salary we had hoped for. I have another shot at my oral exam coming up. I realized that what was before me was the vision I had held in my heart, this calling of contentment and happiness that I kept during that dark time. My friend said I called it in. I think perhaps it called me here. Either way, I'm here, and I'm happy. I am so, so grateful for this experience. My heart is overflowing with gratitude. It's like God and his universe has aligned with me in this moment. (He even provided the desk in the dream for free!) I'm more determined now than ever to serve him and his people. I know why I am here. I know my calling. I'm bringing that forth simply by being more and more of who I am. It's beautiful. It's inspiring. And the best part is: it's effortless. I am in deep gratitude for the struggle, for without it I would have never gotten here, and I would have never been able to understand the miracle of faith, prayer, and aligning oneself with God and his universe in its oneness. The blessing on the other side of my tragedy was beyond anything I could have imagined.
This year I started meditating (April 2013). Although I am not always great at it or great about it, I have generally consistently done it every week day for the last year or so (sometime between 10 to 15 minutes). During that time, I focus on letting my mind empty and allow thoughts to pass like clouds on an otherwise sunny day. It is not easy but like exercise, I have been very happy to find that the more consistently I practice it, the better I am at it.
My Dad passed away and I didn't realize how he was one of the few people in the world that I could share my deepest thoughts and ideas with. I miss him
I bought a house. It has been stressful and wonderful. I felt like such a champion, after being wiped out and losing my condo in the divorce, and after only a couple of years of squirreling my money away, here I am in this gorgeous, light, homey place where I can entertain my friends and raise my children. It is also a source of anxiety, though, as I think about my mortgage and how much more dependent I am on a high-paying job. At times, I have wondered if I made a huge mistake. I guess time will tell, and in the meanwhile, I am enjoying living here so very much.
This past year I've grieved over the death of my Father. He died the day after Yom Kippur, 2013, 4 days after his 79th birthday. I've been sad, but mostly grateful for having had him as a Dad. He inspires me to be the person he raised me to be.
I was very depressed for the better part of the past year. At the end of the summer, I attended a day program for mental health issues and it helped immensely. Although being depression felt horrible and I wish it upon nobody, I gained a lot of insight into myself through the experience and I learned lots of useful techniques in the day program. It was a relief to meet others who experienced something similar to me. I'm now back at work and doing well!
Getting married. Being with the woman I love. Standing on the top Natural Bridge and telling the whole wide world that I love this woman more than anything. I am so grateful that I can have a life filled with love, laughter and smiles. Finally. It has also lend me to see, with clear eyes, the terrible relationships I've had and how crappy my kids are. It was beautiful.
Una experiencia importante que tuve este aƱo fue a cuando estuvo mi madre en el hospital por cinco semanas durante el verano. Me siento tan agradecida poder cuidarla, y poder estar allĆ con ella y para ella. AprendĆ que tengo mucha fuerza, y que tengo unos amigos excelentes - lo cual ya sabĆa, pero que fue bonito verlo de nuevo. ConocĆ a muchas personas, la mayorĆa de ellas muy lindas y generosas aunque algunos no. ComprendĆ de cerca los problemas tan graves que tenemos con el sistema de cuidado mĆ©dico en este paĆs, y tambiĆ©n lo milagroso que puede ser. Vi de cerca tambiĆ©n lo que es el miedo a la muerte, no sĆ³lo en mi madre sino en mĆ tambiĆ©n. .
I've finally started to confront my anxiety about bridges and heights. Setting small challenges for myself with Marcia is helping a lot. I am trying to pay more attention to my breathing and work towards the goal of being able to drive over a bridge and then eventually drive over a bridge alone. It's still very scary to think about and I hope by the time I read this again in September 2015 that I am able to work with my anxiety instead of being ruled by it.
My wife is pregnant with our first child! I'm all things at once, excited one minute, terrified the next, and yet I can go for hours without even thinking about it. The ups and downs of pregnancy are normal now, I know that she can't eat mushrooms without barfing, and that she'll be gone for a few hours every week (it seems) for more tests. More than anything I can't wait to meet our baby!
Finding out I had emotions. Romantically. All very bizarre. Positive but also dangerous and scary. Plus I guess Israel Tour as well. Significant but not life-changing - very very challenging.
My Divorce: It ws liberating, I've found renewed sense of purpose. I have a profound sense of gratitude.
Turning 60 years old. Scared the hell out of me but at the same time freed me from all those worries that preoccupied me when I was younger about being adult enough to make decisions others might not agree with or might make me look bad. Now I just don't care as much about what THEY think, after all, who knows how much time I have left now that I'm so old!
This past year so much has happened. It's less of a one off experience, but more of an awakening I've had. I have spent so much time not taking care of myself, making excuses for being overweight and not having hair. While I was in Atlanta over Labor Day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I guess I've spent so much time avoiding them that when I did it was shocking. That moment, that total clarifying moment, allowed me to see what the outside of me looks like. And I am grateful, although sad that it got to this point. The only place I can go from here is up, up, up.
I was definitively diagnosed with autism a month ago...at age 45. I'm honestly relieved, because it explains and confirms so much about me and my life. I'm still really processing the information, but I think it gives me a new and healthier way to frame both my successes and my failures, and I think it will help me stop some of the negative self-talk that is so destructive. I've accomplished an awful lot, especially for someone with autism as a life challenge. Not that I'm using it as a crutch, but I think it's productive for me to give myself permission to "cut me some slack" and not be so hard on myself for having a life that's somewhat unconventional and doesn't quite look like the lives of other people I know.
This past summer, I spent most of it at home with my parents and my grandmother to help out. My parents were moving and my mother is a full-time caretaker for her mother. Going home not only helped them, but it helped me reconnect with my roots, my family, and my friends. I feel more connected to by community and my culture. I will always by grateful for the time I got to spend, especially with my grandmother.
Loss of job. It made me stronger. I know have two part time jobs and one fill time job. It was very stressful and I was very depressed but I made it though and that is all the counts. Still have anxiety but working through it.
I had a steep learning curve that occurred at the same time as a difficult challenge, and I came through them both with more or less calm, and certainly without freaking out or harming anyone during the processes :-) I am very grateful, and very happy to have passed through both gates successfully and peacefully.
I received health results that finally motivated me to focus on my physical condition. The experience of getting the results wasn't an all-immersive crisis moment - in fact the results were just barely on this side of healthy - but the feeling of being on the edge was enough to make me thnk twice about how I eat and to get serious about regular exercise.
My youngest daughter was married. It affected me by helping me to realize an expansion of my family. An inclusion of people we had no relation to before hand. The tribe expands! I am very, very grateful. I am happy to see her so happy and seemingly fulfilled by her partnership.
My youngest child graduated high school and started college. This was a very turbulent experience as she was anxious and depressed about it. It stretched our relationship to the brink. It made me look deep into my role as her mother, how best to help without making things worse or creating a dependency. Even after picking the school and moving there, she was still homesick and ambivalent. Recently, she seems to have had an epiphany and is getting out of her shell. I am inspired to continue on this journey and look forward to watching the separation and empowerment help her grow. I am grateful to have this mothering experience, relieved that she is on the right track (fingers crossed), and inspried to watch her bloom.
I was confronted with a past relationship and was able to deal with the related issues in a surprisingly short period of time and then move on. Although surprised at my resolve, I was greatly relieved from shouldering the burden of several years of stress.
I moved from CT to Ann Arbor. Very happy we did!
I just returned from doing my dissertation fieldwork in Puerto Rico; I was there for eight months alone, asking people personal questions about their health. It was incredibly scary at the onset, since I went there alone, and my now-ex-boyfriend broke up with me the day after I got to Puerto Rico. However, I'm incredibly glad I went, and not just for my degree. I had to grow as a person, to rely on myself instead of constantly asking my advisers for help. I was also a bit resentful at the beginning because I was leaving a lot of friends behind, and I've had to make new friends. I'm still not sure how I've changed as a person, although I know that I *have* changed. It's taking me a while to process these changes.
oh boy. I had a problem at work, with a manager- my direct manager, and he was breaking the law. And it was hurting innocents. So I had to gather evidence and then go to tge authorities on him. It was really hard. And I, and many other employees, had to give testimony. We marched into offices, with our drivers licenses, and signed affidavits about what we knew about his actions in front of Loss Prevention and a notary public. Later on in the week, the penny dropped. It was kind of obvious that it was me who blew the whistle. And while they didnt retaliate in the office, a few did on facebook. I ignored them. And a part of me feels absolutely wretched about it. So many have come to me, thanking me for having the courage to do it. But a man lost his job. And his boss also lost his job. And its incredibly difficult for me to quantify how I feel, and the fall out at work has been breath-taking. In some ways, the highlight of many employees' year was the destruction of two people's livlihoods. And I played a role in that destruction, just as they brought it on themselves. And the real kicker is that there are very serious lessons in this. For everyone involved. For me, too. Am I glad they're not going to be able to hurt anyone anymore? Yes. Do I feel awkward and not as sure footed as I once was? Definitely. And it's like working for a whole new company all at once. Our new manager is a straight shooter and very much the kind of manager one would hope for. Aggggggggg. I feel like a vulnerable little kid standing on top of a mountain, the air is thin and I can't believe I accomplished this. Nervousness takes over me once in a while, and I shake sometimes. I'm reminded of how David must have felt after felling Goliath. Did I do that? Did all that really happen?
I have been blessed with an amazing group of girlfriends. So grateful to have such strong women in my life, and to feel a part of something. They inspire me.
My significant experience was not one thing, but a series of things that came from the hiring of a new President and CEO at my work. In the period of time in which we worked together (last Sept - end of Feb; then March - this Sept), I was tested, stressed, filled with anxiety, strangely inspired, reassured of my value in the workplace, etc. While I am proud of myself for making it through that experience, I know that there were costs. I was short, harsh, and unloving to my partner. I lost contact with close friends. I made my personal wants and needs more important than others. I regret what I did and I least I became conscience of it with enough time to make a job change. In a weird way, I feel like a warrior who got a rush from combat. It was fun to be in battle, but battle brought out parts of me that didn't like. I am so relieved to be typing this on my last day at my old job. To leave this damaged place and set up a new life somewhere else.
I got divorced in December - much quicker than anticipated. I was relieved that the divorce is over but resentful that my ex "got away with" his bad behavior. I still want him to be in pain and to regret how he treated me. I still want him to thank me for all I did for him for 15 years. So - this is a mixed blessing. The day to day life is so much better for me and my kids. But the underlying pain is still there. It will take time to get over it - I need to stop trying to punish him and also waiting for the appreciation.
I'd have to say my father dying. I am sad, I am alone, I am an orphan and there's no other feeling like that. I also want to say my hip and I'm VERY resentful
I had a significant health scare. It completely knocked me back down. But I have built up since then and am in better shape than what I have been in a longtime. I also need to add about mom's falling and breaking her leg. It took that relationship to a whole new world, but I continue to learn form her. So many experiences this year.
I have been promoted 3 times in the past year and increased my salary by over 33%. I feel extremely proud, a little bit vindicated (i told you I was ill!) but also a little ashamed that I didn't listen earlier.
I finally got my house in my name alone. I am grateful for this because it means that my ex no longer has any say in what I do or my life. I finally feel like I can make the house my own and that I can live without scrutiny in my own home.
My grandmother died this year. My feelings are mixed... - Sad that she's gone, my last remaining grandparent and the end of a generation - Grateful that I had her in my life as long as I did (I'm 39) - Relieved that her suffering is over - Regretful that I didn't spend as much time with her at the end as I could have, and wasn't able to coax more stories out of her about her life during WWII and afterwards
This year I was asked to be my nephew's godmother. It was really wonderful to get to do that. It is their third child and as my brother's only sibling it was nice to be included in this part of their life.
I took and passed my AOCNP exam. I am relieved and grateful. I am also pursuing my DNP. I am inspired but not certain this is the correct thing to do.
Marriage..... That old saw about "love is lovlier the second time around" The fact that we had been so close so long ago, yet let it slip away. To be given, in the autumn of our years, another chance There are still miracles in this world and happiness to be rediscovered. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKL04xPXARE
My wife asked me for a divorce. This tears me apart because I don't want to lose my daughter. If she would just walk away and I could keep full custody I would have no issue but at best I will only see my daughter half the time. I want to be a major part of my daughter's life. My biggest concern is my wife moving out of town and I will only see my daughter once a month. I am willing to see counseling but my wife has her mine set. Right now I want to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I know things will get better but right now it sucks.
This past summer we saw the kidnapping of 3 young Israeli boys and their subsequent murder by Hamas.. We also saw another kidnapping and murder of a young Arab boy by Israelis. These were horrible events. And they led up to Operations Protective Edge, when Israeli's finally had had enough rockets fired at them and retaliated. We saw the loss of life on both sides and then watched as anti-semitism raged out of control around the world. All of this had a significant impact on me. I realized that I truly stand with Israel and love her, right or wrong. I was reminded how precious life is and count my blessings. For all of this I am grateful, and inspired.
At 53, for the first time in my life, I have surrendered my ego to loving someone. I am extremely grateful for the love that has come into my life. Because at one point I was prepared to let this man go if he thought his true happiness and destiny lay with another. When I realized that not only did I care for him as a dear friend, but that my caring was really deep love and shared values, was I prepared to let him walk away for his happiness. Thankfully, he stayed and we are now partners in love and life. Bless.
Being with mom when she was officially diagnosed with dementia. I was pleased and surprised at about how open the social worker was. Sad and disappointed that my father didn't internalize what was said. I'm angry he's not taking care of my mother - although I do understand they are both happy the way they are. I'm relieved they moved two days ago. And hopeful that it will work out well.
I attended a HS football 40th reunion after being away that entire time. I was shocked how nonjudgmental and supportive everyone was towards each other. It was a wonderful experience.
I broke up with Taylor. It sucks to even write his name. Then they I have to see him every Seminar in WPB. I'm still sad, though I think about him less often. I sometimes see his face in a crowd. I hate him for wasting my time, my energy, my love. I am relieved that he is no longer a part of my life. I wish that I would find someone but I don't think it will happen in this city. Only minor distractions until I move back to EU.
Gosh, where to I begin? I have been incredibly blessed. I am stressed, anxious and tired all in one so I hope that does not reflect my answer - though it is relevant to my answer! :) I graduated with my MS in Dietetics in July and have since started as a lecturer at UK in August. I'm a professor. It's completely surreal to write this. I am now a month into my job and it's completely overwhelming, challenging, frustrating and exhausting. It has been an incredibly fruitful experience though so for that I am extremely humbled and grateful. I'm relieved in the sense that I have a really good job that could possibly be a career for me. I 'm also inspired to become a better teacher! I need to be better at keeping my relationship with God and my wife as my ultimate number 1 priority.
to Prof. Shiffman, I had to leave NYC after 9/11, 2 yrs. later. I moved to Williamstown Ma, but due to my lung issues, and the cold, moved to the worst place for anyone, Lynchburg, Va. where there is ONE shul? with all converts who are most extremely UNWELCOMING TO ANYONE FROM ANY OTHER PLACE IN THE WORLD. I am totally alone, disABLED and very ill and haven't been to shul in years so, I must connect with Jews tonite and tomorrow nite and I don't know much about the site, my phones are 434. 384.7848 if busy, no calling waiting, try the cell, 434. 544. 1734 but I limit time to 59 seconds, lost two prof. practices. Temple Em-anmual, Dr. Weisstuck was a very wonderful client, miss NYC and very alone, I need to relate to other Jews and I cant leave here, yet as I am awaiting to find out if I have throat cancer, et al. I was Rabbi Gershon Winklers press representative for 5 years prior to 9/11. he's ow in Ca and has a different life so I don't ever hear from him but love him dearly. I am a very good, kind, decent person, TOTALLY ALONE IN GOYUM, I called this 'shul' for Yisker" two years ago to attend, and the gestapo called me telling me 'she would call the police if i showed up! i was in shock. i am not a nut job, just a person who misses home, NYC, I am a 4 th generation new yorker and my grandmother /grandfather were in the Yiddish Theater , Lower East Side before i was born. I live in LIBERTY UNIVERSITY TOWN, where they actually give me books about you-know what[to convert] for my own holidays, no respect, nor regard, I need to make CONNECTIONS TO OTHER REAL JEWS.. PLEASE. I was teaching kabbalah and breatheing exercises, but no one in the South has any interest. I am by prof. ada, eco green arch designer, FIT grad, toxic scientist,[bau biologist], holistic practitioner, registered in nyc, ma, and va. LA SHANA TOVA. SHABBOT SHALOM, RABBI THEO B. FAITH SEMEL, asid, cfsp, cr, ocr HAVING PROBLEMS CONNECTING, CAN ANYONE PHONE ME?
This year I spent 4 days hiking across Israel from the Mediterranean to the Galilee. At the end of the hike, I was awarded our bottle of water that was filled with water from both bodies. This made me confident and made me truly believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. It inspired me for now and for all time.
Last Reflective Weekend attended. I feel relieved of a false sense of spiritually being refreshed when in fact the gathering has declined into a "good ol' boy's weekend". I'm grateful for the renewed spirit of worth I've gained by asserting my philosophical values and beliefs. I'm not resentful of the parting and I wish the "gang" well in their journey; we simply have parted ways and it is for the best for all of us. I'm inspired to search elsewhere to enhance my spiritual nature.
I recently lost a good friend. He was young. In his early 20s. When I read this Q and saw "significant experience," his passing was the first thing that came to mind. MJ was a good kid, a kind kid, and someone who his friends respected and loved. He loved and respected his friends. I considered MJ a brother. His passing left me pissed off. It left me broken and sad, and mad. I'm not mad at him, per se, but mad at the decisions kids decide to make that sometimes lead them down horrible, scary roads... or decisions that lead them to death. I miss MJ so much. I can't imagine what his parents and his sister are going through. If I'm this broken and hurt, how must they feel? Significant experience. There are so many. I began grad school, I was accepted to a fellowship, I made a big move. I'm currently dating someone - that's new... haven't dated someone longer than a first date in a really long time. I wonder where this will be a year from now... But most recent significant experience? MJ. I miss him.
Two things - first going on vacation to New Zealand. It was an amazing vacation with my children and I loved spending great time with them and their so. They were a joy and it was really beautiful. Second, it was getting on Match.com. I was pretty ambivalent and scared. However, it was a nice way to meet people who I have become friends with and they were really outside of my normal range of people
starting my own company has been rewarding beyond imagination. i wasn't sure i could do it, and yet, here i am, nearly five month later, busy and happy working for myself. i'm relieved and very proud of myself.
I fell in love. I have prayed to fall in love for many years and I found out that I'd already been in love for many, many of them. I am now in a relationship with my kindergarten crush. I am thankful for Mike. He has known me for the ups and downs of the last 20 years and has keep loving me all the same. I am blessed.
In late July my wife and I moved from Oakland CA in the East Bay to San Jose. The move was prompted by my wife's new job and promotion. I moved from teaching preschool to teaching kindergarten in an elementary school for gifted youngsters in Silicon Valley. We both experienced a substantial increase in our incomes and standard of living through the move. I am deeply grateful for our success, prosperity and increased physical comfort. At the same time, I miss the friends, family, and comfortable neighborhood we left behind. Both my lifestyle and teaching practice have evolved to adapt to this new situation. I feel inspired to make the most of the move and to expand my social network to include new friends and professional associates in the South Bay.
My boyfriend moved in at the beginning of August. After nearly three years in a long-distance relationship, we are not only living in the same city, but in the same apartment! This is the meaning of a significant experience to me--life changing. There's gratitude, relief, excitement, fear. All of the emotions wrapped up in this one experience. It's a new chapter for both of our lives.
I gave birth to a healthy 9 lb, 15 oz baby girl in December. Obviously, my life has changed in a very big way. I am grateful that my pregnancy was a smooth one, that labor was relatively quick and easy, and that my daughter arrived without any complications. I love every moment I get to spend with her -- even the cranky ones. It is such a joy to watch her develop into her own person. I resent having to work and miss out on the day-to-day progress she's making. My memory isn't what it used to be. I am unsure if this is an actual postpartum issue or if it relates more to constant multitasking I feel I have to do, allowing things to fall through the cracks that didn't before. Maintaining a solid relationship with my husband is challenging -- more challenging than anyone let on when doling out snippets of parenting wisdom.
After dating the same person for three years, we finally became engaged. Affects me in every way possible, it's one of the biggest life choices a person can make. Grateful? Sure, she said yes. Relieved? Hmmm -- not sure, ask me again in 50 years. Kidding, I am definitely relieved as now don't have to worry about her response. Resentful? Don't think so. Inspired? Sure -- I guess.
This year my faith has become more concrete. I feel so grateful and blessed that I haven't had any significant experiences that have been negative. I am currently reading Wayne Dyer's wishes fulfilled book and it brings me great joy to know that I manifest what occurs in my life. Although I have followed the lava traction, and the secret, I feel like this book has brought me to a new level of understanding my higher power and my life's purpose.
Two of my best friends' very young children were each diagnosed with cancer. My first reaction was anger, sadness and disbelief. Over the last year, I have learned what strength and courage look like and have thought about them every day as I strive to be a better person. More in the moment. Grateful for everything I have and can give to the world.
As I write I am on my way to work remembering a bad incident with my supervisor. This is not what I want to record. Rather, I had a big internal turning point a few months ago: there was a lot of tension in my marriage & I found myself either not wanting to talk to my husband or always mad at him. It felt terrible & I even heard myself thinking about leaving and divorce and asking how I could be with this person? And then something shifted. I can't remember the catalyst, but I decided to be the partner I wanted to be- not mad, but loving supportive communicative open. And things began to shift. I won't say it's perfect or that I don't get angry, but it is amazing to me to experience the power of letting to and of intention!
I survived a bicycle accident that left me badly injured. I am both relieved at my recovery and return to cycling and running and upset that the accident occurred because of the negligence of a driver who failed to look before opening a car door on a bike lane I was riding in. The accident could have had far worse consequences. I hope that I inspired others by getting back to exercise quickly.
I finished my PhD dissertation and submitted the revised version for possible publication. I also began grappling with the reality that, as an older and very settled student, the odds of actually getting (or wanting) an academic job are slim. The transition has been hard, but in the coming year I have faith that my path through the future will become clear(er).
My son and granddaughter came to San Diego to see me in a production. They were here for four days and it was magical - sharing the time together and doing different things. I'm so grateful and it makes me want to become close to my sons again and develop a close relationship with my grandchildren even though they don't live close by.
This past year has been a further lesson in humility. Since losing my job in 2009, and some failed attempts at other careers, I am now working (B'H) at more than half of what I earned with my former job. I started the 2014 with $14 and some change, I've moved in with my mother and step-father, had far too many moments between paychecks without a stitch of money. Today, I am without a Jewish family to celebrate the first night of Rosh Ha Shana. I joined the choir, so will not be able to join a friend's family since I will be at the service. I am in the choir of a synagogue that I cannot afford, and have received subsidised tickets for the past two years. Writing about it makes me want to cry. I am grateful for my job - even though I sit next to someone who (if she is not cursing out loud) is curing under her breath. I have a car. A place to lay my head, food to eat and people to love and who love me. But still I want to cry. Still I feel a loneliness that has created a hollow feeling inside of me. It leaves me feeling half alive. I walk through the shadow of the valley of death with half smiles, a lump in my throat and a glimmer of hope.
I started a new position. I'm grateful, nervous, excited, learning, growing.
Learning to lead climb- but more importantly, not being afraid to fall! The relief that comes with knowing that the only thing stading between you and your goals is your own fear allows you to push yourself more than you know. It's translated to outside of climbing also- if I can fall 30' off the face of a rock and be ok, why should I be nervious/anxious about anything else in life? (be it work, academic, social, relationships, etc.)
So I was gonna say being made redundant and therefore deciding to move back to US, was significant -- but actually it's getting married that was absolutely life altering and once in a life time experience that I should focus on!!! Reflecting on my life in a unit of a year, certainly gives me better perspective on life....
I had surgery to have pre-cancerous tumors removed. I'm grateful it was caught before it turned bad, relieved it's over, annoyed at the recovery, and still a bit dazed. It kind of doesn't seem real.
I've been committed to fitness for the past 10 years of my life. I've often set different goals to achieve and have trained hard to meet them: half marathon, sprint triathlon. But most of my fitness goals were cardiovascular related. In early 2014 I decided to really push myself and to train for a strength competition scheduled to take place in June. When my trainer at the Y announced to our XFit class that the strength competition was coming up and that she would be willing to help anyone interested in participating, I thought, "Could that be me?" I spoke with her after class and she said, "Oh my, Jenna, you could totally be a competitor!" With her and my husband's encouragement, I teamed up with another gal from my class to begin a 12 week training program. We were trained by a college intern who had participated in Strong Man Competitions before. He was trustworthy, attentive and a great encouragement! Joy (my partner) and I also kept one another going, especially when weeks 5-8 came. We were both just tired and ready for the competition to be over with, but we pressed on. Finally, June 28 came. I packed my food & drink bags the night before and dropped them of at a local business that agreed to store them so I wouldn't have to fight traffic the next day (parade day before the strength competition). Day of, I was settling myself down, doing my best to eat well to prepare for the afternoon ahead. I walked to the competition location, since it was just a few blocks from my house. As the equipment was being set up, I had the opportunity to talk with the other competitors and get to know them. There were 8 women competing. The events were: Clean & Press- 85 lbs for reps in 1 min 270 lb yolk walk 50 feet for time 130 lb (in each hand) famer's hold for time 150 lb keg carry for distance 100 keg over bar for reps in 1 min We warmed up with the clean & press to get our bodies moving. Then the competition began... Quickly, I realized this wasn't a competition in the sense of the word. This was a bunch of people who were challenging themselves to meet their goals, and they were all cheering one another on! What a great thing! My clean & press time approached, and the time keeper said to me, "Remember: pace yourself." 7 reps! From there the yolk carry was next. On the go, it slipped from my shoulders twice, but I got it up, walked it down 25 feet, turned around and walked back. 30.44 seconds! Farmers Hold: 42.01 seconds! 150 lb keg carry: 61 feet! 100 lb keg over bar: 2 reps...eh... What an exhilarating time! I had my own cheering section made up of my loving husband, parents and a few close/dear friends. They were impressed. I impressed myself! I actually did it! I DID IT! To see me, you wouldn't believe it. I'm a small framed young woman, but it goes to show that once my mind is set on a goal, I train, I work hard, I achieve it.
My boss was accused by about a dozen employees of sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and unprofessional conduct. HR investigated and didn't take any action against him, resulting in a good friend of mine quitting her job. I sure as fuck am not "inspired" by this. It's another reminder that HR isn't there to protect employees, it's there to protect the company from getting sued. Men in high positions still have the power to abuse that position to get away with behavior and practices that are textbook wrong.
For the very first time in my career I was fired. it came unexpected but honestly after a period of unhappiness, internal politics and fights it came as a relief. I never felt resentful or angry but took it pragmatic (i.e. such things happen in business life). After some vacational time-off, which also served as a means of suppression I realized that business life needs to go on. The inspiration, that I increasingly missed in the months before, slowly came back. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm now aware that a creative mind needs freedom to think and find inspiration. I now know that my comfort zone was my prison. I broke out, but the newly found freedom must be effectivly used.
Got married. I'm a new woman but also the same Jessica. I'm grateful, indeed that Z and I made it this far together. I'm inspired to get back to a full circle of who I am, dreamed to do, and always wanted to accomplish, especially with my music and art. I also want to be a better Jessica: as a Catholic, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a healthy woman. We want to have a baby. I'm nervous but hopeful. I welcome a new person in my life, in the world. Someone Z can cherish. A grandchild to all our parents. I'm afraid of the pain, but pain has always been in my life so it's nice to think this one comes from love and results in love. I hope he/she is a healthy, good, and holy child. I hope we be good parents.
My grandmother passed away and my mother changed as a result. It affected me more than I expected it to, as she was 101, more than ready to go and died in her sleep. I became more of the adult daughter I have seen my mother become, and my future role in that sense became sharper and painfully clearer. I am grateful to have a closer bond with my cousin Ruth as a result, and grateful for the new freedoms it has afforded my mother. I am sad to see my daughter suffer greater anxiety about the possible loss of her parents, and am still struggling with how to best help her in that way. And I miss my grandma.
I lost my job. It was never a good fit, but it still hurt to get an email laying me off. I more or less knew it was coming, and all in all, it was a relief. I don't know what I'll do next, though.
I surrendered to love. I truly let go and I let God. I danced with the man I love in a parking lot. I made more time for family. I'm learning how to balance academia. I advocate for myself, and in turn advocate for others. I embrace my fear. I shine my love. Sometimes I get it wrong, I make mistakes - and I'm thankful for the wonderful chance to do again. Learn again. I am grateful, relieved, and inspired. Occasionally I'm over tired, grumpy, rude - and resentful. Those moments are a reminder to surrender. They too are a gift.
I was accepted into an Ed.D. program. I was ecstatic because at 58 I found myself at a crossroads looking for signs that might lead me on a new journey of discovery. I am beyond grateful to have landed in a community of learners that is beyond compare. I am inspired by every one of the amazing women in my cohort who embody resilience, tenacity, spunk, creativity, wit, intelligence, and grace under fire. Such a gift! Thank You Universe!
My daughter graduated from college and is moving out. I am thankful that she is moving on but sad at the same time.
This year I went on a long weekend with a large group of people I mostly didn't know. I realized that I can be friends with anyone, that I'm a valuable person to have around, and I've let go of a lot of people in my life who don't believe the same of me. Letting go of people, I expected my life to be smaller--but it's really opened up my life to having more positive energy on a daily basis. I'm so grateful for the trouble of the last year that has brought me to this place.
I went to my 25th reunion at Camp Ramah. It was amazing to realize what an impact it had made on my life. I felt very grateful for my family and the opportunity to live the life I want. I loved connecting with old friends. I felt sad I didn't have as strong of Jewish community around me and, after thinking about it, struggling with it, decided to change synagogues to find more community.
I got married, twice. The personal became political when my wife and I had our photo taken as one of the 300 couples married in Michigan. I'm hopeful our marriage will be legally recognized by our state and our country by next year. I'm grateful to have lived in a county where we were allowed to wed. Marriage is great. Being able to call Mary my wife is incredibly meaningful.
Loss of my spouse. It was shattering and I'm a different person. I'm not sure who I am now and the future feels uncertain. I'm not sure where I want to be or what my path is.
Well, we celebrated our first (not exactly first) wedding anniversary. Its a long story. But yes, we survived and for this I am thankful. This stretch of 12 months was not without some rather intense struggles and ugly repartee mind you. At the ass end of our 50's we have been around the barn a few times ya know. Them old habits die real hard. Mental tapes rewind replay over and over and over and over... in our heads. Its so damned hard to erase the past. Nevertheless, we made it this far. Woohoo! And we are learning and growing (I think). Of course we are. So this is encouraging and I will be looking forward to looking backward next year at this time. How wonderful again to be a teenager in love.
My godparent's daughter, who I grew up with, took her own life. Your question is do you feel grateful? Yes, to be alive and have the family I have. Relieved? Not at all. It was a horrible thing to do and affects many people in a negative way. Resentful? Absolutely. Seeing what it did to everyone else made me realize how selfish suicide is-it does not make anything better, instead it makes every day from that day forward more difficult for those left behind.
Traveled out west to visit relatives I hadn't seen in a few years, taking along my 14 yr old son to see the Rockies & Alberta. Very grateful for the experience and so happy to spend time with my family members. My son also appreciated the trip. Made me think that I need to do this type of thing more often. Especially having seen some younger friends pass away with cancer. Made me think how precious life is
I think it was my process of beginning to wake up, albeit in my 63d year, to grow up, be myself, notwithstanding the other imperatives inthe world, in my head, to be someone or something else. If not now, when? If I am not for myself, then what (not even who) am I? And from the simplification, the excision of competing or overwhelming other agendas, comes the peace, and the freedom to be myself, and its corollary, "if I am only for myself, then what am I?" I am calmer, more determined, more engaged. It feels good.
The birth of my Goddaughter. I feel closer to her than my Nephews because I was chosen by her parents, to be Godmother. I feel grateful for this, and although she still tiny, I feel insipred to be better because I know her, and also to keep growing by how much she is growing.
All three of my children moved out of the house for the first time ever. I am now an empty nester. While I am trying to be thankful for this new time in my life where I can concentrate on myself and my relationship with my boyfriend, it is also hard. I believe that I have always defined myself as a mother and now that they are not physically near me, it changes the dynamic in my life and perhaps it also will change how I define myself in some ways. Being a mom will always be THE most important part of my life, but I also realize it is healthy for me to find other ways to define myself. I guess part of me is a little relieved as when they are around I am busy taking care of their needs, so now I can concentrate a bit more on taking care of my own needs. I just need to begin doing that. I am inspired by their courage to take these chances in life and hope that seeing them live out their dreams will inspire me to figure out what mine are now and do something about it! I am floundering a bit right now with this new life but am determined to embrace it!
My husband celebrated his 65th birthday and I was more affected by it than I had anticipated. Actually, several of our friends reached this milestone also, and the big unspoken question out there is: how much longer will we have to try to make a difference in the world, do all we hope to accomplish, and live a meaningful life. It's been inspiring, and yes, we are grateful to be able to live in health and relative comfort and have the luxury to dream and set goals for the future. We celebrated with our immediate family by spending a long weekend in New York, and it was absolutely wonderful.
Graduating from college is probably the most significant event this year. I cannot believe how fast 4 years went by. When thinking about graduation I thought I would be much more emotional than I actually was. I am scared about what comes next school wise. Another significant event was getting a "real job" in the hospital. It is really eye opening to actually spend time in the emergency room and see how the doctors and PA's work. I cannot see myself working in the emergency room as a career, but I guess I will have to see how that works out. I am grateful for this job and all it is teaching me about medicine and working in healthcare.
My boyfriend proposed! We're planning to get married next year on August. It's really odd, awkward at times, and it's also the most wonderful experience I've had in ages! I mean, we're young and all (I'm 24, he's 26), and we've only just stardet working on regular jobs and all. Hosing is expensive, life in all is expensive. But we've been working and praying and waiting for this for so long it doesn't matter how hard it will be. God's with us, so we will never fear failure. God will lead our way.
My 95 year old mom is slowly slipping farther into dementia. It leaves me feeling angry, sad, and guilty. I am grateful for my husband, for my mom's friends at her assisted living facility, and my mom's doctors and nurses at the Veterans Administration who are on this journey with me. I also find that daily centering prayer is helping me to deal with my mom in as patient, kind way as possible. But after visiting her, I still drive home yelling in frustration. I'm angry that my mom left without saying good-bye. The old woman who is left is not my mom. The woman who was my mom died 6 years ago.
I got married. I feel that every day I spend with my new husband is a blessing.
In late March, the man I honestly thought I was going to marry broke my heart in pieces. It was completely unexpected and hit me like a ton of bricks. I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about how the experience changed me, but I can honestly say that I'm a better person for it... and that leaving me was the best favor he ever did for me. Also, I have amazing, supportive people in my life who I wouldn't trade for the world.
I believe without a doubt, or possibly because it is so recent, it is my selling my townhome in West L.A. and buying a 3 br/2 bath home in Cathedral City, next to Palm Springs. So far it has been just beautiful out here. The people and the atmosphere are just so much better. When I'm driving I see mountains in every direction. The roads are practically empty at night and no traffic like L.A. I hear this can and will change, but I'm sure I can handle it. I've been getting clients for my business. I not only sold and purchased this house, but I made a nice profit. So, I no longer have a mortgage or HOA (Home Owners Assn.) fees, but I made money on the deal It really seems and maybe is too good to be true. As someone I spoke with from Verizon said to me, 'you're getting out of the rat race.' 29 years in N.Y. and 25 in L.A. it has been all rat race. I have survived and still looking to thrive. So I guess I can say L'Shana Tova as I do move more in the direction of happiness.
I spoke at two major technical writing conferences - one in October and one in May. Both were great learning experiences and were good moves for my career. I like speaking in front of other people and being recognized for my work. But on a social level, large crowds are not always my scene. So I struggle between the "performance" and getting to know individuals during the rest of the conference. I am grateful for the experiences and hope to do more in the future. I think it's opened up new opportunities to me in my career. But I was also relieved when they were done.
I finally made it to under 300 pounds in my weight loss journey in the spring of 2014.
My elderly parents were hospitalized last winter and my mother emerged in much debilitated state - mentally and physically feeble. She was in hospice but has recovered and my father is her caregiver at home. My 3 siblings and I have learned even more about the cohesive loving collaborative support our family is capable of. I am grateful for the awareness, for the family, for the opportunity to experience this sacred time in the long life of a multigenerational family.
First, the illness of my husband, but since I came back from my Holidays in Oman mid-September, he's getting BETTER!!! Halleluiah!!! The second thing, is that I have to re-locate again, and I'm waiting for the next colleague's phone call to tell me it's ok and he will leave on september 30. so that I can enter the new practice on Oct 1st. Apart from that, the numerous lumbagos, first all of May due to a herniates disc L2-L3, terrible, then before my holidays on the left side, which subsided; and came back strongly in Oman as I had been pulling a chair on the lawn. Terrible pain when coming back, I'm not made for these long trips any more....
We celebrated by husband's 80th birthday- my beloved husband who struggles with heart disease. We shared the celebration with family and friends. I am so grateful to G-d for blessing me with my husband's love.
I am still processing having quit my job. It only just happened earlier this month. I have been dreaming of leaving basically since I started - 3.5 years ago. It's not that the job was terrible; I'm glad it exists. It's not that all of my coworkers were terrible; some were better than others, though. It was dealing with the needs of a very broken community day in and day out, never having the power or authority to do anything but give information, never knowing if things ever worked out or got better, being lied to and manipulated by those that I was serving, and the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that encroached on my psyche. I started a personal count-down to quitting six months beforehand (100 work days). There were many days that I went home and wondered if I'd make it to the end of that week. I imagined I would feel elated, relieved, lighter, free, but I don't. I'm glad that I don't have to face those things every day, but I don't have the euphoric liberty that I imagined. Since moving to this city and starting this job, I have looked for work in my profession (we moved for my spouse's career). I have diligently looked, applied, and gone on countless interviews. I left the last job without another one lined up. We have some financial reserves, but I can't be without employment for long. I'm certain that this is one of the reasons why I'm not so happy to finally be gone.
I began going back to college for a second degree. It made me grateful for a chance at a second career, but it also brought up a lot of old feelings of resentment and self doubt. I am too hard on myself and do not give myself enough credit for my accomplishments. And I am constantly comparing my own timeline to that of others. I have been through so much, so many set backs. Some not my fault, and some of me holding myself back out of fear. At the end of the day I am my own worst critic when I need to be my own cheerleader.
This year I made a move from New York City to Cincinnati. I essentially took a life I was building and beginning to thrive in and took it apart for a new job opportunity. Sometimes I still question why I did it. While it not only affected me in every aspect of my life, this taught me that I am only looking forward and never back. I made a decision to accept a job and move, and I have to live with that decision to the fullest. Overall I am grateful for taking this leap, as it's taught me a ton about making the best of a situation. Sometimes I'm resentful, but I try to turn that energy into positive thoughts. I think this move was a great choice, but I'm still looking forward to my next steps!
I was reunited with my grandson, who had been placed for adoption 12 years ago. He lived with me for the first 3 months of his life, and his parents (my son and his then wife) chose to place him for adoption. They had considered it before his birth due to their circumstances, changed their minds at his birth, and then changed again when things were very bad for them. It was excruciatingly painful at the time, but the right decision. Being reunited with him has been a tremendous blessing to us both, and will result in him being reunited with his birth father (my son) as well, when the time is right. I am deeply grateful and humbled by the miracle of it all.
I had neck surgery in April after enduring three months of pain, and losing a lot of work on a crucial project. I have emerged more committed than ever to taking good care of myself. Still, I need to step up and work harder, be ambitious, set goals, and achieve them.
I decided to get back into the full time work force and went back to my roots in the lighting business, a place I said I would never go again. It has had it's up's and down's and I am considering an adventure to see where it leads me. Will I still be here next year doing the same thing? I don't know but that is the challenge in life to see where it takes you day by day. I am grateful for this position. I will see where it leads, or doesn't next year at this time. Until then. Shalom my new life. let's see where you lead me.
I spent 7 weeks in Hong Kong over the summer. Am I grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired? Yes. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to explore, but I'm relieved that I'm now closer to the people I love. In some sense, I am resentful that I spent that much time away from Ines and from building a life I love. It was amazing to explore a new world, but it's becoming more and more difficult to live without my passions, which are elusive. The only thing I consistently love is Ines. In the end, I'm ultimately inspired by new places, new experiences and the people I love. Hong Kong was significant in that I realised I didn't 'belong' and had no desire to fit in long term. This was an interesting feeling; I had also wanted to integrate and mesh with the rest of the world. Amazing experience, happy it only lasted 7 weeks.
My daughter's Bat Mitzvah. It was a beautiful experience that brought so many family and friends together. There has not been such a celebration since we got married. So much love, heartfulness and appreciation for our daughter's transformation. Looking forward to the next simcha!
My dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which was not a total shock, but the news was still devastating at first. For a few weeks, it was too sad to talk about or even think about much, but that has slowly started to change. Now I'm trying to be more available to him and spend more time with him and the rest of my family - and I'm learning important lessons about unconditional love, service, and above all, PATIENCE. Which is a lesson I really needed. So while I'm not exactly grateful for the disease, I'm grateful for the opportunity to find the beauty and the human connection within it.
I gave up my career this year. Or more accurately, my career collapsed. The film industry in Los Angeles has exported itself, largely to Toronto or Vancouver. I would have been happy to relocate, but I couldn't get a job that provided enough stability to relocate my family to a foreign country. So my choice was to abandon my family, work in Canada but try to support my American home with a variable Canadian income, while working essentially temp jobs, or to leave the business. So I'm in Texas, answering phones on the midnight shift, taking a huge hit in hourly income and selling my home in California. I am grateful for a reliable job. I'm relieved that I have reliable income. I'm resentful that of an industry in collapse that no longer values my skills enough to protect me. And I'm lonely. In order to provide my family with stability, I have to leave them again, living in Texas while they pack and sell the house. I hate the choices I've been driven to.
I met Aaron. I am grateful to meet a kindred spirit, relieved to know he's out there, resentful it didn't happen sooner and that he sees it as bad timing. I am inspired to plan for our life together.
In March of 2014 my mother was declared cancer free. It was so nice to have a positive ending to this two year battle.
I feel like there has been a lot of significant experiences in the last year, which is an amazing thing. The single most significant experience for me was getting engaged. I had been married before, for 10 years, and my ex and I have 2 amazing kids. After we divorced I said that I would probably never get married again, but I was wrong. This time around I feel so much more love and I feel much more loved than I ever have before. I feel supported and supporting, I feel happy and content. I am very, very grateful for what I have and I try to remind myself of that every day.
A falling out with a close friend over hypocrisy and cowardice. He is in a new relationship with a emotionally volatile woman and he is afraid of confrontation. She insulted a dear friend of ours and he refuse to address it. I was disappointed because he chose a new relationship with a female over standing fast for a friend. I am not resentful. I learned that I can not make concessions for those who are are not strong and self-willed. I am enlightened.
I had an MRI guided needle biopsy of my breast - it was a fine line only detectable by an MRI machine, and the actual biopsy came after lots of testing. It was scary, and the healing process was more intense than I'd expected. I was resentful that I didn't understand the implications of the results of my initial MRI, or that they didn't tell me I couldn't lift for 72 hours - the 72 hours I was the primary caregiver for my daughter, age 20 months, my beloved, who knew right away something was off. I still don't feel relief, even though I got the best possible result, because it came with the message that I should have a prophylactic mastectomy in two years. I still feel confused about who I can tell, and who I need to keep this private from (like potential employers who are also friends). On the other hand, I realized that my life could have been disrupted by treatment for breast cancer, and all of a sudden, all the life planning (and fretting) -when to have more kids, type of career, etc., you know, the big things you're supposed to think hard about? Seemed so unplannable. I felt inspired to seize the moment. I hope I get pregnant soon, and I'll deal with the ramifications another time. I am pursuing a career path I love, but I realize that with all of life's twists and turns, the path may not be what I'd imagined. I feel more open and receptive to taking bigger risks now, because I understand that I live with a huge risk every day of my life.
I miscarried my first pregnancy with my partner at only 6 weeks. I'm angry that it happened. We wanted the pregnancy so badly. I know logically, statistically it's common, it was a good thing, if it had implanted it would have been dangerous for me. Illogically, emotionally, I am still so sad. I am hopeful that when we try again we will have luck. We so badly want to become parents.
I got engaged. I am grateful for sure, but also amused with my own eager anticipation and how little it actually changes my day-to-day life with my partner. Except wedding planning - that part can die in a fire. So stressful!
On vacation in Hawaii, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he suddlently asked me if I'd rather have a boy or a girl, his way to tell me that he was now happy/ready to jump in the 'lets make a baby' wagon. I was both elated and scared shitless. That was in the Spring, and I am pregnant now, still feeling a bit of both, depending on the days. Like all parents to be, I'm afraid I won't be up to the task at times, but my boyfriend (who is already a father) is so chill about the whole thing, it's very reassuring. He did a pretty good job with his ther kids, so I guess we'll be fine. :)
My dad was hospitalized for what seems to be the millionth time. This time his blood thinners were causing a hemorrhage in his stomach. It brought out all my sisters to go visit him in the hospital. The same few who haven't seen him in years because they are too busy. I'm grateful he was ok and that he got to see a lot of his daughters, but it also made me angry because he obviously enjoys their company and hearing from them. There is a lot of "story" behind their actions but we're all adults and we all can get over it.
I went to Woodland Hills Healing Center and a wonderful doctor finally found the cause of my fatigue - Adrenal Fatigue and food allergies. I found out in January and with the help of supplements and diet changes I feel better than I have in years. I am so grateful for the Dr. DiMartino. I cried after he told me the cause. It felt so good to know that there was a reason. My normal doctor had just given up since my symptoms weren't easy to diagnose. It feels so good to be on the path to health, but I am still struggling with figuring out what I can eat and what I need to avoid.
I have begun the process of opening up to my difficult feelings after a major traumatic event. It has been painful, liberating, creative, frustrating, depressing and hopeful.
This year I am grateful for having: -Celebrated the 1 year anniversary of my sobriety. -New job after my first bout of unemployment -Released my long-held-onto-ex/one that got away -Dated someone who helped me become aware of my own issues around relationships -Went to my first music festival -TWO road trips -Headed up my own camping trip as an adult - I can survive in the woods! -I started writing the novel that I always wanted to write -I've taken TWO writing workshops -I've met a man who gives me hope for the future of my relationship issues -I've started working on examining philosophies entrenched since childhood and reparenting myself -Better relationship with my parents/became more vulnerable with them -Learning that I can survive, that no one will eat me
I recently re-connected with a colleague who I truly admired but had not seen for 20 years. Upon our re-introduction, this person praised and complemented me on a book I had written and asked for a signed copy. After 7 years in retirement, It felt extremely good to be "validated" by this person. It inspired me to re-evaluate my current involvement in research and wrting again.
This last year I completed my first year in grad school. The first semester I was not sure I made the correct decision, leaving everything behind and going to a foreign place. But starting my second year I am grateful that I took this step- I am learning a lot of new skills and mostly learning the value of a true home, community and friends- the one I have in Israel
my 90-year-old mother fell, was hospitalized, then went through 6 weeks of rehab at a nursing home. she was very lucky, injury-wise; it could have been far worse. my siblings and i rallied with visits and running her household from a 20-mile distance in three different directions. it was exhausting, but this minor catastrophe forced us to learn how to set up and monitor her accounts and generally handle things for the next time, when she might be permanently incapacitated. she insists on living alone in her own home, so we have embarked on a series of visiting caregivers who will help her with some routine tasks and will become more involved as her health and abilities decline.
My 22 year old cat died. She had been the only other constant in my life and my life with my wife of 20 years since we got her as a stray in NYC in the 90's. She had a great life, loved and was loved. I'm not sure if I can ever have another cat as she was so perfect no other pet will ever quite live up to her. I'm grateful that she had such a long life and I was able to share it with her and she with me.
Nine months ago, my husband and I did something we said we would never, ever do again: we got a dog! After twelve years in our pet-free home, we caved in to pleas (and pictures) from our local Animal Samaritans, and brought Penny home with us. Penny is part Chihuahua, part dachsund and probably some other parts as well. The vet call her a Chihuahua mix, but we call her our little Chi-Weenie. When we put our last dog, Patches, down in 2002, we said no more. We wanted to be free to travel anywhere, anytime without worrying about a pet. Now seemed like a good time and little Penny was in need of a forever home. What a difference in our lives. She is my little shadow and my husband's armchair companion. She wakes him at 5:30 a.m. everyday with kisses and cuddles and dragging herself back and forth on his tummy. The three of us are the pack, and she feels safe with us. There are so many stories to tell about our last nine months with sweet Penny, that she has her own blog, called Chi-Weenie Tales, to share with all our friends and family members. We are grateful every day for this addition to our lives.
I left a job for the first time. It was scary to take responsibility for leaving the only place that I had known what it was like to work in, a place where I had grown to know everyone and feel comfortable. But at the same time it was very empowering to recognize that the decision was entirely in my hands. I am so grateful to have evaluated the timing and method of the way that I left, and so grateful to have left having secured a job elsewhere entirely of my own accord. It definitely inspired me to (a) make moves for myself and (b) trust in the universe that when you plan and prepare adequately, but leave some elements up to chance, the right opportunity is just around the corner.
We moved to western London. I am resentful. I left behind a network of friends, a city I loved, top notch health care for my son with Special Needs, the convenience of living in the middle of a city, work I enjoyed. I am embarrassed that I am still holding onto this resentment, months later. I am frustrated that my husband does not seem to understand how much I gave up. I am embarrassed that I am not embracing the move to a foreign country despite the inconveniences.
Probably the most significant experience in 2014 has been my major neck surgery in March, 2014. I am certainly not grateful or relieved, although the surgery did stop my hands my from going numb every day. Resentful? Yes, probably...since even though one problem was solved, others have taken their place, and I know spend every single day in pain. This has affected my general health, sleep, weight, ability to exercise and recreate, and in general, affected my overall happiness in a very negative way. I truly wish I had never decided to proceed with the operation, as the previous issues were easier to deal with than the current ones.
Almost a month ago I was hit by a car who went through a yellow light. I can't help but be resentful with all that has happened to me in my life. I wish I knew if there was a purpose to all of this, because I am afraid all of these things are going to make me very bitter. On a positive note, I went to a weekend retreat to Lily Dale this summer and it was inspiring. Before the accident, it made me believe that my purpose in life would be to be a medium. Now I don't know which way to turn.
I retired from my job after 36 yrs. I've been keeping busy but have had some fear about the future, and moving forward. I am very grateful that was able to retire at 60, last year I started building an addition on my house and now I am almost finished so I am not sure what to do with myself. I try to help others as mush as I can, and would like to volunteer, maybe at a nursing home. I am also in recovery and plan on doing more service work. I recently found out that my father was Jewish, and would like to pursue that more , learn about Judaism.
Last October, I sat down in my parent's upstairs bedroom and took pen to paper to really decide what I wanted to do with my life. Now, I'm in my first semester at Library School. I'm grateful for the peace and quiet of my parent's home, and the ability to stop and really think hard about myself and my goals. New York is a loud, busy place, and there's a lot of pressure to just go go go all the time, even if you don't know where you're going. So I'm really happy that I had the time and the place to stop what I was doing and focus, to listen to myself, and to look a the pieces of the puzzle from a step back from a moment. And I feel really good about the conclusions I came to in those quiet 20 minutes. The more I dig into this field, the more excited I am to be a part of it.
My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. It was, of course, joyous. We had a wonderful party and a wonderful trip to France. The party and the trip did of course add a bit of stress to the occasion and I can't say I wasn't a bit relieved - that the party and the trip went so well - but also relieved to have made it this far in our marriage. I love my life and I love our life together. I've tried to be a good husband but I am not without my faults and I'm glad she's stayed with me for all of these years. I just hope she finds it in her heart to stay with me for 25 more.
I began meditating to overcome chronic anxiety. I'm also seeing a counselor. After about 3 months meditating 1 hour or so a day on a scripture verse or phrase, I am making progress in overcoming anxiety: calmer, less or no tension in my head, no pounding heart rate, sleeping better. I am grateful but not as much as I feel I should be. But it's a work in progress.
A friend we haven't heard from in a while called, asking for help to buy a car. That's not like her. She wouldn't ask if there was any alternative, but her car was dying, and between health problems, screwed up children, and taking care of grandchildren, she was in a bad situation. So we bought her one. What else is money for if not make problems like that go away, erase one cause of stress and worry? Grateful? You bet. I'm grateful that she thought so much of us that she would ask. And I'm grateful that she gave us he opportunity to pass along some of the luck that got us where we are now.
My son graduated High School, was accepted to university and we dropped him off Aug 2014. His dad had died 12 years earlier, and I remarried 6 years ago. To have his step dad and, his sister and I there for all of this was incredible. Grateful and Relieved doesn't even begin to explain the feelings. We have been through so much, so much pain and yet we all were there together for each other. Beautiful.
I took a position in a professional services firm. I took the position because my husband was still out of work. It was not clear when he would find a job and my independent coaching practice wouldn't sustain us. There was a lot that excited me about this shift. Good people, colleagues, travel to CA..but there was also a lot I had to give up--my coaching website, my 1:1 coaching practice, my flexibility to make choices about when I would work and what work I would take on. On the whole, I think this transition gave me some anchor during the craziness of moving to a new town. But I can't help but miss my coaching.
My dear mom passed away on July 23. She had been extremely unhappy for four years and her dementia had escalated dreadfully in the last six months. She was no longer the same person. It was misery for her and everyone involved. When she finally passed, it was a relief to some extent, but thinking about her difficult last years, I am constantly brought to tears. We spent so much time together and did so many things. I miss that mom terribly.
Joan's dad died this last year. On the one hand, it was the lifting of an incredible burden from Joan, as she felt the entire weight of his care (which wasn't good). She was constantly on edge, waiting for another bit of bad news about him. He ultimately died when the assisted care facility moved his walker to the other side of his room, and he tried to stand up to get it. He fell and hit his head on a table, and ultimately died because of the fall. On the other hand, his death resulted in a financial windfall to our family. We recently received a check for $180,000 from the trust that existed and was liquidated upon death. We have more money to come in as her brother works to understand how to administer and distribute the estate. As a result of his death, Joan is a different person, still worried about a host of things, but clearly times are different. This makes me feel grateful that he died, which is an odd feeling, but I just didn't like the way she felt she needed to act while he was in the last stages of his life. And of course, I am grateful for the money that allows us to think about money in a very different way.
I started a new chapter in life. I started to listen carefuly. I started to build my name and grow my spirit. I became much stronger and much happier. I've created a new life. I've unleashed the love inside.
It's been a major year for me as Tirza and I got a house, we'll be married in October and my brothers have two new kids. We're very stressed, but blessed. I'm one amazingly lucky guy.
I've switched positions at work, increasing my responsibilities dramatically, but haven't had a raise in 2 years because during that time my direct report has changed 3 times and no one has taken the time to understand what my job is. I basically sit in my office all day and do next to nothing. I still think I deserve that raise from 2 years ago, however.
This past year I lost my husband. I am not grateful or relieved. I am truly so sad and at times feel lost without him. It has been a year of learning to live alone and adjust to a new way of life . I am inspired by arnies bravery during his illness and positive outlook and try and remember it when I become overwhelmed
During the past year, I moved in with my SO. We've been together about two years now and there was a lot of trepidation that went into making the decision to live together. In the end, we were very excited both for our new home and for the fact that we would be together every evening. That isn't to say it has all been easy. We've gotten into very tense fights since moving in together that have almost certainly been tied to the fact that we do not have our own spaces to disappear to. But the bigger issue has been my resistance towards my defaults. I become insular and at times selfish and assume too much of what she is doing is about me. This tendency, along with the snipiness and remunerations that usually follow, has been the reason for the dissolution of my last two live in relationships. I'm not complaining. I'm very glad that those relationships ended because they led to the woman I now live with and love, but I'm typically a very confident and self-satisfied (in a positive way) person but having to fight back default urges and tendencies has made it difficult at times. At times since we've moved in together, I've felt pretty bad about myself but I recognize these tendencies as worth changing. I'm both interested and anxious to see how these things play out over the next year.
I moved to London! It's been very recent, but so far very positive. I'm grateful for the opportunity to live abroad again, relieved to finally be here after months of anticipation, and inspired to see what work and travel I do in the time before I read this answer again.
I've tried to bring my family closer together on my mothers side. This has been something that before never really concerned me because everyone on that side did not speak. (An old grudge caused by grandparents long deceased that has ripped a seam in a once very close family) Then my cousin Vincent was diagnosed with a progressive cancer and his outlook is not very promising. Vincent was in my wedding and is the youngest of all the cousins. I decided it was past time to, if for no other reason than Vincent's illness to reconcile the differences between my mother and her brother and sister(her brother is supposedly my godfather(resentful) but you would never know it. I invited everyone to our house to celebrate my daughters college graduation and as I suspected only one cousin and my aunt (godfathers wife) came. We enjoyed our company and a few weeks later went to a graduation for Vincent's son and his sister Marianne's daughter. My uncle is still extremely negative but it was bittersweet to walk up to him to ask how he was since he could not do the same to me. I felt empowered to show him I could be a better person by trying to forget what the past brought and concentrate on the future. In some ways I was relieved that I was able to put my resentment over this whole affair aside and inspired that there is a chance that we may actually be able to communicate among the cousins since the issue has nothing to do with us yet has taken away many years of sharing in family and life events. If my Aunt and Uncle choose to live their remaining days in defiance then that is their choice. For Vincent I refuse to be a part of what is so old and so wrong that no one remembers the origins of the issue.
My mother fell and it meant she could no longer live alone. My siblings and I have been trying to get her to make a change for a number of years and it took a disaster to make it happen. It makes me sad that it had to come to this as it affects her quality of life. It inspires me to not let this happen to me. It also makes me relieved that I won't have to worry about her so much. At the same time I am resentful that she is angry and directing it to me and my siblings.
The CO flood. It humbled me to the suffering caused by natural disasters. I am grateful for how our family worked to save our basement, and so grateful we came through it.
My family moved half way across the country- one of my children stayed behind to finish college and one came with us. Although I miss my son our new neighborhood is amazing and we love it.
Travelled to London, Normandy, Paris in April 2014. Two days touring the D-Day beaches in Normandy were very moving. Hard to believe that anyone made it across those beaches alive with the fields of fire laid down by the Germans. Felt very humbled and inspired by the courage of those men who sacrificed themselves and those who kept moving across the beaches and inland. Most moving sites were Pointe du Hoc where the Rangers held out for 2 days before being relieved and lost almost half their men, visit to church at Angoville au Plain where 2 American medics set up a hospital to treat wounded Americans, Germans and a young French boy and blood stains still mark the church pews and floor, and the courtyard at Abbe d'Ardennes where captured Canadians were brutally murdered by their German captors.
Last year I began to spiral out of control purposefully. I simply did not care. Now, After a year, I am recovering for my recklessness. Even though this is a stressful time in my life, I am grateful. I learned that I am not invisible as I believed.
A group of guys whom I have known for over 45 years get together for one weekend a year. We tend to get nostalgic, drunk and do very stupid things. Several of us are over 60 and some have grandchildren; we put ourselves and others at risk acting like we did when we were 13 and didn't know better. After last year, I talked to a couple of the guys about turning down the hijinks a bit. This year they seemed to ramp it up to 11 and for the first time I did not enjoy any aspect of the weekend and its thoughtless drunken antics. I am considering not going in the future. The thought makes me sad in some ways because I have known these people for most of my life. It seems that they don't want to grow up; they want use this weekend to shatter their day-to-day existence. At one point it was fun to get away now it seems kind of desperate and sad.
I significant experience that happened to me this year, was I moved out into an apartment for Jasmyne and I. I was able to give her what I felt as though she deserves and that was her own room. I am beyond relieved and grateful for the fact that this was a goal of mine for so long, and I was actually able to achieve it.
In the last year, I quit the college I was working for. That was scary and it was hard. I think I hurt my family, financially, but I also am so glad that I did it. I don't go to work every day, worrying about the ethical decisions I'm going to be faced with. I don't feel like my college is harming a large percentage of my students. I think I will always miss those students. I like these guys okay, but they won't ever be as fun as the population I used to work with. But I have resources here that I didn't have. My students have resources that students at my last college couldn't access. I'm not on the tenure track here, and I might have moved my family across the country for a job that will evaporate. But I'm happy not to be at my old school. I think I made the right decision.
I married my husband! Our relationship has not changed significantly - the marriage was very much a public celebration of a bond that had already formed - but the process was certainly significant in that it consumed my time and my resources beyond what was really healthy. I enjoyed the day but the stress that went into it - stress that was not the product not of myself or my family but of societal obligations to put on a dog and pony show - is something I regret. I am inspired to make my friends' experiences less stressful.
I was away from my family and I got on a divorce. I passed by some differents experiences after that and actually I am a solitary man. i am not greteful neither recentful but it is a diferent experience. I miss my daugther
I bought my first home. It seemed like both a big deal and yet, at 35, the expected thing. I knew, but didn't really understand, the difference between renting a place and owning a home. It's a blessing and a curse. I'm also very lucky. A friend called it my forever home, and fingers crossed, I believe she's right. I've found a place I want to be for a very long time, and so far, my life seems to support that desire. Things can change, but at this moment in time, I'm incredibly grateful to live somewhere that gives me a secret thrill of pleasure to call home.
Its hard to pinpoint one event exactly. I graduated with two masters degrees in two and half years and had a wonderful job waiting for me upon graduation. While I relieved and grateful for this opportunity, I felt guilty at times looking at my graduate school friends who were still struggling to find jobs. Its not that common in my profession to have a job lined up before graduation and I am grateful everyday to have a supportive, understanding boss as well as a laid-back work environment. But along with this job has come a lot of reflection about my future and the world around me. Working under a grant, I know I have a position until August 2018. While I have more security than most others do, its scary to think that past that date, there is no guarantee what I will be doing. The unknown can be really scary thing.
I finished my dissertation and graduated from my doctoral program. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and am incredibly relieved to be done. It wasn't easy to get to graduate school and it was a struggle to manage the workload while I was there, so I am so grateful to be done. On the other hand, for the first time in years, I don't have a plan. People ask me what I do and I don't exactly know how to answer. It's a little overwhelming and scary.
Both my parents died this year. My mother passed first and while I grieved, my emotions were mixed as she was an abusive parent. I grieved the kind of mother she could have been to me. My father was my hero and I am bereft over his recent death. Yet, I find myself thinking of the loss of them together as a whole and creeping towards the place of gratitude for shaping me into the person I am.
I realised that my depression had returned and I began taking medication again. I felt a bit sad, a bit of a failure, but above all I felt relief, and hope that I could begin to feel normal again.
Halfway through this year, I realized my business partner has a serious debilitating mental illness. Instead of focusing on the days and days of frustration and anger that I have felt - and anger that was beginning to dominate my every working moment - I was now free to take a deep breathe and re-examine our destructive relationship. No more was I going to engage in endless rounds of fighting and scuffle. I realized that I should be a source of help rather that a source of anger and frustration for him - and in doing so freed me from my own anger and frustration. It was a moment where I literally looked at the world with a fresh pair of eyes and I have felt nothing but relief.
My then-88 year old mother broke her ankle in September after several minor falls. This was the tipping point in her making the decision to move to assisted living (with encouragement by me). I am grateful that she came to the decision "on her own" and relieved that she now gets the care that she needs, particularly with respect to meals, so she no longer relies on the convenience of a box of crackers. She also receives help with cleaning and rides, and can enjoy the company of others at meals. I am a bit resentful that she still does not care for herself as well as she could, however I am coming to understand that at 89, she can do what she likes. I am also inspired that she has decided to make this move an inspiration to others - being friendly and talkative with those with memory impairments, while others sometimes shy away.
Took my son (along with Marisa) to Israel. Stressful, but wonderful. He really loved the experience and learned so much! E also went to camp for the first time and loved it! So grateful that he had these positive Jewish experiences and that, as a parent, I could be a part of them!
I attended the International Gay Games in Cleveland, Ohio. The experience brought me out of my shell. Taught me areas that I can be competitive in if I put in the proper effort. I met athletes from all around the world and it was significantly less judgmental than I had anticipated. Not being a top athlete, I was still welcome and even encouraged to participate. It gave me a renewed confidence in my ability for growth. The experience left me both grateful and inspired.
This summer I experienced a torrent of events, one good, the rest challenging, including the death of my dog, a torn ACL and the associated reconstructive surgery, the death of my father, contrasted with meeting a wonderful man. All of the events helped me to become a more grateful person as well as more humble and open. It generally hasn't been a fun summer but has certainly been one of growth.
I gave birth, at home, unassisted. My labor was fast and my midwives and doula didn't arrive in time. (They were on their way, my midwife was on the phone with us, we called her back once the baby's head was out, and she stayed on the phone until the assistant mifwife arrived.) Everyone was there within 30 minutes after she was born. It was something I was looking forward to, and it was easier than I ever imagined. I am so glad I had a quick easy labor! I wish everyone could experience such a birth. At first I wondered if I was as strong as people were telling me, to birth a 10 pound, 6 oz baby in my bathroom without pain meds or a skilled birth professional, because it wasn't hard. But then I realized that all my work leading up to planning a homebirth, and how comfortable I was with my knowledge of a normal natural birth, all that helped me to achieve what I had desired. A beautiful, gentle birth at home, and a great story for my youngest daughter. And also a wonderful experienced for my (at the time) almost 4 year old daughter. Minutes after the baby was born I was laughing and said, "That was awesome, I could do this a hundred more times!" I am also grateful for my first birth, which showed me that even the best planning can sometimes take a turn for the unexpected. My first daughter was planned to be born at a birth center, but I had a very long hard labor with her and ended up transferring to the hospital for exhaustion. If I never had that birth, and only had my homebirth, I might wrongly assume that birth is super easy and people who say it's hard are wimps. But now I know how different labors and births can be! I got lucky this time.
I met my future husband and got engaged to him. I graduated from college with my BSN and became a registered nurse. I am so excited to see where life takes the two of us and for this great adventure that we are on.
I applied for a new opportunity in Nov and they never responded. Finally in April, they called and it was a whirlwind interview and hiring process and I got the promotion! It was awkward to feel the sense of betrayal from my old office, even know I told her from the beginning that I wasn't happy with the changes in my role. Initially I was elated to leave and I had fantasies of how great the new place would be. Overall it's good, a bit different than I expected, but it's nice to be around more positive people. This experience just strengthened my idea that work doesn't define me and there will be positives and negatives in every situation.
This past year has been overflowing with significant experiences, but the most significant was the illness and death of my husband of 30 years. My life has come to a full stop. I miss him horribly. At the same time, I have to show a face of competence and moving forward to my two young adult sons, age 22 and 19. Sometimes I pull it off, sometimes not so much. I have good days and bad days, I'm trying to keep busy, I know I must move forward. Hopefully I will.
I decided to go ahead with divorcing my husband of 25 years, after a year of separation, seeing each other regularly, discussing our issues, even seeing a therapist. It has made me take a good clear and more financially considered look at my future. I am anxious, ambivalent, sad, confused but determined to believe that I am going to emerge stronger and happier. It will force me to be more honest, active, selective with my life and my relationships going forward. It will force me to look at my priorities and make decisions, and gives me an opportunity to recreate my life.
At work the entire year has been a significant experience. New leaders, new policies, surprises around every corner. I am not sure if I fit here anymore and am lost figuring out what to do. Sometimes I am grateful - change was needed. Most of the time, however, I am resentful. Many statements and decisions have felt like disrespect to me. I, in turn, am struggling not to be disrespectful in kind, not to play political games. I am hopeful things can get better - the cynical part of me says it won't and it is time to get out.
My father-in-law passed away. I am both resentful that they had no plan. The amount of work it took to move my mother-in-law to a home. The lack of forward thinking that they moved away from everyone, then everyone was expected to come and "fix" it. I'm grateful he passed quickly, although 2 years wasn't quick. But the end was quick. I plan to be far from my family, but I don't expect them to do anything when the time comes. I think I expect to be the last. I think it has taught me to be sure my plan is in place now, while I'm still relatively young.
My brother's pancreatic cancer, from hope with the whipple procedure, to re-occurence in the liver. I am inspired by his resilience in coming to grips with his probable shortened life span. He doesn't like to hear it, but he is an inspiration to me. My son's. with Down syndrome, panic attacks, in which he attacked me many time. I am grateful that we were able to get a diagnosis and treatment. And grateful that it led him to a wonderful group home where he is thriving.
I married the love of my life. I feel happy and grateful.
The answer that "should" go here is moving to Toronto and starting a PhD, but I don't think that's the most significant thing that's happened to me this year. I had a falling out with my sister that was the culmination of years of toxicity between us and I finally made the decision to cut her free. I think I have a tendency to maintain unhealthy relationships for all the wrong reasons and that puts me on the sideline. Ending my relationship with my sister was the first step in learning how to address toxic relationships and end them if need be. The whole thing has left me feeling really relieved and also empowered to put my needs first.
My good friends father passed away. It makes me think of how fragile life is. The reality that you can lose someone you love. Either quickly, or slowly. I'm grateful for the love my parents have for me. I'm relieved that they are in good health, motivated, and are very kind inspiring people. I resent how I don't give them enough time. I'm inspired to continue to work towards positive goals for myself, my parents, and others. They are very beautiful people. I'm inspired to be like them.
I decided to move to Israel in the next few months. Searching for a way to live my passions out and further engage the move seems to fit. I'm scared to death of what the future holds and to leave my family but the opportunity that may come I will be grateful for.
I found out that I have hypothyroidism. I'd spent years thinking I had some sort of chronic depression. Levothyroxine has helped smooth things out. The diagnosis has helped me understand some choices I've made in my past.
I left a community of supportive friends and a job I enjoyed because I realized I was settling for comfort. Such a startling realization but one that has forced me to reevaluate. Last month I packed everything I owned into my car and drove across the country to start fresh. I am feeling: lonely, unsure of myself, independent, accomplished, proud, scared, like an outsider, excited, and free.
I tried ivf with a donor, but was unsuccessful. It left me more hurt than I was expecting. Now that I see one last option I need to decide whether I want to go for it and risk losing my boyfriend who doesn't want kids.
Cliched, but my girlfriend broke up with me in January and I felt resentful and outright depressed after it. It lead me to a lot of introspection which I think will be beneficial in the long-term.
My boyfriend and I adopted a dog together. As a companion for our other dog, a sign our relationship was strong and because we needed more chaos in our lives. As excited as I initially was, I was also hesitant as this was a big step. It meant the relationship had to last and that I was committing to trusting this person after a turbulent divorce. Then I resented dog - affection, training, Andy's attention was distracted. We had to postpone an important vacation and I still feel like I haven't been able to forgive Andy or the dog. It made us examine exactly where we are and how we treat each other.
Facing the challenge with Caroline over my insensitvity towards her and my ability to respond.
I traveled to Morocco this year for a little over a week. It doesn't seem like a long time, but it changed my brain, both making me grateful for what I have, and teaching me about what it means to deal with stressful situations. We were almost robbed, got repeatedly lost, had to deal with entirely different cultural standards of personal contact, and didn't read or speak the language. I learned that I could get by with my grade-school French in a pinch, and that I was pretty capable of handling myself in a challenging situation. The landscapes I saw, the people I met, the poverty and opulence that I experienced, opened my eyes to a wider world that I needed to see. They say travel is broadening, but it's only a truism until you undergo the stretching of personality that actually occurs when you travel beyond your comfort zone.
Just a month actually, I went with Taglit-Birthright Israel to Israel. I had never been abroad before let alone to Israel. It was a life changing experience. Sure, I saw amazing things, learned interesting facts, and made lifelong friends, but none of that compares with the fact that I came back proud of being Jewish. I've always felt close to the religion, but now I actually feel proud to be Jewish rather than being quiet and almost ashamed of it. People who have gone have said that the feeling will fade, but I hope it doesn't and I'm doing what I can to keep it alive in my life.
I spent Sukkot in Jerusalem where for the first time I was able to experience the holiday as part of regular life. Every restaurant meal was eaten outside in a sukkah. People were walking around wearing shorts and sandals and carrying a lulav. Grateful, happy, blessed.
I was fired from a position of youth adviser to a group of adolescents in a local UU congregationā¦not for my work, which all adults in church, as well as the adolescents, found very enlightening, much more spiritual rather than based on religious "fact." I was fired because the religious education director found my offerings to the kids to be beyond her understanding, beyond her control and comprehension. I felt heart-broken to lose that sense of communion among the adolescent group, as we were journeying into more mysticism, rather than memorizing historical facts about the two combined religious teachings which formed the Universalist-Unitarian tradition in America. And the adolescents were very confused about what was happening, because they were lied to by the church authorities in terms of why I would no longer be working with them. Yes, I was very angry initially, but that feeling state quickly slipped into a sense of sorrow at what was lost, for all of us in the small group. There have been serious losses in my life, and like all human beings who stay the course of their lives, one never forgets the things that were lost, until one remembers that every loss has some jewel of a gift embedded within it. I'm grateful for the time I had with those teens, and for that sense of quickening engagement and curiosity about where our journey might take us. I accept that the women who hired and fired me are doing the best they can with what skills they have available to them; no forgiveness and no forgetting is necessary. The greater harm went to the adolescents, but nothing we explored together will necessarily ever be lost to one and all of them. They were introduced to the skill of knowing how to stay in awareness of the present moment, of God's ways of offering us so much spiritual nourishment, and the ways to discern the presence of G-d within one's self. The day after left the church, during a moment of sitting in silence and "listening for God" or as Quaker's say, "Waiting upon the Lord," a message came through loud and clear that I already "had another job" that would allow my talents to be used well. And so it was to be, and is to this time. I'm constantly inspired by such experiences with the Spirit.
Got involved emotionally. It's been a mess. Made me travel.
I can't really pin it down to one specific event, but rather to my success in something I'm continuing to pursue: my master's degree. After a bad experience with a bullying boss, I started a new job and then decided to pursue my master's. I never thought I could do it; never thought I could maintain a 4.0 ... and it's done a world of good for my self-confidence. Another experience was winning Best in Category in my organization's employee art show. I never thought that would happen either ... and it did, which meant someone chose my work, and it wasn't someone I was related to or friends with! That was another confidence boost.
Certainly our daughter's wedding, which took place just last month, was a huge experience. It took two years of planning, and over 20years of developing the girl who became the bride. It presented certain challenges because, though both bride and groom are ("very") Jewish, she grew up in suburban Columbus (idyllic) Bexley and he grew up in Jerusalem -- the son of parents who fled Iran. A Persian groom and an Ashkenazi bride. It was so much fun, and so great to be able to host his family, who now have a picture of the wonderful life that we have here -- the life that our daughter misses, since they live in Haifa in Israel. We're grateful to have been able to have such a fabulous celebration, inspired by the love that our children share, and the way they support each other on their challenging path. Relieved? A tiny bit in that all went well. But I wasn't fearful. Resentful? God forbid.
This was a year of waiting. My significant experience was, in a way, the lack of significant experiences. My fiancee and I have been living apart for the last year, and visa processing is a slow-moving machine. We have discussed acting impulsively and eloping, or living illegally in the other's country. But in the end, we've decided to be patient and wait on the process. An older lady in her church told us that this is akin to the Israelites wandering in the desert; we are to be reflective during this time as we seek God individually before we come together in marriage. There have been moments of frustration and sadness, but there have been some especially poignant and beautiful moments this year as well. I hope that, especially in the future, we will look back on this time and see our individual growth before marriage.
I turned 50 this past year. While in the end it was less of a 'significant experience' than I might have expected, it was inspiring. I feel excited to have made it this far -- and hopeful for the next bunch of years. A little wistful, perhaps, for how fast it all has gone. I tried to slow down a little to think about the power of it, but I was less than successful in that venture -- need to work on that, I guess.
Israel/Palestine, decision to leave J Street and join JVP culminating in the Gaza War. I am sure I am doing the right thing but it has caused a lot of stress and lost friends. People who refuse to believe that one can love Israel and still advocate strong action to end the occupation.
after living in austin for 2.5 years getting my masters at UT--and after moving there with every intention of living there for the rest of my life--i decided to move back home to tucson, arizona due to a cascade of unfortunate events and the simple fact that, i, a 25-year-old millennial, really missed my parents. so i moved back home, to this place where i was born and raised. this place with the shittiest street quality and following left-turn arrows and no freeways except the 10 on the outskirts of town for those times when you are going to phoenix or california (i drove on a freeway for the first time ever when i was 18, a fact that i relish telling people and one that is almost always met with considerable and hilarious revulsion/shock) and strange, dali-esque flora and quadrupled odds of running into someone you know whilst having a casual lunch out (as i did, the other day, to my mom and my first grade teacher. true story). moving home is perhaps one of the most significant experiences one can have other than moving *away* from home and, both obviously yet surprisingly, it felt like coming home. this is the world's most self-evident statement but there is no better way to describe it because, after all, those sundry people across time and letters who have penned the simile "it felt like coming home" in order to describe some other, disparate experience (like meeting their soulmate or tucking into a particularly cozy bed after a long day) are always, always, never not trying to capture that elusive, magical, crystalline feeling that actually coming home feels like. coming home feels like coming home. which is to say, it is one of the best feelings in the world, right up there with figuring out the long clues on a NYT sunday crossword or feeling the sun drape across your shoulder on an autumn afternoon.
I sold my book to a publisher. I was relieved that my story is interesting to people other than me, grateful to be able to close the wounds, and that I was able to close the book on the whole sorry "Jennifer" chapter of my life. (pardon the puns)
Started back at college, entering an entirely different field of study- at age 40...which actually should be my significant experience(turning 40), but really was just another birthday for me. I'm grateful to my family for their support, relieved to finally be doing it instead of talking about it, and inspired by the opportunity to be doing something of value with my life- for my sake and the sake of my kids. Resentful, nah, not my style to be resentful of anything. That should just about cover it
I rejoined Weight Watchers, since our workplace wellness program began offering Weight Watchers at Work, with a 50% reimbursement if we attend all the sessions. I've lost 20 lbs. I am grateful! I want to recommit to Weight Watchers, tracking each food and beverage (wine!) that I consume. I want to lose 30 more lbs. in the new year. I want to be more conscious of what goes into my body, and appreciate my body for carrying me through life.
I sold my car that I drove down to Austin in (my first I had purchased on my own) - The Stallion. Joe Lee shot photos for the ad that kept getting flagged, which turned out super funny, but unnecessary. I sold it to a junkyard for $400. I bought the Corolla too, which was my first car I'd purchased new, and I financed it. Overall, I'm happy with my decision, although I wasn't at first. I hated that car since it represented all the money I had just spent, but it's pretty much everything I want in a car. I should probably get the interior cleaned, but I probably won't.
What jumps to mind is all of the new teaching at Temple Shalom. I feel as if I am finally in a place where I understand the through line of my teaching - and I love it and appreciate. Alan Ullman is an inspirational teacher to me. His classes, regardless of the title, are ultimately the same focus - the names in the Torah have meaning. Let's look at the text and look at the names. I am trying to teaching Judaics/Tefillah/Hebrew with a through line on "storytelling" - in the style of Joel Grishavers "Stories We Pray." In the 6th grade "Hebrew" class yesterday, we were looking at Ahavah Rabbah as a review and as a way to practice breaking words into syllables. But one of the students asked, "Why should this mean anything to me if someone just made it up?" And that lead to the first of what I expect and hope will be a series of provocative and probing discussions and explorations of prayer/torah/Hebrew.
I joined an Adult B'Nai Mitzvah program last September (shout out to 6th & I Synagogue in Washington, DC). In the year since, I not only learned a lot about Judaism, I joined an amazing community of people, many of whom have become very dear friends. I had never really been part of a Jewish community before. It has changed my life for the better, and I feel so grateful.
I always struggle with this type of question. As a single woman, sending out Christmas letters is always difficult because rarely do I have anything momentous occur. No children growing up, no marriage, etc. In looking back on the past year, I suppose the most significant thing was my summer relationship. It's been 10 years since my last relationship, and I feel like it was a great thing that needed to occur. It was a 'functional' relationship, so now I feel more complete when discussing my dating history. I also came to the conclusion pretty early on that this was not a long-term thing. It was difficult ending it, and I still get a little wistful thinking about it, but it's what needed to happen. The fact that he also ended it helped a lot, too!!
We decided to try to get pregnant. I'm terrified, but really excited. I have not figured out how we are going to afford this, but I don't think we'd ever really be "ready" if we thought like that. At this stage in life, I think we are definitely ready psychologically.
I wrote about infertility which opened up my story to the world and attention to the issue. I'm just in a really bad place with all of it right now but it did help to open it up and start drawing focus to the issue of lack of resources in the Jewish community.
I had a baby! I'm so grateful for him - just looking at him makes me happy!
I had a baby and my father died. The best year of my life so far and the worst year of my life so far. I am grateful to have a baby and I am incredibly grateful to have had time with my father before he passed. I miss him, though, when my child does something I know he would have appreciated (like eat solid food, or sing with me). And some moments I'm angry and disappointed about things he did (like convince me to sell Amway in college when I had no money to buy in, but did it anyway). I try to overlook those failures since none of us succeeds 100% of the time as parents.
I qualified for the Boston Marathon at 40. I am satisfied and inspired to improve even more, not just in running but in other areas of my life. With hard work, so much can happen that you might not have believed possible.
I left my old job and began a new one..a much better job. I feel relieved, energized and that I found a way out of a major rut.
I was able to go to South Africa with friends. Being with them for amazing experiences -- from sunrises to watching a lion pride up close for hours; seeing a rhino calf and its mom; meeting people who surprised us in various ways. It was wonderful in every way, and especially since I could share it. As a widow, I can and do travel alone but this trip was very special and I will always treasure it. I know my friends better now and they know me better -- I need to remember to open myself up to the people around me and share more experiences. New bonds can be forged!
I got interrupted from my university course and am now taking a gap year, which I did not want to take. However I think it is going to change me for the better as it is now allowing me to do things like travelling before I start my full on course again.
My mother in law passed away 2 weeks ago. She was 86 and had a full life, but I did not realize what an amazing person she really was until we were writing her obituary. She raised 4 children in a tiny home, she was an amazing scratch cook, sewed the girls clothes, could play piano and was a painter. She also was a school secretary and watched over all the kids-the good ones and the "ones always in trouble". I'm a little sad I did not know that part of her as well as I should have. I'm inspired by her example and still feel I have time to be a better person.
I ran a half marathon! I got really into my training and nutrition and as soon as it was over promptly fell into my old rut of sporadic working out and eating right. I fell in love with running and was so proud of my progress, but was so disappointed with myself when I let it slide (and continue to). I guess I learned that I need an event to train for to really make sure that I'm sticking with it. Which also frustrates me because why isn't my health important enough to me to make a priority?! I need to work on that.
I decided to give all my music away for free about a month ago. Downloads, not the cds. Many are doing this and I can't fight the tide or deny that I was never going to make a living at this. I feel somewhat relieved and hope I will feel more free and inspired to create. But I also felt like I got my guts ripped out when I committed to that choice. The same feeling I had when I found out my ex wife cheated on me.
Found a friend who loves me unconditionally. Helping me with my drinking. She is a school teacher who shows me hope and kindbess.
Without going into detail, over the last year I have gone from feelings of hopelessness, despair and shame over a particular issue, to a shift of internal healing, hope and a renewed sense of my value, purpose and ability to contribute to the world. I did this through a process of coming to terms with my shadow self - opening old wounds, "owning" myself fully, and sitting with truth....over and over and over, until the light that I was able to shine on these dark and painful places allowed them to be seen, and then healed. Grateful, relieved, inspired....yes, yes, yes. Renewed. Whole.
I got fired from my job before I really got a chance to shine... I know I did my best given the circumstances I was dumped into and my best simply wasn't good enough. This has made me question my value and worth. I didn't even really like the job or the people there, but none the less it has shaken me to the core. I've been really depressed all year and super unsure of myself. I am angry and confused still (7 months later). I've also had a lot of trouble finding a new job. It breaks my heart because I've always believed I could change the world, but now I feel like I can't even change my situation... Somethings got to give eventually, right? On the other hand my boyfriend and I decided to move in together and raise his son together... This experience has been amazing and could not have happened if I was still working 80+ hours per week. My boys light up my world... Watching the little one grow, growing my partnership with the big one. He has been incredibly supportive and understanding. I'm so grateful for our little family.
I am currently in my second year as a nursing student. I have always considered my self pasionate to my fellow humans but now appreciate the experience in a new light. By the time I read this next year, I will be graduated and hopefully starting a new career. I am grateful to final have to opportunity to persue my dream. I am hopeful and inspired about my future and have been lucky to the support of my long term boyfriend.
Spring semester of master's program included doing community based theatre in an elementary school. Even though I knew intellectually how awful our public schools were, it was terrible to see that reality first hand. The kids had no time for play and lunch and the administration didn't support their projects at all because we were taking away from "instructional time." I wanted to drop the class so much...every week it pushed me in ways that were challenging and stressful. I'm thankful that it's done, but I can also tell that it taught me a lot about just showing up, focusing on process over product.
I have been miserable at my job for the past year and a half and I decided to network like crazy over the past 6 months. I must have met everyone in my industry in NYC and it worked - I'm starting a great new job in a few weeks.
Transitioning from therapy art to water art. totally inspired.
I took a trip to London with my teenage son this spring. It was a wonderful experience, especially since we visited together a synagogue on shabbat in East London. Very inspiring and the whole trip strengthened our relationship. I am greatful for this trip.
I launched the California Community of Men, and helped grow it to almost 600 members, and also helped produce its first Community Camp weekend. I am incredibly grateful for the singular opportunity to give back to my new community, and receive internal validation in return.
This past winter I was in a pretty serious car accident. (Highway+black ice+ first ambulance ride). Miraculously, I was not actually injured, just pretty bruised and really, really sore. My car was obviously totaled and it hurt to breathe for almost 2 months (injured ribs are not fun.) It took me a while to even realize the lasting impact that experience had on me. I was afraid of everything and it was affecting my quality of life. Eventually, enough time passed to allow me a little perspective and a new appreciation for the power that fear can have over you. I'm certainly not grateful for the accident but I am a stronger person for having dealt with it.
My wife and I bought our first home this year. We are both older, marrying for the first time after age 40 (largely because it is finally legal), and home ownership is something we have both been raised to see as a mark of success. I still remember being a child moving from an apartment to a house for the first time and how that felt for me personally and for my family as a whole. We are well aware of the current economic theories that say renting is better and we agree with the main points of that theory, especially considering the variable factors of US economic recovery, California drought conditions, climate change, and world unrest. The world's current situation does not make home ownership seem like a brilliant idea and, if we were younger, we might have opted for a more portable lifestyle. But my wife and I are 49 and 45, have been married for one lovely, blissful year, and are enamored of the idea of home ownership and how that validates us. That it validates us on a scale that is no longer used by the majority matters little to us, two women who have managed to create a solvent family from two struggling individual histories. I am happy in our home, happy to be paying a mortgage instead of rent, happy to have this check mark in the column of "adult milestones." I am relieved that we both got to check this off our lists and that we are good at it, good at budgeting our money and saving for a rainy day. Good at maintenance and good at being homebodies. But I worry, too. Worry that catastrophic world changes will eventually encroach upon our idyllic, benign existence and force us to leave our small, reasonable home for something much less certain, much more frightening. I can only hope that we will be up to the task should such a challenge approach. Until then, I am happy and that is what matters most.
I put my arm through a window (banging on it in frustration) and cut it severely. It's still getting better, in fact, as of Rosh Hashana. I am relieved that I didn't hurt myself worse and ashamed that I did something like that, and keep reminding myself that everyone gets frustrated, many people take it out in physical ways that don't harm others, and not everyone gets badly hurt by it. Nevertheless, I am still rather embarrassed, and sad that there are still things I can't do until it gets better. On the other hand, I am incredibly grateful for my husband's love and care, and it had the effect of deepening my appreciation for him. He did such a wonderful job when the accident occurred and continues to be supportive. And my friends have been great, too. So it's not entirely a bad thing. The accident has also helped me slow down and that's a good thing. If the lessons I am being taught this way continue to inform my actions and my gratitude then this becomes more of a positive than a negative experience. I hope to turn the scar into a tattoo to remind me (and, OK, to look cool.)
Joined rugby about November last year as a way to find non-destructive friendships. I'm very grateful to have found a team that supports me and my beliefs. Also grateful to be back slowly gaining the trust of my other half whom I love everyday more and more. Rugby has now become a passion of mine and it is a "safe" place for me.
My very good friend Ed had a severe stroke on September 17, 2014. This not only changed his world, but it changed mine as well! Looking down at his semi-comatose body on September 18th was a HUGE wakeup call for me. I realized at that moment how much he actually meant to me, and how important he was in my life. Subsequently I broke off a relationship with a very shallow man and followed my heart. Ed and I (and Ed's very close family) became closer than ever before. I watched this very courageous man learn to swallow again, how to chew again, how to walk again, etc. etc. He was an incredible example to all who know him of God's Grace. There were at least two times in the emergency situation that God's hand was clearly in the mix, and the recovery that Ed has very steadfastly made is amazing. I fell in love with Ed this year, and on July 5, 2014 we were married, surrounded by friends and family who love both of us. Who knew a year ago how things would look today?
This has been a year of many experiences and personal changes; both good and bad. The biggest and best would have to be that my husband and I finally went on our honeymoon, which entailed me going to another country for the second time in my life, and I also felt no fear while flying for the first time in my life. Since that trip, I feel that he and I are becoming a more cohesive unit, day by day. We work as a team, and always prefer each other's company to anything else--another first in my history of romantic partnerships. I am feeling very grateful and blessed to have this kind of love and loyalty in my life.
The significant experience of the last year was my trip to Paris for the Cafe Writing in Paris experience. Although I teach classes in Women Traveling Solo, I have not been alone on my last trips. I was really looking forward to the Cafe Writing part of the trip, but what I did not anticipate was the expertise of Patricia in planning an experience of Paris that included cuisine, walking tours, a visit to her Paris apartment and the absolute delight of the Maris, the Jeanne d Arc hotel and traveling around Paris on buses. I fell in love with the city and am planning to return next November for a "re-do". I will stay alone again in my Paris home hotel and write. What was most significant was I had only sold one home the first six months of 2014. When I left in June, I had to line up enough coaching clients to create $500 to buy Euros for spending money. I went as cheaply as anyone could and loved the experience. When there did not seem to be enough, unusual things would happen. My brother Jim gave me $100 for the trip, Nora sent me $50, Sandy gave me 20 Euros...it was remarkable and humbling. My hotel had an open breakfast room after 11:00 AM in which we could bring in food for our dinner, lunch or evening wine and cheese/pate. People came, chatted with each other and enriched the experience. The group I wrote with was some distance away offering a 20 minute walk to ready myself for the writing time. I learned how to order in the restaurants, just a little French which I am now enhancing in a class and with an online program. I continue to read about Paris, was interviewed by the Naperville Sun regarding my class that began the week I returned about cooking for one. Using the exquisite scallops I had at Le Cellar in Paris as my inspiration, I learned how to cook them at home and they are now one of my favorite meals for one. I changed the coffee I drink, no more flavored coffee...French Roast and I definitely can drink fewer cups per day. I feel like a woman in love...a woman who has surprisingly found a new city to love...I cannot wait for the next Paris experience.
I skipped 10Q last year. So I feel like I'm doing this for the past two years. So I'll say this: The biggest thing recently has been getting engaged and planning a wedding to the most incredible man I know. We'll be married in just over two weeks. Planning a wedding is frustrating and gives me tons of anxiety, but I am truly so excited to share that day with our friends and family, then to share my life with J.R. as husband and wife. I don't know what our marriage will look like (Where will we settle down? Will we have kids?), but I'm excited to see what's to come with him by my side. Some other really important events: I wrote a book proposal! I just finished my contributions to the book, Designing a Home. The developers are preparing a proposal and are going to take it to the Frankfurt book fair the same weekend of our wedding. Wanting to write a book was on my list of desires for my last 10Q two years ago. I just re-read my 2012 answers and smiled at the idea that I really accomplished something I wanted to do. J.R.'s dad passed away. That was tough. But it made me appreciate even more that he and I are on the same page, spiritually. I couldn't imagine being with somebody who doesn't believe the same things happen to us in that mystical space after death. It's easy to comfort him knowing that I don't have to say "You'll see him again" or "He's thinking about you in heaven."
in a time of personal need my so called friend was not there for me. It caused feelings of pain and sadness. I became resentful towards her and didn't want to make any effort in the relationship. She has no idea how she hurt me. This has happened before with women I know. I want women of substance in my life.
I landed a big writing job which has changed things in many ways. Being fully booked for three months meant I had to turn work down - something I'd been scared to do before. And the clients came back. So now I'm more confident to say no to work, rather than scrabbling for more time to work at the expense of my family and my own projects. I made most of my money this year from writing, rather than editing. This has removed a huge mental block and now I'm writing for myself, on my own projects, and chasing other writing jobs. I feel like 'a writer'. The extra money has enabled us to do some work on the garden that has been on my to-do list for a while, and which will improve our lives immeasurably. It feels really good. I feel very grateful, very proud of myself for tendering for the job in the first place, and determined to build on it as much as I can in the coming year.
Jonah was born!!! Definitely significant. Life is totally different now than it was a year ago. The first few months were really rough, but now we have a lot of good days. He is happy and fun-loving, and I feel like I'm figuring out some of this mommy stuff. Being a mom is a really strange feeling--sometimes I can't believe this is my life, and other times I can't imagine it any other way.
When I was 51 I went wig shopping with my mom who was losing her hair as a result of chemo for pancreatic cancer. She was disappointed there was no 'hair like ours' available when she was selecting her wig. She lost her life the following year. For the last six years I was honoring a commitment to her and growing my hair so that I could donate it. Last week I cut 13 inches off the length of my hair. It marked more than just a physical change for me. It was emotionally and energy-wise a significant change in my mourning. Not that I don't still mourn the loss of my mom, but the moment I cut it, I felt a huge heaviness lifted from within. I am grateful that I kept my promise to my mom. I am relieved to be no longer carrying, which I didn't realize at the time, this physical manifestation of my mourning. And, during Elul, when one practices teshuvah, I find myself returning to the energetic outgoing person I was before my mothers illness. A true gift to myself.
My husband and I decided to sell everything we had to go on a trip. it was worth every penny. we came back refreshed to re-build our live and did so. it taught me how much more important are experiences than possessions. I'll do it all over again in a heart-beat-
My most significant event was my Cochlear Implant and the following rehabilitation and relearning how to hear. It is still a work in progress, requires a lot of practice, and has a way to go to be where I would like it. The process has been amazing; I am learning a lot about ears & hearing, about myself, & about the people & things out there in the world that I want to hear and with whom I communicate. Yes I am more than grateful for those that developed CIs, for my competent & personable surgeon, for the number of friends that have CIs that continue to offer me advice & suggestions, and mostly to my husband who practices with me, nags me to do the exercises and goes with me to all my appointments. It has been magical year.
I am 46 years old--active, in good health, and have never had any type of physical impairment. I am also a single parent of a nine-year old daughter. A few months ago, I had emergency surgery on my spine for a severely herniated disc that had started to cause paralysis in my leg. Surgery prevented further damage to my nerves, and over the course of two months, damaged nerves regenerated. Physical therapy also helped me re-learn how to use my leg muscles. I was fortunate that quick action by my doctor kept the situation from becoming a permanent disability for me. Only until you've experienced a potentially life-changing or -ending situation can you really understand people's advice on appreciating what you already have. Appreciate each moment as best you can, and know that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
In the past year I was accepted into the Athletic Training Program at Washington State University. I was shocked at first and had been preparing to not be accepted. Because of the incredible time commitment and the unfortunate time I had to come back to school, I was ready to decline my acceptance. But, shortly realized that this was a huge opportunity and I was picked for this program for a reason. It has been a huge commitment but I enjoy it very much and I am learning so much.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer. I feel all of those things. Its a very confusing time. Like our life is on hold. Like the world should just stop and wait until we're ready to go on.
Realising that I was in love with two people at once. One of whom was my partner and one who wasn't. It made me sad that I would eventually have to choose between two lovely people, and end up hurting someone as a result. It made me resentful that society's norms dictated I could not have both of them in my life. And it made me joyously glad, because I never believed it was possible. After years of solitude or lacklustre relationships, to have such strong connections with such wonderful people made my heart soar. It made me realise that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to people, emotions or relationships. Everyone is different and every situation is unique, and you should never berate yourself for how you feel. Judge yourself on how you act... for feelings are beyond your control.
This year I am very proud to have successfully completed my ryt 200 yoga teacher certificate. It took me way out of my comfort zone but I prevailed and completes just last week. I did this for my own practice primarily but now that I have it I am thinking what not pursue some opportunities? Stay tuned....
My mother fell. She's fallen quite a lot over the past several years, but this time it was at my house, and it was bad. She's only 69, but she has severe mobility issues that the doctors suspect is caused my mild cerebral palsy, undiagnosed until now. Just a few weeks ago, she fell again, and her neighbor called to tell me (she never tells me herself). I realized I had to get serious about making arrangement for her care. It makes me sad, more than a little resentful, that when I'm the most challenging stage of my own family life (2 little ones) and career, I already have to start taking care of aging parents. I'm making a trip home soon to meet with doctors and try to make sure that her living conditions are sustainable. I'm not read for all this, but then again, who ever is?
I wrote my first novel. It isn't bad, either, and I feel very proud. It has changed the way I see myself. My wife still hasn't read it -- I think because she doesn't believe I could write anything of consequence. But I know it's good. Now my goal is revisions and a search for a literary agent who will love the characters as I do.
I divorced myself from a crazy (literally) boss. She was the owner of the restaurant, I had worked there 5 years, and considered myself a valuable and good employee. I am grateful (and relieved!) to learn that I can rely on my own knowledge and self worth to find other good employment. I am grateful to learn that I actually am valuable.
I learned some friendships aren't really friendships. I'm hurt, I'm feeling kinda abandoned, and I finally realized that I was never really a "friend". I was a project, maybe a charity case. And I was always looked down on, condescended to, and patronized. It's not been a good year in some ways. Especially since the person I'm talking about is the one who got me into this whole 10Q thing.
Definitely the biggest experience was having my first baby. My pregnancy was very easy, but my labor and delivery were complicated. Against my intentions, I had to have an emergency c-section. To put it mildly--it was unpleasant. I got over it quickly, as I immediately had another challenge. My baby wasn't growing or drinking milk successfully. This was the darkest time I have ever experienced. Eventually, we found a professional who could help us, and the problem was resolved. It was about three months before I felt like my baby and I were in the clear. While I didn't enjoy the experience, it has made me know myself and my relationship better. I know I can't rely on my husband for emotional support in challenging times. I have to find other sources of comfort. I learned I am capable and resourceful. I also learned that I have a fantastic support system, and that I when i ask for help I am supported. Overall, the entire experience left me with a new understanding of the responsibility of being a parent and a sense of gratitude to my friends. I am relieved it is over. I hope to never experience the same the again, but I can't say that I am worse off for the experience. I love being with my baby and am so excited that we are moving on together.
My relationship with a unique and complicated man friend was driving me to despair so I found a good therapist - my first. I knew what the problems were, which the therapist confirmed, but needed help deciding how best to proceed. The relationship will, no doubt, always be a challenge but one remarkable thing I discovered is how when one gives love freely and unconditionally instead of withholding it out of resentment, not only is it reciprocated in some form or other but dark clouds evaporate, the sun shines, birds sing, life is sweet...
My ex propositioned me. After 2 years of being broken up he said he's ready to commit to a partner. But before that he wanted to ask whether there's an ice-cube's chance in hell that I would consider being with him again. It was very unexpected for me since we had been in very loose contact. I'm grateful and humbled by the fact that my ex is so enamored by me :) and inspired by his bravery and humility. I am also relieved bc I too have not been able to stop thinking about him the whole 2 years we've been broke up (with the exception of those times I was making out with Andy, Ed and Joe..) My ex and I are now considering marriage.
Now my primary interests lie in the field of Cognitive Neuroscience, not physics. I'm all charged up to explore the nature of the human mind, to bring all sci-fi to life. I am grateful, but confused about that reaction. Maybe I could have cracked the GUT, who knows. I plan on coming back to physics after dealing with Consciousness (I need to go fast on that), but who knows what'll happen. In any case, I'm good.
I got married. I cannot even begin to describe how elated it made me feel. I have known for years that I would marry her but the culmination really was beautiful. The entire thing, despite requiring tons of planning and very little going according to that plan, was beyond beautiful and couldn't have been better. I am amazed at how so little has changed yet my perspective and views toward the future seem immediately brighter, hopeful, and more forceful.
A few months ago, I stopped communicating with my sister. It's been a lifetime coming, but I finally reached the point where I could no longer deal with her or enable her harmful behaviors. I have let go of the resentment I long felt towards her, and a bit relieved at letting myself let go of responsibility for her and her actions. Mostly, though, I feel a deep and abiding sadness and I mourn the loss of someone I dearly love.
My dear, magnificent friend Shira died. She left this world with eyes open and hands open to the sky. She left peacefully and gracefully. Being at her bedside as her soul left her body was one of the most significant experiences I've ever had in my entire life. It was beautiful. It solidified my belief in the journey of souls. Ever since her passing, I have felt an arc of unconditional love spread like a canopy from horizon to horizon wherever I am, present with me through whatever I feel. I am grateful to have born witness to her ascension. I am relieved that she is no longer suffering. I am gratified that we have a connection to that which is beyond human experience. And I am inspired to become a vessel (soon, god-willing) for a waiting soul to embody on this planet, in this life, through me. I love you Shira, I miss you, I love you.
I had been in a depressed state for about the last 10 months, eating poorly, not exercising, feeling sorry for myself (for no reason really). Just when I was starting to feel better, ready to rejoin my life, I broke my foot. At first I was frustrated and angry, but as the weeks have worn on, I have become grateful. I have realized how important my health is to me, and how I was taking it for granted by letting myself become so motionless in my life in so many ways. I have begun to move mentally and emotionally again and can't wait to begin to move physically when my foot has healed.
My mother's kidney sickness was a challenging exprience this year. I was deeply moved by her weakness and surprised by the way I was able to cope and deal with the whole situation. It was a tough exprience but I was satisfied to be on the level required for it.
My uncle died the night before my birthright trip. I was extremely resentful when I got to Israel. When my group when to the Western Wall I had a very significant conversation with my trip leader Charley. We were all given paper to write a note to put in the wall and I said that I probably shouldn't write one because I had nothing nice to say. Charley's response was that I should write it, write all of my feelings, because if I didn't I would regret it. I took that conversation to heart and spent the rest of my time in Israel really listening for what God would say back. Finally laying in the middle of the desert I understood that, while it wasn't fair that my uncle had passed away, there was no better time for it to happen and it brought so much to my experience in Israel because it let me really open up.
The death of a good friend. I am inspired by the grace and unflinching acceptance with which she faced her final months. She provided the model that we accept what we cannot change. The use of personal energy in anger or denial wastes the energy that may be spent in the many other ways that life may be lived.
I moved to a new city and started a new career in a totally new field. I just found out today I got the promotion I really wanted, just in time for me to renew my lease with confidence. The year had its ups and downs, for sure, but as of right now: I am feeling grateful and excited for the future!
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis after two years of wrong diagnosis and treatment. I'm glad to have a name and treatment for what's happening to me, but I am still adjusting to the ups and downs of it. It's frightening to have what is supposed to be a lifetime condition, in terms of my personal health and in terms of health care. I'm afraid I might let it be an excuse to not do things, because it makes me feel like just staying in bed some days. I don't want to be that person.
This year after applying to several jobs I finally got an interview at a great company. I feel like the interview went wonderfully, and the interviewer took me on a tour of the department the job was in. I was very excited, but afterwards never received a call back about the job. I tried not to get my hopes up about it, but honestly I am crushed. It would have paid almost double what I am making now, with better benefits.
B and I got married! Planning the wedding was very stressful, but I was so excited to get married. The day sped by and was very chaotic, but we were smiling the whole time. I wasn't even nervous standing up there. Just so, so excited.
It's been a long time since I've loved life. Sure I've liked it. I've liked what I was doing. I was having good experiences. I was learning. But man - what a difference there is between like and love. I moved to San Francisco. I was so hesitant- so worried I wouldn't like it. I knew it'd be a great work experience- but would it be like all the rest of the times I've rotated? No friends? Long commute? Not at all. How lucky and grateful I am! I see the ocean every day. My dog is elated when playing in the water - which in turn makes me elated. There are outdoor things to do and indoor things to do and friends to do them with. And as I get healthier and the endorphins rush through me, there are more men interested than have been in a long time. This move has been a fantastic experience and I'm more positive than I've ever been. I have a great outlook on life these days and I'm thankful.
This is obvious...the birth of my son. As most every new parent states, he never ceases to amaze me. He reminds me to laugh and to find the joy in everything single thing that you see (and generally, in every single thing he tries to eat). He has expanded my heart and the capacity I have for love. When he smiles at me, I am shown that it doesn't matter what else is going on, I am the most important thing to him at that moment. And he has taught me the meaning of being tired. He is the most rambunctious and active little boy, but I am so proud to be his mommy. Simply, he has changed my life forever.
Burning Man I am so grateful for having had / been given the opportunity to make this dream a reality. Jo's give away to make this happen for me, was touching. I am also grateful for having the opportunity to do something that was a challenge and pushed me, these types of experiences are always so rewarding; I felt a sense of pride having accomplished making this a reality. I was also incredibly inspired by the experience. To see such a rich and full culture come to life in the middle of the dessert built on intention and a set of principles, reminded me of what we (humans) are possible of and that saying something is not possible only limits us.
My daughter was involved in a horrific incident with a boyfriend and within her marriage. I am still reeling from the emotions surrounding that. The solution hasn't yet happened (court date in October) but I remain worried. The situation is driving me back to my core roots in taking care of myself and opening my heart to spiritual solutions.
A beyond significant experience i had this past year was in March when i went to Costa Rica for my 200-hr yoga teacher training. It was quite possibly one of the best and most powerful experiences of my life. It has truly started me on the journey i am on now, which is primarily to become a beautiful yoga intructor, although, i have realized that it has opened my eyes to many other experiences along the way. I am discovering the practice of meditation, ayurveda, kundalini yoga, and various other incredible things to help learn about myself and build a healthy lifestyle and self. The most important part of my experience in Costa Rica was the people i met there. I will forever be grateful for the relationships built with the beautiful souls that collaborated there together. I learned a million things about myself, had a surprising full blown mini falling in love experience, fell in love with friends, fell in love with yoga even more, and will bring that chapter with me along my way. I am beyond grateful, and words cant even begin to truly capture how it has impacted me.
My mother-in-law passed away. It has made me sad and sensitive to my husband's sense of loss. It has left me aware of the potential sadness and depression my husband, sister -, father- and brother-in-laws and I will feel as we prepare for and spend Christmas together. (Honestly-but not proudly) - I feel some relief that there is one less aging parent to be "worrying" over and hope not to be a burden on others as I, myself, age. I turned 70 this month. Yes - there is some resentment at how much time and energy has had to go into "caring for" our now "aged" parents. I would have welcomed more opportunities for "joyful sharing" and less time spent in hospitals and doctors' offices. Now here's something to commit to for the New Year!
My wife lost her job and had a nervous breakdown. She has been struggling with postpartum depression since the birth of our son two years ago and it recently came to a head with her being let go and having seriously suicidal ideations about two months ago. I has affected me greatly due to my needing to work more to support our family and be even more positive and supportive when I am generally an introverted, wounded idealist. I am grateful that it has driven her to seek professional help for her depression and is led us to become more close with one another as she recovers. It ultimately has also helped me to see where I was falling short as a husband and father and made me more aware of the present and brought me out of the internal fugue state I was living in to deal with the stresses of life.
I had a falling out with a friend of ten years. It has been a very hurtful experience because I felt our relationship would stand the test of time. Despite both of our attempts to reconciliate the relationship remains indefenitely fractured. I try to see it from this person's perspective but lately have found this challening.
The whole of my year has been characterized by having experiences and acting in ways that are dictated by my mental illness. Absurd rage over small incidents like the garbage not being where I want it. Sort of like reversing into childhood and loosing my grip on the adulthood I had worked for. Inspiration, gratitude, reliefe are not in my emotional repertoire. Resentful? Plenty of that. My faculties for self examination, critical thinking, and spirituality have died off.
My artwork was selected to be shown in a gallery in the area where I live. This is the first time that my work has been shown in a gallery outside of the ones associated with my graduate program. It was a wonderful experience and to see the people who showed up to celebrate with me. The experience made me feel fulfilled. This is something that I have wanted for a long time and only in the past few years have I been able to find the confidence to take steps necessary to being an artist. It took a tragedy to get here, but I will never forget it. Since this event, there have been a few similar experiences and with each new one, I am grateful and exhilarated, because I know that I am on the right path. This is what I was mean't to do.
ISIL is beheading Americans and we are at war again - droughts are horrible - Ebola - all of these are upsetting to me. There are other small, good things - my best friend had her baby and another friend whom I haven't heard from in over 10 years wrote me back and apologised for not being there when I needed her. But of everything, the major event this year for me has been the loss of Philip Seymour Hoffman (and tangentially, the loss of Robin Williams). I am grateful and inspired to get back into acting and singing myself. I am resentful that Phil made the choice to let go and not hang on, and I am deeply saddened. I am also more determined than before not to slip into suicidal depression - because losing Mr. Hoffman made me so angry and so much more passionate about the cause of storytelling and now I know that I have to give back during my time on earth and that in doing so I may in some tiny way recompense the talent we have lost.
In the last year, our temple changed its minyan schedule and it's not so easy to do now. I'm very disillusioned and resentful about it - why do Friday, Wednesday and Tuesday not deserve having minyan morning prayers? It's very hard to take sporadic events seriously and even harder to actually attend. I used to lay my clothes out the night before in the exercise room so I could get up early and out before bothering anyone, it used to give me a daily lift and a feeling that I had contributed to something Jewish in the morning. Now, even when I remember that tomorrow is a minyan morning, I'm not at all likely to lay out my clothes and set the alarm. I've found that Judaism is a religion of self-control and planning, but I really needed that "rote" and routine to get me up a out. Added to the fact that the cantor I loved was replaced by a cantor I feel NO connection with, and the whole re-inspiration of my Jewish life has kind of gone flat, and yes, I'm resentful because I feel like I can't relate as well to that place or those people anymore.
We finally got the majority of the work on the farm done and put it up for sale.It's the right thing to do and will be a burden off my family but I can't help but feel sad that it never became the passion for my daughter that I hoped it would.
I lost my job. It has turned my life upside down and made me re-evaluate what I want and who I want to be in a workplace, in a relationship, as a adult. I am grateful and hopeful. I think the experience has all of those emotions: relief, resent, inspiration. I am a little disappointed in those around me and myself. But I am also excited about how my future is uncertain and could be great. I am also learning to trust myself.
I left my full-time job and have turned down others in the meantime. I'm trying to do more, professionally and personally, for myself. At this point the prevailing emotion is still fear. Working on moving past that to let the inspiration, excitement, relief aspects shine more brightly.
I discovered and acknowledged that a night of "drunken sex" was actually a rape I endured. It happened in late 2007, but I had a flashback of the event in February of this year (the flashback was precipitated by a segment on a TV talk show). Since this acknowledgment, I have confronted the person, pressed charges against that person, and haven't spoken to or seen that person since.
I got pregnant for the first time. I have had to question a lot of things I assumed I would think were important while pregnant, and I have been surprised about how passive I have been in some aspects of carrying a baby. I have also had to learn to compromise with my husband over things that I think are important or like, but he feels the opposite way. I'm grateful that we had no trouble conceiving and so far, it has been an uneventful pregnancy. I've been a little resentful about how much I have to change my life when my husband doesn't, but I accept it.
I struggle to make friends. I can be a really outgoing person, but it takes a lot for me to be like that. I thrive when I am in an authority position and I get the chance to lead others, and that's where I make the most friends. But, that doesn't mean I have a lot of friends. I prefer one or two close friends to a bunch of friends. Last September, I started a new job and was on a new staff. I took my time feeling out the staff but knew that I had to be true to myself and honest about who I was. I think that scared a lot of people away, but I was okay with that. I didn't want to be around people who were scared of my me-ness. One person on the staff really stuck out though- they wanted to be my friend and it was great. We become pretty inseparable almost instantly and people noticed. There was a rumor that we were dating, which was so funny because he and I talked about everything, including his sex life and the stress of his girlfriend being away for the quarter. I told him everything and within an month, we were crazy close. We saw each other everyday, ate most meals together, and even decided to have the same Halloween costume. Our friendship was intense but worth it- we both needed to have that one rock in our lives. However, his girlfriend was not a fan. At all. She was so paranoid that he would cheat on her, she started demanding we stop hanging out. It was ridiculous- if she had just gotten to know me, she could see I wasn't competition. I thought we could just keep being friends until she got back and she got to see that I was basically her boyfriend's sister, not a threat. But no- she gave him an ultimatum and he choose her. Which makes sense, but it made me so sad- not only cause I had lost a really close friend (it is amazing how close you can get to someone in 2 months) but I also saw a 20yr boy being controlled by his girlfriend. It made me really rethink what I viewed as a "healthy" relationship and made me wonder why we need so much control over other peoples lives. I was resentful that he didn't have the back-bone to stand up to her and say "I love you and you are my girlfriend, but you are not my world- I need this friend and you need to be okay with that". But, that never happened. Every time I saw him after that (which was about one a week), I had to control all the hate inside of me. I knew he was a good person and he was just trying to save what was most important to him, but I couldn't believe that amount of control he gave up to be with that girl. A girl who would always be jealous. A girl who would never accept him having his own friend. A girl that I vowed to never be.
I suppose the most significant thing I experienced this year was seeing my family again after a year and a half. It was bitter sweet because on one hand I am extremely grateful to have my wonderful family and friends. I was so happy to be with my nephew for the first time and enjoyed every minute of changing diapers and helping him fall asleep. On the other hand it was hard to see my family and friends going about their lives without me. As if me being gone would put a stop to their lives. But it didn't. They are fine and getting along okay without me. I'm sure they miss me too. Then when I returned to Italy after my trip, I felt like I had come home. To my new home. deciding that I want to get married and stay in Italy to be with Massimo is a choice I have made. But it is bitter sweet. I am still a bit lost in my emotions but maybe going through that experience softened the transition a little bit.
I was promoted to my current job, well ahead of my peers and much faster than I ever dreamed possible. And the best part...I love my new job. I was worried that I might not be ready, but the challenge and excitement keep me energized. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to have a second successful career.
an opportunity arose in business, that i thought would be of mutual benefit to all parties involved. it never materialized, which in the beginning i was resentful. however, it has inspired me to try my own ideas for my own benefit.
My mom competed chemotherapy and beat her lung cancer, at least for now. I am inspired by her strength through the whole process. I am terrified about her cancer retuning. Throughout the whole process she swore if her cancer came back, she wouldn't do chemo again. I'm scared that she will stick to that promise. Trying to remain the positive influence in my family is exhausting. I'm trying to remain positive, because the negative reality is paralyzing.
Since the completion of my divorce, I've had to work full time and restructure my daughters schedule resulting in less time together, less home cooked meals and face my fears of her growing apart from me while growing up. Fortunately, if anything we have bonded together even more. She's still quite young, but she's a great kid and I'm hopeful for our future and really enjoy watching her grow and mature. While I am somewhat resentful of much that has transpired ( and very exhausted) , I am truly inspired to forge forward and see what the future unfolds.
Not long after my marriage broke up last year I had a long-distance love affair with an old friend. It was lovely and awful. Being with him reassured me that I am a sensual, attractive woman, but I got hooked on my own projections and longings, and felt quite hurt by him. It ended -- and we are still friends... I am grateful. And relieved. And glad to be recounting it here, because there's a new man in my life now and I don't want to make the same mistakes.
So many things have happened. My dad got really sick with a life-threatening illness, which has changed our family completely. It's been difficult watching him get worse at an alarming rate, but it's also a lesson to be appreciative for life and the simple things like being able to walk around or enjoy a good meal. I also moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend and got a promotion to a job I truly have been enjoying, which has been a welcome bit of good news.
I completed an online course that shifted my perspective on life and how to have healthy relationships. I am grateful to the person who designed the course and also the people rhat helped her run it. I think it will help me be a better mensch ;-)
I got pregnant to my husband. We were trying to conceive. I freaked out immediately and cried and cried. I wasn't sure how I felt. Then I started to feel so sick. So sick, I couldn't even get out of bed or be around food. I was living off of popsicles, eggos, and McDonalds. I turned to my doctor for help, and she had none to give. All I could see was my life falling apart: my health, my relationship with my husband, and my business. I terminated the pregnancy. I felt immediate relief. Then sadness. Not regret, but I did question my decision and even wanted to try pregnancy again. Now I feel strange around children and babies. Like I like them, but I'm so glad they're not mine. Like I think I want a child, but I'm not ready. I'm 33. I don't want to wait too long, but when will I feel ready? When will I feel like this is something I want? Will I ever feel like a child of my own is something I want?
I decided to stop letting my parents manipulate me. I've just made the decision, so I'm still very unsure and nervous about it.
Just recently, I was able to do my first unassisted headstand in yoga (with wall support.) Before I actually tried it, I was certain that I would not be able to do it without tons of work, or maybe never be able to do it at all. I was surprised at how few attempts it took until I was successful! This accomplishment has left me with a great sense of pride (Lily says, 'I'm so proud of MYSELF!) and more motivation to achieve even greater things, in yoga and in life.
When I think about a lot of important things have happened: I finally moved to a decent home (I feel relieved), after many years I had a road trip with my parents (I'm thankful for the opportunity to have that in my memory), I've fallen deeper in love with my men (after 7 years of relationship I thought that wouldn't happen, but I'm walking on clouds), I failed a statistics course (that was very self-disappointing and encouraging at the same time), I became friend with a very important slovenian diplomat (I'm mexican and not a diplomat so that's quite unlikely), I haven't been able to quit my job or at least get a raise (that is a terrible feeling, that makes me sad, it weakens me, it's disappointing and makes me feel so powerless and helpless), I had my first treesome (twice) (that feels good), and I think I'm getting closer to my dream fo studying a master's in Hawaii (that makes me feel full of hope and illusions, I and want to -I have to, I need to!- believe that dreams do come true, but it is not so easy).
How can turning 60 this year be called a significant experience. After all, it was something that happened without my doing or experiencing anything. But otoh I have tried to be as intentional as I can be about this because otherwise it becomes a very scary label and milestone. Milestone, hell, it feels like a millstone. But I have chosen often to think of this as an age of coming into wisdom, of being connected to my history, ethnicity, ambitions and aspirations.
My teenage son was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. Over the last six months I knew in my heart that something was wrong.... that he was unwell. I finally took him to his pediatrician and insisted we do a complete blood work panel done and then we started on that road of discovery. I am sad. Sad for him and what might lie ahead for him. But, he is so brave. He is on a liquid diet now and he is getting healthier, looking better, filling out, sleeping well. He never complains. It amazes me. He inspires me in so many ways. Many people cannot tolerate the diet. NO FOOD only nutritional shakes. How many can handle that for months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can. Also after 3 lousy Doctors we finally found a brilliant Harvard educated Dr and she is a jewel of a person. She is so loving and intelligent and supportive. I am so grateful for her. When your child is diagnosed with something that you cannot change you feel a lot of different things. Guilt, anger, bitterness at first. Then, if you are lucky, you start to see the small gifts that it brings. But it's hard. You want everything for your children. For their lives to be flawless. We all know that it doesn't work that way but still................
My sister in law became pregnant and my neice was born. I am childless by circumstance - my husband does not want children enough to pursue any form of infertility treatment. I have cried more tears in this last year, I believe than in any other time in my life. I do not want to keep crying! It is lovely that my neice is here but I feel just heart broken and devastated.
My sister died. Since she never helped me take care of our mom, and made a huge scene at our mom's funeral, I stopped contact with her. She kept sending me harassing emails calling me all sorts of names, and accusing me of some really outrageous things. Because of her actions, I haven't spoken to her in five years. I found out that she died though my sister-in-law when I returned from Israel. I was definitely relieved. While I know that sounds terrible, I couldn't deal with her accusations and outright lies. I guess that this is how it had to be.
Last August (2013) I got a horse, this year we have made so (SO MUCH!!!) progress as a team. This year we had our first successful horse show and event, we have bonded, and gotten to know each other very well. All of these wonderful things that have happened make me so happy and grateful for getting this horse and sticking with him. All of our rides have not be perfect or even close, but these successes have made it all worth it. It even makes me excited for will come!! :)
I started therapy for the first time in my life. I also stopped therapy for the first time in my life. But the point is that, although the therapist could not diagnose me with any treatable problem, she still gave me some valuable perspective before I quit going. I learned a lot about myself and how I am empathetic, but rarely understand emotion because I keep it inside. That's crazy, but not crazy enough for my insurance to cover. I'm glad to have learned this about myself. I have things to work on.
I got married. Overjoyed, life changing event that opened my eyes to a whole new world.
I had some question of cardiac issues which turned out okay. I had lots of concern about the future. Yes, I was grateful and relieved. I truly think it changed my overall perspective about living.
I quit working to pursue what I think is my dream life. I may run out of money. ... I'm terrified and happier than I've ever been. Maybe not terrified, but definitely feeling every breath, every heartbeat, every bit of myself in this big Universe I call home.
I flew to England in early April with the intention of visiting for 6 months. I've made this trip several times before and have always had a great time. This time, however, when I reached customs and security, their computer identified some missing information on my visa application and I was detained for 6 hours (as in lock-up) with some pretty shady characters. In short, I was back home within 24 hours. Disappointed? Yes! But the good news is that several great things have happened in my life since my return, things I wouldn't have experienced had I been in England. Meant to be? Who knows.
visiting my younger son in Barcelona. We often don't get along, but we did very well together. Also, having this same son move home - again, we did much better than expected. Could I have finally grown up? Is he just trying especially hard? Have I learned to communicate better? All good questions.
My husband tried to kill himself. He got help and through this experience God revealed himself to him which has made the healing process a lot more complete. I still don't know how I feel about it.
1. Losing some weight made me feel good and inspired 2. Receiving an email with the subject line "This is not a suicide note" was devastating.
My grandmother, who I've known my entire life, has started to go through the later stages of Dementia. I can't talk to her and I can 't help her in any way. And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that.
This year I finally achieved the culmination of my academic career. Not only did I graduate from Law School at the University of Oklahoma but I also took the bar exam in the State of Utah. The bar exam is like nothing you've ever done. It takes not only 3 years of constant stress and competition throughout a graduate program, but also several months of full-time study. Facebook constantly updated me to my classmates study sessions and the sense of dread only built up after graduation. The days finally ticked away and I found myself in the South Towne Expo Center with some 200 or so other students. The test was two days with six hours each day. I was nervous, but not too nervous. The ground was concrete and there was a foreboding presence in the air. The first day consisted of six essays and two performance exams. We were required to upload our exam answers as soon as possible that night but as I tried to do it the system kept failing. This was particular worrisome as failure to upload your answers resulted in an automatic fail on the exam. This was extremely unusual as we used examsoft at the University of Oklahoma and not once did we have any complications with it. As the night wore on my stress grew until I discovered that every jurisdiction that was using examsoft was having the same problems. Eventually, I received an email from the bar examiners late that night explaining that we weren't required to upload our test until the next day. I was able to relax the rest of the night before going at it again. The next day was a lot easier as it just consisted of the 200 multiple choice questions from the MBE. I finished the exam some 2 1/2 hours earlier than required and had to sit through all the dead time with nothing to do. Fast forward a few weeks later, I learned on September 13th that I passed the bar. This was an extremely proud day in my life and I'm so happy to be able to finally practice law as I've wanted to in so long. It was an amazing journey but I'm so glad to be done with the academic portion of my career and now get to embark on the practicing portion.
I entered into the second year of my job, and I had a complete 180 in terms of my circumstances. My supervisor who made inappropriate comments about me to my friends and my face, as well as made unethical work decisions was demoted and resigned. My new supervisor started and it was the ideal situation. However this flip forced me to really evaluate where I am in my life and figure out what I want to do with myself. I still don't know...but I have more of a direction than I did a year ago. I can only hope going into another year in multiple ways, I will continue to find that direction.
Early this year my son's girlfriend left him for another man. I knew he would be devastated when that relationship split up because he had invested so much of himself in it. She was his first love and he had loved her very much. He was plunged into terrible grief and it lasted for months. He'd started at university that year but abandoned his course, unable to concentrate on work. And when things got very bad and he hit an emotional low, he would ring me. I came to dread these phone calls, feeling overly responsible for improving his state of mind. All his friends had been her friends, and now things were awkward with his whole social group. He felt alone and abandoned, as if I were all he had left. This was difficult for both of us, as he had been proud and ready to leave home. He had as little inclination to lean on me as I did to prop him up, but here we were. Over the course of my career, I've worked with a lot of students in his age bracket and for several years I helped just those with emotional and work problems. It's something I know how to do. But my sister-in-law who is a doctor refuses to give the family medical advice. My brother who is gifted with computers charged me for transferring my PhD thesis into book format. Yet my skills are somehow too nebulous to define and there are no boundaries. I had to think long and hard about this over the months of my son's grieving. I love him dearly and I have no hesitation that he is entitled to my love and support at any time of day or night. The resentment and fear I felt came from being too much at the mercy of others in the most general way. I realised beyond a doubt that I never said 'no' enough, not least because refusing to help others in need was not something I felt ethically able to do. My son hit rock bottom in late July, when he rang me to say he felt suicidal. I rushed to be with him, frightened out of my wits. But after that day, he turned a corner. He found work in a pub and hard, physical labour helped him in a way words could not. He gradually began to heal and to leave the relationship behind. It's hard to stop worrying about him, but I do feel that he has been full circle now. He has experienced the worst happening, and suffered for it, and then regained his spirit. He knows he has been through adversity and emerged the other side. I must know it too. I must know he is capable of surviving. And the experience has helped us both to separate, to take that final step away from our old mother-child relationship, which was dangling still from one long drawn-out nerve like a milk tooth. Years ago, I remember responding to a meme that asked what advice I would give to my younger self. At the time I found three immediate answers rose to the surface: People are more resilient than you think. Things matter less than you fear. Get on with your own work. I had forgotten them until this year, but the unexpected truth of them hit me all over again. I will try to move forward bearing them more forcefully in mind.
The most significant event of this past year has been the continuation of our estrangement from our younger (of two) adult son. My understanding of his cut-off of two years, this month, is that he experienced overwhelming trauma in having been sexually abused by a 10 year old female neighbor, when he was 3 years old and also having been molested by his 9 years older male cousin. This trauma must be too much for my son to handle because he has accused me of molesting him for years. I haven't seen my son or heard his voice for two years; he never talked to me about his beliefs about me and he has never responded to any of my many calls, texts, emails or letters. He met with my husband once, 18 months ago, but was intractable in his refusal to see or talk with me and furious that his father and brother don't support him in his accusations. He married last October, but did not include us at his wedding. My emotions vary, day to day, month to month, but always include loss, sorrow and incredulity. As a clinical social worker, I accept that delusions protect us, so I hope that this delusion gives him some peace. I feel guilty that he inherited, from my very mentally ill family, a vulnerability to delusional thought. I feel guilty that I didn't protect him from the neighbor child and his cousin. I grieve and I grieve; my despair is that it seems we may never see him again. I love him and will love him, always. I am grateful that my husband, other son and daughter-in-law support me. I am grateful for the support of my small circle of friends. I am grateful for the years that I had with my son, but also angry that he will not agree to consult with another therapist or to consider the hurt he is causing his parents. But I come back to my belief that he may be doing the best he can, clinging to this delusion as a protection from pain. There's so much I don't know and may never know. I cling to the little I see on the Internet (since he no longer talks to his brother, as well) that he seems to be doing well with his job and his marriage. And I try to allow that little knowledge to help me to live with a positive attitude, for myself, my husband, my daughter-in-law and for both my sons.
Significant experience.......Rich broke Asher's arm in December of 2013. It was horrific for me. It was an accident, but easily could of been avoided. I have had an overwhelming mixed of emotions the last 9 months. I still think of it often. Rich definitely apologized, felt remorseful, made amends, and realized his wrong doing. Asher has forgiven him and I wish it will not haunt him when he gets older. I have forgive Rich and know that nothing like that will ever happen again. But it still breaks my heart to write it down right now.
I experienced my first profound, prolonged bout of depression. I've managed to hold the darkness at bay, for the most part, for 44 years, but this year a combination of financial strains, relationship strife, work-related uncertainty and physical deterioration took its toll. In trying manage it I was forced to take a look at how i interact with my friends, family, co-workers and am in the midst of trying to make some positive changes.
I learned to swim. It was a long-held fear (I'm over 50) and I was determined to overcome it, so I am pretty proud of myself.
My divorce became final. I am grateful for the experiences in my marriage, and grateful to have the opportunity to explore new experiences. I am also inspired to grow as a person, and become the athlete and clear-minded person I once was. I appreciate the opportunity that I have with every day, and am devoted to growing, exploring, experiencing, and living those moments at every turn.
My oldest son got married. I guess how it affected me was that I was jealous. Of his fresh opportunity. Of his ability to feel, to love. Most especially, of his community of friends. I got a lot of affirmation for having raised such a spectacular young man. It was hard to take any credit, and in fact, it wasn't up to me. I did let in SOME of the emotion, but over-focused, as usual, on the superficial--my dress. Who was talking to whom. Did I come across well. I think the family dynamics around the wedding, combined with my younger son moving out, inspired me to get ON it with my life. More specifically, to go to Al Anon this week.
my brother almost passed away made me think allot yes that he surveyed and perhaps he will take his life in a new direction yes I am relieved
This past year was a tough one. But being unemployed, in a city I hated I think gave me the kick I needed to make some change. I'm sitting here right now in my new city excited and eager to embrace the next year and beyond.
In the last year, I have had the experience of really being able to move into my own space, renting my own apartment and taking full responsibility for my schedule, health and connections to loved ones. This has been a wonderfully rewarding experience and I am deeply grateful for all the family and friends who have given me the space and support that I need to have made this experience possible and for those who have gone through the related growing pains with me.
The military moved my family from Colorado to Kansas. Not a huge change in location, but it has been a difficult transition because we all had to say goodbye to a place we called home for the past 7 years, had to say goodbye to friends we had made, and left behind family in Colorado. It has been bittersweet. We miss everything we had there, but it has taught us to be closer as a family and we've made new friends that we would never have met otherwise.
Health issues of the last 9 months, Ed's & mine: breast cancer, broken hip, pneumonia, have brought us all closer together as a family, both his children & mine. Often I'm resentful at the big chunk of time this has taken in our lives & what we missed out on because of these problems, but when I think of how much closer we have all become by going through these events I feel that these are learning steps & I am beginning to see this period in my life as a process of acceptance of our frailties & maybe a signal that we don't have a lot more time to "get it right". I find myself stopping & remembering how grateful I am for all the love & support shown by our families & our friends when we needed them most &, possibly, a little more patient.
In February, my EX-girlfriend, with whom I'd occasionally have sex (I know, but we were both single, etc...), told me she had found "a boyfriend". It had been 10 months since we had officially broken up and I had moved out. I had never mourned the end of our rocky 5 years together. It was never quite right and never quite wrong. But now, after 10 months of relative tranquility and trying to meet people via online dating, I was absolutely floored when faced with the fact that she had met someone. My ego could not fucking take it. And it had nothing to do with the intermittent booty calls. It was bizarre. I was a mess for a week. I let her know. NOT in some kind of plot to reconnect, just trying to feel better. Turns out about 2 weeks later, I would meet my current girlfriend. And 2 weeks after that, my ex told me her "boyfriend" had dumped her shortly after she told me about him. I'm grateful. And relieved.
I found a way to have a relationship with God. In college I fell in love with Judaism but never made any effort to connect to it outside of university. This past year I made that connection - and have enjoyed the community I found, the study I have undertaken, and the continued growth that has changed how I view relationships with God, friends, family, and co-workers.
My son turning into a full fledged human being with feelings, thoughts etc. Made me more aware of how I lead my life - both to prioritize time as well as to set a good example.
My sister got engaged this year, after dating a great guy. I have been jealous the whole time--we were/ are best friends, and we spent a lot of our time together. I have been so challenged to be happy for her, and to love him. I actually cried the night she told me she loved him--not because I was happy, but because I was so sad. I have really been praying for my fear of losing her and losing our special connection to leave, and for me to be able to truly share in her joy. The day she got engaged, I really had to get my prayer muscles working--but slowly, my feelings have transformed, and I've gotten stronger and better at choosing to be centered in love--with her and in a lot of my other relationships as well.
My son and his wife had a third child, a boy. I was very happy to have another grandchild, and happy for my son that the new child was a boy. I worried quite a bit about how the parents were going to deal with this new child financially. I have helped them with finances, maybe more than I should. For instance, I am paying for preschool for their first child, a very gifted little girl who started reading at two and a half years of age. I'm worried that, when the second child is ready for preschool, I will not have the resources for two children in preschool. And then the third. The parents are burdened with a ton of school loan debt which leaves very little expendable income beyond the basics of living. I wish that I hadn't gotten so involved with their finances, but it's a bit late to pull back. I guess I get a little resentful towards the parents for borrowing all that money for graduate school apparently with not much thought about how they would repay their loans. Too late.
I participated in the 2014 USA Special Olympics Games as a Unified Partner on the Brevard County softball team. We represented Team Florida, went 8-0 during competition and won the gold medal. It made me proud to be a part of it and grateful for the opportunity.
Got married to the person I dreamed of marrying for over a decade. Combined ideas of having "the usual" guy, the "bad boy" that I was attracted to and also a loving partner that places me on a peddle stool. To reach form this, was born out of the death of a friend who helped me realign going for what I want out of life and having the courage to jump, pushed me to move, take the risk, to see if my ideas somehow would create a reality. They did, it was, it's happened. I am grateful for my life, relationship, taking risks, being blessed by a friend who lost his life but demonstrated genuine strength and love at the end, he transitioned to a new begining and inspired me to do the same. Thanksful, very thankful to be living this life story and carrying memories
I was cheated on. I'm mostly resentful, fearful about a future with this person, somewhat relieved to have learned something about her sooner rather than later, newly enlightened as to how complicated and messy relationships can be and how hard communication is, and resolved to live a good life whether relationships work out or not.
I got engaged. I am very grateful that i have found someone whom i love and who loves me. It gives me great deal of comfort to know i have someone to conquer the world with, but also has led me to think of what our future holds; kids, jobs, where we are going to live. It makes me want to plan for the future - more than i ever have before.
This year, I experienced heartbreak. I was an emotional disaster, desperately in search of acceptance by another man who met my stringent standards--older, taller, lean, ambitious, witty, comical, and affectionate. The rawness of my desire compelled me me to engage extensively with a man whom I flagged as satisfying all of the above criteria. Yet there was no possible way for me to have made that judgment call, given 100% of our interaction was virtual-- until I flew down to LA for the 4th of July long weekend to interface for the first time. Everything was going swimmingly. Checked into my hotel, met with Edgar, ate a delicious dinner, consumed a decent amount of alcohol, and explored the gay nightlife of West Hollywood. Affection, however, was not a strong suit of his. And the subsequent void I was feeling was enough to drive me away from him in an inexplicably reactive and accusatory fashion. This drove him away from me--understandably so--leaving me blacked out by myself in my hotel room with a phone smashed into millions of fragments on the floor beside the dented wall. The next day, I slowly reflected on my behaviors and accepted the reality for what it was. After a day of solitude at the phone repair shop, beach, and cafe, I proceeded to seek out the company of others, as keeping to myself in the evening would have driven me insane. This led to an engagement that decidedly put me in the shoes of the heartbreaker-- while concurrently heartbroken. His each and every move was characterized by naivete, intimidation, and insecurity--albeit all traits that I'd been prone to displaying as well. However, his actions were deeply hyperbolized, to the point where I could not stomach his near-servile hospitality. And it only then dawned upon me: it's really REALLY hard for two people to be compatible. I'm grateful, above all, that I've largely ceased to self-deprecate upon rejection from others. And that my mindset is still geared toward finding the person who meets my criteria but with the additional cognizance of how difficult it is to find such a man. I feel as though I matured 5 years emotionally in the span of that weekend and the following weeks it took for me to wholly digest the situation. And I'm praying to god that this leap in personal security has set the stage for a relationship that will manifest into something beautiful in the near future.
I set a goal of being everything I could to my friend Leslie as she struggles with illness. While I would never say there was no room for improvement, I feel good about what I have done--spoke to her every day, saw her almost every week; made Shabbat dinners almost every Friday, spent wonderful time together on MDI. As the new year unfolds (pun not intended), I will do more household tasks and listen harder.
My little brother got married. I was amazed at how proud I felt to see him so happy.
The defining experience of this year has to be chairing a professional group's annual conference. It was a volunteer effort, and I spent 20-30 hours a week (or more) on it for the better part of a year (and then some going back another year prior). It took over my whole life and warped my perspectives on everything. To say there were challenges was an extreme understatement. Now 2 months after the actual event, I am still not fully mentally or physically recovered, and such draining things should be reserved for really, truly important things, like if your children have a severe illness or something. I am mostly relieved that it's over (and was a success) but also grateful (since few people have the opportunity, and I did learn a lot and met a lot of great people) and resentful (because I was taken advantage of and because I let myself be taken advantage of). The only inspiration would be to say "no" to more things and to set better priorities.
My girlfriend's father passed away. Steve had been sick for nearly 2 years and had deteriorated in the last few months, which unfortunately was when I met him. He was a kind good man who welcomed me into his home from day one. My girlfriend, her mother and sister were deeply affected, not to mention all his friends, neighbours and the large community of people he had touched over his life. It was touching and heartbreaking to see such a powerful response to his death. My girlfriend is still dealing with it, and I feel helpless at times. There are moments when I only hold her hand or kiss her forehead in comfort, unsure what to say or do. I have learnt that I can only be there for her to an extent. The rest she must face on her own. It has been a hard, and yet hopeful year. There have been many downs and struggles, but followed by strength and the need to move forward. Steve, you will be remembered and missed dearly.
In March of 2014 I kissed one of my best friends. It was the first I've ever kissed a woman, and it has turned my life upside down. As of today, September 24, 2014, it is not in a bad way at all. I have fallen in love with her and her with I. I am feeling a little bit of everything. The last month or so has presented struggles between us and has me questioning what I'm doing, what we're doing. There's a bit of regret for messing up the friendship. There's a bit of fear, knowing that I may lose her in my life for good. There's inspiration, because she does make me a better person, has since we started hanging out. There's a lot of LOVE. I love her in many ways for many reasons. I'm hopeful that we have a long life together ahead of us.
My husband, son, and I moved in with my in-laws to save money for the downpayment on a home. We've never been able to save a downpayment, and it seemed like a hard-but-good decision at the time. We knew there would be challenges and went in with our eyes wide open. Our conversation before the move was long and honest. And much of the time has been good. Our son is only 2, and he's had a wonderful time with all the extra "GranSue" loving. My MIL has had the chance to travel freely without worrying about her dogs or home being unattended. But I could not anticipate the emotional toll this choice would take. Stuff my husband repressed from childhood is popping up. I never, ever feel like I get a second alone, let alone unsupervised. I knew I was an introvert before the move, but I didn't know how good I was at self-regulation before I lost all time to self-regulate. It's been difficult. I look forward to moving to a place to call our own, to being around only our dog (not all the dogs), to never hearing a pet bird squawk again, to spending time with my husband, to having sex without my MIL 30 feet away, to carving out time for my child that is stimulation free, to liking my in-laws again (they are great people when you don't have to live with them), to watching my husband flourish with freedom of being away from family. I am grateful that his family is making a sacrifice to have us in their space (and it is a sacrifice for them), but I'm tired, overwhelmed, and resentful. Just a matter of months. Trying to have some perspective and be grateful every day.
Several of my closest family passed away this year, and so I am very sad and miss them terribly although I know they are in heaven at gods side with my Nana and other family members gone way too long..... I am happy that they are with God but life on this plane just got a little harder.
My husband and I came close to divorce due to his ill-management of his addictions and moods. Rather than losing me, he has chosen to make changes in his life. One of the most significant changes he is making is that, after 37 years of marriage, he is taking an "Introduction to Judaism" 20 session course this year and has committed to attending Shabbat and High Holy Services with me to the extent he is able. I am extremely grateful.
I had a sort of inexplicable experience last Semptember that was sort of like glimpsing into the window of falling in love and then having it shut abruptly. I started falling hard for a guy who was falling hard for me. It felt natural and right but also intense, trying, scaryā¦ all of the things love is reported to be. I willed myself to not fall into "this is it, I've found it" and tried to focus on gratitude. "If this is all this is, then I am incredibly grateful for even thisā¦" For the first time in my life I felt this incredible relief like my search was over. It felt right. I felt excited but safe. Then the rug got pulled out from underneath me. He disappeared three weeks in, after a lot of intense correspondence. My heart felt broken. After two months of radio silence, I finally got a reply from him, confessing that he was going through a divorce he had been to ashamed to tell me about. Obviously bad timing. I'm so proud of the grace with which I dealt with this entire thing. I was loving, approving, I didn't shame him or make him wrong, even though sometimes I wanted to. I also learned a ton about letting go and not internalizing other people's issues, assuming I did something wrong. I did nothing wrong, and it was so freeing to admit that. I would be lying if I said he didn't still haunt meā¦ possibilities of what could be/would beā¦ But I'm grateful for that little window into love. It doesn't make the searching and waiting easier but it is comforting in a way. The whole thing was so intense and eerie I feel like it's still doing it's work on me. I think about him a lot (not as much as I used to) and I wonder if he's thinking of me.
I was diagnosed with a rare and genetic form of muscular dystrophy. For my entire adult life, I've been aware that I had a 50% chance of developing this disease, and while it's not life threatening, it's life complicating. Still, it feels a bit like a gut punch. For my entire adult life, I've prayed that if I had the disease, that its onset would be delayed until an effective medical treatment was developed. Such a treatment is now in clinical trials, so I'm grateful for that, and even more, grateful for medical insurance that allows me to see top specialists. I'm also grateful that I live in a city that actually has specialists with knowledge of this very rare disease. But that doesn't mean I don't have anger.
I have met a woman who I am now engaged to. I am very grateful to have found someone to love and who loves me. There sre always issues but I am very glad to have had this opportunity again.
In the past year, it's mostly significant that I maintained the status quo. This was a change for me, and not something that I'm entirely comfortable with. I prefer to always keep growing and moving, and it feels wrong to have stayed in the same place. I am living in the same apartment, working at the same job, and dating the same person I was dating last year at this time. I feel concerned about this, because I worry that I'm not moving forward at the pace that I expect of myself and that others expect of me. I also wonder if this means I have reached my limitations. I consider giving up but not for long. I hope to longer be in this place next year.
Nine months ago, I fell in love with a wonderful, grounded, gentle man. He slows me down and keeps me in touch with the things that are important to me in my life. He loves me completely for who I am now, mature, formed, and with opinions, quirks, preferences. I am grateful and hopeful about the rest of my life with him.
I met Steve, now my husband. I am very, very happy. I never thought I would want to be with, let alone live with anothewr person. He has changed my mind and my life.
About 11 months ago, I started my first real relationship, one which lasted about 6 months. I lost my virginity, aged 19, and experienced what it was like to create an incredibly close bond with another person. It had its ups and downs - towards the end it had its downs and downs, notably the last night of the spring term, when we ended up having a drunken meltdown/fight in the middle of the street, and I cried more than I have ever cried before or since. But it also had its special moments - lazy days in bed, and trips to Bath where we went exploring. I like to think that I've come out of the relationship stronger, and with a better understanding of myself and my character. It was difficult, but I don't regret it at all. I hope he feels the same.
Had 3 cardiac Stents "installed". It was a surprise. I felt sick, had a tiny amount of chest pain, but was about to have a heart attack. I am grateful it was caught in time, I amd happy I have all kinds of newfound energy, and it is a transformational event for me as I am now a vegitarian and am going to focus on health more.
Unfortunately, I had a pretty negative significant experience that happened to me this past year. This past year was supposed to be new and exciting - first year of marriage! Settling in and settling down. Enjoying my last year pre-kids. We were supposed to start trying for children at this point. But on Thursday, November 7th, my world was rocked. Everything I thought I knew about my love, my partner, my best friend was taken from me. To find out the person you'd been with for 5 years, lived with for 2.5 years was not the person they'd presented themselves to be... That they'd been afflicted with an addiction they thought they could control, but couldn't... This experience has made me feel everything. I feel angry, sad, distrustful, numb, confused... But through all of this, I have tried hard to make positive changes in things I could control. I've tried to be positive when I can and I hope this effort will help me make positive strides in the future.
For the first time in my life, I fell and broke my collar bone. I was extremely dependent upon others and realized how vulnerable and fortunate I was not to have injured myself even more severely. I always felt I was invincible and was never curtailed from doing exercise, lifting, housework, etc. It was a very humbling experience. I was bit resentful when it first happened because I was on a ski trip and after the very first day, I sat in the condo and felt sorry for myself. Of course, when putting life into perspective, I realized it was small potatoes and I got over that pretty quickly. My vanity was affected because I had worked out so hard to be in shape and now I was unable to exercise for at least 10 weeks. The mountain medical clinic was amazing as my orthopaedic surgeon - lucky I did not need surgery on to wear a sling. My brother moved in with me to help me do what I could not. That saved me. He took care of my two pugs and cleaned the house. I felt blessed.
Losing my great. Uncle Sam this past year was tough. It made me feel sad that he was gone, that my boys would never really get to know him, and it also made me regret not having spent more time with him, but also grateful that my work had brought me to DC a number of times over the past few years, and that I had taken the time out of those trips to go visit with him and Aunt Sarah. His life was a complicated one, but I think he truly lived it on his terms. So maybe it wasn't successful by a lot of people's metrics, but it was successful by his, and that's all that really counts.
My husband's mother died in July of natural causes but after a decline of several years. Visiting her in her nursing home was hard on both of us and, to a certain extent, we are relieved she is no longer alive. Still, a small part of me regrets we never invited her to live with us. It's a very small part since she just didn't love my husband enough and did love his schmuck of a brother too much for me to regret our actions too much. I'm not proud of feeling this way and, anyway, its too late. But her death was significant and this is how I feel.
I had my second major surgery on May 29, 2014. It has made me grateful to be alive and relieved that I am done with having surgery. But also i wonder if i will ever *not* have a dull constant pain and if my belly will ever not look like frankenstein. I am grateful and sad all at the same time
We paid off my credit cards and some high interest loans from collegeā$76,000 in a little over a year! I thought it would be an immediate relief. It wasn't, exactly, but it was having a profound negative effect on me before, so I'm grateful to wake up without a sense of dread that we were on the brink of insolvency. We still don't have a house. And we're having a baby (!!!), which I'm sure will be next year's significant thing. It's to early for it to really have hit home, yet. But we have a lot less debt, and it's an immense weight off my shoulders. I feel we're much more prepared for this next chapter of our lives together because of it.
My daughter gave a baby up for adoption. I am grateful for her maturity, but will never stop feeling that we should have adopted him ourselves instead of letting him leave our family.
I found out I had a heart problem. Medications seem to be helping at the moment. I'm grateful that I found out about it before it became a problem, but I am resentful it happened to me.
On the brink of divorce, getting back into couples therapy was a significant event this past year. It has helped our relationship and communication tremendously. I am grateful we're in a better place now. I'm relieved things are easier but also cautious because I don't feel my husband is as committed to the marriage as I am. For that, I am somewhat resentful but I also see that he is working hard and giving up much. I hope my efforts match his.
My sister stopped all communication with me. I am so saddened by this loss. I had cataract surgery in one eye. For the first time in years, I can use binoculars without double vision. I had all but stopped bird-watching because of the frustration. Grateful
Just one? ...it is an ongoing experience, but if I have to choose one significant experience it's the red pill. I was in a place where I was considering going back on anti-depressants even though I have not had the greatest results from them; I was concerned I would endanger my job if I didn't have something to help me make it through the day with enough energy to both go to work and interact with people, since interaction is key to my job. I was also really reluctant to go on neuropharmaceuticals of this sort, nootropics, but I knew I needed something and I figured that it couldn't be worse than anti-depressants. That was roughly a year ago and in that time I've tried a number of combinations of supplements and managed energy-boosting, social interaction boosting, I like myself better, I joke more, I don't isolate as much with coworkers, I got a promotion at work... And rather than lose myself, which was my concern, I feel like it has just made me a better me. It improved my strengths and leveled out my weaknesses. I don't know that there is such a thing as a cure for depression, but now I am no longer convinced there isn't one. I have hope.
I sang at Don't Tell Mama. I was grateful, but disappointed in myself for not pursuing my music more. I feel like a failure because that one event was all I didā¦other than sing at the Synagogue which I whole-heartedly enjoy.
I had to transfer my son from the public school system to a therapeutic day school. He needed more than the public school could provide, as he has autism and is nonverbal. I was unsure how he would transition, but the school he goes to now is wonderful and understands him. The unknown caused some fear, but I am so glad I made this change for my son.
My husband has been so ill. It is as if he took a family's entire illnesses and is doing them all for us. CLL leukemia....COPD...pneumonia...congestive heart failure...wet macular degeneration resulting in legal blindness....at least three spontaneous back vertebrae fractures resulting in severe pain. My admiration for him knows no bounds. Yes, he gets angry and cranky with caregivers who cause him pain. But his mind is clear as it can be considering all his physical pain and weakness. He can still make friends with the OT who has just gotten a dog...with the CNA with the Portuguese background...
My parents (Dad turned 84 in April, 2014 and mom turned 79 in July, 2014) both had severe illnesses and I feared for their life. Dadās gall bladder became extremely infected and he became septic and was in the hospital for I think a month and took awhile to recover. Then, Mom had been having dizzy spells and passed out one day and the fall broke her hip. She was very sick for quite awhile and was sad because she had to give up some of her favorite passtimes: exercise and knitting. Fortunately, they have both recovered. I was very very grateful that they recovered and relieved. However, I was sad that I could not be closer to them because I live in Texas and they in Colorado. Fortunately, my sister lives next door so this offered me some comfort. I still worry about them because they are getting older and also I am getting older and often wonder what it will be like for me.
I changed jobs (involuntarily at first). I am now very very happy with this. I see it as God doing something for me that i could not do for myself. Even though this morning an incident did make me resentful, this helps me to remember that its only one moment and there are so many good ones.
I changed jobs and in so doing moved to someplace different. It's been very stressful. My new job is very challenging and is exposing me to a whole new experience which is good most of the time. I'm used to bring my own boss and now have the owner of the company breathing down my neck which is taking some getting used to. The move has entailed buying a house and major renovations. I'm not sure what effect moving is going to have on rascal, beme, flame, oj and my husband. It's all very much in flux but I'm optimistic
I got a new job as a librarian. I was relieved to finally have a full time job after 10 years (of graduate school and part time work). I was grateful to get such a wonderful job. I was nervous to deliver story times to children after having only worked with older teens and young adults. And I felt great to know that I could get the job I wanted in the system I wanted to work for.
I stopped everything and reflected on my life. I noticed that I had missed a significant part of it, even though I was present physically i often wasn't there mentally. It was a sad and striking realization
This past year my mother made steps to enter into an assisted living facility. My mother has always been very independent and active even at 84. Until fairly recently she was still going to the gym on a daily basis. But her health has made that difficulty and the city she lives in lacks any adequate public transit, so she has been fairly isolated. I have struggled with sadness and anxiety over the situation, I don't live in the same city as my mother. So making arrangements and finding information has been difficult. The situation has also made me realize how much I miss my mother and it has renewed and deepened my sense of tenderness towards her. I love my mother and I am grateful she is still with me.
My husbands ex wife decided one year ago to move 700 miles away and leave us with sole custody and all financial and emotional responsibility of their 16 year old son. My husband and I are somewhat newlyweds still, as when this happened, we had only been married for 9 months. I find myself with so much hatred and resentment towards her, as she seems to feel no responsibility to still being a mother in any sense of the word. I know that she probably wishes she hadn't had to move away- apparently she did because of financial reasons and had family to go live with, but doesn't have any appreciation for he fact that she no longer is responsible for her own child. I am struggling immensely with how to let go of my anger towards her.
The birth of my baby girl. Grateful, relieved, excited, scared, happy.
We both retired. I love the time with Mike and feel very blessed. But I'm not always being as kind to him as I might be. So i guess I'm struggling more than I admit. Deborah is pregnant again. Sarah is staying at South Bay, and challenges me to be supportive and to trust her judgment. Which I do, but I don't always communicate that. Dan is happy.
My boyfriend broke my heart into two pieces. I realized I don't have the same outlook on love and relationships anymore. I'm resentful that I have the tendency hold on to dead things in hope that they'll come alive again.
In the past year I've started running, completed a 5K race, am currently training for a 10K race, and have lost over 20 pounds. I feel good, physically and emotionally, and confident that I'll be able to keep the weight off and continue engaging in activities that will help me to be strong and healthy. I've started taking pilates classes and just restarted a 5:2 regiment I hope will lead to further weight loss - I'd like to make 5:2 or 6:1 a permanent part of my routine. I've noticed that my focus on weight loss and fitness has made it more difficult for me to concentrate on work and home responsibilities. Hopefully I'll be able to bring more balance into the picture as I feel more confident in my ability to live a healthy lifestyle a matter of course, and not something I have to work so hard to stick with.
My first thought was promotion to 2nd degree black belt (at age 62!). Definitely relieved it's over. But I want to say I went to the wedding of a high-school friend's daughter. We weren't in the same crowd, almost weren't friends--rivals, if anythingābut have gotten to know each other since. Her older cheerleader friends were also there. Part of me was excited to be with the coolest girls, all these years later. Embarrassed but gratified that I liked it when one of them said I could have been a cheerleader. It was like achieving popularity at last. Partly appreciating that they were popular because they were nice, funny, smart & lovely, & are even more so now. Partly relieved & inspired that we have all made it this far, that high school is both behind us & still with us, & both are not just OK but thrilling.
Found out I was pregnant. Anxious and Nervous about jobs and security.
My children and I volunteered for one week at Lighthouse Family Retreat to serve families that had a child or in one case children living with cancer in a vacation setting. It was a blessing to see my children serve and truly, it was the highlight of our summer to be together at the beach but with a purpose. Each one of us felt thankful for our own health and inspired by the love and beauty shared by the siblings and parents living through this experience. I feel changed knowing that time out of the normal routine can create a memory to keep for a lifetime. The children who were in treatment had the most pure, joyful and loving spirits. No one could experience getting to know them without being forever changed knowing that God uses even cancer to highlight what is important.
This has been an incredible travel year! Between February and July I hit all four corners of the country: Key West, coast of Connecticut, San Diego and the San Juan Islands off Washington. Additionally, I was in Tampa more than once, CT more than once, Seattle, Atlanta, Veedauwoo in WY, and several locations around Colorado, including Estes Park, Evergreen, Granby, Echo Lake, Turquoise Lake. It makes me grateful and makes my life interesting, rich and full.
while I can think of many the one keeps coming to me was an unintentional affirmation of the decisions I made may not have been so bad, and that I am very likely were I am supposed to be. And it came in the form of a friendship that started with a thought and affirmed by a simple five sentence long email.
My daughter graduated, got a job in NYC and moved home to save some money before going out on her own. I think the adjective to use would be happy, or maybe satisfied. I love having her around and always expected her to succeed.
I turned 60. It is hard to believe I have lived that many years and has left me reflective for sure. At times that reflection has made feel that I have not accomplished much - that many things I had assumed I would do or become have not happened. The biggest surprise has been how unsettled and afloat I still feel - feelings I felt strongly when young that have never left me. I always thought that at some point I would feel "settled". That I would feel comfortable ini my own skin, comfortable, secure and satisfied with my wife and family and work. When I was young it seemed reasonable that such feelings should be in the future - after high school or college, or marriage or embarking on a career or .... But now I am 60 and I still feel remarkably unsettled quite often. But now it seems too late to find a new career, my children are grown and gone, I'm passed hoping that some things about my wife will change and I find that I've been unable to alter many of my weaknesses either. Above all I'm not too sure why I feel this "unsettled ness" as I've been by most measures successful. So that's been my biggest surprise over the 60 years - that this restlessness I inside or unsettled ness has never gone away. Maybe it's because the milestone of 60 has caused me to reflect but I've noticed some changes. When I ride my bike I still feel strong and fit but I find it soo very hard to be motivated to go faster, harder. I go up hills slower and while a part of e wishes I would go faster a larger part is satisfied with just going. I was at a sales meeting this spring and was being shown some of the next generation projects that were being worked on. I was excited to see some of the improvements I and asked when I could realistically have them to sell. The answer was maybe 6-8 years and in a flash I realized I'd be 68! Was it likely I'd be still selling at that age? I think not and while for years I always assumed that by my mid 50's and on I'd have some managerial/leadership role, now I can't imagine any other role I'll have but my current territory job until I retire. But, I've been good at and am still year after year the top one two or three highest performer in the west and consistently in the top quartile or better in the company. Without having had a down year in a long, long time. I am proud of that. But, here again, like when I'm riding I find myself less inclined to try to do more. Some days I think the 2 more years to my 30th anniversary will be a snap, other days I wonder if I will make it another year. Over the past year or so I'm now frequently asked by others when I'll retire. It's a question that stumps me. The day I resign it will be so final - there's no doing my job part time or cutting back. The decision will be final. Still, I find it impossible to organize I myself enough to seriously come up with a plan for retirement. I can't manage a productive ongoing conversation about what might be with Carolyn, or with myself for that matter. It's too easy to get off track or find interruptions to really figure it out. Why is that? I assume it's fear of the unknown. Fear of change. The easiest current excuse is to think I've got to maintain the status quo at least as long as mom's alive, because while she is I feel an obligation to stay in Portland and be close to her. But, I do think about more often and may even be working ever so slowly towards addressing the question. I'm making a more concerted effort at learning to play guitar and am taking lessons and practicing seriously for an hour or more most ever day. Progress feels glacially slow and I am often discouraged and wonder if I will ever get to the point where I can play in front of people And be able to gift them a bit of my - how can I put this?- my soul, my self, my core, my love as music can convey. And I find myself reflecting more often on how fortunate and blessed I am and have been. I fantasize sometimes of doing nothing for a year but taking care of and improving our lot and home. I think of writing my history or better yet a story. Of going through all our stuff and throwing most of it away. Of riding my bike again across the country. Of volunteering in national parks and living in a trailer or hiking from and to somewhere. So far mostly idle thoughts, but who knows if or what of those idle thoughts I'll be able to put into motion? Finally, I reflect a lot about my faith. I believe that such faith as I have is rooted in a desire to discover that love Unfeigned that Christ seemed to talk of. That love that seems to be at the core and point of our being. Will I ever be able to find it, acknowledge it as it has been given to me? Incorporate it truly in how I live and interact with others? Will I be able to find that our religious traditions and practices are a method for achieving that or will they prove to be stumbling blocks for me that force me to re examine - maybe even cause me to reinvent how I practice and worship? So, to summarize. I turned 60. For me a significant experience this year. Am I grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired? May oui!
I ended a two and a half year relationship with a woman I thought I was going to marry. I mean, I ended it, but she said and did the things that made it impossible to continue. I can't really explain how it impacted me in the moment, but I definitely feel like it was a change for the best. I'm in a better place mentally, financially, socially, and professionally. As bad as it sounds, I was in love with someone who was dragging me down, in every way. I haven't really dated since. Unsure when I will again. And as much as I'm mildly freaked out about being newly single and in my 30s, I'm much happier knowing that the next few decades of my life won't be spent with the wrong person.
I attended the Affirmation Retreat in Nauvoo. This was the first time I really got out of my shell and met a significant number of other LGBT Mormons and our friends and allies. It was nice to really drive home to me that I am not alone in this. I felt hope and a lot of anxiety. I'm not a huge fan of going somewhere where I don't know anyone. But I came out of it with new friends, which was a definite plus.
Graduating, again. This time it was really different. I didn't participate in Commencement. I didn't have the stress of having my family in one place, but I also didn't really get a chance to celebrate it. I moved to Westlake two weeks after finishing school, and while I am so happy to have a job, not giving myself any real transition time between the stress of grad school and Comps, omg, the pain of Comps, has been hard. Meeting Zach has been pretty damn significant too. I wasn't expecting him. I don't think I really understood how important having someone is. It's been enlightening for sure, but also incredibly terrifying. I'm getting accustomed to having him around, and being around him and feeling content. And that could be gone if he decides that I'm not worth it. I decided to treat finally. In theory, I'll start sometime in November or December and hopefully be cured by March. The idea of doing that is terrifying. So much of my life is determined by the fact that I have this disease. Could I not be tired all the time? I can't even imagine that. I wanna know who I am without this thing hanging over my head.
Dad has his stroke in May of this year. It's made me see my parents as fallible and real. My mom has had so many breaking points, but she manages to keep going, always moving forward. Dad's strength is amazing, but he's so tired. When he says he wishes he had died, it's hard to realize that he was really depressed before. Both of their struggles are really hard to watch. And I hate being so far away. The week at home with them was wonderful but tough. Sometimes it seems as if everything is being done for the other. In an O'Henry kind of way, almost. They really are a team with a lot of love between them. Sometimes it was hard to see that, growing up, but now I think their relationship is a lot more complicated, sure, but also deeper. I guess I'm grateful overall for this experience. Of course I wish that I could have seen this and that this could have happened for them without Dad being in hospital all that time, but that's not what happened. I feel so much closer to them, and I like calling and talking to them every day instead of just once a week. It helps me feel like I am at home a little bit.
Our daughter came out to us regarding her sexuality this year. It definitely affected our whole family in many different ways as neither side of the family has experienced having a name and a heart connected with homosexuality. I'm incredibly grateful for the time/place in which we live that allows her to be exactly who she is, and also allows us to celebrate that with her. There is no hiding, no shame. We love her so much, and this has added dimension to our lives in so many ways. I have personally learned a great deal in the past months as a result of her coming out, most notably that everyone has to react to things in their own ways. We can't tell anyone how to feel about something, all we can do is love. And at the end of the day, our daughter is so loved.
We moved from Oregon to Georgia. I was scared and sad. I didn't want to leave and as time went on, our decision seemed more and more idiotic. I wished many times that we could take it back. I woke up homing it was a dream. One night, I dreamed we were in Oregon in a semi-lucid dream. I remember feeling relieved, feeling that everything would be better now. When I awoke, I had the most desolate and defeated feeling, and I wasn't sure if I'd ever recover from the disappointment.
Last November I had a significant heart attack and had to have open heart surgery that lasted nearly 10 hours. I was so grateful to still be alive that I set goals for achievement for the first time in many years. I met or exceeded all of them! My life is full and joyful, and I am appreciating every day in a way I haven't felt since my 20s. Life is good.
significant experience: one year ago, I starting working on Swipes full time- as a paid staff person. It made me confident. it made me committed to something greater than me. I got to create. Although it was an prolonged experience, rather than a one-off one. It feels like a new thing every day. Significant experience was also realizing how powerful I am at the age of 22. Peoples expectations of me. I've revistied how i view and practice friendship which may have been one of the biggest changes. It is now something meaningful, not meant to be carried on the same way as it should have been when it started. It is 100% allowed to grow and change, no attachment.
I became president of my synagogue in July. I am still adjusting to the change. Some people are treating me differently now, and I don't like that. In particular, there is a strange power thing going on between me and one other person that was never there before. On the other hand, it is giving me a chance to get to know our senior rabbi better, and, so far, that has been a good thing. Also, some people have said some very nice things to me about how glad they are that I'm president and how well they think I'm doing. I am very grateful for that.
That's a tough one this year. I'm surprisingly devoid of significance. I enjoyed the Paris ride with the Debden dynamos (inspiring), I enjoyed Dunbar's wedding (and Rhodesy's) had some great holidays - Thailand, Florida, Austria Ski, Italy Ski, Italy hot... I also had a jolly lovely birthday. I saw lots of people that I care about and had some great fun. I definitely felt grateful.
My wife and I decided to take on the remodeling of a house we own and had lived in but now are selling. We worked 'before work' and 'after work', meaning my day job. We tackled a million small projects that popped up one after the other seemingly without end. We slept on the floor and had 5 minute meals and then, 'back to work!'. All this resulted in putting our bodies in very good shape. Our appetites sharpened and our stamina increased. We spent a lot of time together working towards a common goal. The 4 month-long project allowed us time for reflection while doing laborious tasks. This turned out to be something especially enjoyable to my wife who constantly tending to the needs of her mother and others. The job took us away from consumerism and the hustle-bustle of the world at large and left us in a small paradigm of living for the moment and enjoying being useful and busy. Yes, a very small and rather introverted thing to do (not helping others and keeping to ourselves in a project that would be bettering ourselves) but still, worth while and overall a good-karma project. I hope we create or stumble into the opportunity to do this more in the future.
Publishing a book. It received positive reviews and the first edition sold out in a month or so. It was exciting, I dreamed about the moment for a long time, but I actually did not feel as happy as I should have. Maybe it was the stress of all the publicity and the launch event (that actually is being organised tomorrow. Maybe happiness and fulfilment will take over gradually. Let's wait and see.....
I went to a mass at a local high school on a Friday, my day off of work, that touched me spiritually in a way that was very much needed in my life at the time. I am very grateful that I had the experience. It inspired me to attend mass at my old parish that next weekend, and also inspired beautiful conversations with my son, my cousin-in-law, my aunt, and my co-worker and good friend.
I moved out of my apartment where I'd been for 3 years, then lived in another apartment with a terrible roommate, then moved into another apartment that I like much better--all in the course of . The churn and moving has been pretty mentally stressful, especially for the 10 months where I was living in a place I hated.
My father passed away about three weeks ago. How did it affect me? I will let you know in time. But for the meantime, it feels like my heart has been ripped open exposing a level of grief, and connection to spirit(and myself) and a despair about life (mid-life) I never imagined existed.
In the past year I very slowly - yet somehow all at once - fell in love with my best friend. It started last fall when our relationship started to grow and strengthen, then this spring we both realized that things were starting to change. Finally at the beginning of this summer we went on our first actual date and I am entirely certain my life will never be the same. She's already seen me at my worst when I think I'm broken and unloveable, and she somehow loves me regardless. I've also seen her at her low points and love her exactly as she is. I can so clearly see and understand now why my previous relationships never worked - that I was always contorting myself to try to fit with someone that wasn't the right person. I feel so blessed that I have now found my soulmate - and like the love cliches tend to say, it was only when I stopped looking that the person of my dreams turned out to be right there in front of me.
This past year I had to have a breast biopsy done the same week that my husband had to have biopsies done to determine prostrate cancer. Mine came back negative. His came back positive. I am grateful that mine was negative, and grateful that his type is manageable. I am grateful we have health care and the finances to pay for the biopsies and future care that is needed.
One of the most profound experiences of my life was to stand shoulder to shoulder with tens of thousands of my fellow Jews from all over world, gathered beneath the glaring afternoon sun to mourn the senseless loss of our holy brethren. The crowd was laden with sorrow and yet I have never in my life experienced such a unanimous outpouring of unconditional love.You could feel the intensity of it in the air as over 50 thousand Jewish souls vibrated on the same frequency, together kindling an immortal light.On that day this force of love was felt by Jews in every corner of the earth and shook the very foundations of heaven. As we waited for the funeral to begin the crowd shifted between deafening silence, and solemn song, invoking ancient words of sorrow and of hope. It is moments like this that fortify me with strength and hope, that during the darkest of times we can come together, a nation ādividedā by petty politics, as one family to mourn our loss and look together towards building a better future. I will remember that sad day for the rest of my life. Baseless hatred tore us apart two thousand years ago, and unbridled love is bringing us back together once more. ××Ø×× ×××× ××××Ŗ ××¢×§× × ×¤×Ŗ×× ×× ×Ø×× ××××Ø×, ××××¢× ××××× ×× ××Ŗ ××××, ×××× ×× ×××Ø××” ×Ŗש××Ø× ×××Ø ×§××ש ×××Ø×× Blessed is the true Judge: Eyal Gilad and Naftali May their memory a blessing. Read more: To Heal One Broken Heart | Joshua Jacob Shore | The Blogs | The Times of Israel http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/one-broken-heart/#ixzz3EFgJl5ZD Follow us: @timesofisrael on Twitter | timesofisrael on Facebook
A year ago, we were talking about marriage. In January we called it quits. I was devastated. It has taken me the months since, 8 months, to come to grips with it. It wasn't a straight line either, it was up and down and around and around for a while. It turned out to be just what I needed (thank you God, You're always looking out for me even when it seems awful) My relationship with God has flourished and I'm praying the same for him, even if I never see him again. I've officially started my own business. Haven't taken a dime in income yet, but I'm on my way. Still have a lot of things to learn.
A significant experience that happened to me this year was being a CMA at Thomfest. At the end of the year, my CMs gave me a $50 giftcard to Cosi, a personalized hat, flowers, and a few cards. In general, I felt so in my element this summer. I was thoughtful about how to set things up well for the CMs and myself this summer with their teams and challenges, I was intentional about building up collab partnerships and community as a whole group. I was effective leading PDs about specific parts of the lesson structure, because TFA and Mastery 2.0 were so closely aligned. I am so grateful for that experience. It reminded me that I can be good at things, that I can be happy at work, that I can work hard and also take care of myself, even in stressful situations. After two tough years of teaching I needed that reminder. I like working hard. I like being helpful. I can be good at things! I can be useful! I have talents!
Becoming self employed has been very liberating there has been some stress, but overall the flexibility especially over my time and not feeling like I am under anyones thumb has been very empowering.
I reconnected with an old friend. I had previously held a grudge against this friend for not growing in the same ways as me during college. Now we have found our ways to the same path. I was really grateful to see her again and am inspired by her motivation. She helped me to realize that my dreams are achievable and I believe that we will continue to motivate each other towards greatness.
Got pregnant. Growing a baby. I didn't think it would be so easy. This feels like a good thing, but I don't want to take it for granted. It is definitely a good thing for our family, it's already brought us closer together and given us something to look forward to. My son, in particular, is so excited to be a big brother at long last. He will turn 6 in a week, and the baby is due two weeks later.
The birth of my daughter. I am grateful, amazed, in unconditional love, inspired and at first, overwhelmed. Adding her to my life softened the jaded and disgruntled parts of my soul. In a way, it was like a "new me" was born right along with her.
This past year I moved to San Francisco and I feel so incredibly grateful. The city is expensive and crowded but so beautiful. Even when I'm sitting in traffic driving home from work in the Peninsula, I love watching the sunset in the fog that rests on the rooftops of the Excelsior. It's truly magical.
I sold my home of 12 years and relocated to a new town and a full time new relationship. I am still commuting to my job (75 miles). I have less time for myself and less time for yoga. I am grateful for so many things; my child, my health, my family, my job. Resentful? Absolutely not. Inspired? Daily. Jimmy. Rebecca's incredible heart space and intuition. My mothers exciting spirit.
I finished a Half Iron man race. I always knew how to swim but I wasn't very good. Watching videos and practicing a LOT, I learned to be a good swimmer and I did it. It was awful and scary and profoundly inspiring. I inspired myself. I feel grateful for my courage and physical ability. I feel so grateful for the support of my partner and friends who came to cheer me on. I feel inspired because I now know that wherever I think my limits are - I'm wrong. I can do more.
My first grandchild was born. This gives me great joy and pride. My daughter and son-in-law plan to raise her in a Jewish household. On her first birthday they conducted a naming ceremony giving Maya her Hebrew names. This event gave me such a warm feeling because our children are continuing our Jewish tradition so the tribe will survive and flourish. My wife, son and I will be moving to Portland, OR in the near future so our family will be together in one city to share our lives and support each other. I am fortunate to have a loving relationship with my wife and my children are my best friends.
One of the most significant experiences was a move into my own apartment on September 1, 2013. In my entire life, I have never lived completely on my own. I have made a small place into a sweet home, but this is not the dream I've had for my life. At moments, I am completely grateful and many other moments, I feel sad or disappointed. What this home is not, is a place for my family to gather or my grandchildren to spend extended amounts of time or overnight with me. I do sometimes resent the laundry room situation and am sometimes really challenged by the noisy upstairs neighbor. These are things I would rather not be dealing with. As always, I am challenged by life's unfolding and always looking for the meaning in it all.
A significant event happened to our family upon the graduation of our daughter from Ohio University from the Scripp School of Journalism. We did it...all together. This was a tough journey as we owned our business and it closed in January before her graduation in June. When she started our business was struggling and somehow we kept going and she kept pursuing her dreams and she graduated with glowing honors and enthusiasm. I have deep faith and trust so much in the holy spirit and it was that which we leaned on, prayed and still today we hold our faith sacred. As a family going through the trials and joys of these journeys we became even closer and stronger. Life is precious and we must, we must live each day as though we had won the lottery and not live by the words; if I win then I can....but I am living and I can. Miracles are all around as is love.
I got a promotion and moved into my own apartment. It is amazing how much I feel like my own person because of these changes. I feel self sufficient, and independent in ways that I didn't even know were missing from my life. There are certainly some ups and downs, and thinking about making ends meet from month to month is certainly a concern and sometimes a struggle, but overall it is the most worth it experience I could have ever imagined.
In anger I confronted my adult children about their treatment of me--abusive, manipulative, rude, making fun of me, ignoring me. They all told me that I did something wrong (before I sent the same letter to each of them) but will not tell me what I did. My son still believes I was abusive to him--the police said no--I was not. I changed the pattern of abuse in my family which was not easy. I just do not want to not be their doormat anymore. This still weighs heavily on my heart. My sister got involved and I told her to butt out--and she didn't now the situation is worse. I was relieved after I sent the letters. Perhaps I should not have--but I felt the need to clear the air so we could have a better relationship. I made a mistake and my family is not forgiving--I am dead to them--
Zach started Middle School. I am relieved he negotiate it--difficulties and challenges--and emerged a more confident human being.
Decided to end my unhealthy marriage. I feel all of the above: grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired?
Spending my 65th birthday with family and friends was so special to me. I feel unbelievably lucky to have my health and so much love surrounding me.
I got married this past year and am so grateful. It is my second marriage, and my finance' has faced significant health challenges. At one point, he was told he only had 9 - 12 months to live (he has since far surpassed that). Our wedding day was a celebration of us and the many things we have overcome as a couple.
Moved home to England from America after 3 years away and the birth of our son. It was a tough decision to make but we have been very happy to be home near close friends and family again. We had a great time in Colorado but never felt like home. this summer we went to Will, Fran, Martin, Carl and Kevs wedding. Stayed with the in-laws for 4 months which was surprisingly easy. Work is a little wierd as working US hours and remotely is tough but doable. Lots of time on the phone to make it work. Turned down a big promotion to come home but so far it has definately been the right decision. Enjoying the sailing lessons and spending my days in Nest space. Worries are about the future of working remotely and what I can achieve with the UK operation. The next 6 to 9 months will give the answer.
Trying to reconnect with my father. He is old ~ i am old! We are both getting old. He remains more concerned with making his mark...still, at 74. Does he not 'get' his family is perhaps his best, lasting legacy? I'm so confused with how to 'honor' him, when he barely acknowledges the existence of us....remains aloof, self-possessed, disinterested.
Wow- it has been a REALLY big year for me. I've taken the MCAT, gotten into medical school, carried a real job for the first time in years (The Princeton Review) and moved to Middletown. I've gotten a new car, a Prius, which I am totally happy with. I've rededicated myself to working out and am on point with my nutrition. I moved from body-builiding to a crossfit program just two days ago! These are all pretty positive. The MCAT worked out really well for me- I just rocked it, you know? However, my applications to medical schools did not. With my unusual resume of having a JD I thought I would be much more qualified than many of my co-applicants, and I was. What I didn't expect was that the level of scrutiny leveled at me during the interviews was consequently much higher. I still remember my interview at northern California, where one of the interviewers asked questions in such a way that it was clear he had made up his mind before ever talking to me; I mentioned this to my fellow applicants when we left, how the interview had been SO rough. My fellow applicants confirmed, in their words, that the interviewer was "trying to beat me down," but that I had responded well. Touro Vallejo had been my first choice, but when I was waitlisted there, and the accepted in New York, I was very grateful. I put my head down, prayed to God and cried, thanking him for all the blessings in my life. I was also tremendously relieved. I'd spent years trying to get into school. This was my only career path; I didn't have a plan B. With so many refusals rolling in from the schools despite my high MCAT, I was feeling so stressed that I hadn't even realized it. As I prayed thanking God, and the tears of joy and relief rolled down my face, I felt a great tension unwind from the center of my being, as if a coiled and arthritic spring was slowly coming to rest after years of being under tension. You see, it wasn't just me applying to school, going through "the ringer," it was my wife and mother as well- people that depend on me, that have given such incredible and unflagging support to help me reach my goals. I felt the weight of every rejection much more heavily because I knew that it truly was a team effort. Today, I am so happy at school here in NY. My classmates are wonderful, the curriculum, using the "upside down" classroom, really suits me, and I am succeeding quite well. It's impossible to say whether I would have done as well or been better off in northern California, but what I can say for sure is that life and school here are are awesome. I also had to rehome my dog. I used to have a 120lb Akita, named Kazo. He had a hard time in our home because the social dynamic was "off." My wife and I lived with my mother, and the trainer I hired to help us with Kazo seemed to think that a lot of the problem centered around the dog believing that my mother couldn't take care of herself, and that he had to be on guard for her, 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. We worked with him pretty intensely, but at the end of the day, it wasn't enough. I January 2014 Kazo attmepted to attack my wife. Thankfully, she was able to escape, but it was only by the "skin of her teeth." We were able to find him a good home through an adoption agency that specializes in large-breeds, but I was sorry to see him go. I raised Kazo from a pup, and he was about 4 years old when he left us. At the time I felt a lot of anger towards my mother and even my wife. I think I also feel disappointed that I didn't work harder with Kazo to try and help him. On the other hand, I'm not sure any amount of work would have ameliorated the situation. That's regret. At the same time, my wife's dog, a much smaller Kelpie rescue was able to move in with us (she had been living with my wife's mother) after Kazo found a new home. Kelpie's work best when they have a partner dog, so we adopted a second dog, Murphy, a Basenji cross, (also a rescue) to keep up with Dia. Both the dogs are unbelievably happy and thriving. Our house is much less stressful because we no longer have Kazo, so things have worked out for the best. However, I found some photos and his bio from when I placed him for adoption the other day and I was, and am still, a little upset. Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want, but you have to make the best and move on. I'm hoping I don't have to make many more choices like this in the future, because they hurt, and because perhaps, with a little planning (eg, examining the household a little more carefully) could be obviated. And found out that I have genital warts. My wife had HPV prior to our relationship and the HPV has manifested itself on me in this way. It's upsetting and depressing- I always thought that part of me was "perfect" somehow. I guess I'm greatly relieved that I didn't get this from my wife via an extramarrital affair. After speaking with my doctor, I confirmed the timeline was such that it could not be determined when she had gotten the disease and how long I had had it. My wife and I spoke about it, and I remembered a conversation we had many years ago about her having some "non-cancerous" lumps after visiting her OBGYN, so knowing that everything is in order with the most important relationship in my life is something I'm extremely thankful for. All of these episodes make me feel tremendous relief and gratefulness. I have a lot be thankful for and a lot to be relieved about. I look forward to all the experiences that will enrich my life as I move forward, and although this past year had a lot of positives, I hope that this upcoming year has a experiences that are a little less intense than the ones of this year past. I am happy, but I'm not sure the level of emotionality, good or bad, is sustainable in the long term, at least not without deleterious effects to my health.
I began a coaching program at Coaches Training Institute to refine my executive coaching skills. It is significant because the trajectory of my professional life has changed and I am forever grateful and inspired.
My second husband's family is coming for a visit in the next month. I sense the real purpose of this visit is to get money from him. The better part of me wants to believe that they are going to visit with him because he is 86 years old and has much family history to pass on to them before he dies. The realistic side of me tells me that they are going to "pitch him" for money for school, for down payments, for contributions to their non-profit, etc. They haven't seen him in 20 years and the communication in those 20 years has been limited to holidays and other situations in which they needed money (higher education, down payments, legal fees, IRS penalties, etc.). I am feeling resentful. They have no idea what our needs are at this stage of our lives. We have health issues, house maintenance items, ever-increasing bills, etc.
I completed a weeklong intensive Nia White Belt training and an Ageless Grace training. It inspired me to stay involved with Nia and Ageless Grace and go more deeply into it and learn to teach it. I am amazingly grateful to have begun the classes and been encouraged to get more involved I am relieved to know that my mind and body can do it and love it. I resent not having been more inspired and being more fearful of these sort of challenges long ago. I am inspired to learn more and share with others
I participated in an Adult Bat Mitzvah. It showed me how strong I could be, how smart I really was. Yes, to both the Rabbis and the Cantor for all their support. I am inspire to be a better person stand up for what I think and trust my judgement.
I went to Mexico City and visited Casa Azul, Frida Kahlo's residence. I felt incredibly moved and inspired to get a glimpse into this powerful, talented, and strong female painter's life. Frida exemplifies the kind of person I aspire to be: Someone with a child-like wonder who handles the tragic events of life with blissful grace. Someone who is not afraid to assert her identity and does not shy away from people and public recognition. Someone who adores her family, and gives all she has to the people she loves. Someone who takes pride in her ethnic heritage and cultural background, and has a strong consciousness of social justice. A woman who stands up for beliefs and will not be bullied into oblivion by self-doubt, insecurities, anxiety, depression, and people who don't listen. Visiting Casa Azul moved me to my core and brought out a sense of empathy, admiration, and inspiration in me that I sometimes forget I posses. It is interesting that by taking an intimate look into Frida's life, into someone else's life, I am able to better self-reflect on my own.
Several children with unexpected, serious health problems. I'm nearly exhausted. Sorry it happened. Need to be more proactive regarding my own health and stamina--"put my own oxygen mask on first".
After a lifetime free of broken bones, I tripped over a bike and broke a large bone in my upper arm (the Humerus) at the age of 66. I was angry and scared at how poor the care was in my local hospital and how large the fracture looked on the x-ray. I'm now left with a sense of awe and gratitude at the amazing ability of the human body to heal itself.
I have 3 1) Alex asking me to go to his graduation. I was flattered. It took a lot for him to ask me. I am grateful for our friendship. President Obama spoke. 2) I sold my condo and started renting an apartment again. A big single - open - artist space...I am relieved and excited to have created a space for whom I am today. 3) I found a way for me to have Art + Personal Growth. For me to help others ... I am inspired by the Creatively Fit Coaches and grateful this come into my life.
My father and siblings relationships have significantly detiorated. I'm terribly sad, frustrated and disappointed. Intellectually, I know I am not the cause and cannot correct this situation. Emotionally, it is a heavy burden to carry.
Death of aunt at age 104. Inspired to live every day.
My husband of 7 years finally moved out and we are beginning divorce proceedings. I am so relieved that I no longer have to live with him and the psychological abuse we put each other through.
Moved in with my partner. I feel relieved and happy.
Although more recent, the most significant thing that happened to me this past year was the passing of my grandfather, Bernard Friedman. Grandpa had been sick for a while, having been diagnosed with Parkinson's five years ago, but in the weeks leading to his death he was hospitalized and many other issues came up, including lung cancer. I got to see my grandfather one last time before he passed, but he was unresponsive. I held his hand and he held mine back as I told him I loved him. I knew this day was coming, and thinking that since it was foreseen, I expected to deal with is more easily. I was very wrong. He passed on August 30, 2014 and that weekend was the most depressed I have ever been in my life. His funeral was the following day, August 31, and I cried all day long. The burial was the hardest and forced me to accept the fact that he was not coming back. Pouring dirt on his grave was my final goodbye, and I was surrounded by my entire family. That weekend, I learned a great deal about my grandfather that I never knew. He was a boy scout leader, a veteran of WWII, a founding member of his synagogue, and that he told his mother on the day he met my grandmother, "Ma, I just met the girl I'm going to marry." And he did. My grandparents were happily married for 66 years, spending every possible moment together. Although his death has affected me greatly, I feel so much sorrow for my grandmother as well, who now has to learn how to live without the love of her life, the man she said "knew how to do everything." The day I was to leave and return to my new home in San Diego, I had a emotional breakdown. I could not stop crying. I was terrified of all the change happening in my life. I graduated from college in May, moved out to San Diego by myself to start my first job, started being fiscally responsible for myself, and now I had also lost one of the most important people in my life. I did not want to go back to San Diego, and the sight of my sorrow left my mother worried about my mental health. It has now been three weeks since his passing, and I have decided to try and truly live the last piece of advice my grandfather gave me, "Be kind, and enjoy life." After a week of immense depression, I decided to take action to remove myself from the pit of "I can't" I had confined myself to, and decided to start enjoying life. I have been working on my health by attending cardio and yoga classes regularly, as well as starting Weight Watchers. I have opened myself up to new people to become new friends that I can rely on while I live far away from my old ones. I have opened my mind to new ideas and am advancing my skill set at work. And what is my motivation? Grandpa Bernie, and the beautiful and long, loved-filled life he lived for 89 years. I hope within the next years, and all the years to come that his wisdom will guide me to a life just as fulfilled as his.
I received more responsibility at work because a coworker got laid off. While my original job wasn't challenging, and the new job is routine, it is a lot more work for no more pay. I did receive a raise recently, but only because the minimum wage went up. I resent that a little bit. I don't think my company values me as an employee even though I am vital to the weekly publications, and I won't be surprised if I have a new job at this time next year.
I GOT MARRIED!!! It was a magical day and evening filled with amazing music, family and friends, and an abundance of love and support. I feel so grateful to have a community that came together to help make the entire event possible. I know there are many people who do not receive the outpouring and openness of their loved ones and I can only hope that the light we generated can carry into someone else's life and help encourage friends of friends who see pictures of our happiness and joy to open their hearts and arms to people who love differently than they do.
I had my bicycle stolen on July 28th. It was terrible. I went to the store that morning to pick up a few things and rode my newly rebuilt 1969 Raleigh Twenty. When I returned home, I locked it to the grill that's in the back yard, as I had done many times before. I didn't bring it inside because I was going on the Bike to Brew ride later, so it would only be there for about a half hour. I went upstairs and got ready to go. When I came back downstairs, I opened the back door. I saw the grill had been broken and flipped over. I threw down my bag, ran to the basement, and grabbed my other bike. Someone had to be close. I rode fast. I rode around like someone was chasing me. I searched up and down streets for about six blocks. I couldn't find anything. When I returned home, I went through the alley. I found the pump that was attached to the frame of my bike. It was three houses down. I picked it up and went back inside to file a police report. While on the phone with the police, I went through in my head what could have happened. Someone was driving down the alley, saw the bike, and came into my fenced in back yard. They kicked the leg out of the grill and flipped it over, then walked the bike to the alley. They turned south, then walked a little. When they went to lift the bike into their truck, then must have accidentally knocked the pump off of the frame while lifting it. So it was more than likely Scrappers. From this story, I've learned that I should lock my bike to a solid/non-movable object whenever it is more than an arms length away. If I'm just going inside, so should the bike.
I attended my brother-in-law when he was dying of cancer and stayed in hospice with him for three days. During my watch in the late hours of the third night, I remembered that I had some crystals with me for meditating. I placed those crystals above his crown chakra and laid down to sleep for a few hours telling myself to awaken by 6:00AM. I woke up at 5:45 and realized he had just passed. When I retrieved the crystals they had undergone a transformation in those 2-3 hours that I slept. I felt humbled and honored that my crystal knowledge helped him pass into his next journey.
Tshuva! I came back...to Judaism. I read R Lew's book, This Is Real & You Are Completely Unprepared" and came back. I saw that this "new" expression of Judaism was, in Jay Michaelson's words , non-dual. This was my Buddhist practice with heart, with an expectation of joy, with the involvement of the community...and it resonated with me. It was as if my entire world was turned upside down. That I am writing this, that I am here would have been entirely inconceivable 13 months ago!!! It is now 1 pm on erev RH and I can hardly wait to get to shul!!! Amazing...
I have completed the first year of a new marriage. After some bad experiences with relationships, I was a little wary as to how things would develop as time passed. Things between us are better than ever. We are compatible spiritually, politically, family wise and even dietarily! I am most grateful, relieved and inspired.
I broke up with my then boyfriend 10 months ago during a hazy night of heavy drinking that I don't really remember. I am grateful not in the way ended, but in the results of it ending the way it did. I was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons--my own insecurities to blame--hence the heavy drinking. I haven't touched booze since then and have no desire to. I have a better job than what I had when I was with him. I am focused on improving or at least facing my own life rather than getting wrapped up in someone else's. I admit I miss him still. And I am single still. I will likely always be single, and that's just something I'm trying to learn to live with and embrace.
We lost my father-in-law last November. It was a tremendous shock to everyone, and one from which we are all still recovering. I have struggled particularly with postponing my own grief while I tried to help my husband, children, and mother-in-law mediate theirs. The affect has been profound, and I'd say touches on each of the suggested emotions. I am so grateful to my Lord and Savior for His presence in our lives throughout this year. It is His grace that has allowed us to begin to heal and to move beyond the anger and resentment that creeps into our consciousness on days we miss sharing a challenge or victory with this awesome man. I have felt the relief of joy in the midst of sorrow this year in ways that were unknown to me before losing dad. The kindness of strangers, the depth of friendships, the mending of family bonds, and the "peace that passes all understanding" from my Lord. The life dad lived was an inspiration, and the void left inspires me to seek God more fervently and walk out my calling more courageously than ever before. This year was marked by losing dad, but also by gaining an appreciation for life.
I visited Israel in April/May for the first time in 25 years. It was an eye-opening and deeply affecting trip. I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have gone, not to mention the people I was able to talk to personally and to listen to as they talked about their experiences in Israel. It definitely inspired me to be more engaged with Israel on my return, talking to friends and congregants, reading newspapers and articles, posting on Facebook. And watching the war unfold over the summer left me frustrated, powerless, and sad.
I finally found people willing to help me build the organization that my community needs to live up to the title of The City of Arts and Innovation. I now have even more work to do, but I am slowly building relationships that will help me delegate authority and share my dream with others. I am greatly inspired!
I just got laid off yesterday. Extremely grateful at the moment...it was HIGH time I do something else with my life! whooo-hooooo! Funny how hard a kick in the seat of the pants it takes to move on...
RozwiodÅem siÄ. PogodziÅem siÄ z tym i zamkneÅem ten rozdziaÅ. PrzyznaÅem siÄ przed samym sobÄ , że kocham AgnieszkÄ. PowiedziaÅem to także jej... i zmieniÅo to nasze życia. To mnie mocno uwolniÅo.
I started practicing yoga. It has affected me in that it has given me space each day I practice to be mindful, in the moment, still and focused. This has, to a small degree as I am just starting out, flowed into other areas of my life. A co-worker said my energy had changed. I find I am able to be a bit more patient and while I still get angry at stupid things, I can calm more quickly. I am grateful to have found this outlet that impacts my well being across so many levels. I am relieved to have an outlet for working on myself in a positive way and I am very inspired to continue practicing. I hope to make this a way of life.
I'm a little over eight months pregnant, getting ready to give birth to my first child. Being pregnant is surreal, natural, mystifying, inexplicable magic. Last year, this answer was all about my miscarriage. Other answers included the hope that I would be pregnant or have a child by the time I was reviewing my answers. It made me grateful beyond words to have realized this milestone. There have been a lot of other hurdles and challenges and questions in my life in the past year, but this is the one thing that I know, with absolute certainty, is meant for me. I have always seen myself with a daughter, and she is finally on her way. I'm so excited to meet her.
Lost my job because of a drunk e-mail I sent. I'm relieved to not be at the job, but it's stressful looking for work. Four months of this, opened my mind to every kind of job, applied to so many different jobs, plenty that don't require much education at all. No one's biting. So I'm relieved, but sorry I didn't really leave on my terms, or have any sort of plan. Cash is about run out, and I hope to find something soon.
We ran a world premier show this year. What an amazing experience... The kids were so excited to be a part of a "NEW SHOW". Unfortunately it was somewhat anti-climactic as the playwright who was supposed to attend didn't make it... but we still loved doing it!z We questioned if we could pull it off - I'm so I'm actually very encouraged - don't be afraid to take the chance - we'll rise to the occasion!!!
Joan and I decided to return to Green Valley after living in Park City, Utah for two years. I am grateful she decided to return with me and did not want to stay in PC. I feel my community is here in Green Valley and I am more appreciative of the friendships, connections and institutions here. This is where I want to live my life. It took moving away for me to appreciate that fact. LUMOSITY has helped me remain sharper mentally. I workout every day! I also stopped drinking wine and beer because I felt very fuzzy after drinking and I do not want to loose any of my mental function!
Over the last year, my husband and I made a decision to manifest our destiny in Hawaii. That meant leaving a place I have lived in over 60 years. And going through everything I had accumulated over that time, and divest. I am grateful to have a loving and supportive husband, who inspires me to make it happen. This is a BIG move. Another, is the discovery of letters my father had written to his sister during his enlistment in the South Pacific, WW2. I'm learning more about his experience there through these, than I ever knew. I am grateful for that, too. My dad has been gone twenty years now...
Partner lost her job. Grateful to appreciate all the ways that a wholesome life is completely unconnected to our wage-focused jobs.
My 18-year-old daughter moved out on her own. I am very grateful that she found something she's interested in doing.
I graduated this year. That was really something that I was really proud of. I never thought that grad school would be something I could have done, but I was so proud that I was able to graduate and also the experience of living in New York was unforgettable. I met people who were inspiring and made friendships that made me a better person and I think I became more of an adult. The most valuable piece of it all was that I was able to find a job back in CA doing something I really believe in. It has been a great experience and all of it has been wonderful.
Through dealing with the struggles with life I have given up the expectation that a family business is something that will happen. I feel that this is more explainable as a loss of hope, but I feel that it is a double edged sword. I feel that is has releived some pressure that I place upon myself to be financial successful (provide), but it still is an underlying loss of hope. Life is tough and finding time to persue other things does not seem feasible and finacial constraints are ever apperant.
My Significant Summer in Yankton I shot archery at the national and world championships for the first time. It was stressful and full of highs and lows. True doubt would creep in, especially at the least advantageous of moments. For example, I shot a 19/20 from the 80 yard walkup (a truly amazing feat, maybe a world record for my bow classification) and then proceeded to shoot all remaining 80 yard walkups in the tournaments extremely badly (i.e. less than 11/20). I found that I am able to be calm quicker and focus easier in stressful situations. I am completely grateful for this shared experience, that would not have happened if my friend Dan did not support me as well as he did; Dan has told me that this shared experience was exactly the same for him as well. I am relieved that I was able to rise to the challenge and not fall into an anxious mire of emotional poop (i.e. target panic). I was resentful of petty competitive comments and criticisms. I am inspired to continue shooting competitively as a mindful exercise similarly as one might do yoga.
Graduated nursing school!
I finally got inspired to lose weight. Without dieting. Just eating less and moving more. Lots of walking. Eating things I like but just not so much of them. Cutting way back on pasta, rice and bread but not eliminating them. I'm extremely relieved, grateful and proud of myself. 50 pounds down!
I got pregnant. A few times. And finally stayed pregnant. With a son this time. I had been hoping for a girl. I know what to do with a girl; I already have one. And I still have all her baby stuff, so it would have simplified my baby needs tremendously to have a second one. However, now I'm glad I'm having a boy. Sure, there are some scary things about having boys; the whole topic of circumcision unnerves me, and I am a little nervous about the toddler years, as my friends with boys keep telling me we will be in and out of the ER. But I like that we will have a balance, no one gender overwhelming the other. And it will almost be like having two only children, as nobody will have hand-me-downs. Plus...I get boys. Most of my friends have been boys. I can relate to them. Mostly, though, I'm just relieved that we're finally going to have another child, and that the child is healthy. That's what I really wanted. And there were times this year that I worried it wasn't going to happen, that I'd waited too long. Or that my daughter was a fluke. Something like that. But sometimes miracles happen.
My son and now druthers in law got married He graduated both Basic training and his MOS for the Army National Guard of CT It has inspired me to respect him even more and appreciate all I have more dearly than ever in my life
I gave birth to twins after years of struggling with infertility. My delivery had complications and I had to have a blood transfusion to survive. The entire experience left me grateful to be alive, appreciative that I have 2 beautiful babies, but mostly a huge sense of responsibility to raise these children right.
My girlfriend and I adopted a dog. She's a small, white, fluffy Japanese Spitz. I love the dog very much and enjoy playing with her. Her arrival did make me pretty upset. After months of my girlfriend begging for a dog and my consistent refusal to agree to having this new housemate (especially considering we have a cat), my girlfriend went ahead and picked up the dog anyway. She's become a bit of a nuisance since she barks at everything and anyone. It's uncomfortable to even take her for a walk. To correct this, we're spending quite a lot of money on very expensive training. I hope, that in the end, this is all worth it.
My dad called me out of the blue to make a confession about his past. I wanted to vomit and felt he was someone other than I thought he was.
The death of my mother-in-law. It was completely unexpected - she was healthy and fit and only 65. It made me think about the futility of life, the need to live as fully as possible and take care of the things that really matter.
It's hard to pick the most significant experience this year because there were so many, but I would have to say that buying a house was probably the most significant. We got married but buying the house seems to have turned us into a unit in ways that the wedding only confirmed and forced us to make decisions together for the first time.
I went on an 8-week sabbatical from my job. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do this, and used it to relax, exercise more, spend more time with my kids and de-stress overall. I feel like I came out of it with a better perspective on work and life that I need to remind myself to come back to when I'm starting to feel stressed or am not happy about how I'm balancing all my priorities. I'm glad I took the time but am a little sad that it's gone now and will never get it back again.
I finally sought out help for my depression, upon starting medication for it, it was as if a wound I'd been carrying for years finally healed. I'm incredibly relieved to finally have my love of life back, there's still a lot I need to work through, but it really helps to finally be moving in the right direction.
I was laid off twice in 2014. I am not grateful for this experience. This past year I have worked hard to avoid depression, panic, victimhood, and bitterness. Being able to spend extra time with my young grandchildren has literally saved my life. I think emotionally that I am doing pretty well. This would all be wonderful and sweet, except that I now have absolutely no income whatsoever and in one month's time I won't be able to pay my rent. I could very well be evicted. I used to own a house (which I lost to the bank) - and I used to have a job that paid 6 figures. I was laid off from my last real job in early 2010 and have only had a series of short-term project-oriented jobs ever since. To these places, I am seen as expendable. Since 2010 I have applied for over 400 jobs. People out there assume that homelessness could never happen to a college-educated woman who has worked as a professional her entire life. But it can and it does.
In March, I was dumped by my boyfriend of 5 years, out of the blue, and the next day my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was an absolutely awful week, and I honestly couldn't see a way through it. It affected me badly at the time - I didn't eat, was hardly sleeping and I just felt sick all day long every day for about 6 weeks. I am grateful I was dumped now, because I realised that I really wasn't happy in the relationship, and I never would have ended it myself. Its made me stronger and more independant, and honestly was one of the best things to happen to me. My mum getting cancer was absolutely awful, it was devastating and I'm definitely not grateful that happened, but it has brought us closer as a family. My friends have said that I'm much more mature, and that I've changed a lot. I thought I would be a psycho-ex, calling my ex all the time and badgering him, but I didn't phone or text him once which I'm really proud of. I'm only 25, but I thought he was going to be my husband, so it was hard to adjust. In hindsight, 6 months later, I've had an absolutely significant experience as I appreciate my family and friends so much more, and it has definitely amde me stronger person. I don't feel particularly relieved or inspired, but I'm definitely grateful that my ex ended the relationship as we hadn't been right for a while, and I was sweeping the problems under the carpet. It was a huge adjustment to make, but at the moment I'm the happiest I've been since my first year of University 5 years ago, so I think I'm almost over it.
My husband passed away after a long bettle with cancer. After taking care of him for the last five years, it was just me and the dog. Then the dog died in his sleep almost a year after my husband died. Heartache and sadness hits me so randomly, but there is also joy in each day. For the first time in my life, I am learning to live alone. This is a completely new experience for me, a new skill, and I realize that I am not a big fan of living alone. Friends and family have been great, and I'm grateful for all of the support I've received over the past year. This experience has taught me the importance of living each day and counting my blessings, especially love.
I met Joey. Meeting someone who I want to have a long term relationship with has affected me in many ways: I'm questioning some of what I thought was necessary for my happiness. For example, I've been wanting to move to the coast or Hawaii for a number of years now...and while I still prefer those sites I feel like they are less integral to my happiness because I would prioritize being with her rather than where I live. I am grateful and scared and hopeful and suspicious and unsure of what I should hold onto as my own dreams and desires and what I can let go of as I create a partnership with her. Given that she is also leaving for 3 months after we've only been together for around a month, I am a bit anxiousānot a lot, but a littleāabout how this will affect our growing relationship.
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor called an acoustic neuroma. It was a life changing experience because I suddenly realized that life is very precious and short and we really take good health for granted. I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought and able to handle this without it changing the way i handled my daily life. I am amazed at how strong i was going into surgery and how well i healed. I am so grateful i did not have any side effects and that even though i lost my hearing in the left ear, i realize it could have been a lot worse.
This has been a really, really quiet year - I honestly can't think of anything "significant" that has happened. Just continuing with grad school. :/
My first answer would be participating in the SF to LA AIDS ride and all the support from family and friends leading up to the Ride itself. While you are on the Ride there is lots of talk about the "Love Bubble" that surrounds the Riders, Roadies, Moto, Traffic, SAG, Staff and even onlookers along the route. And I am happy to report that not only does it actually exist, but the glow continues for a long time afterwards!!! So a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone on the Ride, everyone with a cowbell along the route (you really helped me to the top of the hill!!), the entire town of Bradley, CA, and the altar guild of the little Episcopal church I stopped at on Day 3.
I had to deal with my sisters fit over the kids not visiting last summer. It has been hard. I have felt bad for her but she also has crossed the lines with what is a reasonable reaction. Her not respecting my parenting choice has led her to harassing us with hateful emails, phone calls and texts, even threats. She has told terrible lies and used manipulation which I fell into. I love her but she is suffering from something much greater and I am just her punching bag. I believe the stress of that situation led to the tumor that grew in me and caused me to be so sick and have surgery. I would never want to relive the ordeal but it has also taught me that I can be strong and I can draw the line when at other times I have been unable. The experience has taught me a lot about patience, anger and guilt. I have learned that holding on to anger brings no peace. I have resolved my feelings and have moved on. Maybe one day she and I will have a relationship. I won't be expecting an apology as I have already forgiven but maybe we can be there for each other if needed.
I got a new job and moved to a state I love- but the job has turned out be to far less than ideal and long story short, has left me wondering about an entire career change and life shift. I am in the process of figuring out where I want to direct my energy, and how to make the work I do more fulfilling and meaningful. I suppose I am slightly resentful at the lack of professionalism, but more grateful that I can live in a place I love and have the opportunity to learn from this.
I was watching my six year old son working on his homework and I was suddenly struck by how much he looked like me when I was his age. It made me feel a deeper obligation to him as a father. I felt like I have to give him the opportunity to have the experiences that I have had that made me the person I am. I am very lucky to be his father and I need to live up to the example my father set for me.
We have raised our children with a strong emphasis on honesty, respect, honor and personal accountability. With that said, this past summer our teenage daughter knowingly misled and lied to me after being asked about a specific situation. It crushed me. It has taken me several months to work through the hurt and I am still working on rebuilding our relationship with trust and respect. I hold on to the hope that we will both become better people as a result of this shared experience and that the life lessons will never escape her thoughts. Nor mine.
On May 31 2014, my husband decided to seek treatment for alcohol addiction. A weight was lifted off my shoulders that day - I could finally speak openly about a problem I had been witnessing for a long time. That day, I decided to quit drinking in support of him. The weeks following were stressful - how will he respond to treatment? what will our family, friends, and coworkers think? what will we do for fun? It has been a difficult yet rewarding experience that has brought us closer together. We're relearning how to do things without alcohol in the picture - and that is a good thing.
Kol Zimra 7 in Santa Fe New Mexico, where I was able to tell my story to those who could listen without judgement. To be able to see the signposts all around me, to be encourage to let it be simple and to simplify. It led me to a deeper understanding a clarification of presence so when I came closer to being grounded I was better able to integrate more of my experience. There is much more to explore but I am not in as much fear of forgetting.
A huge, significant event was our wedding!!! IT was AMAZING. The biggest, most wonderful part about it was that almost every guest connected with each other, and it felt like our community solidified in a big way. I know everyone will remember those days together. And, I know that those folks will remind us of the love that we created there together. I feel sooo grateful.
This last spring, after 4 years as a beginning teacher and being moved to a different school and different grade levels almost each year due to financing and student numbers I was let go by the district. It had been noted in my file that I basically recieved no support until my 4th year, however I was still told I didn't perform at the level expected of a fourth year teacher. This has left me questioning my decision to enter education as a second career and has me feeling unable to care and provide for my son. I have swung between extremes- from "I can substitute teach and re-invigorate my acting and choreography career!" to "I will lose the house, default on my student loans (still over 50k after 20 years) and lose shared custody of my son, becoming an every-other-weekend dad." I try to view it as an oportunity to alter my perspective- between my divorce last September (just over a yuear, so it doesn't count for this question!) and losing my job I have the oportunity to start fresh in so many ways. At times this feels indulgent, but if not now when? When will I ever have the chance to re-examine what is most important to me, what kind of mark I want to make on those around me, what kind of legacy can I leave for my son? If I imagine how the man I WANT to be would react to these circumstances, will I be strong enough to follow his example and begin filling his shoes?
Kristen got pregnant. I was incredibly relieved, as we'd be trying for quite a while. Obviously, this is a game changer. If everything goes to plan, this time next year I'll be a proud father, consumed by an inevitable lack of sleep and poopy diapers. I'm already regretting our decision to use cloth diapers.
My mother in law passed away in November. She was 72 - not as old as I used to think it was. It has reminded me how short and precious life is, and has challenged me to make the most of my time left.,
My existential crises: probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Though it sucked. It really fucking sucked. I was at parsons stressed beyond belief: not eating, not sleeping, an impossible amount of work to get done, anxious every moment of the day and unsure that life was really worth living if that's whatnot looked like. I was so stressed my anxiety got out of hand and I was pretty positive that I was going insane. One day I finally decided I felt unsafe and needed to go home and booked a flight that evening. The plan ride sucked. I mean it fucking sucked. I was so anxious and suicidal and all I could do was be in my kind about it the whole time. When I got off my last plane I saw mom and dad waiting for me and just started bawling: I needed the comfort. But I got home and mom made me soup that I couldn't eat because I was so anxious and had no appetite. The next few days mom woulda me me dinner, she even made a thanksgiving dinner for me and I couldn't eat it. I had to drink ensure protein shakes to make sure I was getting enough nutrients. I was miserable and lost and my identity was wrapped up in what I was doing and where I was going. I thought that I had to continue to go back to architecture school otherwise I was a failure. I decided to take a year off after a couple of hard weeks. Then Christmas break came and I went back to NYC for a spell to clear things up. I was miserable and anxious and just wanted to go home. And then things started settling. I began to run every day and practice yoga and eat healthy. I began to nurture myself. I slept so much and rested and cuddled. I'd sleep with my mom sometimes and sometimes with Pinot right at my feet. It felt so good to be home and loved and taken care of. And though I knew mom was moving away I still felt at home. I began to feel a little more peace. I began to understand who I was. I remember my runs were like meditation to me: is focus only on the few steps in front of me. If marvel at nature, at the bird flying against the wind, at the long empty roads lined with fences and horses. I began to appreciate stillness and nature. I began to understand where my happiness resided. A few weeks prior to mom leaving (I was miserably sad that she was) I decided to go to yoga school in Costa Rica and get trained. This was quite possibly the best decision I made ever. I made the most wonderful friends, I was challenged, I learned to accept myself and love myself, to see my self worth, to live a life mindfully and full of love and compassion. I met the most wonderful mentors who truly helped breathe life back into me. And Ron, precious Ron and his talks with me, his patronly way he spoke to me. And Nicole, how when at the beginning of the training she found me crying on my bed and we cried together about losing our moms. And then how the last day we spent together we cried in each others arms about how beautiful life was and our journeys. We cried not because we were sad but because things were still and everything was so clear. And Tay, after them unfailing meditation when she was afraid that she didn't feel what everyone else felt and she was so sad and I told her that I couldn't feel it either. And I felt so connected with her. And how Catherine and I lounged on the beach topless and watched Nicole and Greta surf and laughed about how they were unable to be still. And Greta, how she was the first to give me a big great hug when I arrived and set the loving mood for what was to come. It was beautiful. It was exactly what I needed. It was everything.
I found out I was pregnant in January. We had been trying for about 6 months and we were thrilled, excited and apprehensive! At the moment, I am two days off my due date, and really hoping the baby will be punctual! I've literally been pregnant all year, and everything has been a new experience - the physical and emotional highs and lows have been hard at times, but feeling the baby kick for the first time, seeing your baby on the scan, hearing the heartbeat - all of that has been magical and miraculous - at times you can barely believe it is really happening - there's really a little miracle inside you. We've also had fun getting kitted out and ready with new nursery furniture and all the bits and bobs we need - right now we just can't wait to meet him for the first time.
I have a rare medical condition Neurofibromatosis (NF) which among other issues causes learning disabilities. I had a formal assessment and finding out at 65 that I actually have clinical issues and was just being self deprecating was a relief. My story of struggling in early elementary school then going on to a good university and to law school and having a career as a Public Defender and a supervising attorney was featured in the on line newsletter of with other adults who have he NF foundation. In October I will be as panel at the annual NF education conference of adults who handled learning disabilities and had successful careers. I guess next year I will be writing about that
There are so many significant and noteworthy things that have taken place this year. It's simply a matter of remembering them all. Travel: This was not a great yeat of personal travel for me. I still have yet to take a personal trip but have traveled 3-4 times for work. I missed my flight to L.A which I was planning to go to for my birthday. Now, I somewhat regret now going for my rescheduled flight the following day. I wish I had gone to see L.A, to change sceneries and mindsets and possibly have a good time. I had a great time for my birthday with Ben, who decorated the condo with a Parisian theme, complete with Stromae's music in the background, little amuse-gueules, chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. Topped with a huge portrait of the Parisian landscape. It was a phenomenal effort on his part and I was pleasantly surprised. Love: Late last year, I moved out of my mom's place and then found myself relocating again just two months later with my boyfriend. Things have been tumultuous and definitely eye-opening. Living with someone you are intimate with is a rollercoaster of emotions and often prematurely expose you to things you wouldn't have otherwise discovered about the person Work: Things on this front have been good. My job is standart and the people are nice. The money is good...for now. However I'm tired of the routine and the work environment, rules and power-driven regulations. Personal: This year has been so quiet in terms of everything (love - I had a boyfriend. Travel - I didn't, Work - paycheck every 2 weeks, Family - at a distance) that I haven't felt truly challenged which has left me to truly wonder if the things I have are enough to keep me happy. I turned 24 and there was no huge epiphany. It has come to me in pieces, small from some loss of ego, some forms of self-acceptance, some decisions about ambitions and the pursuit of happiness. Currently, my mother is living with me and everything is up in the air. I want to move to L.A, I want to work for myself, I want to put writing ideas on papers and develop them into something beautiful. I want to truly consider whether I'm ready to settle down with this person and if not, with whom? when? I want to remember how to live, not just get up and work. I want to remember the things that truly matter. I also partook in the recreational activity of smoking marijuana. I love it - and I can say that confidently because I had a phase when Ben and I smoked every other day and now I know its benefits and its areas of concerns. Overall, I am grateful as always to my Creator for everything that has happened this year. Perhaps it is not going at the speed I wanted but I'm confident it will get me to where I truly want to be. At the top. Happy. Content. Successful. Proud. Able to help others. I'm relieved to have moved out, moved on (from Matthew), inspired for the future and looking forward to it.
Took some time off. Was hoping for a more relaxing break. However helped an uncle in a tough situation and my taking a break at the right time was a great relief for them. A little of all but mostly grateful that I could actually take that break.
During my mid year review with my boss I was told flat out that I was not a good fit for the position. I was stunned as I have over 14 years of experience with our company with every increasing levels of responsibility and success. Initially I felt resentful, hurt, angry. As i have reflected on this situation I have found that I am at a higher level of peace now having this issue on the table. The turn of events has empowered me to look for more meaningful and satisfying work.
I'm 21 years old and live with a chronic pain condition known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD). Although my condition has worsened during the last year, this past summer I was blessed with a service dog, named Addie, gifted to me by the Foundation for Service Dog Support. Addie has helped ease concerns of my family that I live alone and fall often. She also has given me the opportunity to walk more and she serves to keep me balanced. She helps me pick up dropped objects and has even kept me from falling a couple of times, and even when I do fall, she helps me get up. RSD patients often suffer from immense pain from the lightest touch, getting brushed up against by a person in public is incredibly painful. Addie benefits me in providing a "buffer zone" that that doesn't occur as much. Most importantly, she senses my "pain cycles" and can sense when I've forgotten to take my medication and will alert me. I love my Addie May with all my heart and I am so very grateful to the support and assistance she offers but also to the organization she came from. And a lick and paw in the morning is always nice too! :)
My dad had a stroke and a brain tumor. He was in the hospital for a few months. I was shocked and heartbroken, but happy that I had been there to save his life (I called hazola). I am so happy and relieved that he is better now, and every time I see him I remember. I also wrote a terrific essay for school about the situation, so I guess that's the inspired part. So I was scared, heartbroken, but now I'm relieved, grateful, and inspired.
Both my mom and dad had surgeries this year for the first time ever. Both were routine and went well, but it caused me extreme anxiety just thinking about their health and the fact that they are getting older.
Tomorrow, we will help our son move into his dorm room at UCLA, something unimaginable two years ago when the bottom was quickly falling out of his life and he seemed out of ideas. The staff at our synagogue, where he had been working as a music leader in Sunday school, encouraged him, held him, prodded him, tolerated him, and ultimately the mentorship of Rabbi Lezak and Dan Nichols ignited some deep desire in him. They instilled in him such confidence that I believe he will become an influential Jewish educator as he continues to grow. We are so fortunate to have this kehila kadosha around us, who loved him as their own, saw through his pain and confusion, and gently started him on a truly holy path. I am beyond grateful.
I quite a job I was not happy in. In the past I thought that people who said that a job "wasn't a good fit" were lame and weak, but now I know that it can happen to anyone. Realizing that made me happy. Not being there anymore made me happy. And grateful. And Relieved. Not Resentful. Very inspired.
I found out that my remicade drug was no longer working. Going off the drug meant that I had 8 more days to be active a year. I was grateful that I knew, but also frustrated in that I had no workable solution to control my colitis.
I got a new job at one of the world's most popular companies, Apple! I shed Gap and took on a major challenge. This job can be rewarding, exhausting, fun, overwhelming, encouraging, and demanding. For the most part, I like it. Some days I am overcome with hate for the kinds of people I have to deal with, but then I remember that my job is to serve all people, not just the nice ones. Being a technician ain't easy.
My one & only daughter got married on June 1. I was filled up in a way that I'd never experienced...I felt the magic of all of our experiences - the sweet ones and the ones I thought I'd never recover from meld into the beautiful woman that walked down the isle. I was inspired in ways I could never have imagined. The magic of watching my daughter plan such an extraordinary event & choose just those people in her life that she wanted to share this very sacred moment with was nothing short of extraordinary. I continue to be inspired daily at the life my daughter is creating....
My answer would be very different if asked just a few days ago. My husband and I are 42 and we found out 2 days ago I am expecting our third child. This was quite a surprise (we certainly weren't trying and didn't really think we had a chance if we did), and we have a 13- and 10-year old who will be quite shocked soon as well. In the 48+ hours since we got this surprising news, my thoughts have ranged from disbelief, anger, regret, fear to calm, feeling more balanced, being in a really good mood and happy about it, and accepting that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. There are many risks to a pregnancy like this and I realize it may not work out. But to give that control up to the universe has been a huge step for me in the last two days. My perspective and attitude have changed drastically since the weekend, and my priorities were suddenly put into very clear order. For all of this, I am very grateful.
I've experienced the lifestyle financial planning method by Paul Armson. I went to Birmingham (UK) to his conference and did a workshop. This was very inspiring. I'm fully confinced that this is the way of doing it! It's not about this product is better than that product, it's about Peace of mind, financial security and clarity.
I began my divorce. It has been very emotionally draining, but I am grateful and very satisfied with my decision. In the process I have realized how I had not been placing myself in a self-important role, and having had an upbringing that does not encourage that you put yourself first as far as your needs in general has been very uplifting. I am getting closer every day to feeling more relief and less guilt about this decision. I have no resentment about this decision but do in fact feel inspired and gratified by this experience.
Mom died. What could be more significant than that? The world could end. But no one would remember. Mom dying is just like the world ending, but you remember it. Am I grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired? I am grateful that she is not suffering anymore. She was not happy at the end. She didn't know what was going on. She didn't want to eat or drink. She didn't want to get out of bed. She just wanted to sleep. Am I relieved? Heck yes! It has been hard watching her go downhill the last six years. It is been really hard taking care of her the last two years. I never got to cut back on my work hours and I stopped taking care of myself. That is certainly one lesson I learned. You can't take care of anyone else if you stop taking care of yourself. But somehow I managed to take care of her. And my resentful? I'm not resentful about her death. Sometimes I'm resentful because I believe it was hastened by her inactivity when she married Pete. She went from being an active senior to a person who sat on the couch in front of the TV just so she could hold his hand. It was a good thing that she had his companionship. She had been alone for so long. So I had to take the good with the bad. And of course I'm still resentful toward work because no one could accommodate me over the last two years when I needed to work less hours so I could be with mom. I feel like I'm starting to get over that resentment a little, but mainly because I know it doesn't do any good and it will just eat me up. Am I inspired? No, I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of what is going to happen to me when I get old. I don't have a loving daughter who will do anything to take care of me. I think that's why I've been thinking so much about gratitude and faith. Gratitude is my background middah for the year again. Everything goes better with gratitude in mind. And faith? I'm just starting to explore that because it's the only thing that's going to get me through.
Right now all I can think about is the diagnosis I received last Friday. I know things could be worse, but I am still worried and upset by the news. I'm worried my life will be limited and at risk and I will not be able to finish all my adventures. I'm worried I won't be able to trek a mountain, run a marathon, or work out the way I used to and aspire to. I'm worried my life experience will be hindered. I'm worried, most of all, that my life experience will be cut short far earlier than what I had hoped for. Right now, I'm just depressed.
Taking my 21-yo learning disabled son to his new residential placement for -- well, for ever. It left me feeling all of those things: grateful (that we have had such good luck in finding such a promising place for him to live, and grateful to the people who run it with such dedication); relieved (that his future seems to be assured); resentful (that other people will now get the benefit of all the work we put into bringing him up, and the pleasure of his brilliant personality); inspired (to work to help his community and its movement). Also tearfully anxious on his behalf; bereaved; and disorientated about my own identity ā I have been a parent of young children continuously for the last thirty years! ā what am I now?
I graduated with my PhD and obtained a postdoc at Harvard. I am extremely relieved to have finished my degree and extremely grateful for the job that I obtained. Unfortunately, I am not inspired to continue with academic pursuits. I like research, but the specificity of the way I must present the research to an academic is something I find tedious. I may not want to pursue a career as a professor... something I thought I wanted for many years.
For our 40th anniversary, in June my wife and I took a cruise from Dover, England to the island Spitsbergen, several hundred miles north of the Norwegian mainland. We reached almost 80 degrees north; the cruise had a period of about ten days with no sunsets, and an enormous variety of views of the spectacular Norwegian coast. The experience was utterly delightful: the (frequent) sobering reminders about climate change were interspersed with (even more frequent!) reminders about what a fantastic planet this is: worth enormous efforts to care for properly. I _do_ understand that traveling to see all that beautiful ice has a detrimental effect on all that beautiful ice; but nevertheless I'm deeply grateful for the chance to have seen.
College! Practically everyone I talked to about it said that teachers wouldn't care if you turned the assignment in or not, that the work was going to be so much harder, that I'd suddenly freak out about being there -- maybe I'm doing it wrong, but NONE of that has happened. Professors care, the workload isn't insane, and it might just be me, but this is extremely refreshing to be away from home for a change. yes, there's been a few things I've had to adjust to, but honestly? I love it. And I'm not even really a partier; I chill in my dorm with my friends and we have a great time. I never even drink and I have a good time! (that's another thing: you don't have to. don't let people pressure you into a drink, EVER.)
I fell in love with someone I'd thought was totally wrong for me. I staved him off for months, then broke up with him a couple of times. He was patient and just continued to show me the considerate, kind boyfriend he could be. Came as a complete surprise to me. I'm grateful and happy I was so wrong. He embraces who I am, with all my flaws.I'm very fortunate.
We had our son in November. It was VERY difficult because he had a lot of feeding issues due to food intolerances and reflux. I think we're through the worst of it but it really hit us hard. We're still working through it and he seems to be overall a pretty happy little guy.
This year we established ourselves in Kirkland, Washington. The decision to move and the actual move took place last year. This year was all about establishing our new lives. Connor starting a new school, getting therapy and his ADHD diagnosis. We started the year off purchasing our new home, and spent the majority of the year renovating and then moving into it. Our decision to move here has proven to be a great one. I am greatful for the increased opportunities that are available here. Connor is doing great in a school that is more organized and better funded than the schools that were available to us in Denver. I am thrilled live in a place where I have the opportunity to shop at Farmer's Markets year round and have been enjoying cooking in my dream kitchen. I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Jim has opportunities to grow here when he decides to take them. It's a tremendous relief to have the transition phase over and to know we are where we plan on living for the rest of our lives potentially. Now we can finally settle into some routines and work on building the life we want and spend less time reacting.
Changing jobs and going through the emotions of leaving a job with people that meant a lot to me. Very hard and difficult to leave my friends with a really hard task. But I had to do it and I feel much happier now. I felt like I was a person not to trust, that can't engage in assignment. Now I feel relieved that I made the right decision
Well, it was at the end of last year but I really felt it this year. I lost my job. Partly willingly walking away on my part. Then I found myself really needing to rest and coast. If someone looked at me, they would think I've fallen apart. My place is a mess, which is part of me not doing much every day. However, I think this letting go of EVEYRTHING is something I very much needed. The pendulum has swung very far to one side. Now I am working towards getting it to fall back to the happy middle. Hopefully a job is in the very near future and that it's the right job, allowing me to be everything I know I can be.
Probably the most significant experience that happened in the past year is my mother dying on April 19, 2014, at the age of 90. Although she was older than my father (87), we thought that due to dad's heart issues that he would surely die first. When my mother started losing weight and becoming more and more frail, it was clear that something was very wrong. She always feared that she would die from what killed her oldest sister -- cancer of the esophagus -- and indeed, that was the cause. I'm resentful because dad is more of a pain than I think mom would be, and because I only know understand that her anger was not directed at me, or because of me.
My daughter became a Bat Mitzvah. I was inspired by her effort and perfection but a bit disappointed that she did not want to continue her Jewish education at this time. I am proud of our family for hosting 50 out of town guests and extremely relieved that it is over.
I left my secure, well-paying job that I was no longer inspired by to go to graduate school. Not having a routine, financial security or professional stability is something that makes me extremely uncomfortable. To me, I am taking a big risk. I have doubts about my decision daily and ask myself "Will this pay off?" But then I remind myself that I've opened myself up to new possibilities, people and stories. I could continue down a career path that ensures that I will live comfortably, or I could try something that intrigues me and brings out the entrepreneurial and passionate side of me. So I think, maybe I'll have no savings. Maybe I'll even have a bit of debt for once in my life. And maybe it won't be that fun or easy in the beginning. But if I didn't try it, I would never know what could be. And I think I have potential.
Several significant experiences have happened this year, but I think I'll go with acquiring my own place as the most significant. The entire experience has been both good and bad for me. Getting my own place was a goal for awhile that finally got realized so that was a great feeling, but the process of finding the apartment was a nerve-wracking hellish experience (I do not recommend apartment hunting in NYC - it's awful and pricey). Also, living alone and not having to answer to anyone else is something I really love, but doing so has also put me in a financial state that rivals my days as a college student (broke all the time).
The birth of my second daughter. We are hugely happy to have 2 children, as that was our goal. With me starting a new business, Laura going back to work and with our first daughter just turning 3, life is really chaotic. We're always tired and hardly spend time with each other, since we're focused on taking care of the children first, and then work second. We know that the timing is perfect now and that in a year or two, life will be easier, but it certainly is challenging now. I work with two childless (and partner-less) people and I see the fun and freedom they are having now. They eat, drink and socialize. I wish to go to sleep.
My mother's will was settled. It made my life easier having the funds to renovate my house but it tore my family apart. I am grateful,relieved,angry,resentful and just plain upset by my sisters and brothers. We didn't see eye to eye before but now we will never look in each other's eyes again. So sad!
God, How many? Well this last one is definitely the biggest. I've had my knee replacement removed last July 28th. For close to 3 months now of pain, immobility and demolished physical utility, I've flooded my body with toxic antibiotics. Leaving me a depleted shell of a body with little energy, no appetite, though hungry, thirsty, but nothing tastes appealing. I've felt deep abandonment, mixed with awed gratitude for the help and kindnesses I've received. As well as shock and anger at cruelty. Today should be the last day of the antibiotics, I hope, and for that I will be most grateful. I look forward to the next painful episode of having a new knee replacement in a few months.
The one that sticks out the most right now is going for - and getting - three jobs, in the last couple months. The experience of travelling around different employers in the US, impressing them with my presence and ability, holding that energy, and effectively creating my future was energising, encouraging, exhilarating, exciting and nerve-wracking.
My daughter graduated from high school and went to college. I am happy, because she was so ready for a new adventure. I am a little sad, because I miss her and because I feel older. I'm stressed out because I want the best for her and she will have to work hard to make new friends and find her place. I worry for her safety. I pray that she makes good choices.
I found a therapist whose caring and genuine connection helped me to overcome some of the most detrimental limitation of my social anxiety, allowing me to begin enjoying shared activities that are proving essential to my continued well-being.
This year was a relatively quiet one. The kids are getting older and I have spent some time practicing letting them go. Remembering that I need to empower them to fix their own stuff and to ask before swooping in to make it better.... Bob and I have been going out on Friday nights for an after work drink and that has also been a nice new thing. It's something I enjoy. In terms of a significant experience, the Rabbi of our temple abruptly quit a few weeks ago -although in retrospect his leaving has been some time in coming. The events leading up to and surrounding this event have really tested my resolve about humanity. I am so disappointed, angry and disgusted in the behavior of my fellow-congregants. What a pack of whiners. I also celebrated a year where I managed to get into two big fights with two of my closest/oldest friends. The fight with the closest friend has really made me rethink my entire relationship with her and I just don't know if (for better or worse) I will ever want to be or be close with her again. After years of not contemplating who she is as a person, I have started and I have to say, I don't much like the person I am (re?) discovering. I can only suppose that the feeling is mutual? The other fight was surprising but less significant I guess. But in the end, I worry - can't I get along with anyone? Do I want to be this bitter? This judgmental? So to summarize - this has been a year where I have been really in touch with my ability to be resentful. This is not who I want to be.
There has not really been a "material" significant experience in the past year. However, overall it has been a tough year. I do feel that the worst part has gone and from now on, things will start to lighten up. Relieved that its over but also grateful for the experience that helped me to grow stronger. I teached a course at the university, it was actually my very first time actually conducting a course! I literally suffered at days and wow, it was such a challenge, fear of speaking in front of a crowd and you re in a room with over 100 students, but I managed it! Thats a score on my success sheet :) Then came the times of "feeling stuck" trying to find a suitable job abroad, doing basicly nothing and feeling isolated. This however helped me rediscover myself, my TCK experience. I have the feeling and I am hoping that I will do a lot more this year regarding issues relating to TCK's. Those "blocked" times inspired me to accept the TCK experience in my life. Again, i am grateful that I had the opportunity to be nrought up ad a TCK.
This year I graduated college and moved to the bay area in northern California to start my career. After months of searching for and applying to so many places, I feel accomplished to know that I achieved what I dreamed of since my senior year of college. Every once in a while, while I am working or hanging out or driving my car, I will be randomly reminded where I am, and how I got here, and I will stop what I am doing and let it sink in.
In the spring, I found myself alone with both of my boys at the playground at Petco Park. I enjoyed myself. It marks the first memory I have of being alone with the two of them, away from home, and enjoying.
Dealing with my Dad's psychopathic atty after his death last summer. I am appalled, disgusted, angry. Trip I planned and paid for with "friend" who became contrary, controlling, inconsiderate, unconcerned and backed out the last minute. Vacation money down the drain. Disgusted and repelled. I feel it isn't healthy for me to stay in this relationship/"friendship". Best to have no more contact. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" -Maya Angelou I am grateful to have a place to live, indoor plumbing, semi-climate control, and maintaining my health as best I can under the circumstances. I am grateful for sweet Winnie and Walter. For my therapist. For the beautiful day. That my car is working.
I visited a good friend whose husband died suddenly at a pretty young age. I was really happy to connect with her and it made me realize how significant his death was to me personally--not really losing a friend but just the suddenness of death, how none of us can bide our time here on earth, time is so short so short.
In the last year our family tried a new school. It was a wonderful opportunity but we decided to return to their old schools after a month. I am really grateful that we had this chance to try something new but also return to our past schools.
I have crossed some major hurdles in school, somethings I never thought I could achieve. I am very relieved and inspired to continue my studies.
My son (my only child) started college. I have at one stroke completed the job of raising my son so he can go on his own while my wife and I find ourselves alone at home after 19 years of living with him. We're finding that there is more to say at the end of the day, there is more silence and peace in the house to enjoy. There is also an emptiness and some of the busy-ness and chatter and clutter that was generated by my son is greatly missed. I'm incredibly grateful. My son was not a good fit for a typical high school -- some of it was that he was too serious, too smart, too creative for the standard high school experience. We found a way for him to get through without compromising and now he is at RISD which is absolutely perfect for him. Grateful, relieved and excited for him. It is so great to have him embarking on this new phase of his life. I'm so optimistic and hopeful for him. It is indeed inspiring. It makes me think about whether that same kind of renewal and growth is still available to me and I do believe it is.
The year I finally got signed! In January I signed on with Jess, my first real film and tv agent and I am SO grateful. Every audition is truly a gift, and every character I've got to play has been a beautiful exploration of 'who am I? who would I be?' I feel tougher because of these roles. I love playing these bad-ass bitches who joke with the men in their life but are also total objects of desire. And I'm so grateful to get to explore these characters. And to be a part of the this amazing community of artists and storytellers and outlaws and dreamers. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I was able to experience Tulum, Mexico, which was an amazing experience. It was so sustainable and naturally organic and beautiful. It inspired me to live a healthier lifestyle.
I made my first short film this year and I hated it so much. I'm angry just thinking about it. I went through trouble and money and a range of emotion I could not quite handle. I spent the last two months of my senior year of college in a stressed-out tizzy and I regret that, but I do not regret the experience, not really, because I learned something valuable: I want to be a writer, straightforward and solitary. Not a writer slash something. I want to be a writer, which means I have to get really good at writing so I don't have to do the other things I hate. I don't want to direct. I don't want to produce. I want to sit in an office 7 hours a day and make shit up.
My grandfather died in July. He was 95 and had been blessed with a long and mostly healthy life. I did all the organizing for his funeral service, which made me think about a lot of things. First, that I personally have no heirs, and will have no one to do that for me. Second, that my grandfather, despite many career accomplishments, always returned to his WWII experience as the most central. That makes me think a lot about how what sticks with us is not individual achievement, but what we accomplish with others. What we participate in that is larger than ourselves. And that, I think, is a lesson that anyone can take into any stage of their lives.
We put our house on the market. It has forced me to face my own patience. Right now, I am coping with it, as we have been on the market for 3 months without a lot of interest, despite efforts on our part to reduce the price and renovate. I have never done this before--wait to be judged, get judged, get rejected, and start the whole home showing process all over again. It gets tiring and I think I'm just tired of dealing with it. I am trying to pray daily for God's wisdom and for Him to help me find my patience and faith in Him to bring us to our new house (one which we had a contract on, but could not buy in August, since we still had ours to unload).
I met my current girlfriend. It resulted in a large push to move to another state and caused me to meet a lot of new and awesome people. The end result has been unimaginably positive. I am incredibly grateful.
I got married!!! (Or, "Dear reader, I married her.") And I'm finally getting the opportunity to talk about it with myself, since I've pretty much given up on journaling. Thank you 10Q!! My wedding day was the best day of my life so far. It was perfect. It was beautiful. I was surrounded by friends and family and I absolutely floated throughout the whole day, right beside my new wife. (And after the 6 month high stress down to the day before planning period-after this, planning any single event is piece.of.cake.) The whole experience really just reminded me how much love I have in my life. My entire family was 100% behind me and supportive in every way possible: my mom flying up for tastings and dress fits, my sister in law donating her children for the ceremony and gifting me with a fabulous wedding photo booth; my dad, who started crying when I told him and didn't stop till the ceremony ended; my nieces, the best flower girl and bridesmaid in history; my aunt who would not quit sending gifts & who loaned us her timeshare for the honeymoon; and my baby brother, who ROCKED his officiant duties and almost had me burst into tears at the altar as he read the inspirational, about-family quote for us. I'm sad that it's over, after all the crazy planning, because I could live in the happiness that a wedding brings, every day of my life. And that's just what I'm striving to do, now. I am inspired by all the love to try to be a better friend, daughter, sister, tia, and wife. I feel like the luckiest woman alive, and am so grateful for everyone sharing this life with me.
Visited Israel for the first time and definitely changed me. It inspired me to get closer to Judaism and to figure out my identity.
At the beginning of May this year, I was laid off from my job. I've been unemployed since, and it's been frustrating and difficult and unpleasant and also possibly the best thing that's happened to me this year. It was a kickstart to get my finances and money habits in order; it was the impetus to get married to my amazing and lovely wife; it was a wakeup call on my career and choices in my life; and I am still, when I think about it, angry and disappointed and frustrated and sad. The length of Unemployment Insurance this year is six months. The average unemployment length for a person in my industry is 9 months. So I'm worried and angry and anxious. But I'm still glad it happened. Because my life right now is most likely better than it would have been.
My Mother died six months ago. I was her primary family contact over the last fifteen months of her life, relocating her to an assisted living facility near my home, taking her to doctors appointments, attempting to make her life comfortable. I was first resentful of the time and attention it required. The unpredictable nature of her decline left me afraid to apply for new jobs lest I lose my flexibility. I resented her refusal to access her condition accurately, never discussing any options and insisting that she was perfectly fine. I resented that she didn't see me or my challenges... Six months after she arrived she had a stroke and become a different person, no longer my Mother but herself, Cathy, a women facing diminished capacity in every way. With little care for what others thought, she faced each day with sly wit and equal shares of delusion and determination. I was relieved. I could accept this woman more readily than the mother whose approval I sought. Her decline continued for nine long months, oddly, the time it takes for us to be born. Odder still since she had been for many years an obstetrics nurse. When she finally died I was relieved. Relieved that I could return my focus to myself and my youngest child. Relieved not to think for awhile about darkness and death. I ran away from my feelings and felt numb for awhile. The truth is I sought my Mother's approval but never offered mine until she had her stroke. I had wanted her to change and boy did she! I wish I had accepted her more before. I am grateful for the time I had with her, so proud of how she participated in life until the end, how she fought for what she wanted, how she loved her family. She gave me life, taught me how to walk and read, to love and care for my children and finally, how to die. This is the eulogy I never gave her, my Mother, Catherine, who has so inspired me.
I was invited to participate in the Chevra Kadisha. This was not an easy task to agree to. I have had a deep fear of death since childhood. I did not want to participate, but realized it was the exactly correct thing for me to do, both for the community and myself. I am so grateful to have participated. I was inspired, moved and deeply touched.
I got married. It was very significant, first because it's amazing to be married to the love of my life. But also because it's amazing that it's legal, now. I am very grateful.
I feel like everything SUPER significant I can think of happened just over a year ago. It lead me to so so much heartbreak, struggles, experiences, lows & highs, friends, career changes, new houses, and realizations. I think the last year for me has really been about a million little pieces coming together. Me realizing who I want in my life & who I don't, where I want to be, what I want to do, how I want to live. I guess my answer would be to finally realize that I don't want to work 24/7. I wanted success so incredibly badly that I have been giving up my happiness for it, telling myself that it would pay off in the long run. And right now, I am at a breaking point. It's not worth it to me anymore. I want to do my own thing and be my own boss and make my own brand and do what I am good at and what I LOVE. I know how capable I am and I am so fucking sick of being shut out by good jobs at companies because I didn't got to an expensive school or get a job at a start up right upon graduation. I am SO SICK of trying to fit into societies norms and not being able to, and then feeling incompetent because I can't do it when I know how competent I truly am. I want to define myself and my happiness. I want to be outside. I want to be a good friend. I want to see the world. I want to show people what I see. And that is what I will do :)
I was told yesterday that I likely cannot get pregnant with my own eggs. I was shocked. I am in perfect health, "young" for my age at 42, and almost everyone I know with kids had their first between the ages of 38-45. The doctor said I just don't hear about the ones that can't get pregnant at that age, and it has nothing to do with health. I now see myself in that "other" category. I feel guilty that I waited so long, like maybe I was being selfish all these years. I feel defeated by age, something I've never felt before. I feel obsolete. I feel sad that I can't give this gift to my partner who is ever-supportive, or to my parents or his parents or any of our families. I have thought from time to time that I might be relieved if I received news like this, because I've vacillated for so long on whether or not I wanted a child. And now I know. We have more consults to go through, decisions to make, and we still hold out hope that we'll be lucky despite this news. But it feels like a small death.
I spent this past year as a full-time student, which I have not done since I was 18 years old. I did not have a part-time job or do any other extracurricular activities other than my nursing program. It felt weird and may have given me too much "free time," although at the time it didn't feel that way. I'm grateful that I did not have to work to pay rent while I was in this program and relieved that my debt is only $50,000; it could have been much more. I'm not resentful at all, although there were times while I was in this program that I felt isolated and lonely, from a friendship perspective. I'm inspired to get out of school and go be a nurse!
A friend of mine is going through a messy divorce after years of abuse. Yet, she has a good attitude and is always an inspiration
Our daughter-in-law was killed in July, leaving our family in shock and disarray. Sudden death! I still can't believe it. Some initial over-reaction to how to help our grandson, which has faded and in place there is a sense that he will be OK and so will we as his loving grandparents. I am shocked, still don't believe it. Sad that she left too early. Sad and concerned for my son and grandson. Grateful my husband and I can bee here for each other and for them. It is a wake-up call to be more mindful and enjoy my life in the moment!
I finally made the decision that I would move across the country to try and live my dreams out. It was a lot of stress and it took a lot of work, but the turn out was better than expected. I do wish I had been more patient, as I could have found a better job before leaving home, but I have grown and changed for the better since moving. I am inspired while living here, I find I'm at peace and happier. There are some stresses with moving so far away from everyone, but I'm working through them and in the end - it's way better for me to be here!
My last pregnancy and the birth of my son was one of the most difficult experiences I have gone through. I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I would end up with this perfect baby again, but I now know I will never have to do it again!
I got married. It's been challenging and rewarding. I'm of course grateful to have begun sharing my life with someone who I care so deeply for and who cares for me in return. His job requires us to move around the country, and being married has changed how I feel about where I want to spend my life and what say I have in the matter. I am able to be more assertive but still know I can't ask him to give up the pursuit of his dreams. This is also the closest I've ever been to someone in my life. How this changes a relationship surprises me still sometimes. The guards I let down and sacrifices I'm willing to make are at a whole different level.
I got involved in a project that meant a lot to me. In my enthusiasm and desire to see it happened, I ignored certain clear it turned out that my partner was mentally unstable. Had to give up the project after a number of people invested in it and had faith in my idea. I am still grieving it, relieved to be away from the partner, and feeling guilty that so many people invested in something that failed. This was a first for me. I wish I could do something to make it up to them. I am also determined to make a beautiful piece of work on this subject in some other way
A significant experience that has happened? Curiously not necessarily to me? The most significant experience I had was losing my friend Sharon Mooney, who died of cancer in July. I mean losing in terms of the her incarnated presence no longer being available to me, but that could be her whispering in my ear. I miss a friend with whom I resonated so easily and yet deeply. I miss her insight, humor, point of view, energy, presence. We connected and I miss that connection. I am not grateful by any means, I wish she was here though I admire the host of friends who hung in there with her. I am only relieved that she is not in pain or anxiety. I am not resentful and yes she is and was an inspiration and remains one.
I got married a couple of weeks ago, which was pretty significant. I feel joyous, relieved, overwhelmed, and sometimes nervous. I know I'm with the right person, but there's so much pressure to have a perfect life and marriage and I'm trying not to let that get to me and just appreciate where I am.
There have been many "significant" experiences this year. In fact, I could argue that MOST experiences are significant. I suppose this comes with the territory of being the consummate optimist. When you indulge yourself in as many senses as is possible for every experience, maybe you could understand (perhaps I'm a megalomaniac?). Gun to my head -- three experiences this year that have and will continue to shape my human experience. 1- In February I moved to a beautiful house boat in the Puget Sound - view of the Sound with the sun setting behind the Olympic mountains. Christ. It has made my wildest bachelor dreams come true as well as enhanced and inspired my creative process. 2- I met a woman of my dreams who unfortunately doesn't look like the woman of my dreams. I continue to struggle with the latter part daily. Am I being shallow? Do I deserve better? Does such a wonderful woman deserve better? I'm confused. It's early and I haven't experienced a real committed love in so long (and the wonders and the consequences that follow) that maybe I'm just getting cold feet? Either way, it's been both stressful and incredibly rewarding. 3- I hurt my back and subsequently was sent to physical therapy. During my sessions, I realized that I both love exercise and have an equal disdain for contemporary big pharma driven medicine. Physical therapy is the opposite. Preventative medicine! What a concept. My engineering background, general love of people and aforementioned optimism (I think) makes me a perfect candidate for a doctorate of physical therapy. I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WHEN I GROW UP! SEMINAL MOMENT. HURRAH!
We sold our house where we lived for 8 years. My kids were born there. It was the first house we owned. I felt inspired about infinite possibilities that exists in this world.
A commercial I directed won a regional Emmy Award. I feel that this proves I am good at what I do but for some reason I am not able to get beyond the place I am at. The company I am working with pays very little and I am constantly struggling to pay the bills. I want to move to a new level of success. I want to be financially rewarded for my ideas and efforts.
My wedding. Our wedding was a huge affair, all done by ourselves and with the help of countless family and friends. The months and weeks leading up to it were very stressful at times, but also fun. Every detail was personal and intimate. All the effort that went into was completely worth it. The day of the wedding, seeing everything come together, was amazing. To be surrounded by so many friends and family and their love - helping us to celebrate this new chapter of our lives. It was the most incredible day of my life. Afterward I felt happy, a sense of relief, and also a bit sad that it is over. There is a let-down period I think after all the excitement has ended. In the months since our wedding both my husband and I realized that there were life goals awe had been neglecting because we were so busy with the wedding. Things we want to do, places we want to go, to make sure we live fulfilling and purposeful lives. That is tough. But, the exciting part is that now we will be navigating these questions & challenges together, and learning and growing together. For that, I am grateful.
I was able to spend a week travelling abroad, alone. I was quite surprised at how lonely the experience was and how different travel is without a sharing the experience with a loved one. It was rather nice going about my own pace, seeing only the things that I wanted to see. I am grateful for the experience. I was overwhelmed by how lonely I felt. I appreciated my usual travel partner much, much more! Sharing an experience with a friend or partner is so valuable, granted, I enjoyed meeting new people, having dinner with strangers, and wandering about by myself but, the significance of creating memories with a loved one is so much greater!
My mother passed away in her sleep 5 1/2 weeks ago. I was the one who found her and I didn't want to believe it was happening. We had a good relationship and we were always goofing around. In my heart I knew she was gone but my mind didn't want to go there too. I'm still feeling like I haven't fully let down to grieve. I am so grateful she didn't suffer. She was adamant about not ending up in a hospital or being taken care of by someone. She was very independent and lived on her own. I don't believe I'm resentful. I felt honored that I had the duty of taking care of business, contacting family etc. I had many years (13) of daily contact. We mended all the broken fences.We talked,laughed,kissed and hugged and I'm so happy for that. Am I inspired? Yes, by her. She had a lot of crappy stuff happen to her but she never showed it. She did her job as our Mom, producing a pack (8) of great people, she was a humanitarian, generous to a fault. Way ahead of her time in her thinking and she was always willing to change her views if your argument was good enough. I LOVED HER
Got job offer on contingency of funding..still not sure if funding will happen or if I have a job. I am anxious and scared
My team at work has been totally turned on its head. I am so relieved and grateful to have some of the toxic, difficult to work with people gone, and so grateful to have an unbelievably awesome new colleague, but devastated not to have my friend and moral compass here with me on a daily basis. My new awesome colleague makes me want to be a better professional. My new sweet but incompetent new colleague makes me feel exhausted and frustrated.
I had a child. I have been both resentful and greatful. I'm thrilled to have a healthy child, but terrified something is going to go wrong. I see the joy and the light and it has only made me more terrified of the dark. I have to protect him now, I'm no longer just responsible for myself.
My husband had an affair. It has, unexpectedly, strengthened our marriage and made me understand how much I believe in marriage. So I am hopeful and more directed than I have been in years.
I learned how to teach English on Skype at the age of 65 years old. I met students from all over Europe, Russia, Turkey, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Italy, Poland, Austria, Switzerland and Estonia! I took a fabulous on line course during the summer for teachers teaching on line and learned many new things and met many interesting and innovative young teachers! I am so grateful that I have al ways found ways to work and to keep my mind young by learning. I learned again and again that 'when the student is ready, the teacher will be there.' Life is beautiful and Peace will be established only through educating and engaging with others and sharing new ideas. I am always immensely inspired by my students.
I experienced a spiritual experience when the man in the hospital room next to mine passed away. My room was illumined at 3:02 AM and I heard chimes and angels singing. I asked God to let me hear more, but it slowly dissipated and eventually the room got dark again. The next morning I asked an orderly what happened to the man in the adjoining room. He said, "I had to move him last night." I asked, "Did he die?" The orderly replied, "All I can tell you is that I had to move him." It was powerful and I am very grateful, and inspired, and assured!
I bought a home - it has been amazing - lots of work, but seeing the transformation, making it my own, and being able to welcome others into it has been really satisfying. I've done most of the work myself which has given me a lot of pride, and had the support of amazing family and friends to help me when I felt indecisive and overwhelmed. It's given me a better sense of perspective on things and a focus that I didn't have before. I feel more grown-up now in a lot of ways.
Lost my uncle, who stepped up after my father died and took his place. 2 weeks later my old brother left too. I feel empty an gut punched. Both without feeling and in pain.
In the last year my daughter started to talk. After the first year of taking care of her, and bonding through hugs and one-sided conversations now she tells us things. She can tell us what she wants and what she feels. It's amazing to start hearing what she has to say. I remember in the movie American Beauty where Kevin Spacey talks about how your kids become the most interesting people you know. That rings true. It also makes me reconsider my relationship with my parents, and how important it is to keep talking to the people you love.
This summer, I traveled across the Western US singing with congregations and faith communities across the country. While the journey itself was cathartic, challenging, etc., one night stuck out as different from the rest. In Santa Fe, NM, I played at an open mic night, which is not something I do very often. The people in the restaurant seemed to really like my set, and the person who was running the event asked me to sing a fourth song. I was the only person he asked to do so. This was a quite empowering experience for me, as I had always assumed that my success as a songleader came mostly from my persona in that role. Here I was in a different role, and my musicianship was the vehicle to a successful performance. It had been a while since I'd felt like that was the case (or at least since I'd felt it was the primary reason for success). This evening opened my eyes to the possibility that I could be doing more, and really "entertaining," as opposed to my normal goal of "engaging."
After being in a relationship for 4 1/2 years and asking my partner to buy a house with me for 3 years, I bought on my own. I just feel so sad, so disappointed, so lost. I have no idea what next as we live together in a rented flat! At 48 I'm just too old for all this! Where did it all go wrong?
My uncle's unexpected passing. It was devastating news. My uncle struggled with drugs and alcohol most of his life but before his passing, he was trying to better himself. Despite his struggle with drugs, he was a good, caring and kind hearted man. He was the most honest person I've ever known, didn't care what people thought of him, he was real with you no matter what. I admired him for that. He always made me laugh when he would talk about his life or even about the times he would get in trouble with the law. He was a warrior and I'm sure will continue to be. I will never forget him. I know one day we will meet again Tio. I love you. This has taught me to always remember not to take anything for granted, tomorrow is never guaranteed. Live today like it's your last day on earth, be kind, grateful, happy, love & spend more time with the people that matter to you.
I bought a house! I'm terrified, ecstatic and relieved at the same time. I'm still a bit wary of the neighborhood, but I love having a yard and a place to call home. It's so much nicer than living in apartments. The mortgage/insurance payments are less than my rent was, but the other expenses such as gardeners, pest control, alarms, and more are adding up very quickly!
My new son learned to go to sleep on his own, and generally sleeps through the night. If he does wake up, we go in and help him find his water, pacifier and blanket, or stroke his head and leave. He often sleeps 12 - 12.5 hours a night, and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. It has changed our life entirely. There is so much less stress. My heart has finally stopped dropping when I hear him wake up, and he is in much better spirits. We started helping him learn to go to sleep on his own around this time last year, but it took until January for him to really figure it out and sleep through the night, and then in April he started taking just one nap a day, which also helped us be able to leave the house. It was also very vindicating because when I told my husband that I wanted him to have an early bedtime and do sleep training, he said it wouldn't work and was very grumpy and dismissive. Now he fully admits how wonderful it is to have a baby who sleeps well. It also makes me feel differently about having another child, more confident, though that could be entirely different. Also, my son became a real person - mobile, vociferous and curious. He also stopped breastfeeding, of both of our accords, but mainly his. I have my body back, and a new beloved personality to contend with. I also went to graduate school this summer, and re-opened my non-mom brain, which was challenging and fun and hard and rewarding, and felt really important and good.
My partner and I were in the process of having a house built when we noticed a wall brace was missing. We approached the builder and they told us we were being too picky. The builder then proceeded to cancel our contract stating they felt they could not build a house to our satisfaction. At first I held a lot of resentment over how much time and effort we put into the build thus far. However, it was for the best because we found another builder that is so much better than the first. I thank God for his intervention even though at the time I was upset.
I graduated from college this year! I have been on this educational journey for 30 years. I have four children who were able to watch me go through the process and who were great support. I am very grateful that I had the support to get through school. I have coins the completion of this chapter in my life to be sad. I should be happy but I feel less somehow. I liked being a part of something and now I feel at drift. I am trying to grow as an artist and grow an art business but I feel sacked by depression which hinders my energy and confidence. My relationship with my husband has been very stressful over the last three years. This stress and the emotional bullying I feel from him adds to this depression. I want to feel inspiration and joy from this achievement. I want to be able to let things that are hurtful or stressful move on. I want my life to find renewal.
My health has not gotten better and in some ways, it is worse. It is significant because it has meant even less mobility for me -- something I'm still not used to and often resent. My reseentment is personal and not directed at anyone or thing. It's that I can't do what I'd always done and that I didn't expect to age badly. (Do all Boomers say that?!) I expected and wanted to work until, like my grandfather, of blessed memory, I dropped dead on my lunch hour which I thought would be many years from now. It has inspired me to become again active in the issues of disability accommodation and rights. I'm pretty darn angry at the lack of accommodation and the lack of empathy in this area (among many others), the problems with building and stores and restaurants and hotel designs. I'm angry about TSA and the pre-check program and people with disabilities. I am trying to take that anger into helping others become more aware, empathetic, and active around accommodation.
Having gained a lot of weight I have seen how it's affecting my health. I need foot and knee surgery and may have health problems with my bladder. I am disappointed with myself
I performed a Tahara for two friends. Pam was a fellow Chevra Kadisha member and the Juanita a woman I have known in other ways. Pam- it was a surprise. I had seen her just a week before- did note she didn't look well. Pam in her privacy did not allow us to be comforting. And that made all of us feel sad. I'll always be grateful for what she said during my mother's Tahara: gave her a chance to say good-bye to all the women in her family who perished in the Holocaust. Juanita- a stroke- at first hopeful and then no longer. I have to say her death made me angry. It just wasn't her time. Grateful that I was there to guide the both of then on the journey- and perhaps inspired too.
My fathers death at 99. Less of a tragic event than my mother because lived longer. Grateful that we had him such a long time. Value of a long life. The nephews riding bikes to the cemetery to honor his love of bicycles.
I decided to reduce the days I take care of my Mom from 5 days to four days - I now have Sat, Sun and Mon free - Mon is my day to spend as I choose - sometimes housework and knitting and reading and Pet Rescue Saga consume my day - sometimes brunching and antiquing and Goodwill claim my time - often I even grocery shop and cook dinner without pouting - time is truly our most precious possession, and having this day for my own is the best gift I could give myself - Sun evenings are now joyful, because I can contemplate freedom rather than begrudge the start of another work week - perhaps I should feel guilty about this attitude, but I'm enjoying myself too much to feel guilty!
I married off my last child. Actually , my two last children. I am a little Bit sad but grateful to ×׳ beyond words.
My daughter had her Bat Mitzvah. The time leading up to it was exciting, but the details around the party were a bore. I can't take much credit for the party and details as my wife did almost all of the planning. However, once the weekend arrived, I was so incredibly proud of my daughter, extremely emotional and grateful to have so many loved ones around us to help celebrate the weekend. My daughter was poised beyond her years and I really think it was a very meaningful experience for her as well. Although, you know teenagers....
I did AmeriCorps! This changed my perspective on everything. I became so much more relaxed in my own self and aware of what I wanted to do and what I was passionate about. I am so grateful, inspired, and guided from this experience and I do everything with more meaning.
We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary -- all together with our children....and we were so grateful to have them; to see our children understanding and accepting each other; to know that whatever happens to us, they will be all right.
My youngest sister's (age 35) breast cancer diagnosis cast a shadow over the last year. We found out during Sukkot and it shocked us to our core. Her diagnosis and subsequent genetic testing also revealed that she is BRCA1 positive, resulting in multiple genetic tests throughout our large, extended family. My other sister, also BRCA1 positive, had a prophylactic double mastectomy and complete hysterectomy this summer. I am facing similar surgeries, and cannot wait to have them behind me. I am grateful that my sisters are both doing well, and that I have the opportunity to make hard decisions about my health AND the means to go forward with the surgeries. My general surgeon told me on Monday that I WILL GET BREAST CANCER. It's just a matter of when. Knowing that I can prevent it, albeit through a major surgery, is a source of relief for me. Knowing that having my ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed will greatly reduce my risk of ovarian cancer also provides a sense of relief. I am at peace with removing my breasts; however, removing my ovaries brings up so many emotions. I long for another child, and the oophorectomy is so FINAL. I know I'll need to reach out to my friends, family and community for support this year, which will be hard for me to do. However, it will be good practice.
Just one? I just got married after being single for close to 25 years (divorced that long = single)! Opening my life to the integration of another has been awesome/scary/fulfilling/frustrating...etc.etc.etc. I am always grateful, sometimes resentful but try to work through that and more often than not, very inspired.
I was shot in the ankle by a stranger about a month ago. The experience itself, though frightening, was not the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It has been my extended convalescence - being trapped in my house for six weeks (I hope) - that has really impacted me. I have felt everything. Resentful, angry, helpless, weak, desolate. I have had a lot of time to reflect, and though I know that I should use this time as a lesson in living with things outside of my control, it is difficult. It has, however, deepened my relationship with my partner. I have learned many things about his character that I had perhaps not known before.
I began and finished coach training. The training helped me look at many of the blocks in my life and release the energy that surrounded them. In addition I have started a forgiveness mantra. I forgive my dad, linda, chris, and I forgive myself. I am not sure where this is headed and that is ok. Letting go of the past hurts is significant, I am grateful for the opportunity to work on this in my life.
God healed my relationship with my husband and reunited my family.
Broke up with a close friend of mine. I'm pretty resentful of the fact that it got to that point - I think his actions were selfish and unfair, and that our relationship deserved more than that. I learned a lot about mixing friendship with work. I need to be a much better leader and be explicit with expectations - I show disappointment when someone doesn't live up to them, but sometimes I'm not clear on what I want to happen. That happened here, and our work issues moved into personal ones. I think I've learned from this :)
My daughter was able to graduate from college while Ken was still able to see it and understand her accomplishment. It meant so much to her to be able to show him that she finished, and to have a picture of them together with her in a cap and gown. Who knows if he will comprehend her graduation with her bachelors degree in a few more years.
I changed companies. Grateful, I feel appreciated. And energized. Inspired to be creative. My creativity can be used in merchandising. In training of my staff. In outreach to my customers. Encouragement to tell the story behind what I am selling.
It is almost the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death, and I've been thinking of if almost every day. It was not unexpected or tragic - he'd lived a long full life, but it has certainly changed the way the world around me feels. I didn't see him often, but I always could have . . . and now, I can't. I think I try to be kinder to people - more forgiving and loving and giving because of his example.
Spent really quality time with my 89 year old aunt and my daughter. It was profoundly illuminating in relation to my family of origin and appreciating my daughter. I'm so grateful it worked out for us to stay with her for a few days. It truly was inspiring that as she reaches the final years of her life she is still very actively engaged in the world and with the people around her.
Last November I was diagnosed with depression. My life has changed so drastically in the last year. My regular therapy and drug therapy have made such a positive impact in my life. I have learned to let go of negative influences in my life and appreciate the people who love me. It hasn't been easy at all and lots of negative energy has still been around, but I am so grateful for the opportunity to make changes in my life. I am learning that I am capable of making any change that I want to make in my life, and I don't need to wait for change to just happen to me.
The death of my Aunt Syl. The only person I have ever known/loved who never said a harsh word to me and was always loving and supportive. She taught me all I know about love and compassion. I will miss her forever.
My mom passed away this year. We were really close, and I spent a lot of time with her, taking her to appointments and events. I so miss her company and her personality and presence. I realize now how humble and sincere and loving and patient she was, especially with me. So understanding of and respectful of my overwhelming familly life, she never wanted to impose herself on us, but we treasured her company and her love. I know she was tired in her final years, and sad at losing so many close friends. Now she is gone, and I'm so grateful that she stuck around for as long as she did, and for the love she gave us.
My 18 year old son left home to live with his girlfriend. At first, I was angry and trying everything I could think of to talk him out of it. But then, I realized how much he wanted to do it and I took a step back. I told myself to trust that everything would work out for him. So far, he's been fine. And I really respect that he is making it on his own. I am also relieved that he and the tension the situation caused are gone from the house. Life is easier without kids! But I really love him and want to maintain our relationship. So it will be interesting to see where we are this time next year.
Within the past year I've become very much close to a friend named Catherine. She's a person who is always down to have a good time, does not judge, taught me a lot about not caring what other people think, taught me how to vocalize problems in relationships in a way that both addresses the problem and also builds to the trust within that relationship. Most importantly she's been a pretty strong force in learning to be happy. I thin this has changed the very foundation of the person I am. My values have shifted. I've learned to focus on myself and the things that make me happy. I'm so incredibly happy that she has come into my life, and truly feel blessed to have her so closely in my life.
My boyfriend, his daughter and I moved into a new-to-all-of-us home this year. It is our first time living together. Even on the shitty days I am grateful and happy that we are all under one roof. The he and I share the same bed each night. We argue over more things. I am learning that I am much more particular and filled with expectations that I didn't know were there. I worry more. I love him and my stepdaughter and my thoughts fly from one moment thinking about being old together and the next about my fear that he'll decide he is done with me. I've been having a hard time emotionally though I think that this is also related to my hormonal birth control. These past couple of weeks I can hardly tell which thoughts I trust.
I got hired for my first every salary job. I'm grateful every single day for it. I'm making pennies and dimes but I get to travel and be around the sport I love. While I am often underpaid and overworked, I still love what I get to do and feel so lucky to not be working a placeholder job. This is my first step on the stepping stones of my career.
I left my job without having a secure position or way to consistently make money. Within 2 months I had found a well paying part time job that also allows me the flexibility to work from home a few days a week, pickup my kids from school, and, on the days I do go into the office, took an hour off of my commute. I'm not bringing in as much money but I have more TIME; there are ways to get more money - once time is gone, you can't get it back. Over the next year I'm hoping to use some of this additional time to get the ball rolling on a project of my own that I'm hoping will grow into something awesome.
My younger sister got married. With just a few weeks notice we were able to pull together an occasion that my sister will remember for always. I was happy for her and it reinforced that Happy is defined by the individual.
We bought land and then a house! SO grateful and relieved. We are finally setting roots and making a life of our own. Gone are the fears of homelessness and feeling lost. Now, we start a new chapter and choose how we want to live.
Lost, and am losing, weight. Grateful, relieved, want to keep it off; I've done it before-- 3-4 times. Want to be there for my grandson's college graduation IY'H. He's 9. Happy to be wearing skinny chinos to teach and live. Not going to gym. Hate going to gym. Still paying for gym membership. Very strange. Doing South Beach Diet. No carbs; lots of meat & veggies. Cheese OK. Very odd way to live, but it's the best diet I've ever been on, and I've tried them all-- well, Weight Watchers, at least. Want to keep it off! 25 lbs. so far-- more than my dog weighs. Doing it with my wife.
Began my life coach training at Martha Beck, Inc. exactly one year ago, yesterday. It gave me a lot more gray hair, and it enabled me to totally change for the better my most important relationships: my wife, my daughter, my Self, and with everyone else in my life. It gave me a new career, one that satisfies me at the soul level. It gave me a new way of showing up in the world, one that is more authentically me and much more compassionate. It has given me tools to use in my own life when times are stressful, and it has given me a way of helping people that brings me joy.
i broke my collar bone. i was shook. physically at first, but my mental integrity took a jolt as well. yearning to be "well" again. sulking in self resentment and pity. searching for help or assistance. how could i allow myself to injure my body again? disappointed in myself. grateful? in a way. that experience really put my mortality and fragility into perspective. relieved? now that i am healed i can certainly say, yes. i am relieved. and at the time, yeah, i could say it was relieving taking a momentary hiatus from the usual grind. the constant entertaining and pandering to clients. the day-to-day challenge of helping betters others abilities and putting my personal pursuits on the back burner. yeah, it was relieving. i felt, the disconnect from my normal work life was a relief. resentful? some what. i had told myself i would never get hurt like that again. and during the healing process, the reasoning i had to support and justify my injury as to being self inflicted and deserving of a period of introspection and self discovery instilled a feeling of resentment. inspired? most definitely. inspired to strive for the highest achievement within the range of possibility. the scope of reason. of logic. to respect my limitations in my pursuit. but to strive and thrive nonetheless.
A few significant experiences come to mind and they're each significant for different reasons. I went to Mexico and scuba dived for the first time, which was surreal. Ryan and I took an epic late night road trip to Philadelphia so I could meet Raven, my absolute favorite. But probably the most significant experience, because it was so all-encompassing, was that year I completed a Masters program, which I still can't really believe. It happened so quickly and was so difficult that it's hard to grasp that it was real. I'm really proud of myself for doing it, since it was really challenging, especially since I was still working. I'm not sure how I managed to do it all and sometimes I think maybe I didn't get as much out of it as I could have because my attention was split between my main job, my work as a TA, and being a student. However, I did it and that can't be taken away from me!
My youngest son has been diagnosed with significant developmental delays. I'm deeply saddened by this.
The most significant thing to happen in my life this year is the pregnancy of my wife. As of the beginning of April, I have had to think differently about health, housing, finances, family, transportation, food, free time and the future. I am grateful for this change in perspective, but also resentful of the way the world operates at the moment. I don't want to have to worry about the resources my child will have at her/his disposal: will there be air to breathe? will there be water to drink? will technology create isolation or a larger community? At the same time, I marvel at all of the advances that he/she will see in the next 75 years. Of course billions of parents before me have already dealt with these thoughts, but knowing that others struggle with these things and actually struggling with these things myself are two very different things.
I allowed myself to be angry at my mother. She behaved badly and I told her so. When I did I didn't back down, and I let her know that we might not be able to come to a common perspective on the conflict she was furious and still I let her know that it would have to be OK for us to see things differently. This was huge because in the past I'd be afraid to stand up for myself. I'd be worn down by her (and my Dad) telling me how badly I was treating them for saying I was angry or frustrated or just upset. I didn't this time. In addition, I let myself tell her I was not going to read her angry e-mails and that I loved her despite this. This was hard -- really hard. I'm 45 and I felt like I was responsible for her unhappiness. Still, it was liberating to set limits. To be honest with and to myself was a gift. I am now trying to accept that I am not responsible for Mom's emotions, and that hers is not the only perspective that counts when it comes to our interactions.
I have spent the past year unsuccessfully trying to get a job. So perhaps a significant experience was when I actually got an interview for a job I thought I had a good chance of getting (I've had one other interview but knew I wouldn't get that). It went well, it seemed, but I was clearly not the best candidate as I didn't get the job, which was massively depressing and made me feel I have no future.
Moving to Miami, to pursue my dreams in the field of public health. To continue to grow as an individual and become more independent. Beginning my masters program is the most important change in my life.
A significant experience from the past year was my aunt's death and subsequent family gathering. It was the first time in a very long time (or ever, maybe) that I felt like we were all part of the same family. My sister and I weren't like the Poor Cousins or the Underachievers. We had things in common with our cousins and had a great time at the Irish Wake.
My daughter has moved to my hometown in another state to go to the University. It turns out, she lives about a mile from my childhood home, and is working in the mall where I worked while in high school. She is living with her boyfriend, newly discharged from the US Army. Feel kinda funny about that, but she wouldn't have gone otherwise. I'm proud. I miss her. I'm so excited for her. I'm kind of jealous, cause I'd like to go home again, but G-d knows I wouldn't want to be 20 again! I'm relieved - she will be safe there and safe with him.
I left a very intense job with a very elite company that I had held for nine years. I found that after the birth of my son, the corporate world was not at all amenable to me needing a more flexible schedule - even though I continued to work 60 hour work weeks just as off hours. I also discovered that trying to get a new job as a new mother was equally difficult and very disappointing. The bias against working mothers is real and so deeply ingrained in corporate culture, that people don't even know they are discriminating against them. Coming up against money concerns, I took a job at one third of the pay at a local non-profit where the people are well-meaning, but a mess. In addition to all the wonderful things motherhood has taught me, I've also learned that American corporate culture hates working moms, and so many talented people are overlooked (at best) or spurned (at worst) in the process. There has to be a better way of doing this.
One of the most significant events from this past year was my beautiful, brilliant and loving 23-year old daughter's acknowledgement that she suffers from depression and addiction to alcohol and drugs. This occurred about 6 months ago, in April 2014. It was a shock to me, but it certainly explained a lot of behavior from the past few years. I am grateful that she came to her dad and I for help with the problem, and that she has been open to medication, rehab, therapy and conversation about the problem. I have many other emotions, including but certainly not limited to sadness, embarrassment, and frustration. I am inspired by her desire to address her problems, as it has been & continues to be a significant challenge in all our lives. I've learned that It's a day by day journey through recovery that may never end.
I've started seriously writing my novel (though not at this moment -- at this moment I'm procrastinating!). It started with a seminar I took from David Hochman, where I was supposed to get all psyched about freelance writing. Instead, what it did was make me see that I only have so much time in my day, and I need to devote it to what truly matters. So, I asked myself, what truly matters? It turns out, this novel did. I started, as David suggested, writing 500 words a day, for an hour a day. Now I shoot for about 4,000 a week, which I sometimes make and sometimes don't. I'd love to finish a draft by the end of the calendar year, though more likely it'll be sometime in the spring. At the moment, I've got about 47K words written and estimate I'm about 1/3-1/2 done with the draft. If I have a finished draft at this time next year, I shall be properly ecstatic. I am grateful for this change. I am relieved, so relieved to be doing it. I am inspired every day by my own imagination (oy! but it's true). I feel good about myself because, word by word, it's happening.
My brother Don bought me a house with a garden in Newton Poppleford near to my daughter Carly and grandchildren. Instead of living in a busy town I'm living in a village close to nature and the seasons. Alreasdy I am so much healthier and incredibly happy. I've been here a few weeks and have dug a pond and painted 7 of the 10 fence panels in the garden.There are no words for how I feel about my brother loving me enough to want me to be truly happy and designing a life were I can be.
I graduated college and entered the labor market. I left behind a half ass committed lifestyle and daily schedule and reduced my time down to the business day or the extension of that 830 to 530 routine. It has had a tremendous effect on me socially and emotionally and professionally. Socially I narrowed down my circle of friends, eliminating acquaintences but also most of the spontaneity, and I greatly reduced my socializing activities and restricted it to Friday night through the weekend for the most part. Emotionally I have felt the deepest insecurities and self esteem issues about my capabilities as a worker and also my availability as a friend. However I also discovered my strength in dedication and devotion to something larger than me and how much pride I can take in work and how good it feels to measure up to its challenges. I continue to struggle with some low self esteem issues about being a good and successful enough adult who has accomplished enough... But for whom? That's the question I should ask myself more and Me and my community should be my answer. Not my ego and social pressures of external society. Professionally it has all been positive growth and it has been significant and deeply rooted growth that has constructed a strong foundation for me from which I will move forward to achieve my future career goals. I feel a mixture of hope and inspiration for the future and feelings of inadequacy linger on the periphery as well as a yearning to chuck it all and seize the reigns of freedom and leave behind all of my self willed obligations that I love very much at the end of it all
My second daughter was born 4 days ago. This means that the whole of 2014 was in anticipation of her birth. It affected me on multiple level, From the daily routine -- as in I spent more time with our first duaghter prepping her for school and picking her up --, through financing -- as in trying to save up some money so I wouldn't have to work that hard when the second one is born, to the self-reflective -- as in my responsibilities grew, I have to be more of an adult in that regard and have to work even smarter to create a better future not just for myself, but for my children too. I am grateful. We were blessed with a beautiful, healthy child, born under ideal circumstances, into a nurturing home in a safe part of the world. I am also relieved. We've been trying to get pregnant for a while and the fruit of our love is nothing less than exhilarating. We don't have to try again. (She is our last planned child.) Resentment never came into the picture. I sometimes think about how my life would be different without a second child. But no matter what answer I feel any moment I always know that it would be less rich. As far as inspiration goes she bring different kind of humor out of me, than the first child, who is now six. I joke with both, but differently. It may be a low level inspiration, but I enjoy it every day.
My oldest daughter got engaged. I have mixed emotions. I am really happy for her and he is a great guy. And she is also my little girl and I am afraid that everything is going to change.
In the past year I have, in a related series of events, lost former friends that I thought cared for me and "replaced" them with new friends; new friends that are genuine, non-judgemental, and wonderfully unique. This may sound trivial, but the former friends were people I previously interacted with on a daily basis, friends I shared deeply personal things with, that I laughed and cried with, and being suddenly cut off was a perplexing and painful experience. This was the first time since early childhood that I have had someone deliberately decide they did not want to be my friend anymore and for months I did not know how to react. It also caused me to reflect on my own actions from an objective standpoint and to see what I did that caused the change in our relationship. The friends that "divorced" me had an issue with the new friends that "replaced" them and while they said they had no issue with me and my husband maintaining a relationship with both parties, it is now clear that they wanted us to choose sides. I can see how it hurt them that we remained neutral instead of choosing them, and I accept responsibility for that. But, at the end of the day I am incredibly grateful for the new friends, who did not ask us to choose sides in this arguments, and who have enriched my life in so many ways. It has, hopefully, taught me to be more careful in my actions and my interpretations of others, to read more deeply into situations involving conflicts, to be a better communicator, and to celebrate and nurture the genuine relationships that I do have.
Last November my dad was diagnosed with ocular melanoma. He had to undergo surgery, radiation, and at this point, full body cancer scans every 6 months for the rest of his life. I was so, so very angry. And frankly devastated. I was enraged at the way he talked about all this happening as part of God's larger plan, and about how he felt held. I couldn't understand on what level something like that was supposed to be comforting to me, when it was so clear to me that his God didn't have room for acceptance of a queer like me. It made me angry. It shattered me. And it brought out a new and more honest side that allowed for better conversation. I was asked to come home for Thanksgiving; I told him how torn I was - how as much as I wanted to come home and be with family, I couldn't come if he expected me to leave who I was in the car. I needed to know that he was inviting ME home, not the idea of a person who doesn't really exist anymore anywhere other than in his and my mother's memory. We're not through that all the way yet. We're still having conversations. I don't know if we're moving forward, but I like to think we're getting clearer about who we are, what we believe, and what we need from each other in the world.
I attended the GOAL Academy. It was an amazing experience and I met some really great people who have become very close friends. I was so impressed by my colleagues, it reenergized my commitment to the NPS and made me realize that I need to find a new job - I need to stop camping and start climbing again. It also gave me my current crush that who was my obsession all summer - and continues to be so - despite the fact that I know it's a bad use of my time and my heart. ugh.
I decided to help my sister. She's a struggling musician/singer and has some mental illness issues. I thought it would be great if she stayed with me and my children. I am a single mother with a full time job. I am responsible for all my bills and my children. No one really helps me. I thought my sister might see how hard I work and take something from it./ Instead she has been slacking off on helping around the house. I understand depression because I sometimes suffer as well. I am resentful. I watch her spend her money on things that she may not need and she has racked up over $1000 debt to me. I have a lot of anger and I am upset. I feel that I have been taken advantage of and I have a hard time thinking that because she is family I have to help. I feel boundaries have been crossed, partially because I didn't set out a plan for her. I am ready to kick her out. Whenever I confront her, she gets very defensive so there's a major lack of communication. I didn't expect to have to raise a 3rd child, especially a 25 year old one!
Had to put down a beloved cat. Muse just kept on losing ground despite veterinary interventions and tlc. I never did understand, completely, why he got so sick and couldn't get better. It reminded me that some things are random and unknowable and that we are powerless in the face of them. The months of his illness and the moment when I knew I had to let him go are still very painful for me to think about. My only comfort is that I tried everything to save him and it was not meant to be.
I met my boyfriend and found out that he is polyamorous. I was afraid of it first, completely resenting the concept. I hated every time he went out with someone. Nine months into the relationship, I am still with him, loving him and caring about him. This new type of relationship is helping me test my limits and get to learn myself better. It helped foster a very meaningful supportive giving relationship with an amazing person.
I moved from huntington, NY to austin, TX. at first, I was devastated and sad to have left my family, friends, work. Gradually I noticed that we were having a much easier winter (one of the primary reasons we moved), and that life here is just generally sunnier. I'm grateful that I'm able to live comfortably without working. I'm enjoying meeting new people and the budding friendships that are forming. I'm happy that I can easily stay in touch with my new york friends. I feel a certain freedom to explore things I'm interested in with no over- arching goal. All in all, I have to say that it's been a good move. Not without challenges, but still good.
I completed my first year of University as a mature student. Up until I got my final grades I had uncertainty about whether I had what it took to excel in school. Once I had a whole year of university work behind me it became clear that getting my degree was not only something I *could* do, but that it was something that I *would* do.
I was hired and fired, basically in the same year doing a what I thought was a dream job. It took me months, but I am finally starting to realize that I never took the time to truly explore who I am and what I actually see myself doing. I am confused, relieved, depressed and now attempting to rediscover the 'lost' part of myself.
I was able to watch my mom give birth to my baby brother. I am so grateful that he is in my life.
I graduated from my Masters program and I do feel accomplished and glad I completed it. Also my grandmother passed away and I feel really sad about it still. I also feel upset that I didn't get a chance to spend as much time with her during the last year as I would have liked. Also, guilty and ashamed and regretful that I didn't call her enough during this last year as well.
I realized, resoundingly, that my stress within my adult relationship was impacting my children and I started to be mindful about gentleness with them. As a result, I am quieter - although very firm; I am a better listener, although I expect them to respect my decisions; I realize that relationships ebb and flow in their conflict but can still be consistently loving and supportive, even through stages. This has made me grateful that I caught this early while they are still young enough to benefit from this better dynamic and more open parent - as well as relieved and more peaceful when unexpected challenges arise.
I started meditating and exercising on a regular basis. I am feeling incredibly grateful that I've finally found a regular practice that is helping me be more centered, grounded and accepting of people. I am still angry at my loved ones sometimes because of the things that they do to hurt themselves (like addiction to substance/food) but I am hoping that I will be even more accepting and that I'll be able to let go of the feeling that I have to control people.
I am experiencing multiple sexual dysfunctions for the first time ever. Nothing has worked to restore my sexual self. It scares me, and I worry that I will never get back that part of myself.
I got married. It's an off feeling in that I never would have thought gay marriage would be legal. Marriage has changed me in so many ways. For the first time in my life I feel safe and secure knowing that there is someone who will always have my back. I now know what it is like to truly love someone else and watch that love grow daily.
Over the past 12 months, I've experienced a lot of change. From moving to NY and starting a new job, to losing contact with friends, while reconnecting with family members. But the most significant experience of the past year would be the passing of my grandmother. Itās funny, saying that sheās āpassedā. Iām not even sure what that really means. I guess I should say that I ālostā my grandmother, because sheās not coming back! That is the realityā¦ you lose someone and theyāre never coming back. Youāll never experience the sound of their voice, the feel of their touchā¦ youāre only left with the memory of them. Anywho, It's only been a little over a month since she's passed, but I feel as though for the first time in a while... I'm awake. When you lose a loved one, itās a shock to your system and it puts things in perspective. I've tried processing this "awakening" that I'm experiencing, and I'm not sure whether it's a result of the loss, or something greater. I'd like to think that it's a part of something greater. That itās the result of my awareness that life is fickle! That with each passing moment, each passing day, we have to be present and appreciateā¦lifeā¦ because things change! Iām reminded of a quote from Maryanne Williamson that says āIt is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, āWho am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?ā Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Youāre playing small does not serve the world.ā Such a beautiful quote and it speaks to the space that Iām currently in. Now that Iām āawakeā, I guess that I donāt have an excuse to āplay smallā. Itāll be interesting to see where Iāll be in 365 days from nowā¦ and how my life changes... how I will change?!? Thatās all that I have for todayā¦ Peace!
I have been unfaithful in my marriage and fallen in love with another man. I have grown resentful of my husband and inspired by the love with another man. It has affected me tremendously in the way I look at love.
I decided to move from California to Colorado. Basically to lower our cost of living (mortgage), also to live in a small city instead of a huge city. The moving van comes in 19 days.
I earned my MFA in Creative Writing in June. I've yet to officially "graduate" until I can pay off my tuition bill, but I've completed all of the coursework. The thing is, I haven't worked on my thesis since the day I graduated. I had this really incredible reading of my work, and it took me less than 24 hours to convince myself that all of the positive feedback that I got was just people being polite. I'm struggling with my sense of self right now, and wondering where my life goes from here. Now that I've finished this educational journey, I'm more frightened than ever that I'll never be able to live up to the ideal that I had in mind when I enrolled in the MFA program.
This year, I made the choice to move from teaching flying in flight simulators to teaching in aircraft out on the flight line. I find the work far more compelling, challenging, and rewarding. Though the days are longer and the conditions--especially in the summer--are less pleasant, instructing students in the plane rather that the simulator has reminded me why I am a pilot and reinvigorated my passion for what I do.
I started a new job this year. It has made me feel accomplished but also frustrated as I'm navigating new work relationships, environments, and tasks. It has changed the general structure of my day to day life and I'm not sure if it is for good or bad yet. I am grateful to have the job, proud of myself for getting it, and relieved to have the regular income. I am inspired by the environment I'm in but not sure where it will go from here. I hope I can be an influence for good in my new work environment, but am worried that other people's bad attitudes will pull me down and make it difficult for me to continue doing my job well.
A breakup; it had been a long relationship, nearly 5 years. I discovered soon after that he had cheated, but I'm not hurt or angry about it. I'm glad I got out. Cheating is a way to try and control another person or one's own situation, and it's cowardly. I know it's more a power move than being attracted to another person. Attraction happens, it's not something to be guilty about. I'm able to be me again. I see my friends regularly. I do what I want, and I remember that I'm a good person.
For the second time in a year, we moved last May. It was a good thing because the house in which we were living was really too small and had major issues with drafts. Our new house is much more homey and comfortable. It also has good, well-sealed windows and is well insulated. The other really good thing about moving twice in one year is that we have gotten rid of a lot of "stuff". However, we still have more to go!
My 93 year old father-in-law passed away. He didn't really get sick until weeks before he died. He and my mother-in-law resisted putting him in a nursing home until the last possible minute. As children we felt sure that it would be easier on Mom to have him in a nursing home, but we also respected their wishes. Might he have lived longer in a home? Yes. Would it have been quality time? No. This experience inspired me to consider aging, and how poorly our society deals with being old and needing care. My father-in-law got to stay at home, but my mother-in-law may not be so lucky. Which way will it be for me and my husband?
I quit drinking. Finally! Hallelujah! I quit on July 30 after a horrendous July 29, but all year it has occupied me. I quit for a hundred days early on, and then a few weeks, and now, for good. I am feeling very grateful and relieved. I am clear--too clear, I sometimes joke--but feeling centered and grounded and also still aware of how much more centered and grounded I want to feel.
I found out I am losing my job due to company folding. It was shocking (mildly, as it wasn't completely unexpected) at first, but has become very liberating as it has forced me to really look and consider what I would like to do and how and where I would like to do it. Without this forced change, I would have had no reason to question or pursue something else, which I am excited to do.
I had a major breakthrough with my therapist this year. I've been seeing her for almost 5 years now and I'm amazed at how it has taken this long for me to develop the comfort needed to be completely honest with her (and myself). Now to continue to work on undoing all of my childhood training about how to be the quietest, most perfect, most reliable, most responsible, least boat-rocking of all the kids. Addiction and families: a recipe for disaster that keeps giving, generation after generation. Here's to letting the buck stop with me.
This past year, I got married. The wedding itself was beautiful and the day was incredibly special for me. Having my friends and family come to show their love and support for my husband and me was moving. I loved being able to celebrate with them the commitment and love I have felt for the past five years my husband and I have known each other. However, the wedding was also part of a long series of stresses and frustrations this year. The planning and life outside of wedding planning have been very stressful, leaving me feeling spent. In the course of these stresses, my husband and I have both said that the only good thing to happen this year was the wedding. But getting married has been more than the wedding day, of course. Both before and after the wedding, my husband and I have been committed to being there for each other, through thick and thin. The stresses and frustrations this year have provided ample opportunity for both of us to depend on each other and to be depended on. Neither of us is perfect, of course, but both of us have put forth enormous effort to do what we can for each other, even if is only a heart-felt hug and saying "We'll work it out together." Our wedding and all the associated issues has left me feeling both exhausted and hopeful, stressed and read for the future. I would not have picked our wedding year to be a time of stress and trials for us, but the committment we've shown to each other reinforce the vows we made and the celebration of that committment.
I had my sabbatical, and was lucky enough to be able to go to Washington DC with Pat, and then go to Texas for 4 weeks and visit family to my heart's content! What a blessing a sabbatical is!
I enrolled in college. It gave me something to look forward to and got me out of the rut I was in. I am inspired to better my life and future. I feel like this is my last change to do something proper in my life. I want to make sure I effect the world and am not just another person who is just living everyday and hoping and wishing for better things. I want to make it happen for myself.
My uncle Dave died suddenly last month. It was a devastating shock to my family. My heart ached for not only myself, losing my favorite uncle and a man I'd grown up making up silly songs with, playing games with and enjoying life with, but also for my father, who lost his best friend, and for my cousins, aunt, and siblings who'd all lost one of the most important people in their lives. I learned what grief really is and that only time can maybe make it better. But I am so very thankful to have had an example of how to live, love, and be in this world. Thank you Uncle Dave.
Whew. This year has been vastly better, and easier, than last year was. Thanks to Obamacare, I was able to get insurance and finally have a full body skin cancer check again, after four years. I had three biopsies and none of them were melanoma this time!! The one on my chest was squamous cell carcinoma, which I had removed about a week ago. :)
My medical condition is in remission, and my eye has improved enough after surgery that am able to get new eye glass pescription. I am relieved and grateful.
World news has been affecting me deeply over this year. The growth of the ISIS group in Middle East, as well as the development of Ebola in West Africa are two developments that have stunned, shocked and upset me. I have found myself feeling furious and helpless in reaction, much as I do to the lack of serious deliberation, worldwide, to climate change and its consequences. I have been heartened by recent marches to support climate change interventions. And I am heartened by the courage of those willing to fight both ISIS and, more profoundly, Ebola. I can't remember a time in recent history where good and evil, right and wrong, have been so clearly demarcated, at least to me.
I completed cognitive exposure therapy to finally move past my childhood sexual abuse. It was difficult, I cried, I learned that I had been penetrated which was so sad for me. It also completely took away all my symptoms of PTSD, no more hypervigilence, thinking everyone is a child molester, hating to be touched, only being able to be sexually aroused by abusive thoughts. It helped me tremendously and it helps me have more hope for my clients how have gone through the same thing.
My wife's second mastectomy with reconstruction was the most significant event this year and one of the most important in my life. It wasn't her first, which felt like a wave of overwhelming fear. This time, it had two aspects: First, I had to trust my wife's decision completely and to accept it. That trust wasn't immediate, but it was much easier than I imagined for such a big choice. I had accepted her decision well before the surgery date. Second, I was forced to re-confront the terror that goes with a major surgery. I was easier than the first major surgery, but still quite difficult. How did it affect me? It reinforced the strength of our relationship. We had completed another difficult period together. Also, it challenged me to accept her decisions, no matter how difficult. That step reinforced our trust in each other. Am I grateful? Yes. My first moment of gratitude was when she looked down at her reconstructed chest and smiled. Truly smiled with comfort and a look of self satisfaction. That moment was precious. That moment also brought relief. I was relieved because the moment was confirmation that she had made the right decision (and she did). Am I resentful? No, not a bit. Honestly, that emotion never occurred to me. I am inspired. The gratitude comes up on reflection of those early moments of recollection at her exit from surgery. They're gems. The inspiration is different - its a fabric of our relationship now. She made a difficult decision. She did the HARD THING. I'm inspired by that and I feel that one day'll i'll have to draw on that inspiration to do my own hard thing. Yes, I'm inspired.
Within the past year I was able to sign my scholarship to play volleyball for this school. I am beyond grateful for this experience because I never thought I would play volleyball again nor did I think I would finish school.
I joined Planet Fitness to have somewhere to go to use weights and just be out of the house. This is not a significant event. When I first started going there, I would get on the treadmill and try to intersperse my walking with a little bit of running, and it would always hurt. Until one day this spring. I tried running, and it DIDN'T HURT. Like, at all. I was winded, I was out of shape, but the knee felt just fine. I couldn't believe it. Here I was, on the treadmill, grinning like an idiot and close to tears, and running. When I think back to 2 years ago, after I'd fallen and shattered my patella, and thought, I'll never be able to walk properly again, or bend down, or go up and down stairs without limping, I am beyond amazed that I can do anything, including run. I am amazed at myself, and I am even more amazed at my body's capacity to heal. I can't think of anything more empowering or inspiring.
I left my job of 12 years at the end of June. It was, and continues to be, a really mixed bag. So many survival issues came up, both positive and negative. It's hard to walk away from something that gave me both time and money, but the alcoholic boss needed to be left behind. It has taken quite a bit of time to unwind; the process is still going on. And my brain is happy to not have to continue to keep track of things I could care less about. I was fortunate to be put in a position of getting to work on developing my business. My boyfriend has been making good money and agreed to pay the bills. The independent feminist who hasn't let a man pay her way in over 25 years has been freaking out; the woman who always goes for "fair" feels guilty that her boyfriend is having to work all the time while she doesn't; the middle-aged woman who had a stressful work situation for the last several years has been grateful for this sabbaticalā¦.
This year, I had the opportunity to go on the March of the Living. There, I spent one week in Poland and one in Israel. It was life changing, inspiring, and unbelievable. Never in my life have I seen such disturbing images like those in Madjanek or such beautiful images like the Kotel.
My second grandchild was born to my son and his new wife, far away. I had to do a lot of processing about family being far-flung, and about not being welcome to visit in the weeks leading up to and after the birth. It was very sweet when I finally got to meet her, yet the feeling of alienation persists. We are not at odds, but not "close-knit". I have to stop feeling like there's something really wrong about not conforming to the ideal of the tight family. But this doesn't mean we don't love each other. How am I feeling? Confused!
I married my best friend. Every day I am grateful for knowing I have a true partner in my life who loves me without condition, supports my wellness, and treats me with respect. I had quite a scary experience with an adverse reaction to a medication which made me feel like I was actually about to lose my life. The even created an overwhelming amount of anxiety and fear and I have been working hard for the past few months to alleviate the anxiety and reduce the fears. The experience caused a great deal of self-reflection and acknowledgement of the lack of control I have here in this life. The experience also created a stronger faith as I was able to feel God's love for the first time ever. It's overwhelming!
I joined a community marching band. It's one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. I've met some wonderful new friends, and re-discovered my love for making music. It helps break up the monotony of adult life and challenges me to be more creative.
My mental health program was taken over by the county. In my mind, the result was enormously disrespectful of the clients and the staff. I tried to make it work for 4 1/2 months but found I could not collude with the system. I quit my job. I feel disheartened with government in a way my liberal, left wing self has never felt before. I am grateful for my savings account, grateful for medicaid, and grateful that I seem to finally have found a clinic to work at that espouses my values. I am always inspired by the people who come to me for help in finding a way out of their sorrows, and I am inspired by my coworkers who are almost always fighting for people less advantaged than themselves.
I completed a year and a half long treatment protocol for colorectal cancer with reconnection surgery (final step) taking place on March 12, 2014. I am grateful to be cancer free, according to CT scan and colonoscopy tests in September 2014. I hope to carry several life lessons with me from my experience. Community heals and comforts--so many people reached out to me and helped me tangibly and spiritually. God's fingerprints were evident throughout my whole process, from diagnosis to multiple treatments to healing. My priorities have solidified and I try to practice my priorities: Family, Food, Sleep, Exercise, Work. All infused with Faith. I banish worry about tomorrow and have let go of old hurts from the past--these do not serve me. I read early on from another survivor that a cancer diagnosis is "a one way ticket to the land of No Bullshit." Minor things do not rock my boat and I try to keep things in perspective. My health and mental wellbeing need to come first. I am slowly giving up being a "people pleaser". I do not take on other people's drama and will consciously change my thinking and make a choice about how other people's energy affects me. I have a choice. I choose life and love. I choose to count my blessings. I choose to let go of old ways of thinking. I choose to set a strong example for my child. I choose to serve my ideals as best I can. I choose to ignore others' negativity. I choose to be present for my son. I choose to cherish my husband. I choose to seek out positive people at work. I choose to take care of myself. I choose food that nourishes and makes me feel good. I choose activities that will strengthen my mind and body and spirit. I choose to be grateful. Some have described me as "Type A" which never made sense to me because I'm an easygoing and friendly person. However, I'm very driven and a recovering perfectionist. Rather than striving for the next thing, I have really embraced relaxing and enjoying the moment. I have achieved; I have arrived; I have accomplished. Now I am ready to relish the present and make conscious choices. For the good of all, according to the free will of all, and so it must be. Amen
This may seem trivial but to me was significant. I turned 50 this year and at the same time was declined a position I really wanted and was well suited for. Being declined made me wonder was my age a factor? It also left me feeling like my chance at having the kind of career I wanted had reached a dead-end. Devastating actually. On the other hand, just today I learned of a young friend's death from cancer. Age is all about perspective.
My girlfriend and I moved in together. It was a scenario that I was emotionally comfortable with but it also brought up issues about opening myself up to the risk of being hurt. Those concerns were founded in the past though and she has made me feel strong enough to realize that the past does not define who I am. It has affected me by making me aware of patterns in can fall into ( negative reactions to situations and sentiments that strike the 'past' chord). I also realized that my life is more fulfilled and calm with her in it. To be able to share life with her more closely only makes me feel more grounded. Grateful and inspired to be a better person for her and for me.
I finally accepted my doctor's advice and started taking medication for my anxiety. Both my dad and my sister have Bi-Polar disorder, and have been down a never-ending road of medications on top of medications, so I had a lot of reservations about opening that door. I worried that I wouldn't feel like myself any more. I called and talked to my dad about it, and he said that he never feels like himself, but he doesn't want to go back to being full-blown crazy enough that it is worth it to him to take the medications. I also realized when I had that conversation with him that my family talks a lot about him, but we don't talk to him very much. That conversation was both harrowing and very enlightening. As for my own medication: I'm a little over a month in, and I don't feel all that different. But I mentioned to my partner that I'm not sure if it is working, and he pointed out the following to me: 1) I haven't walked in the door and immediately burst in to tears lately. 2) I haven't had any panic attacks at work or had to call in sick because of anxiety. 3) I haven't cried myself to sleep lately. 4) I haven't been unreachable in the cloud of worry that I often carry around. This list makes me really sad. I knew it was bad, but Jesus, I'm lucky to have a partner who has been putting up with that shit for the last 4 years and still loves me. As for the medication, I'm still nervous about it conceptually. But I'm also a little annoyed. If it was this easy all along, and my life thus far didn't have to be so hard, then what was I doing with myself?
I went on a church service mission and so far it's been a great experience. I can feel myself growing up abd it's weird and wonderful at the same time.
This year I got divorced. The process had started last year, but the divorce came through this year. I feel grateful, relieved, guilty, ashamed and sorry for my kids. I also feel happy, free, and open to loving more deeply. I found that being divorced allowed me to get into a serious relationship with a new woman and start to make plans for a new life.
My boyfriend and I breaking up was a really hard experience to overcome. I went through every emotion possible - sadness (horrible horrible sadness), nervousness for the future, anger, resentment, questioning, reflecting, and then finally peacefulness. It hasn't been easy but I am truly grateful for what comes next in future relationships and I think I learned a lot about what a healthy relationship could potentially look like.
I began teaching Law of Attraction classes at Keller Williams. I became more confident in my teaching and understanding of how life truly works. I am so grateful I took the chance, went above my fear and began my path to teaching others how to be happy in life.
I had an early miscarriage. I learned a few new facts because of it. I know the difference between a chemical and a clinical pregnancy now. I know that it matters not a bit to me that mine was a chemical pregnancy; that the heartache and sense of loss is the same at 4 weeks as it was for me when I lost my first child at 13 weeks. I also know that I am one of the very few women who are comforted by the words 'at least you can get pregnant'. I had chemotherapy for breast cancer and I'm very lucky that my fertility has returned. I hope it has returned enough to sustain a pregnancy to term. I hope my son will have a brother or a sister one day. I hope they will be lucky enough to escape the neurological differences my son has and I won't ever have to hear the words 'Your child has autism' again. I hope.
I graduated from college and started a new job! It definitely changed my lifestyle, but it actually wasn't as big of a transition as I thought it was going to be. I'm pretty grateful that I ended up being able to stay in NYC and that I got a job that I like and that I'm living near a lot of my friends. I'm relieved that it hasn't been that hard of a transition, and I'm also relieved that I don't have to do homework every night! I don't feel terribly inspired at the moment - I think I need a break from activism and extracurricular activities, etc. But I'm feeling really happy and excited about being in this new phase of life!
I went by ambulance to the ER and spent two days in the ICU with a "gastric event" -- possible food poisoning. While I was there and they were working on a diagnosis, I got a CT scan which showed a spot on my kidney. They confirmed by ultrasound that I did indeed have something on my kidney, and it turns out that this kind of growth is malignant 90% of the time. I went through some terror, particularly worrying about my kids if something should happen to me. I went to a oncology urologist and learned that 1) the growth is very small and 2) this kind of cancer doesn't grow quickly. In fact, the doctor was fine if I wanted to wait and see with an ultrasound every three months. In early October I go back for another ultrasound to see if there are any changes. If it's the same, I could do another wait-and-see period or opt to have the growth removed -- for this surgery you spend 3-5 days in the hospital and 3-4 weeks recovering. I don't know what I'll do yet. The whole experience was sobering though. I'm not nearly as terrified by the thought of dying as I once was, the thought of leaving my kids with only their dad scared me. Even the prospect of being at reduced capacity for a month worries me a lot. There's so much emotional care taking -- helping with the identification and articulation of feelings is a big responsibility. So I'm worried, relieved, and grateful -- for the early detection. I'm also grateful that I decided to go with my instincts on that day and asked Dave to call an ambulance and insisted on going to the ER. Hope I can remember to follow my instincts, esp. about my own body, going forward.
I lost my house to taxes and moved to California. I was sick of my house and my job, and I wanted to move, but I didn't handle it the best. I could have made more quality out of that house, and partly I just let it go because I was sick of it. And when I look at the prisoner my friend is to her house, I feel better because that is no way to live, for me anyway. Yet I am on the roads, as my Irish forbears might say, now, and I miss my garden, and my home state has water and now I'm in the center of a drought, there's been an earthquake, a forest fire, and it is competitive here, no doubt! I sometimes think, what's next, a famine? Ebola? Oh, heavens protect me and danger pass by....The first days are the hardest days, as the Grateful Dead said, and this is a gamble. The pace of change is very rapid for me, and I hope I can make it. I'm cautiously optimistic, and I have to make the most of this time and not get lazy or ossified and unable to respond nimbly and promptly, a tall order for some 63 year olds! (Hopefully not me, since my official age is 53:-)
My husband had to go back to his home country to work out a lot of complicated things related to his retirement. I'm grateful for his focus on our financial security, and really, it's all we've got, but I'm also frustrated that it's taking so long. So it's complicated. And I miss him. But it's a testament to our marriage that we are working through the separation time without blowing any gaskets. So far.
I moved from Prince Edward Island to Ontario for school. As a 25 year old I left behind all my friends and what was familiar, so I feel like I should have done this when I was younger. But I'm happy to be on the right path now.
I started charging significantly more money for my services. I've been undervaluing myself for years. It feels amazing to make so much more money for the same work. I'm very proud.
In the past year I got a new job, quit my existing job, moved across the country with my girlfriend, and started a new life in a new city. It was terrifying and exciting and eye-opening. Being on the west coast has been great; it's enabled me to see my family more frequently, and escape the insanity that was life in NYC. I don't miss that city, but I do miss my Brooklyn neighborhood and definitely my friends. Moving far away has showed me who my real friends are and those whose friendship will sustain the distance.
I was able to study abroad at the Globe Theatre in London. I am incredibly grateful for the unique and educational experience. If I am honest thought, I also feel disappointed in myself for not making enough of my time in England and disappointed in the response I received from others upon returning. I feel I am perhaps inadequate in communicating what I have learned.
My daddy died this year. It was horrible. I had to see him naked and dead. I had to help move his corpse onto a gurney for the funeral home. I had to be nice to my mom. I had to deal with my useless husband and shocked children. I had to take care of myself. I am grateful for the experience because my daughter stepped up in a way that I had not expected, and I was very proud of her. It made me aware that my son is still a child (nine is younger than it seems, really), and my husband is better at leaving me alone than he is at being supportive with me. I am relieved that my daddy is no longer unhappy, in pain/discomfort, and is in 'heaven' now. I hope he's having fun. I am not resentful, except for the fact that now I have to deal with money issues. Inspired? Not really, but trying to use his memory to be inspiration to finish my writing. :D
My boyfriend and I broke up. Seems kind of trivial. But the break up has affected me greatly. It brought up a lot of different feelings. Feelings of loneliness, resentment, anger. A lot of anger. But reflecting on everything that's happened, I've learned a lot about myself and about how other people work and understand things. I'm not grateful for the way things turned out. But it has given me a chance to rebuild myself, my identity as an individual. I feel like what I want from life is becoming clearer. It's a push towards starting anew. I can finally move to LA without having something here tying me down. I can think about myself and my needs for once. I've gained a lot of self-respect.
Katie's (one and only child) has her final jaw surgery and is accepted to grad school and moves to Boston. At 26, living at home with her parents, 5 jaw surgeries, holding off applying to grad school because she was in pain. Then deciding to get on with life. Apply to 4 grad schools. Accepted at all 4 and choosing one halfway across the country from home. Schedule the last surgery. Get braces on her teeth for the third time and at 25 knowing that it would be 8 to 9 months before they came off. Accepting a position at a school half way across the country. Moving to a place where she doesn't know anyone except a roommate who she only knows via email and texts. Being homesick (who isn't) but overcoming (who doesn't) and now beginning the adventure. Opened my eyes to her strength, determination, and persistence. Grateful, relieved, inspired.
This year was the implementation of me staying at home. It's interesting to reflect on the 2013 answers when Kris and I had just started the conversation and this year, it's actually happened. It's been a totally different experience for our family, and it's wonderful. The stress level of our family has dropped significantly, we're able to get Saige to her activities in a way that doesn't impact our time together, and we spend our weekends together just relaxing or having adventures. It's beautiful. I am incredibly grateful to my wife for being the person to go to work every day to provide the money we need for our family. I know it's hard for her to go to work while I stay home. I hope she knows how much I appreciate that sacrifice for us. It's been such a blessing for all of us, especially Saige, to have someone home for her.
My boyfriend of seven and half ( 7 1/2) years has left me for the final time. He has gone back to his EX spouse which he has been divorced from for a very long time. This time, I am more angry than hurt. I am grateful for the support that I have had from family and friends. This happened on August 30, 2014 so it is pretty recent. It will take some time for me to move on but I will, as I have no choice.
Many things felt significant this year. Deaths, Births, marriages, job changes. Through all of it, I've learned to feel centered. I've come to know myself better than I thought. I've learned to take it all with a breath of openness that wouldn't have been possible before. I've learned to love and let go. I am absolutely grateful. It's not something I came to on my own. I've experience so much love and support this year. However, I don't feel relieved. There's still a pressure I know I have to express, but haven't learned how to do it yet. Resentful? Occasionally, but it goes away once I realize all the beauty that surrounds me. Friends, family, the future. I am so inspired. I feel the inspiration itching under my skin. What do I create with it?
I had been out of work and then severely underemployed (earning slightly over minimum wage) for 6 years. After numerous attempts to "remake" myself, I was about ready to give up. This year a wonderful firm took a chance on me. They saw something in me that made them want to take a chance in hiring me. I have been gainfully employed since April of 2014 with this firm and we are all happy with each other. I was relieved and grateful. I am also inspired to do my best for them because they were the only ones in all this time willing to give me a chance.
We almost lost our home to foreclosure. We borrowed what we owed from our family and had to sell in order to pay everyone back. So today we are almost entirely debt free. Now we live in a rental with our three teenagers. Its smaller, but we're closer together and that's nice. We don't owe anybody anything and we're paying our bills on time. I'm so much more relaxed. At the same time I'm deeply sad.
This past year, I ended a relationship that I had been in and out of for the past 3.5 years. I loved the guy since the moment I met him, but it took me a while to understand that he would never love me like that. Ending this relationship has made me feel scared, fearful, alone, lacking, not enough, flawed, unlovable, undesirable, and like I'm never going to find anyone as good as him. At the same time, ending this relationship has made me feel strong, empowered, self-caring, honest, and capable of setting my boundaries and keeping them. It has given me a voice and conviction that I was lacking before. It has helped me acknowledge, speak, and give power to my emotions without being overpowered more than ever before. It has given me a chance to see that even though I'm alone and not in love, I'm still enough. I'm something just with myself. At times I am resentful of him for not loving me, but more resentful of myself for not loving me enough to say "no more" sooner. The death of that relationship has given me new life, and for the first time I can honestly say that I like the woman I'm becoming.
Getting into Graduate School. It made me make tough decision of leaving my well paying job and stepping into a new career. I am grateful for this opportunity and the support I received from my family, colleagues and friends.
Oldest son left moved across the country for his Freshman college year. Grateful for him, grateful that he has such an opportunity.
I learned how to do some magic tricks, and I just invented one now. I am happy and feel good about myself. I bring joy to other people and sometimes I fool myself in my card tricks. I am still inspired by those great magicians out there, and am grateful to those who reveal some of them- so I can learn new tricks and slight-of-hand.
Had to transfer my spouse's mother from her retirement home to a secure locked in care facility without her knowledge. Then we had to dispose of a lot of her belongings that aren't allowed in the new facility. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She is in the final advanced stage of Alzheimers. To be in perfect physical health while losing your mind is a horrible and unfair fate. I'm grateful she is safe and being cared for but I resent what this disease does to a person.
My wife had a very serious lung/upper respiratory infection in February that hospitalized her for a week and really scared all of us. Then in April, during the intake exam with her new pulmonologist, he found on the x-ray a small mass in her right lung. We discussed options and agreed that more testing was required, resulting in MRI, CAT, PET scans, still without a formal diagnosis (other than "schmutz"). Fearing malignancy, we elected surgical removal, which couldn't be scheduled until July. Much to our relief, surgery was successful and lab reports proved non-cancerous, with no lymph gland infection. However, our relief from this was short-lived - one week following Gail's surgery (only 2 months ago), our daughter-in-law was struck and killed by an SUV while she was crossing the street on her way to lunch. We are all still in the process of dealing with the tragedy and its repercussions.
I went to Israel to volunteer with Sar El in the midst of Operation Protective Edge. For the first time ever, someone (Hamas) was actively trying to kill me just because I was on the Israeli side (and volunteering to help Israel). I felt like what I was doing over there really mattered to help support the Zionist state and what I do in the United States doesn't always matter. I know that it does (teaching, after all, lifts up the poor long-term and can be part of tikkun olam), but sometimes my concerns about the economy, annoying co-workers, traffic, etc. can seem incredibly shallow. I'm grateful I got to be there and wish I could do more for Israel. My husband doesn't want to make aliyah and I can't push him that hard. I'm afraid my support for Israel will disappear into the daily grind of the workweek here.
I got engaged, and while I was and am very happy about that I noticed I started thinking about people dying all the time. Alone, in company, before bed, after waking up, I thought so much about my loved ones dying. I kept trying not to face it. I kept trying to just "stop thinking about it." It wasn't until I sat down and wrote my reasons for thinking about death, about how I was both possessive of my loved ones, and scared of my own death, that I was able to move on. It was an interesting affliction to suffer and an interesting one to get over. There's nothing anyone can do but live as best you can.
There have been so many significant experiences this past year, it's mind-boggling! I could mention moving to Colorado, starting work on faculty at a ballet company school, waitressing again at the vaudeville, dancing in Nutcracker with a ballet company in the south, moving into an RV and touring the United States with a Broadway musical -- the list goes on and on. But the experience I would like to focus on is the time that I spent alone with my step kids this summer, in the first weeks that I lived in Colorado not as a tourist but as a resident. I've known my step kids for many years now and had done plenty with each of them one-on-one. But for the three of us to live as a family without their father was a new and completely different experience. I knew it would be a challenge, everyone knows being a lone parent is tough no matter who you are. I also knew it would be intense. What I didn't know is whether the strong bond I already had with my step kids would be able to continue growing under that strain or whether some cracks would begin to show. And while the cracks certainly did begin to show, perhaps the greatest revelation of the experience is that the cracks are exactly what ultimately help make the bond stronger. Of course it helps that I am blessed to have two amazing human beings for step kids: intelligent, willing, kind, and loving souls. I knew all this about them already, but to see them step up and flesh out their own good character in order to help me -- to help our family -- was profoundly moving. I did not have to nag or feel like "the bad guy" in order to get help with chores, and in fact they would often offer to help without being asked, by the end of the experience. I watched them learn how satisfying it is to be helpful, how times of leisure grow in value when you've sacrificed them to higher purposes. These are things we've of course spoken to the kids about for years. To see them put those ideas into practice was nothing short of magical. Certainly we had our rough moments. All three of us had to make an apology to the others at one point or another, for inexcusable behavior, for forgetting that two wrongs do not make a right, for indulging where we should have thought better of it. Those were hard moments on all sides. But in each instance we never failed to right ourselves, and by the end of the summer I felt we truly trusted each other -- not to do no wrong, but rather to sort out the wrong when it happens, and make it right. There were hard and scary moments and of course I questioned myself as a parent: should I be so hard on them? have I done something that isn't right? Each time I was able to answer those questions, and as I watched them struggle with similar questions I observed that they were also able to find the answers. It built a confidence among the three of us that I would never have dreamed could exist. I thought that I would be relieved for their father to return and take the pressure off. And in a certain manner of speaking it was a great relief, and life became infinitely better with his return. (I mean, that's why we're married! Life is better together!) But what I could not have anticipated is that I did somewhat regret to lose our special little unit of three that was me and the kids those bright, sunny days of summer. It was a time of little sleep, of near-constant work, of difficult camp schedules and work schedules and play schedules. But there was a glow to that time we had -- singing in the car, riding the gondola up to the adventure park, watching movies while they fell asleep -- it is a different hue from the happy family memories we all have together. It is the color of my relationship with the kids regardless of their father, and it is more stunningly beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
On October 14th 2013 I started a new full-time job doing something I had never done before. It was a challenge and very intense for the first few months, and then my role was changed. So for the last 9 months I've been doing something totally different which has become rather dull. While I'm grateful to have had this opportunity, doing what I'm now doing is NOT where I want to be right now and I hope by next year to be back to being challenged and even a bit scared by work, not dreading it.
I decided after much financial and emotional pain that it was time to end my career in trading Index options. The previous two years were a never ending source of stress in my life and I could not seem to fix it. The harder I tried to come up with a new strategy, a new way out to make things good again, it only added more stress. It is at the point of realizing that persistence is not working anymore I walked away from the business to take a step back. I have mixed emotions about it because it is a career that has defined who I am for the past 19 years of my initial working life. The exciting part and also very scary part about this decision is it is allowing me to do something completely new. I am now realizing that I have neglected learning on a daily basis and focusing on the things that I really enjoy and I pushed them to the back of the pile of life. I have no regrets with my decision and realize that it is time now to pursue something new. That sounds good, hopefully it is true.
This year was extremely eventful so it's hard to choose what was the most significant, but I would have to say that the thing that impacted me the most is when me and my boyfriend broke up. It was a long time coming and it ended pretty terribly, but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I got closer with my friends and family, was more open to making new friends, and was just myself again. I am friends with him now which I'm totally okay with. I am just too happy with my life now and I don't even know what would have happened if we were still together. I love life so much!
Eric and I renewed our vows on our 18th anniversary, the 18th of June. We had been arguing and negotiating for a long time before that and had just been on a bike trip in Wisconsin. We used Rabbi Jamie's pre-marital questionnaire. We were able to make vows to each other that were very true. We each had to face the sadness of knowing that there was something the other person wanted very much that we could not promise to deliver. But on the date of the ceremony, officiated by Coco and Gus in our living room, with 20 friends or so, the vows we did make held up extremely well. Shelli and I played Buddy Holly's "well all right", our official 18th anniversary song. I did not feel relieved, resentful or inspired. I felt like I had worked hard and accomplished something and so had Eric. I felt we were meant to be together for the next 18 years. It was monumental.
This past year I've decided to really put effort into blogging. I'm hopeful I can make a difference to others, I'm hopeful I can make a little bit of an income to help keep things moving a little more easily around here. I'm busy and overwhelmed, there is so much more to learn than I thought there would be, but I'm excited to see this work, and really help make a difference when we're in tight spaces.
My son was born on November 11 2013 and now he is 10 1/2 months old. I can't believe this wonderful little person is my son! Being a mom was extremely hard at first; the first months were a lot of worry, stress and fatigue. My husband and I clashed a lot as we each went through our own adjustments to our new roles and new life. Now, I am not only crazy in love with this little person, still in love with the wonderful man I married, but am also discovering new depths of my strength, patience and compassion. Being a mom is the most rewarding and evolving thing I have ever experienced.
This year's theme was loss. The most lasting of which has been the death of our beloved dogs. I am grateful for the light and life they injected in my day-to-day existence. I am relieved that they are no longer suffering. I am still struggling with going on without them.
Last week, I found myself on vacation in San Jose del Cabo and learned that a Category 4 hurricane was going to make a direct hit on us. The anxiety of the buildup, the trauma of the hurricane itself, and the fear, confusion, and isolation we experienced in the aftermath were all challenging, profound, and, ultimately, survivable. I'm grateful to all the kind Mexicans who helped us through the ordeal of Odile and for the support we received from family and friends. I'm relieved that it's over, that we're home safely and that we don't live in hurricane country. I'm struck by so many things that I felt, experienced and observed and will spend a fair amount of time - I hope - attempting to understand the lessons.
Oh wow... sooo many things. For starters, I'd discovered the wonderful world of foam-fighting. Amtgard, Jugger, and Dagorhir have changed my life in ways I never contemplated. It's amazing what just being active does to elevate one's mood. I could be having the crappiest day over, but after lugging myself and my gear through a 30 minute walk uphill and fighting with friends for a few hours, I walk back down the hill in high spirits. Also, hey, it's a great workout. It's nice to catch my reflection in the mirror and say, "Oh hey, I'm... maybe not that awful-looking...?" Then there's West Coast swing lessons with Mike... Who knew I would love it so much? I detested partner/social dancing before but decided to give it another try because... free lessons. And it is fun and absolutely fantastic to go out dancing at the Sundance Saloon on Thursday nights. And then there was the Claremont Colleges gig... Our first ever professional/"legit" BIT gig... The very first instance where I realize: 1) Yes, it is possible to do what I LOVE and get paid a living stipend for it... even if "it" is acting and writing scripts. 2) More importantly, the work we do... is important. And valued. And damn good quality. I need to stop selling myself and our company short. BIT could well be a big part of my future... I should describe it to people proudly, not as a "side thing" that I do. ~~~ All in all, 2014 so far has brought wonderful changes. I am grateful for all of them.
I ran a marathon! My first and probably only. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon and it was, hands down, the hardest physical and mental thing I have ever done in my life. I had a total breakdown at mile 13 with GI issues and panic, but I cried, sucked it up and kept going. Making it through the Gauntlet at mile 17 was amazing, then making it to the bridge at mile 20 under the cutoff time was FANTASTIC!!!!! I will never forget that feeling, or seeing the joy on my husband's and children's faces. I am so grateful that I did it, and so happy I gave so much inspiration to my friends, family, co-workers and all the students at my school. It was incredible, and I felt like I was on a cloud for weeks afterwards.
My daughter Jenny was married to Julie Foster. I hadn't expected that but the experience has been very positive for Jenny. She's far more happy and less stressed than before. She fully loves Julie and they are good together. The wedding ceremony was perhaps the most genuine and emotional one I've ever experienced. That follows a lifetime pattern of Jenny being a very slow Bullet. Her accomplishments tend to come late but full blown. My feelings were of great happiness for her and a better understanding of how great a relationship can be. My only re great I shared with her is that it seems unlikely she will become a Mother and she'd have been a great one. I'd have loved to have been her child. Love, discipline and get things done, Yes, You Can! kind of Mom. But, I still have her as my daughter and I'm deeply appreciative of that.
I saw my very first client for individual therapy this past year (3 weeks ago). It inspired a lot of feelings of gratitude as well as fear concerning the associated responsibilities. I'm so appreciative of the experiences that got me to this point, but I'm scared about the future.
My step children's mother died last winter of cancer. They are in grade school and elementary school. The change on them was dramatic as they not only lost a parent but had to move homes and schools. I have been a co-parent for them since they were very small; but, becoming their full time parent has had its joys and sorrows. It has led everyone in the family to question their mortality and each others mortality. I feel grateful for the time spent with with all of our children. I feel relieved and lucky every day to be alive; as if I have stolen some treasure that is not really mine. I feel resentful that their mother did not take care of herself and died as a result; and then feel guilty for thinking that way. And I feel inspired to be a better mother to all of them; despite knowing that I will never be good enough.
I lost the contract at my last job and was, for the first time in years, unemployed. It was depressing; even though the job was not a good fit and highly stressful, it was still a job. It paid the bills, it gave me freedom and purpose, and it was a challenge. I spent two and a half stressful months job hunting. Each job application was targeted and precise. These weren't form resumes and fill-in-the-blank cover letters; each part of the application was tailored to that specific job at that specific company. Some resulted in contact, most didn't. I was interviewed 6 times before finding a job. The time off allowed me to reexamine what I wanted in life. Where did I want to go? What did I want to do? What was important in my life? I decided that the career path I had been on was not what I wanted to do. Stability in my life is important, as is the creation of something bigger than myself and bettering the world. These decisions led me to the academic world and I took a position I never would've considered in the past. It's been a whirlwind the past 6 months since starting and I've loved every stressful and fulfilling moment.
I had a robotic thyroidectomy after all other efforts to curtail my Graves Disease failed. The surgeon scraped me, causing internal bleeding and a second surgery to repair the damage. During second surgery, the intubation permanently damaged my laryngical cord, leaving me permanently handicapped. I was profoundly affected, as were my family members. Terror at how close I came to death, fear I would not wholly recover breathing, swallowing, and speaking abilities were pervasive, and weekly trips to medical specialists became the norm. At this point, I am aware of my condition and maintaining the new normal. I am not grateful it happened to me, in a physical sense, but the scare brought incredible love and support from surprising quarters. I am very relieved the worst is over and I am able, most days, to live un encumbered. I was resentful, angry I could be so physically assaulted so easily. I felt so out of control of my body, my life. Yet, I think this experience has made me more alert, more aware that everyone is walking around with something, and the compassion rather than the suffering is what makes us human.
This year we moved across the country! I didn't want to move, and I especially didn't want to move to Los Angeles. I didn't want to move our baby away from her family. I didn't want my Mom, who just lost my Dad, to also be seperated from her grandchild. So its hard being in a new place that I don't especially like that is so far from family, friends, and the places we love. Ryan and I both wish that we could be at family gatherings, spend times with our friends, and go to our favorite places. So all this is true and hard. But at the same time I feel like I am much better here. Maybe its mostly that we're away from the jobs that we didn't like and we're also out of the long and stressful time of unemployment. I'm so, so, so, so grateful that period is over with. It's amazing to be able to commit to something a month ahead or even 3 or 6 months ahead! Because I have no reason to doubt that we will be here! I feel calmer and happier. I feel more connected to God. Staying home with the baby has its boredom and frustrations, but I'm so glad that I'm doign this instead of my old job. I'm grateful to God for this transition.
Eric and I went on a trip to Seattle. It was a great trip to connect and it took forever to connive him to go but it was absolutely amazing. Spending time together doing things we loved and not having to rush around and do anything. I loved everything. It was great reinforcement to see that we are truly best friends and partners in life
My boyfriend leaving for higher studies and going to another city. It frightened me terribly coz I feared losing him but this whole process has made Mr a stronger person. And given me the strength to have faith in us and pursue my goals and interests to lead a happier and more fulfilling life!!
My son was one year off probation and out of trouble. I am extremely relieved and grateful. He has grown so much and grown up as well and he no longer worries me when I can't get ahold of him. He is more responsible and has graduated college and just seems to have a great outlook on life. He is no longer doing drugs and has just become a wonderful young man. This has affected me by bringing me much joy and happiness. And pride!
A friend passed away suddenly. It put things in perspective. Other things we had been going through - unexpected expenses, arguments, layoffs at work, paled in significance. I was reminded that this is ALL short term. I was reminded that what I do matters.
-In October 2012 my girl friend bought a condo and I moved in with her in January. -In February 2013 I got engaged. -In October 2013 I changed carriers. A new job in a new industry. -In April 2014 my father-in-law had a heart attack. -In August 2014 I got married.
Baby George arrived! I am a grandmother!
After two years of being unemployed, I was hired as a summer intern at Intel. Unfortunately, it isn't a really fulfilling job, so I'm a bit disappointed. I am still relieved that money is flowing in.
I was able to come to terms with my sexuality and come out to many of my friends. It is unbelievable the peace and happiness that acceptance of yourself brings you and I am extraordinarily grateful that it happened.
I felt a fluttering around my heart center when I asked my angels to help me cool odd after getting angry. I believe it was angel wings flapping to cool me down. Very grateful and inspired.
observing childbirth, I experienced a wide range of emotions. anticipation, fatigue, worry, helplessness, bliss the list continues. But above all, it was a reminder that we are all connected as one. Miracles really.
I was cast as Elle Woods in Legally Blonde: the Musical. When I was 12 years old, my mom took me to see the broadway show. As we walked out of the theatre I looked up to her and said, "Mom, one day I am going to play Elle Woods." When I was cast in the show it was truly a dream come true. It was a great relief to be done with auditions and anticipation, but also brought on a great pressure to impress and achieve greatness in the role. There is a large number of people depending on me and I am striving to deliver to the best of my ability.
Of course: the birth of S. She is here, alive, healthy. I am someone who finds herself starting with "alive" as the base to achieve. I am so relieved and grateful. I found myself thinking "lucky" but that is uncomfortable. I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable with that word again -- how can I be lucky when my son died? But I shifted the word to "grateful" and that feels more right. Not grateful to whom, just grateful for what. She is 4 weeks old today and beautiful.
My young adult daughter had another surgery, several pneumonias and hospitalizations, started at new school and has missed a lot of it. Dreams, persistence and health are in constant conflict in both our lives. During all of this I lost my job, possibly a friendship and a chunk of self-confidence with it. Other difficult issues keep coming up within my family, my own health and my attitude. Does it matter how hard I am on myself trying to manage so many things that I've lost my...idk vision? I used to be the glass half full person in the room and sometimes I pretend that's true. Maybe, I've been raising that glass up too high all along only to notice it's nearly empty already. Discouraged but still strong enough to do want I need to do.
June 2014 I went to a new doctor my wife found and went to in May 2014. He prescribed weight loss pills to help her lose 10-15 pounds. She has both asthma and a thyroid condition, making losing weight a challenge. Worse, every pound over 120 makes her asthma worse. I've been gaining about 4 pounds a year for our 25 year marriage and found myself at an uncomfortavle 250 pounds. In desperation, I went to the new doctor. He did prescribe weight loss pills for me. The hard part was hearing his cold assessment of my current health: morbidly obese, pre-diabetic, pre-gout. It scared me. The previous year I had tests run to determine my risk of heart attack or stroke, the two killers in my family. I was found to be at very low risk for both. So when the new doctor rattled off my future, I was shocked. Motivated by fear, supported by diet pills, I reduced my food intake and began to exercise like I haven't in 15 years. As of today, mid September, I've lost 25-30 pounds, depending on water weight and what I'm wearing. I feel great, have more energy, and I'm anxious to lose more. I'm not expecting to look like an athlete or a model. I just don't want to be fat.
I got married this year! It's been almost four months and I have loved every minute of it. We just look at each other and laugh sometimes because both of us thought it might not happen, and now here we are. I'm enjoying the upgrade in societal status of course, but it's the personal upgrade between the two of us that is the most special. I feel grounded and centered in the relationship, and happy! I am so very in love with my husband. Even though we knew each other and dated for years before we got married, something is definitely different, and it's definitely good.
I got into the alpha chi omega sorority. At first I was grateful because I met so many amazing women. I was relieved because I finally got something that I really wanted.
I was moved to a new school. I had been the principal at my old school for a long time. I felt like that I was just making headway to make the school more successful. I was just told I was moving without really getting an explanation. I grieved and grieved. I am now at my new school. I know that this is a gift from Yahweh - He needs for me to be here. So, I am happy - I wish the best for my old school - they were my family! Now I have a new one!
My current boss retired, and my new boss has a very different work style as well as some philosophical differences from the way we've conducted business in the past. I appreciate the new perspectives and find that my new boss's work style tends to be more in sync with my preferred work style. This has made the 8+ hours I spend at work each weekday much more enjoyable and my whole life less stressful. Sometimes it is difficult to adapt my thinking from the former way of doing things to the new way. My ability to be flexible and to move with the trends is challenged at times, but I am pleased with my ability to adapt quickly. I look forward to the changes in my own leadership that will occur as a result of the opportunity to work under someone new.
I was offered my job as an art teacher back after having been laid off, and then eventually forced to teach another subject area completely last year. It has affected me most significantly by tremendously reducing my stress level. I am a happier and healthier person--both mentally, and physically, because of it. It has also made me truly appreciate my job, and how lucky I am to not only have continuous employment, but to be able to do what I love for a living!
I was in a car wreck and broke bones for the first time in my life. I'm beyond grateful to have walked away. At the same time I'm devastated to have done something so stupid. As a whole this experience has reiterated to me how lucky I am and how important family and kindness are.
My wife and daughter went to Paris for a month during the summer. I was resentful. It seemed unfair that my wife chose a vacation that I would be unlikely to participate in (due to fear of flying).
I went to my 30 year High School Reunion. This was the first reunion I have been able to attend. I was very disappointed as it seems not much has changed with most of the people that showed up. So I have not missed much.
A significant experience for me is that I graduated from Brandeis University. Brandeis was my home for the past 3 1/2 years and it is hard to believe that it is over. It is also hard to believe how easy it was for me to get readjusted to living back at home. But it is completely different. I went from being surrounded by friends at every moment and having to squeeze things into my calendar to rarely hanging out with friends and just coming home after work to veg on the couch. That is not to say I am not busy and that I do not hang out with friends, I do. But the opportunity and availability has shifted dramatically. Furthermore, in college I was clearly working toward something - graduation, a degree in Sociology and Film, Television and Interactive Media. Now my goals are not as clear. I want to get a job, a job that I like that pays well, but it isn't easy, and there aren't clear guidelines to follow. As I write this on Erev Rosh Hashana, I hope that the new year brings clarity regarding where I go in life, where I am supposed to be and how to get there. Am I grateful? Brandeis was an amazing experience. Am I relieved? I'm excited to see where I end up but I miss the life I had built for myself while I was there. Am I resentful? No, but it is hard transitioning. Am I inspired? Well I spent 3 1/2 years worth thousands of dollars studying so I better make my future worth it!
My Dad passed away in May and I am sad, yet relieved because his frail condition and memory loss was becoming too difficult for him and our family. It has been very hard on my Mom who is now suffering from Lewy Bodies Dementia. She says she wants to get into "the box" with him and continues to wonder if he is really dead. Ugh! His death affected me such that I now find myself becoming more comfortable with my own demise and eventual death. I am grateful for all the wonderful memories I have of him as he was so kind and gentle and very intelligent. I hope that people will remember me in the same way.
A significant experience I had this past year was loosing my full time job of 18 years. I did feel fearful at first but then realized that this was an incredible opportunity for me to do what I really wanted to do. This was to do my hypnotherapy and energy work full time, (I was doing it part time for about 8 years) and to step up and be and do what I love most of all and that is to help people. I am sad that the company I worked for closed mostly because of the family connections that were built there but I am also very grateful because now I can pursue my passion to the fullest.
What could be more significant that our oldest son coming back to the family after 7 years. Last year it was a long shot, this year he reappeared just in time for Adams wedding. Glad he done with a miserable marriage and we are so grateful he's back with everyone putting the past behind us. We also so grateful for Adams marriage to a nice Jewish minded girl. Quite a year.
I got to marry my best friend and love of my life. It's had an amazing impact on my life, and I love everything we share - from the mundane to the exciting (monthaversaries). Absolutely relieved, as I see other friends still looking for "the one", and motivated to not let this significant life event only be about the one day we had a party, but more about the daily work we put into our relationship.
My father died earlier this year after a mental and physical decline that spanned a number of years. It was sad to lose him but I was grateful that his death was sudden and not painful to him. With both my parents gone now, my siblings and I realize that we are it: we are the link to our family's past for each other and for our children. I have both my parents in my head now. I notice things that they would like or dislike, approve or disapprove of. It's liberating because now I can think of them as they were at an earlier time in their lives, and I no longer have the constant worry of whether they are sick or in pain.
I had the entire summer off (paid!) from work. This was the first time I had the summer off since I was a child. I always wondered how it would be to have all that free time...would I be bored? Guilty? Every day I woke up with tears of gratitude that I had this time, just to BE. While I was busy every single day, I was busy doing things that I felt like doing. Instead of feeling as if I had too much time on my hands, I felt grateful for every minute I had to be creative, to relax, to accomplish anything I wanted to, to travel and to explore myself without time constraints! I became inspired to create a major work of art that I am still working on...such a great experience!
Last December I participated in a mission to Israel with my wife and some friends. It was an outstanding trip, and I was so grateful to have gone. It was inspiring, beautiful, moving, and the people we met and the places we visited left memories I hope will last a lifetime. I had not been to Israel in 31 years, and hope to go again soon so I can strengthen even more my ties to the country.
My wife and I travelled to New Zealand and Hawaii. We experienced what it is like to live on an island and be so much more impacted by weather and sea. Visiting active volcanoes and seeing the immense power of nature--which man cannot overcome but can only accommodate --was very humbling. Last Sunday I participated in the People's March on Climate Change. This was a direct result of having stepped out of the U.S. and seen a different side of the world. However one defines and relates to God, the command is clear: we can't despoil this planet that is such a gift.
Suddenly told I was no longer needed to look after my grandson-he was going to school and Mum would take him and pick him up. Not even going to stay one night a fortnight as before- after 4 years. At first, shocked- I'd had to give up my life in order to look after him,given up thinking of myself as a viable being. I was no longer going to find out how he was doing, be involved. Embarrassed- I'd been too involved, annoyed them, he was their child after all. Then relieved- the freedom, I get my life back. After a while, it transpired Mum was working again and I was needed to take and collect one day a week. One day a week at least means I get to see him, see how he is doing but most days it was only a few hours, which is manageable. Resented it when father said I undermined him quite unnecessarily- couldn't be further from the truth. With time I realized it was good that at last they were taking responsibility for their own child. But resent that grandparents on Mum's side will see a lot more of him. , despite being relived I'd have more time -and get my house back.
My divorce became final after 2 years and several appeals. I was relieved on several levels- to have it finally over, to have it come out mostly in my favor. After years of being told how worthless I was and that I had not contributed anything of value to the marriage it was nice to see that he was wrong and that several courts felt differently. I was relieved that my settlement was paid quickly. I have finally accepted that I am able to provide for myself. I am in a place where everything I have is mine- I do not need to please anyone to keep my lifestyle. It is very freeing. It is the first time in my adult life that I am not spending a lot of time or energy seeking a romantic relationship and that is REALLY freeing.
When I went up north with my family I was grateful that I could have a great time.
My husband's pancreatic cancer diagnosis and rapid death. I am lessened in just about every way. I know sooner or later I will come back to myself, but it will be a different self entirely. I am... sad. Lost. Lonely. I am... grateful for his life. For the time we had. Aware of the sacredness of his last few days but too close to hold them in holy space. I am exhausted.
I over stepped my pay grade. I was reprimanded pretty hard. I was upset at first and then resentful at the tactless way I was reprimanded. About 30 minutes later I had processed the whole incident and let it go into the past. At that point I felt a sense of relief..
I was very ill all summer. Surgery, tests, pain, infections. I feel very angry about missing out on days that could have been enjoyable. But, I was grateful for my husband's help in taking care of me.
With less than a week's notice, and for the first time ever, I had the pleasure of entertaining my grandsons, Will and Luke, ages 12 and 9, alone. Even better, it was at my home in Florida. They flew themselves on a direct flight from Chicago. The weather cooperated with sunshine every day, nearly all day. We swam in the pool and in the ocean, dug in the sand, played paddle ball and tennis, went to a professional play, went to a Cardinal's baseball game (Both boys came home with balls from players, and my son got a foul ball), explored the science museum, and stayed overnight at Temple Judea as caretakers in the homeless program, Family Promise (Will bonded with 10 year old Tim, and it led to discussions of how someone who used to have a cell phone and had traveled more than he had could be homeless.). Since they were born, I have acted as a good Grama, even though living long distance. I had continually told Will after he became 10 that I would be happy to pay his airfare if he would come and stay with me. This year my dream came true. One of the last things before boarding the airplane, my grandsons told me that they wanted to come to see me again. May I have this wish come true again!
My nephew's significant other suffered a brain aneurysm. It was tough to see the next generation be challenged by life so young (mid-20's), but impressive to see how he and her community rallied around her- and how the challenge clarified for them what was important. I ran home for a few days to support - and oddly felt grateful to be connected with my clan (I often feel estranged from them). My heart about exploded when he proposed to her a few months into her recovery. Proposals are sweet, but more so when you have an inkling of what you're really stepping into. To life! :)
I officially entered menopause and it sucks. I'm incredibly resentful. My plumbing has given me no shortage of problems but having my ability to have children end has made me feel like a useless sack of flesh just taking up space on the planet. I feel like I have one foot in the grave. Plus why now? Why so early? No one can tell me. It just is.
I retired 4 months ago- was looking so forward to it! I am very grateful to be able to retire, but it has been somewhat isolating and harder to adjust to than I thought it would. I am still in "de-stress" mode but hope/plan to develop some type of routine.
Well, I finally graduated from college (go me!), which made me feel better about myself, more relaxed because I could finally do things without feeling guilty for not studying or writing my thesis. For a month or two I gave myself some time to take things slowely and waste time without the guilt, and this was kind of nice. After that I was ready to concentrate on post-college activities, like finding a job. Finishing college also gave me a sense of self-respect regarding my occupation, and this is something that nobody can take away.
Doing a ten day trek through Peru with my wife, and my best friend and her husband. The trek was very difficult and pushed me to my physical limits at times. It also gave me lots of time to reflect. I realized my wife is not as empathetic as I would like. It also cemented my belief that we need to travel and enjoy life while we have our health as many people who put off traveling and things end up ever getting to do them.
I moved to Denver to be with my kids and grandkids. Completely changed my life. I am grateful to be with my family especially for the holidays and being able to see my grandkids grow up.
I am 62 and my wife is 66. We were going to retire this year and pursue my dream. We would have her full social security and my early social security as a safety net, if my "dream" fails, financially. A few months ago, she got a promotion at the nonprofit where she works and asked for another two years before we retire. I of course said, "sure." She got a small raise, but she is getting great satisfaction from improving her agency. As with any organization, there is a certain amount of infighting. Every single one of her former detractors has come to her and told her that they were wrong about her and what an excellent job she is doing. There is stress, but less so over time as she fixes problems, including "problem" personalities. I was a little resentful at first, but she is so happy and feels so good about herself that overall I am infused with joy. Our marriage, which has always been perfect, is even better. I thank the Creator every day for my life, and it's all because of her. I just hope I have the energy two years from now to start a new venture.
I completed an act of charity/kindess this year and uncharicteristically kept my good deed to myself. I feel proud of my actions. Perhaps it shows a sign of maturity and growth.
I moved to a new city. The whole process was very stressful, but also very exciting. I am so happy about my new job and my new home, and I look forward to meeting people and making friends in my new city. I am hopeful that I will do well in this job to prove to everyone (myself included) that I deserve it.
David & I moved cross country. I was just finishing my first semester back into school. I was so happy and proud of myself because I was FINALLY back. That's when David told me that he got a job offer in Georgia...where I've always wanted to end up. I don't think either of us really weighed the pros and cons. We just saw "WARMER WEATHER" and went. Now, 3 months in, I finally got my first job offer (part time, minimum wage), have to keep spending money to fly home ever 2-3 months for my braces appointments, I'm not in school again, and I am lonely. I am grateful that David moved me to the place I've always wanted to be. I am relieved that David makes more than enough money that I don't NEED a job. I am resentful that I am not in school and can't find a job. I am inspired because this opens other doors and experiences that I never thought we would have.
My mother broke her hip, had multiple strokes, transitioned into Hospice and passed away in my home. It gave me many opportunities to show my gratitude to friends for their help. It hurt me that we struggled to reconcile. I worried for her spiritual well-being and she for mine. I am relieved she has passed because she was suffering. I am resentful my husband left me during her passing because I was so frightened.
Thanks to a group of brave friends, I was inspired to learn to play the violin, and am delighted with the progress that I have made. The experience has made me sensitive to the needs of busy adult learners, and has given me a great appreciation the instrument. Looking forward to the coming year of lessons and playing this instrument in a group with other musicians.
I have quit medical school. Hasn't been very long, nothing is certain yet and I cannot tell what will be in the future. What I know is I am currently very happy about the situation and it is refreshing to look to the future with optimisim and ambiguity for once. Relieved would probably be a correct word to describe how I feel about life. I know it is very soon to say but at least currently I am feeling no obligation, no duty or expectation on me. It's awesome ;)
I graduated from undergraduate college feeling ready to take on life. Little did I know that after college there's no "office" to help you, no professors who's job is to educate you, and no relationships that are formed through a mutually shared experience. Maybe these aren't hard "no's" but it certainly is a lot different. I'm relieved and I feel fortunate but I'm also scared and nervous - all in a good way. I decided to move out to California and this will be the third state where I'll spend a significant amount of time (relative to my age). It's never been more clear that while we are all Americans we are also 50 different mini-countries united together. We all celebrate the 4th of July but we don't necessarily have the same cultures and values. My biggest worries are still the challenges ahead of me. Social Media is how I loosely connect to the friends I've made in the past but I don't feel any less lonely. I'm amazed and inspired by them and I hope to do equally great things. But of course, whatever these 'things' may be, that is all yet to be determined. I wish to build new skills while I still can and learn as much as possible. Right now with Ebola, Russia-Ukraine, Gaza conflicts, etc. there are so many issues that I feel powerless. I wish there was some way I can contribute, even if I could throw money at the problems, but I don't have the resources nor intimate knowledge to assist someone else much less a pet - I'm barely getting by for myself. Anyways, I'm born to a mother who's mother is a Kaifeng Jew and while I'm very disconnected from these roots I figured 10Q is both an interesting thought experiment and a way for me to feel connected to my origins - plus they aren't tech-savvy enough to use social media so maybe I'll send these to them. I don't know if I'm doing this right but I like it. I hope everyone well! Looking forward to tomorrow's question.
I separated from my wife of 19 years and moved out of the house. It's been an emotional roller coaster. Relieved. Grateful. Resentful. Angry. Happy. Thinner. Remorseful. Hopeful. Scared Shitless. Often all of those things coursing through my nervous system within 30 seconds. But it's getting better.
One evening I looked down at my husband's hand and saw his grandfather's hand instead. Embracing that the hand was my husband's aged hand was a significant moment for me. Resentful - - yes, where did the time go? Fearful - -that we are beyond /the best is yet to be/. Angry - - that retirement is not even a dream for him. Inspired is what I yearn to be -- inspired to be in each moment with him, inspired to make each day /the best/ inspired to find ways to have our own retirement even if we have to remain employed to get by.
Hot air ballooning over Capadocia Turkey, amongst over 80 other hot air balloons. It was so surreal it felt like I was in a child's story book. As a child I went to Disneyland and was dissapointed. I thought it would feel like magic.. But it was a fun park, very real and not what I had imagined in my head. My hot air balloon ride was the "magic" I was seeking as a child and I am so grateful to of had that feeling/experience as an adult.
Devastation in the marriages of 4 friends! Also, problems in my own home. It made me very angry but I am grateful for some positive outcomes in that individuals, including myself are doing a more intensive introspection on themselves.
About 3 weeks ago, I found out a friend of mine unexpectedly passed away. I didn't feel its impact at first, since it had been a long time since we'd seen each other last. As time went on and I thought back to the times we shared, I realized that the loss was significantly greater than I expected. She lived her life with a special kindness, elegance, and consistency rarely found in others. And she is a daily reminder for me to be the best person I should be.
I was let go from my job. It obviously affected me because I won't trust people so easily. I think I am relieved that I don't have to be around horrible people all day. Although I like my new position, I don't think I will be here for long and I am looking for a new position already. Also, my grandmother passed away. She had been sick a little while. I am afraid that with her gone, the rest of our family will drift apart. I feel bad for my mom because I don't think she has grieved legitimately.
My daughter was doing a year abroad and after the year was up got a job there. I miss her physical presence. When we are together we are happy to just sit. I am happy for her because she is happy and getting to meet other people in a new country. I miss not being able to see her but I am grateful for Skype.
Of all the things that have happened my senior year of college, the most significant experience has been the one with CLIMB. CLIMB has been many things for me- an adjective, a verb, a noun- it has described all that is beautiful in my life; it has been the action of pursuing the impossible; and it has become the positive lens through which I see the world now. My fellow advisers in CLIMB, especially my co's, as well as my 9 perfect no-so-little campers, bring me hope and joy every single time I think about them. I do not fear for the future, because I know they will fill it with goodness and love. I forget how lucky I am that such a program brings together the most finely selected human beings who have molded and shaped themselves out of the depths and fires of the own hells they experience in their daily lives, heroically, vulnerably, and always with love.
The most significant experience this past year was the fatal shooting at Village Shalom, a retirement/assisted living center in the KC area. A woman in her 50s who visited her mother every Sunday was shot in the parking lot by an anti-Semite. I'm in my 50s, I visit my mom there every Sunday, and I was in the parking lot with my daughter minutes before the killer and victim arrived. This happened in April, I believe ... I haven't fully "bounced back" yet. Still processing the shooting, the proximity, the hatred, all of it. How did it affect me? I don't know that I have words for that ... it shook me. Does that make sense?
BEING IN GRAD SCHOOL! I have put to rest my ponderings about what it might be like, I have discovered my tribe of classmates and consultants, I have connected with teachers who believe in me, I have raised my standing in my own opinion with regard to other therapists and professionals, I have opened the door to innumerable job opportunities, and I have fulfilled my responsibility to live up to my potential--especially with regard to my parents who have invested in my development. Yes, I am grateful. I have always been a psychotherapist at heart, and now I am gaining the credentials to match it. Yes, I am relieved. I made it through the fear of what it would be like to deal with the pressure and stress. No, I am not resentful. Yes, I am hugely inspired. Nothing is as exciting to me as learning from therapists about therapy. Yay me!!
I got divorced. My wife of 26 years moved across the country, and I stayed in the bay area. It's made me sad, freer, lonely, introspective, hungry, maudlin, and restless. I have no idea what my life will be like a year from now. So much is in flux that I can't be certain of really anything at all. I don't even know if I'll be living in this house. I've had to trust myself to a degree that I haven't in a very long time.
I was diagnosed with skin cancer. It scared me. A lot. And it made me change so many habits, from how I take care of my skin to how I eat. But it also made me more conscious of paying attention to my health and my body signals. I waited a long time to see a doctor and now have a nasty scar because of it. I am grateful it wasn't more serious, and relieved. I am more vigilant with sunscreen and my family. I want to do my best to ensure they don't have this down the road. I hope in the future I remain as committed to my health as I am right now.
I sang at 2 Karaoke parties. For someone who majored in voice, this shouldn't seem like a life-altering feat, but Karaoke absolutely terrifies me. I decided that I wasn't going to just not sing, because deep down inside, there's a person who would be seriously disappointed to let the experience pass her by, and this year, that girl won...twice. I want more of that. There's a lot of scary things in this world, and sometimes, you have no control over them. Other times, you can say, "Screw you, fear! I'm not going to let you ruin this party."
This year was one of the most eventful years of my young life. I cannot simply choose one significant experience -- they were all significant. They all shaped me into the person I am at this very moment. Some incredible, once in a life time experiences, and others were horrific and traumatic, and hopefully those were once in a lifetime, as well.
There are infact 2 significant ones, both related though and thats 2 family members that passed away within 5 months of each other from stomach and colon cancer respectively. So many thoughts still go through my mind about both of them and now I realise how they uniquely affect me. I have become more aware of my health and more grateful for it and my remaining family especially my parents. I complain less about when Im out running and must apply that more to life in general. I really have nothing to complain about. The experience to see them slowly die away form being healthy throughout my life was a separate impact all together. It still is strange sensation to see them wilt away especially Aleem bai. I must connect more with my family, engage in uncomfortable experiences more. Life really is too short
The most significant experience in the last year has been sending Davey off to college. He has far exceed all my expectations as a student and an adult. It's a very ofdd feeling, knowing that this child who's nose you've wiped and butt you've swatted, is an adult who is fully capable of functioning in the world completely independent of you. The resulting feelings that it has inspired are vast, but a few would be pride, awe, a little bit of bafflement, and relief. I smile as I write this.
Within the last year I moved to Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. Being an introvert, this experience encouraged me to come out of my shell and get in contact with others. It also gave me the opportunity to discover a new country, culture and language, as well as to meet extraordinary individuals. I am grateful for this experience that changed me in a good way and made me learn a lot about myself and my limits.
I started dating Andrew. It has been an experience that is scary, reassuring, comforting, and so much more. It's the strangest feeling to both love someone and yet know that you can't be in a relationship forever with them because they, in some way, don't complete you. I feel as though I am walking a very fine line between loving the moment and everything we experience together, and worrying about when and how it will end, and hopefully with minimal trauma to both parties.
This year I prepared, presented, and received my signatures for my Thesis Proposal. I was very relieved and proud to get it out of the way and to have done it successfully, but after a little bit of momentum immediately following the presentation, I have had trouble motivating myself for continued progress in the research.
I quit my teaching job and had a complete career change. I was deeply affected by this decision because I was very passionate about teaching and it's what I went to college and accrued over $64,000 worth of debt for. I am grateful, relieved, inspired and not at all resentful because it was a decision I made to better myself. I was miserable teaching and it consumed my life. Now I have a great job that isn't consuming but yet still challenging, a baby on the way, an actual social life, a great second job coaching, and I can truly say and be confident that I am happy!!!
The birth of my son, Matan. Yes, relived that everything went well for mom and baby. And so excited to have completed are little family.
In spring after a year of very trying and exhausting personal life issues, I asked the only man I have loved to move out. He did and both of us were devastated. It seemed, at the time to be the right choice, given the circumstances. I spent the summer reflecting, hiking, camping, reading, and missing his love and him terribly. From the moment he moved out, he never stopped communicating with me. He knew my tendency to close down and push people away in the worst of times. We started talking and going out for coffee, then food, then drives, and a weekend get away, where we knew that we needed each other and I knew that I was safe with him. It is the first time in my life that I didnt completely close down and move on. I am so hopeful for myself and my future having dealt with and moved past this in a positive way. And I am so eternally grateful that he saw the hurt and fear in me and stood by and had the patience to wait.
I reached 60 and also am five years cancer free. I am grateful.
My mother died this past summer. I felt relief. Though she was a good person, she was chronically unhappy. She had no close friends by choice, and hated her family. I was the only person who interacted with her on a regular basis. Needless to say, she was a challenging person to love; she was prone to dark bouts of negativity, harshness, and violent ideation. I'm relieved she has finally found peace in death. I'm grateful I can send lovingkindness to her whenever I think of her.
Filming of my video. Was amazed I could get it organized and completed. Yes, very grateful, relieved, inspired, and felt God's presence before, during and after the event!
At the start of the year I moved into a charming and tiny cottage in downtown Sebastopol with David Ray. He moved from LA to come live with me after deciding in August that we wanted to be together. We fell head over heels in love after knowing each other for more than 20 years. Our house is tiny and it took some time for me to get used to sharing all my space and a good deal of my free time with another person. Also I have struggled mightily this year with radical mood shifts, severe anxiety, and other forms of mental inclement weather. It's like Kansas in there these days-- not sure if this is for reasons pre menopausal or otherwise, or just from returning back to an artistic and more rigorous sensibility after abandoning art and writing altogether in hopes of finding some relief from the ambivalence of being. Choosing to not engage with certain questions, pulling away from the materiality of life, escaping into spirituality, surrendering, forgetting, floating in a permanent present. David and I met under literary terms, under poetic circumstances. We both valued the majesty of language and art for the meaning and articulation it could bring to ordinary life. It is rigorous living the life of an artist--it requires that you push back against the world, that you dynamically and without apology tell the world what you think of it. I lost my way over the years, finding ways to skirt showing and saying what it was I actually believed about anything, hiding behind material already written and people with more clout, collecting rather than creating. My mind got weak from not really engaging and trying to accept everything, not wanting to confront--I don't know if I'm making sense, I've gotten to where I talk around things, theorize, approach and then back away, there's a muddled passivity about my way of being that I didn't notice until David and I began to spend so much time together. I'm not sure exactly how it happened or what exactly was happening. I could have been turning into a kind of wizard mystic, for I wasn't far from renouncing the material world altogether. That seems to happen to a lot of aging people in this geographical location-- they get more sun-bleached and beatific looking every year. There's something surely blissful about letting go of the human struggle for meaning and just deciding to be like driftwood and polish and hone your being on the earthly elements at large. But allowing oneself to drift there is also danger of drifting into an insipidness, a triteness, a doughiness of mind, a soft and passive premature death of sorts. I know this wasn't positive for me--that in some way I was drifting away from my own nature because it troubled me that I could no longer find the words to express myself, that I felt so flat and memoryless. It has been a struggle to regain these old powers I once took for granted but they are beginning to come back. The shift from one kind of life back to the one I originally burned for was painful because it was a complete about-face. But it feels now like I'm facing in the right direction. I am eternally grateful to David for pointing me back in the true direction of my true vocation. And that neither of us has to go it alone, what a miracle.
I lost my first child in the early of this year. I have been trying to get pregnant for awhile and I finally did. I think I only be a mother for 3-4 days and the child is miscarriaged. It is painful. I cried for couple of days. But God helps me to go through it. Now I have faith that God will give to me a child when the time is ready. Any I named my lost child Joshua. I will see him one day in Heaven.
The one experience that has touched me the most this past year is my ivf cycle, how I had put all my hopes into this one time, my dreams my desires and my future, all my positive energy out to the universe, it had to happen! But it didn't... but the hell I went through after the failure, I see it now as necessary. I've come through to the other side, and I look back and realise how much I've learned about myself -and life- in this difficult time, and how much still to learn! Strangely although still longing to be a mother, i feel grateful for this painful experience, as it has connected me with my inner self, that otherwise I might have missed, and it has put me in a new path in life, one full of joy and pain, of acceptance, compassion and love.
This year I took an emotional risk and it didn't pan out but I am so proud of myself for taking it that the result seems beside the point. It was a wonderful reminder that, although it feels scary, risk is the only way to move forward with anything, ever. I've been trying to remind myself of this every day. It's funny how often I need reminding and still have a hard time remembering!
I moved out of my apartment where I was living by myself, into a house that I purchased with my partner, her 2 daughters and a cat. Everything is upside down. I no longer live in the city, shopping is not walking distance away for healthy organic produce etc. Have to take my car to get anywhere. I was also let go from my job I had been working for the past 4 years due to internal reorganization and reduced need for my skills. I'm neither grateful, relieved, resentful or inspired. I'm just readjusting and doing my best to learn how to be in my new reality. It is, to say the least, interesting! And challenging. And I know it was for the best. Can't wait to see how it all turns out down the road. Life is like that.
I was laid off from BAC in Apr... Shocking, hurt were my initial feelings. However I soon realized that I could do anything I wanted to. I started working out more than not. then came around the end of the severance period. Stress started again... climbing upwards... savor (of sorts) became NGIC job offer. I was saved from returning to the Bank. The atmosphere was great, young, refreshing, less stress... So in the end very grateful that BAC let me go. Today - Bored about not having enough work. Need to ask for more work. Change your place and change your luck, return to your strengths, do not allow your bad habits back.
I got married just before the high holy days last year. This has been a huge change in my life, and is something I am eternally grateful for. While my wife and I had been together for quite a while before our wedding, it symbolized a coming together of families and traditions, as well as the formation of new traditions that I've enjoyed greatly. Most importantly, it's so wonderful to have an individual to share so many experiences with - both the good and the bad, but mostly the good.
My friend experienced a late term miscarriage, so I felt a lot of sadness and anxiety for other pregnant friends. The selfish reflexion was how out-of-touch I had become with my extended friends who are my true family.
I think the biggest event last year was my 4month in Thailand + 2month in Lithuania holiday. So half a year in total. Amazing time. Had a lot to think about and a lot of time to try not to think about anything. Time to unlearn the crap that needed changing. Met new people who I would like to call friends. New experiences, new girlfriends. Keep talking to Joop even after 5months. I needed this time of doing very little, scuba diving with others, waking up on the boat, looking at the morning sun and going diving again with happy people. Well they all seemed like they are looking for something too, or going away from something. Experienced how simple is simple life. Travelled with only 35litre big shot backpack. Could just scooter around or go to the beach and read the book, sit at my porch in Khaolak... Vivek in Bangkok and Pattaya, Miki and Miho in Cambodia. Andreas, Phillipa, Alex, Will, Seppe, Koen, Gordo, Dave in Khaolak. Jum, Joop... Miss them all. Oh and Karolina + Zilvinas too, need to keep in touch with them. So happy I've taken this long holiday, even though I'm still paying back for it now;) Very insightful experience was coming back to London and First 3weeks watching life go by like from slow motion movie, but all others are in fast forward movie having their heads stuck in phone screens. Few later i'm with them in the same zombie crowds, doing the same things. Headache is back. Same problems are back. Today started therapy with psychiatrist Agne. Liked our first chat and will do everything it takes to get my head cleared and define as much as i can my life goals and whats stopping from moving forward and getting rid of headache. Back to the question, I am grateful I've taken this long holiday to reflect back on my life. Relieved that I can see change is coming closer and closer. Inspired to keep moving forward, because I know that happiness, freedom and better life is somewhere here, just have to open the right door for it!
On August 17th my Grandmother passed away, she was my favorite person in the world. Her son, my dad, died when I was young. Ever since then she has been my source of strength and support. She has been the one place I could always go for love and never felt guilty showing up feeling like a puddle and just being taken care of. Now, almost exactly one month later, my dog died on Monday my dog died. My best friend is gone. My life feels so lonely. I am so angry at the world. I am so mad at god. I am disappointed in life. I feel like I have lost my most loved ones, and the idea of going on is so hard. I'm tired. I'm sad. I wish the next year to feel completely different from this one.
I celebrated my father's 90th birthday at various times through the year: I spent the actual day of his birthday with him walking at the beach and then took him out for a dinner at a waterfront restaurant and ordered a surprise chocolate cake. We had a great day together. Then my brother and I organized a small party at a Thai restaurant with some of his friends and our friends who have known my father for decades. Best of all, I hosted my father, my brother and his family at my house in Italy for two weeks in August to share time together as a family celebrating my father and our family. Each of these events was celebratory, rich in meaning and created powerful memories for all of us. They gave me a feeling of having made him feel loved and appreciated by us. He survived the Holocaust during which all of his immediate family was killed in a camp in Riga. After such a traumatic and horrific beginning I wanted him to feel that the later years of his life were a complete contrast to that. I think we succeeded. My primary emotion when I think back on this is gratitude that he is still with us and that our relations are a gift and a support to him, as he is to us.
I ran a 1/2 marathon last January. It was an amazing accomplishment though I also hurt myself in a way that resulted in knee surgery and no more running, at least to this point. I continue to feel like I want to run, but have not figured out the right way to get started. So, I'm confused, I'm relieved, and I feel guilty about letting it get so far away from me.
i moved in with my boyfriend that i thought was the perfect man for me. after about 11 months, i've realized that he stopped trying and i have been the one trying to improve things. i'm sad and a little bit resentful.
Met the man of my dreams. greatful and relieved. feel loved more than ever before.
I retired from full time work in August 2013. Over the past year, I tried to figure out how I wanted to spend my new free time. Here's what I've done: I got a dog; I found exercise classes at local senior centers (after being worried that everyone would be "old", I discovered that nearly everyone was older and FIT - way more fit than I am!). I started a small consulting business and actually have a client (!); I registered for a Shakespeare class and an Art Appreciation class. I gave myself permission to read (and nap) in the afternoon, and once or twice, I even watched TV during the day . . . something I've always associated with being a bored (and boring) person. I'm still finding my way, but feel great and love being retired. So in answer to the question, all of these experiences have been significant, and I am grateful I have the good health and freedom to explore all these options.
Had someone sharing the household with me leave. Then I saw her jump from the 'frying pan into the fire.' [Viz. The job for which she moved out of town was a "dud." And, she moved in with a complete psychopath, who thankfully left soon after of his own accord.] I felt moved by her follow-up experience. I totally empathized with what she went though, and realized how hard I could have fought for her to stay with of I had only thought she might do so.
I hit rock bottom in my career. I questioned if I was any good at my job, questioned my competency and was depressed at work. This effected my home life as well. I was resentful, mad, scared frustraited.
Weird things happened. Things unraveled quickly in my grad program and I realize it was me who was doing the majority of the overreacting. We don't stop growing up once we reach 30. I am grateful that I was able to negotiate my way (with the help of 3 wonderful people at my university who will sponsor me and care about me). My husband got the perfect job. My kids continue to please and amaze and challenge.
I have had many significant experience(s) this year as I have been traveling to seemingly every corner of the world, (courtesy of a buddy pass from my roommate who works for an airlines). From Dubai, Israel, Hong Kong, Mexico, three trips to Vegasā and I will soon be off to Tokyo for a month. I have seen and learned about so many different cultures, there are so many more places I want to go. I feel incredibly lucky to have this opportunity. My travels this year have also cemented my belief that itās important to live in different cities and countries, for at least a few years, even if it's scary and involves culture-shock. It will be hard because of my severe FOMO (fear of missing out), but I know that it will be worth it.
My dog Lucy died. I loved her with such devotion I wasn't sure how I would ever start to feel normal again. While I know that love for an animal is different than a love for a human being, it is a painful experience to lose something which has become part of your family. The responsibilty of caring for an animal, if done correctly, is huge - especially an animal who was battling a long illness. When that responsibility ends, establishing a new routine feels awkward. Keeping perspective is difficult and coping with grief, which most people don't understand, feels lonely and uncomfortable. At some point you reach a stage where you feel relief that your duties as a care giver are over. With that relief comes the feeling of tremendous guilt for feeling relief in the first place. It is an emotional roller coaster until you finally settle into a "normal" phase where you can look back on your time with your pet and feel grateful for having had them in the first place.
This year I started college at OSU! I am so grateful. I don't have any complaints about OSU. I definitely made the right decision to come here and I've met such great people. Everything about Ohio state is great, from the campus, to the city, to the school, and the people. I am so happy to be done with high school and move on to this very exciting part of my life. I'm impressed with how well I'm doing on my own. The transition is not as hard as I thought it would be.
At the beginning of June I walked out on my job. I had been with the same company for fourteen years. During that time so much happened in my life. I graduated from university. My brother got married and 5 years ago his daughters were born. Seven years ago my sister died. Through all this the job stayed the same. It was reassuring, easy, constant. And in the end monotonous and depressing. If I had stayed, I might be writing this five years from now, but sooner or later I had to take this step. Change is not easy for me. I see walls, not doorways. I thought I knew what I was going to do, but I realise now that this transition is going to be painful. I have to believe it was the right decision. A relative told me recently that I should never regret anything. But every choice has consequences. I'm going to have to live with uncertainty for a while. I don't know how things will be different in 12 months, but they will be different. Better, I hope.
My daughter and I are individuating! After 26 years of tremendous closeness, healing and FUN, we are embarking on our separate (but always still lovingly connected) journeys into our own Personal Sovereignty. At first it was BRUTAL. It started just after I broke my arm in May, which left me feeling very alone & uncared for. Somehow, I pulled through and got dearly supported by the Universe (and my Self) leaving me significantly stronger, brighter & more independent. I still get triggered by feelings that assault me into believing I am having a sad, bereft life. I feel stuck & paralyzed, alone & unalive. I don't think this is because we are individuating so much as who I was born to be. Breaking through to the other side of THIS is what I most want to do, be & have. What energy, space & consciousness can my body and I be to bring this breakthrough?
I stopped going to my brother-in-law's house because he and I really don't get along and it's always at best uncomfortable and at worst really nasty. For much of the year we met only on "neutral ground." This has meant I've missed my sister's company, many family get-togethers, and not been able to have my son go to visit. Very recently, I accepted an invitation to share a meal there and things went well. Then another invitation came - so far, things are amicable, but we're moving cautiously. I'm a little relieved but mostly still anxious about what will happen when the "honeymoon" is over. It will be VERY interesting to see where we are in a year's time when my 10Q rolls around again!
One of the most significant experiences that I have gone through in the past year was when I injured my arm playing baseball in June. I was participating in a highly regarded national tournament in Georgia where my injury occured. While I was pitching in the sweltering heat in the late afternoon, I felt pain in my arm which caused my pitches to be slower and flatter than normal. I found out a couple days later that I had tendonitis and my arm was inflamed. I was devastated because the doctor told me I couldn't pitch until late August. It was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me because I felt that my true passion was taken away. I could not help but cry because I loved the game so much. Throughout the recovery process, it was tough to me to watch my teammates playing from the bench knowing that I would do anything to be out there. My injury also inspired me to work as hard as I can to prepare myself to be in a great position when it subsided. I dedicated myself to being in the best shape ever to prove to other people that I will be the same player. This injury, my first one, taught me that I am a strong, resilient person who can overcome anything.
In the past year one of my most significant experience was meeting my boyfriend. With him everything is a little bigger, better and brighter. He believes in me when I am in doubt. He cares for me when I am unwell. He is there for me when I need love, support and care. And of course, I do all these things for him, too. Life is good! I am grateful. I am humble. I am a better version of myself. All because of him.
After a quick, 2 year marriage, I'm getting divorced - and I've never been happier. It's given me amazing clarity into why I got married in the first place (maybe it would give me direction where I didn't have any) and why I chose a person who I knew had faults I couldn't live with (re-living past traumas). It has catapulted me back into self-refelection and growth that I had been trying to avoid. Taking a hard look at my patterns and trying to break the self-sabotage cycle. It's been great!
I had my twin babies this year, nothing could change your life more. I am grateful but also sometimes overwhelmed. Every day I am learning who they are and getting to know them. I thought my life would be unlivable without children but I also had a romantic notion of what having children was about. Now I realise it's mainly about continuity, sleeplessness and washing up. But you have to try and remember to have fun and laugh. I want to be a better person to help them grow up with good examples to follow. Simply by being here they make me aware of myself in a long line of people, families and love.
After a long search, years not months, my sister was able to get a job and I was able to help her get it. I felt a sense of gratitude and relief.
Landed a new job after being laid off in 2012. Grateful to find a great, permanent position with a young and promising company. Relieved that I now have employer provided health care. All this and an increase in salary too!
We Pivoted. I was working on a startup in IT Infrastructure and our partner pulled out their support for us. At first it was a little demoralizing. But my partner and I took this as a sign that we need to find something we are more passionate about. We started working on helping people meet and make friends when they move to a new city. While our business has ultimately evolved and changed from this original mission, the startup is not entirely our own. We are able to create the culture we want and drive towards a goal and vision that is entirely our own. This process has made me more fulfilled and incredibly happy.
My friend's son committed suicide. This had a big impact on me. It could be because I also have a 24 year-old son, or because I work with a lot of young adults in my counseling practice. Perhaps because we lived in the same small community for many years and both families have moved on. I did feel sad and resentful that we could not be closer to help her. But I feel I was able to help her from a distance - and I am now very inspired to help other young adults.
I went to Ireland! It's the first time I've been out of the country since a high school trip, and it was glorious. Magical. Every bit of it. It made me want to plan a thousand other adventures immediately!
In March 2014 I discovered my husband was having a relationship with two women via text messaging and phone. One was someone I did not know the other was someone I considered a friend. He claims that they were only by text and phone. He logged over 800 text messages in a three month period. Under the threat of retrieving the text messages I forced him to tell me what was said. He confirmed that they were affairs in the sense that he broke our vows by desiring other women pursing them relentlessly. He insists that he did not have physical contact with them, although most of his conversations were of a sexual nature. Of the four marriages I have had I would have never guessed he would have this behavior in him. He claims it is a flaw of his - that he pursues other women because he finds it exciting. He insists that he loves me and promises that he won't do it again. I feel compelled to believe him. And this is NOT in my nature to do so. In the past marriages when I have been betrayed I have called it off - taken the high road out! I wonder why I don't feel that way this time? I believe it is because I am older and not willing to uproot until convinced he is hopelessly addicted to his behavior. I am committing time to him to prove his faithfulness. I have told him that should it happen again I will be gone. I do not feel that he will repeat his activity but I am not sure. I was SO sure of his commitment and loyalty prior to this, that I wonder if I truly am a fool, again. Time will tell. I am angry, sad, furious, hateful, resentful - all of these and some of these in waves of pain. I am grateful to have found out as I do not have time left in this life to waste. Each moment is precious to me. I feel my years are slipping by and many have already been years I would not want to repeat. I want my experiences now to be experiences I WOULD want to repeat! I want them to be experiences that make good memories. Memories that will be with me forever - even carry me into senility, if that's where I end up. I know there will be the not-so-good experiences, but the good should out-way the bad. Regret should not be mine to pause over. I will do my best to ensure I live the best for the rest of my time. I must insist upon the same desire from my partner in life, my husband, my (hopefully) best friend.
My best friend and I got married in Las Vegas. It was strange, at first, having the "title" attached to our name. Eventually we realized that nothing had changed...except for "the title". I am extremely grateful that life has given me the chance to live and share my life by his side. There is never a day when I regret marrying him; he is my rock and support. I hope and try to be his as well. Neither of us had the desire to have children, until we met each other. Our love inspired such tenderness our heart that, in the future, we would love a baby. Never resentful of our lives together!
My mother has Alzheimer's and the disease has significantly progressed this year. She has the biggest smile when she sees me for our weekend breakfast dates and gives me a enthusiastic hug and kiss. When I was growing up mom was not an affectionate person. So I appreciate the warmth she shows now and at the same time I am so sad that it is a symptom of her disease getting worse.
The most significant event that has happened to me in the last year has been my move to DC. I graduated from college moved home and a couple months later got a job and moved to DC. One of my best friends from high school and my college roommate already lived here when I moved. That was a huge safety net. I would have been completely different if I had to start from scratch. I actually haven't really made any genuinely new friends. I have become friends with some people from college that I didn't hang out before and their friends but no one entirely new. I just love living in a city, making money then going out to dinner or shopping, grabbing happy hour drinks. I just love everything about it. Well I don't love my job but that actually isn't that bad. And hopefully that will change soon. I have decided to be proactive. But Dc has been wonderful. Keep it up DC, I know everyone says your not New York but I still like you.
I got married in July 2013 at the courthouse, and then we had our wedding this past July. I am truly blessed to have my husband in my life. We have our challenges, but I wouldn't trade this for anything.
My grandfather passed away in June after a 7 year extended illness. We all knew this was coming, that his quality of life has suffered dramatically for a long time, and that there was going to come a point where his body would succumb to all the forces working against it. I thought I had prepared myself pretty well for the inevitable, but I couldn't stop crying when my dad called me with the news. And I broke down quite a bit during his funeral and during shiva. I wasn't particularly close to him before he got sick, and I spent a lot of my life not particularly liking him either. When he got sick, he became a different, warmer person. I wish I had known him that way when he was healthy.
Two surgeries for fertility purposes and although grateful, also very humbling. I'm still reflecting and finding peace.
I traveled to NM, undertook many activities in 13 days and realized I'd attempted too much. I couldn't absorb any more and exhausted myself for that time and about 4 weeks after. Since then, I've been slowing down and am grateful I'm learning to be content and fulfilled with a more measured pace.
I came back to work part-time from taken a a couple years off for maternity leave. I felt fortunate that I had the option to return to my current position and current pay after taking so much time off. I feel fortunate that I have been working long enough that my employer recognizes my value and is grateful for my return. Most of the time I enjoy having this as an outlet from home. It feels good to have adult conversations, contribute intellectually, feel my work experience and judgement surface. I regret coming back when I see office politics come into play. I don't like having to put in additional hours when I have things to do at home with kids and family. I do feel guilty when my child expresses he would rather stay home then go to preschool and extended childcare. Everyday I give credit to working moms. Everyday day I give credit to stay at home moms. I appreciate my stay-at-home mom and finally understand. I wish I would have treated my own mom better.
Deciding to leave my job without having another one lined up, and live in my parent's basement if I need to, is not something I thought I would be doing, but I am feeling a great deal of peace these days, not anxiety! I'm grateful I built up the resources so I can take a loan from my retirement plan, grateful that thought my relationship with my parents has its ups and downs they are have been supportive and are opening their home to me, and grateful that I have enough confidence in myself and abilities after all these years of proving myself to know that I can find something that I really like that will use my skills better than my current job does. I'm ready for the next step - DC has been where I lived for 10 years now but it never felt like home. I've had two serious relationships here (including one marriage), bought and sold a house, moved 5 times, had 5 jobs at 4 companies, and saw dozens of people come in and out of my life and had the pleasure of some of them staying.
Probably the most significant experience, in a year of fairly significant experiences, was my second miscarriage. My daughter's nickname was Koopa, and maybe if I'd known it would be her only name I wouldn't have gone off her ultrasound resemblance to a video-game turtle, but then agai, in the months since she died-without-having-lived, I've come to feel that "Koopa" isn't that bad a name. Kind of pretty, in a quirky way. How did it affect me? It fucking devastated me. After three months of walking on eggshells, afraid to get attached to this pregnancy in case it went the same was as the first one, I'd finally allowed myself to be happy, to hope. I was in the second trimester! We were in the clear! Only we weren't. And at first I was pretty zen about the whole thing, which my best friend chalked up to the crazy hormones no doubt surging through my system. But then, almost a week later, I hemmoraghed and almost died. And once I recovered from THAT I was... less zen. It's been four months now. I should be seven months pregnant. I'm not. But I am in a much better head space than I was, say, three months ago. Or even two. Hell, I feel better than I did one month ago, so here's hoping the upward trajectory continues. I don't regret the pregnancy. I don't regret that I got further along this time, because I got to see Koopa's heartbeat, got to see her kicking and spinning like the soccer-playing dancing-queen she no doubt could have become (or maybe a parkour expert? I don't want to limit my ghost-baby). As sick as it may sound, I'm actually GRATEFUL that I got to birth her at home, that I got to hold her in my hand. That she wasn't monstrous, as I'd feared, but tiny and perfect. We've recently decided that we'll try again, one last time- but probably not until a little later in the year. Part of me wants to wait until Koopa's due date (12/04/14) passes. But we'll see. Shit happens, after all, and all you can do is keep going until it gets a little better.
My mother-in-law became a widow recently. Her relationship with me had been one of attempt at to control, dismissal of relevance and interest, and blindness to intent. Her interest in my life and her granddaughters and even her son was always tempered with self-interest which was aimed solely at her husband (my husbands step-father). In the fog surrounding the death of a soulmate, for the first time I found her lost and undirected. I hadn't intended to take part in assisting her with funeral preparations, but neither she, nor my husband were capable of direction on how to perform the task. With compassion, I guided her through the mundanity of the moment's preparations as I have often done with disregard. To my surprise, that one event has allowed her to view me with different eyes and approach me with an attitude of tenderness unexperienced in the last 31 years even though I have not changed in my approach to her. Be it the continued selfish insight into needing someone to rely upon now that she is alone or a true understanding of my value as another human being with no strings attached, I do not know. But it is a drastic change and I'm grateful for it.
Helping advise my grand daughter about preparing for nursing school. It was a great pleasure to know that I was doing something of value to someone I love.
I met my boyfriend. It has affected me in huge ways! I had been pusposefully celibate and single for over three years due to a history of painful, unhealthy relationships, and wanted to break whatever patterns were leading me to participate in them. I knew that the relationship I needed most was the most important one - with myself - before I could ever hope to find true love with another. Years later, when it appeared I had finally found a way to love myself alone, I had finally admitted to myself that maybe I was ready to share my world with someone else. And then, without even looking for it, three weeks later - boom! - John popped into my life. He is an exceptionally kind and gentle man, who only approaches me with love - something I hadn't ever experienced before. Learning to fall in love again, when my concepts of what healthy love were impoverished at best, has been challenging and amazing. I have felt so many things in the process - excited, scared, delighted, curious - and feel blessed by it all. I know this relationship will open me up to a whole new world, and I look forward to sharing it with John. :)
If feels a little like everything this year has been significant. I started 5774 in Philadelphia, having just packed up my apartment and getting ready to head east. I spent Yom Kippur with Ariel and Eric and was in the UK by Sukkot. Then orientation and starting classes and meeting the other MAs and drinking white wine with Rebecca and applying to schools suddenly and grandmom dying, also suddenly, and writing my essays in the community room at Parc and getting my first grade back and not knowing what it meant and needing to live up to expectations and getting an interview and having sleepovers and deciding to move to Chicago and traveling and writing my dissertation and moving back home and moving to Chicago and orientation again and starting classes again and meeting the other students again and now 5775 is nearly here. It's almost impossible and somewhat mind blowing to realize that all happen in one year. I have to think, though, that the most significant experience was getting into Northwestern. Not just because it changed everything that came after and will change everything that comes after this. I honestly believe if it hadn't been Northwestern this year it would have been somewhere else next year. And not just because of that moment in the library sitting next to Lola and Lydia when I read the email. What is most significant are the many ways that I've replayed that moment and understood it differently. The fact that I've looked back and been impressed by it. The fact, mostly, that I don't look back in surprise but have instead allowed it to change my personal mythology so thoroughly that it seems right and correct and not surprising at all. I'm able to look back at a moment of success and see it not as a stroke of luck but as an appropriate response to my skill and hard workāas something I deserved because I earned it. And that moment, that shift, is extremely significant. And I'm proud, not just of the achievement, but even more so of my ability to see myself more clearly.
I broke up with a boyfriend who I dated for over five years (age 17-23). It's been over a year since it happened and I've experienced everything from anxiety, disappointment, deep sadness, regret, anger to some relief, thankfulness and peace.
We welcomed an exchange student into our home this year. It is momentous but ordinary all at once, mostly because this particular student is extremely even keeled, helpful and friendly. She has made the transition to having her part of our family much easier than I expected. I was a bit worried about how all this would work out, and especially about being the responsible party for a teenager, which is new. I am relieved that the entry was accomplished so easily and am optimistic that the year will go well. How much our daughter may gain from the experience is unknown but hopefully something. Early signs are not optimistic but surely over time and with more interactions she will learn from and about this one student and her country and culture.
I interned in oncology and I watched people die slowly. I tried to walk with them and offer some kind of comfort, though there is no comfort. It took me to places of courage and grief and love that I could not have imagined.
At the very beginning of 2014 my mother passed away. Her decline spanned what seemed to be a protracted period of time (two months). I became very ill myself with a bronchial virus and asthma which threatened to turn into pneumonia. Her death was a very different experience for me. She was the second of my parents to die, my father having preceeded her by six years. My mother and I seemed to always have a contentious relationships. I was a disappointment to her in many ways. She was physcially, psychically and emotionally abusive to me for all of my childhood and into my adult life. Towards the end of her life we reconciled somewhat. I tried to forgive her. However, when she died I felt cheated, alone and resentful. I hadn't received the support, encouragement or love which I deserved and now I never would. In the past several months I've sought out the help of a therapist to begin to deal with the many residual issues, memories and effects. It is helping.
I got a job. It wasn't the job I was hoping for, or the job I was looking for. I wasn't really looking, actually, which was part of the problem. It has been a challenge, this position. There are a lot of family systems issues within my team, and they play out in the workplace in sometimes baffling ways. I can't tell if I will be adored or ignored when I arrive at work each morning. I have, however, had the opportunity to hone some skills in just showing up and doing the best I can, without expectations. I've also, for the first time, gotten my work drag in line. I don't freak out every morning for fear of being discovered as the fraud I often feel like. All in all, it has been more of a means to an end than anything. But it pays well, and I'm learning, and for those things, I am grateful.
My parents decided to move to Savannah, GA, from California. It threw my world into a tailspin as I have lived within an hour of them my whole life (37 years) and see or talk with them almost on a daily basis. They had been the primary caregivers for my twins since they were 4 months old (now 5 1/2). I was initially hurt/sad/resentful and felt like I was being abandoned. After speaking with them on my feelings it was clear that they hadn't anticipated how their decision would really make me feel. This caused me to question our family relationship and communication in general. Now that they have moved I'm doing fine, as are the kids, and I feel that the negative impact I was expecting on our end hasn't happened, but it has been more of a challenge for my parents (mom specifically). I feel that this is one of the biggest life changes I've faced and I've come out of it better than expected, while a new understanding of myself and it's helped me in my emotional growth. I do think it's making a big impact on my relationship with my parents though and I can see us growing apart in coming years so I feel there is some underlying resentment within me that needs to be explored.
I experienced more deaths in the past year than I have before - my good friend Jon died but 3 weeks before his death, we went out to lunch - he ate his whole sandwich and we discussed life & politics like old times. I am so grateful for that day and determined not to pass up opportunities to spend time with people who are dear to me - 'to-do lists' can wait.
The company I run had significant business growth, based on an industry announcement, which I had been working on for 3 years. I was grateful that it happened, and grateful that my staff, and the company's board trusted me enough to follow my lead, and maintain patience that "doing the right thing" pays off.
My husband got a job at Deloitte that requires that he is away for most of the week, making me a mostly single mom. I'm mostly okay with it, but having a tough time dealing with the daily house, cat, and childcare on my own.
Had my first baby. Forever grateful that after so much trying, hoping, praying we were blessed with a baby. Relived that he is now strong thriving and growing. Not resentful, but since it happened months after loosing my mother it makes you wonder. He inspires me daily to make good/better choices in life. Because of him I quit smoking, cut back on drinking and am happier. We also bought a second home and moved. I disliked the idea, did not like the smaller size of the home, moving away from friends and family, but with all of the life that happened in the old house it is nice to have new happy memories in the new home. Change is hard.
I got divorced last year. I thought it was the greatest thing ever, i thought i was free. i lost tons of weight and thought i had it going on but i never fully let go of james and he didn't let go of me. i experienced some weird, selfish, and maniupulative men. basically i discovered every man is not going to love me the way james does. we got remarrried in march. im grateful and relieved. he is the definition of what it means for a man to love a woman.
I moved to Cape Town from Durban on the 15th May. A day after my 3rd year divorce anniversary. It marked the start of a new beginning, a full recovery and a time for me to create a brand new life for myself.
I upped my working hours to full-time. This made me feel: - Grateful because I get to do what I love, and was able to stop watching the clock throughout the day, always needing to jump up and run to get the kids or be somewhere and "fit" working hours in in between. It was so nice to sit down at my desk in the morning and focus on my work, knowing that the kids are well taken care of. - Resentful because although my husband was very supportive of me working more, he did not have the time to pick up any slack. There were months when I struggled, trying to figure out how much to outsource, and how much I could keep doing, while he just went about his day normally. He was very supportive of me outsourcing but didn't help me do it, and while I figured it out, the kids routinely ran out of clean clothing, and nobody had thought about what was for dinner until 6 pm when we realized there wasn't much food in the house. - I feel more pressure from a work perspective, now that childcare expenses are more significant, my business needs to compensate for that. Six months have passed and the pressure is being relieved as I see that my business is doing very well and the extra child care expenses are definitely justified. - Happier, because I love what I do and I'm good at it, and I finally have the time to focus on it.
I am grateful and relieved that we got CSLA funding for Jeremy. I now feel propelled to make sure his future is going to be successful and he's able to live a meaningful life living more independently.
My husbands son moved in with us. I want to put time on fast forward. Can't wait for him to finish school and move out. I never wanted kids EVER. Now I feel like a bloomin' house-elf in my own home. Actually, at times I feel pushed out of my own home. I work from home, and all the extra everything makes it nigh impossible at times.
mom's dementia got much worse this year. For all intensive purposes, i lost my mother. can't hold a conversation with her or ask her about family history. it is scaring me...do i show signs of it now...when i can't remember or find the right word..is this to be my fate too? i am scared.....
Almost a year ago, I met someone who left me speechless. It was unexpected. Now, I'm grateful for each day that I'm lucky enough to spend with them.
I was with my son and brother when they went through the Landmark Forum (separately). It was immensely moving to see how they have changed and become more free to be themselves, to love themselves and others after the Forum. Hugely grateful.
I turned 70 last October after a tough couple of years. I was hoping 2014 would be better but it has been just as tough with little horrors instead of big ones like the year before (minor skin cancer, unrelenting utis, etc). I've been exhausted and depressed and then exhausted again. Looking to feel grateful anyway though.
I became pregnant as a result of a brief affair with a man who turned out to be homosexual. I was in part resentful that I miscarried before I could decide to keep it or not and that he ran away. However, I am grateful that in the end, it all worked out and I did not bring a child into the world who would have been fatherless.
The Birth of my first grandchild. I was amazed at the immediate love I felt for him. I have very grateful and it gives new meaning to my life and inspiration to plan for his future with his parents. This is entirely unexpected reaction that I possess, and hope to be involved in his growth and development in a very positive way.
My brother died. Mostly relieved for him as he was in very bad shape and without proper care. But, in disbelief that he is actually gone. Inspired by his faith even prior to his illness.
Getting the opportunity to teach at the college level has been overwhelming, humbling, but a tremendous growth experience for which I am truly grateful. I hope I am serving my students well, and not neglecting my family with the hours of prep work I am doing. I hope I get the opportunity to continue to teach. Even if I don't, however, I will remain happy about this experience and look for further areas of professional growth.
My two brothers and I accompanied our older sister to the hospital for her breast cancer surgery, and I stayed with her in her home the following week to help her during post-surgical recovery. But, she turned the tables and helped me instead! Many years earlier we had shared apartments and certain friends and experiences while living on the West Coast, but in the ensuing decades we lived in different parts of the country and lost that closeness. We were more acquaintances who spoke on the phone from time to time and saw each other occasionally. On this recent visit I learned from her much about grace under pressure, and tenacity and positivity in the face of very difficult odds. She has earned my greatest respect.
I opened myself up to a partner that I was falling in love with, for the first time. And it wasn't the right timing for him, and he broke my heart. At first, I felt so hurt I couldn't stand it. But now, I feel grateful that I was dating someone that I could actually fall in love with. I feel grateful that I'm finally confident enough in myself that I can label my emotions, and I'm not afraid to be honest about my feelings. I feel inspired to know that even someone who was not ready to be in a relationship could spend several months falling for me. And I know that I've already bounced back a lot, and will more. And so I know that, in terms of relationships, I've come a long way. I'm still not totally open yet; however, I know I will approach my next relationship with more caution, and less fear.
We went to India for a month. I found it quite inspirational at many levels. The poverty was extreme, but the sense of community strong. The colors and smells and sensual experience were intense - good as well as bad smells! Seeing people walking to water wells with pitchers on their heads looked like biblical times. It made us realize how incredibly grateful we are to have what we have. A most moving experience was visiting Sombeer's slum school. The joy and positivity in those children, some of whom were the first in the their families to have any education, was soul lifting. I hope that we can help them in the future.
This year I finally felt the true power of forgiveness--the lightness of being that now exists within me as I hold the gift of memory in my heart. I now fully understand what I have been hearing all along: forgiveness does not change what happened, nor does it necessarily change the relationship I have with the other person whom I now forgive; forgiveness changes the relationship I have with *myself*. I am feeling grateful that I can finally let go of the heaviness I have been carrying around for nearly 17 years!
My 25 year old son moved home. I am grateful, relieved, happy. He has matured into a wonderful young man. Responsible, respectful, thoughtful, all the hard work for both of us has paid off.
Lost My Home due to lending money (out of second mortgage) to a family member. How did it affect me? Confused
I have been dating someone for the past 2 years who is an alcoholic, and who continues to abuse alcohol. It has taken a great toll on me and my family, as I step towards the dream of us building a life and blending families only to have it all washed away every time she drinks. Again. Now she is drinking daily. I am resentful, gravely dissapointed, terrified, furious, grieving, and lonely. Very lonely for the big space that I made for us that is now empty.
I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon Cancer at age 44. I am a wife and mother of 3 boys and telling them I had cancer was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. This entire experience, though awful and challenging both physically and emotionally, has been quite rewarding spiritually. I have found a renewed sense of faith and trust in God, family, friends, and community. I have been able to share my experience with others. Both the physical difficulties of chemotherapy and the overwhelming joy and mercy of God's presence in my life. I am so very grateful to have experienced this. It has been a tremendous blessing in disguise. My faith has grown tenfold. I am fortunate to wake up every day to begin again. Who knows what is in store for me?
My daughter started middle school and left the cocoon of elementary school. It was a bittersweet time for me as my baby is taking her next step in growing up. She now comes home to an empty house for a couple of hours each day, and is responsible for starting her homework and getting ready for any activities that occur after school. I am inspired and impressed by how well she's taken to those responsibilities, proving every day that she's mature enough to handle this next phase. And very proud at her confidence level and her success so far.
I left my place of employment for 15 years to open my own business. Such a combination of emotions! I was sad and felt that every bit of energy I had invested in the old company for 15 years was wasted. I felt I had been naive and foolish to stick around that long. I was terrified of being out on my own, and so worried (still am) about the finances. But, at the same time, I felt tremendous pride and accomplishment in getting it done. The support from my husband was immense, I can never thank him enough! I feel that in some ways my health has suffered because of this. I work so much that I have no time for exercise. But, at the same time, it wasn't like I was exercising that much before, and I had been suffering stress-related issues at the old place of work. So, maybe it's a wash. Overall I'm glad I opened my own business, really, I had no choice. I was jumping out of a burning building. The owner of the old business was running it into the ground. Good decision/proud of myself/scared/hopeful
I got a new job It was a huge relief but also incredibly sad, to leave years of experience behind and do something different. It's a great challenge I'm enjoying meeting. I am less stressed, more fulfilled, happier and financially better off. I'm finding that actually I'm a very capable woman, I'm getting real confidence in my ability and intelligence, feeling like actually I did earn this, I do deserve it, I can do it well and that I am popular, personable and a good person
A close friend got a very bad diagnosis of cancer and it really impacted me. She is very young and I felt so terrible for her, for me for having such little time with her, and for her loved ones. It has come in waves and she is still with us, but every few weeks the news get worst. I have tried to enjoy our time with each other and tried to retain optimism. I have also tried to look at my own life and try to live it in a way that I would not regret it being cut short, although I do not feel that I have lived up to that at this point. Just trying to figure out how that should look moving forward.
This year my mother died (January 1,2014). My father has been dead for 2 years. Although I am married, have two children (both married), and 5 grandchildren, my mother's death has been a true passage. In a few ways I feel better. I feel freed from many things that have always pulled at me with out me knowing why. I think of my parents often. I am very grateful for what they gave me and did for me. I pray that they are at piece.
My moms health in its downward slide meant more dependence on me to prepare and serve meals, dispense her medications and manage all aspects of her life. This has continued to be both soulful and burdensome. As my own health is compromised I find myself sometimes resenting what I have to so for mom. Mostly though I feel blessed to have her live with me and she is constantly providing me with opportunities to stretch both inward and outward.
There have been many significant events in the past year, but the most important was the death of my brother-in-law. He was a good, kind-hearted man and his passing at age 52 profoundly altered my world view. It reminded me that we have one life, we don't know how long it will last, and that now is the time to get on with anything we value. I have gratitude for having known this man, and am inspired to push myself out of my comfortable, middle-aged, familiar world and try things I've put off, contribute to my community, and deepen my core relationships.
I got a job this year after four years of not working. I thought about what I like to do best and I pursued that field. My job is secure, challenging and flexible. I'm proud of myself for making it happen and grateful for the opportunity being there for me.
All I can think about right now is the death of my mother and the birth of my newest baby girl. To have a new life to take care of, and to have lost the one who gave me life- all within a month or so of each other, it's heartbreaking.
I got real clear and comfortable about setting limits. I told a BF that we were not going out anymore because of my discomfort with his relationship with alcohol. I told him without rancor or shaming and I think in a way that made a contribution to him and to me. I am grateful that I am comfortable being on my own. No man needed. I am relieved to have it end. I am inspired by my own respectfulness of others and myself and the boundaries/limits I am clear about/what I want for myself.
My son became engaged. I was excited, happy and relieved. After a five year relationship they finally made a formal commitment to each other and their relationship would move forward. I was surprised to have a lot of other emotions flooding through me and not all positive ones. I knew our relationship would be changing even more then it already had. Our connection and love for each other would remain but his first priority and allegiance would be to his fiancƩ. I have heard so much of what a difficult balancing act it can be once your child is married. I want to find ways to become a positive, supportive person in my future daughter in law's life. The other complicating factor is his fiancƩ is Catholic. While my son has a strong Jewish identity and is culturally Jewish he is not religious and does not observe any of the Jewish traditions. Their children will be brought up Catholic which will be a major challenge for me and my husband. During services this year I will pray for the strength to meet all these challenges and guidance to find ways to continue to share our heritage with them in some way and with their children if and when they have them.
My eldest son became/created the Rally Runner for the Cardinals. At first I was terribly embarrassed because this son has mental health issues and has been through so much... all his past activities were so negative and destructive. This past year, while they built their home, I watched a client of mine caring for her 18 year old autistic son and I realized that she had great compassion for him even though he was angry and difficult. I realized then (around April) that I needed to be more compassionate to my son and I decided to tell all my FB friends that DJ is the Rally Runner. I now support him in his efforts and I am not ashamed... I am proud. It is a huge change and it has been great therapy for him... and thus for me. I am grateful!
I was promoted twice. I am grateful. Not really relieved. Partially resentful. Not inspired. I am grateful to have a job, and to be showing progress in my career. That will look good for when it comes time to get a new job or go back to school, which I want to do. I am not really relieved because I had a job already, and didn't "need" a promotion; I just wanted one. And I didn't get the promotion that I wanted. I am lower in position than I feel I ought to be. So yes, I am a little resentful. I am resentful for Dhaval's outright lying to me about why I didn't get the jobs for which I interviewed under him. I have tried to get over it, in Buddhist fashion, but I am still holding onto that anger. I should definitely let it go.
A significant experience that has happened in this past year was me crying before mud hugs. I guess I still don't understand why I was crying (initially I think it was because I thought they were going to start without me.) Amy kept asking me "what's wrong, what's wrong" and the only thing I could think to say was "I'm a fourth year." I think that moment really solidified my camp journey and really helped me to feel, yet not understand the importance and significance of camp in my life. And of the people that I am so fortunate to have in my life. I have never felt more valued or more loved than I do at camp, and I can only hope that I can recreate that feeling in the future because I simply don't know what I will do without it.
I bought a house!! I am grateful and proud and STOKED to finally have my own place!
My mom passed away Sad
I spent a month volunteering in a school in India. The experience wasn't what I anticipated. The children we were teaching were intelligent and considerably wealthy. Regardless, the country was fascinating and the levels of poverty we witnessed elsewhere were shocking. The best part was the people we met and the friendships that were formed and strengthened. It was an incredible experience that I would definitely do again.
I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Medication helped with the former, but wasn't at all effective with the latter. I am grateful that I learned this about myself, that I finally figured out that I'm not lazy, crazy, or stupid. I wish the medications could have helped. It was very frustrating to hear stories of other people with ADHD finding life-changing relief through medication, and not having that happen to me. My spouse has been nothing but supportive throughout this, and has made it very clear that my ADHD is simply part of who I am, that I do not have to wallow in self-pity over it, and that I have managed to deal with it all my life up to now, so I shouldn't feel despair, lose hope, or feel that I have suddenly lost control. It has given me a different perspective on myself and my life, and has helped me stop beating myself up so much for being unable to do things that 'everyone else' seems to have no trouble with. I have my limitations, and that's ok. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be me.
Two of my wife's cousins, brothers, committed suicide. Both by firearms, one locally, one out-of-state, three months apart. It devastated their family. Their parents got divorced. We try to act like everything is fine, but it's not. I personally made the particular blunder of waxing existentially about death in the presence of the mother, causing her to leave in distress (to which I later profusely and devoid of ego apologized for). It has put my personal nihilism in stark contrast. Even if this life has no lasting worth, it's still the only one I have, and I should put it to the best of use, if only because it's the best purpose I can muster.
I moved across the country. I signed up for Yoga Teacher Training. I'm finally starting to gain control of my life rather than just being pulled in different directions. I feel proud of committing myself to things that are important to me. I was scared to move though- not sure if everything would unfold as I wanted it to, but I've learned to be flexible and address problems as they arise rather than trying to plan everything to perfection.
The girl starting high school.it's such a big step for them and for us in terms of letting go and holding on.I am incredibly worried about them in very different ways.makes me think of my own parents when I started high school. With Mary turning two, it really illustrates how quickly time flies. In just 4 short years, the girls will be going to college. I couldn't have imagined that just a few short years ago-Angela is such an durable baby and adorable. With Maddy reexperiencing so much of her childhood trauma, makes me really grateful that I had Angela at such a young age.
I am pregnant now! Woo-hoo! It's a wonderful experience, and yes, I am very grateful (plus relieved too!) I am not resentful, and not quite yet inspired, but I do hope to get inspired soon.
I'm in the process of trying to shift my career, and it has proven challenging, mystifying, fulfilling, and scary. Some days I'm fired up for the next step. Some days I don't even know what the next step will be. Some days I just want to go back to the relative safety of my old life and wonder if I'm making a terrible mistake.
My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It turned our lives upside down. My wife is the most affected by it. She wakes up in the middle of the night to check him and has to stay with him at school all day to monitor and treat him. I also do a day there to give her a break. She can't work while he is at school so it means we are especially tight on money. I am grateful that it is not something worse that is untreatable. I am relieved that we can still function. Sometimes I feel resentful. Not towards him but towards the situation. It has also brought us much closer together as a family and made us appreciate our own health.
My parents are experiencing the medical scares of many aged "vessels." No one looks forward to frequent and unexpected visits to ER's, surgical centers, and hospitals, but it is great that they are there for us when we need them. When our parents age and peel us from the doldrums of our daily stress, a visit to the hospital gift shop for something completely impractical and totally childish can certainly bring a few smiles to the faces of people struggling to find a comfortable seat on hospital furniture. As our lives become more entangled because of these "memento mori" pangs, we re-evaluate the cars we drive, homes we "own." minutes we spend, and lives we invest in. Family familiarizes us this the only thing we could ever truly need, "Be Here Now."
After waiting 46 years, I was FINALLY able to see Mount Rushmore this year. It was an incredible experience and I was awed by the monument to America's presidents. We returned that night for the lighting ceremony which had, unfortunately, been canceled due to the weather. At dusk, a ranger stood on the stage and played "The Star Spangled Banner" on her fife. It was an intensely patriotic moment! The next day, we drove to Devils's Tower in WY. I hadn't really been interested in going, but it was amazing! This time, I was awed by what God had wrought, rather than man. The two experiences, back to back, were truly inspiring! (And yes, I am grateful to my husband for fulfilling the #1 item on my "bucket list.")
Last year I was rejected for one new job and recruited for another. It has opened up a whole new world to change jobs. I am thrilled, scared, and not sure I made the right decision. It is inspiring to address new challenges.
I quit my job and went out on my own as a coach. It was a huge move that has been building for a while. I left my job on a massive high from a very successful run and it felt good to jump. I have become certified and ready to stake my claim in this industry. I feel so proud and lucky that I get to do this. I am also terrified as I want to be successful and contribute more to my family financially. I'm inspired - but scared I may not make it
I turned 60 and threw myself a birthday party. Almost all who were invited came. It was a blessing to have family and dear friends gathered. I enjoyed the sense of being celebrated, yet not being the center of attention. The web of relationships were the focus; people catching up, sharing photos of significant people and events. I doubt we'll all be together again.
Bought a motorcycle! Took a while to get back in the saddle. Put on almost 5k miles at this point. Really loving riding and the open road, again.
Some friends and my wife and I had a very uncomfortable encounter with Nature in Norway this summer. We were lost in the fog in a remote area of the highlands, searching for a hut 2-1/2 hours from the trailhead and fearful that we'd have to spend the night outside in a very windy, chilly, damp environment. We were all astonished and overjoyed when the fog thinned suddenly and revealed the hut no more than 60 yards away and we were able to sleep warm and snug in it as the only occupants. (No one else was foolish enough to have set out on the same trail that day).
We were able to spend Thanksgiving and a few days of Chanukah with our children and grandchildren in California. To be able to share these holidays together was wonderful, and produced great memories. But it also will make this year, when we are apart, feel much lonelier.
One night I couldn't stop crying because i missed my mom so much. Don't worry, she is alive and well, just not in the same country as me. I almost went a whole year without seeing her. Yes, we would skype here and there but I couldnt do it anymore. It was too much. I couldnt handle not being with her. She is my favorite person in the world. Luckily, it is now never going to happen like that again. Never. Shes not going to let it happen. That night inspired me. It inspired my to be share my knowledge in the world that not many kids have. Be thankful of your mother. Cherish every moment you have with her.
I had nasal surgery to allow me to breathe through my nose. Though elective, I am wondering how I ever successfully breathed before. I am relieved the anesthesia had no ill effect on my marginal kidney function. I am more confident about proceeding with future surgeries should I need one. I am grateful for my health care coverage which makes it possible for me to pursue optimal health in every respect. I am grateful for the physician who thought I would really like breathing through my nose and who did excellent work.
I learned how to forgive someone for not being who I wanted them to be. This has been an awesome lesson for me as I continue to practice forgiveness this year. (2014) I am grateful, relieved and inspired to help others with this gift that was given to me. Learning this act of forgiveness has been transforming and freeing for my Spirit.
One of the most significant experiences that has happened this past year is my beginning to volunteer at the county jail. Being able to share in the faith journey of others is a beautiful thing that has brought me much joy. It affects me in so many ways. First, I'm humbled by being able to be in the presence of women who have been through so much and are still standing. Many people judge those who are imprisoned quite harshly, but when I hear about what so many of the women have been through, I feel that I actually stand in awe of them and the burdens that they have been carrying. Secondly, it helps me to remember how important my faith is to me and how it has really been such a support to me in times of trouble. Hopefully, helping women be open to God's grace in these difficult moments will benefit them as well. Third, it has helped my own prayer life immensely. Sitting with the readings, praying with them, and preparing a short reflection helps me to feel as if I am putting my ear to the earth to hear the heartbeat of the Sacred. I am grateful for this opportunity. It came about in such a haphazard way and took so much work for it to actually come to fruition. But actually being there, being with the women, is inspiring. Sometimes I feel so heavy when I leave there because the ladies' stories are just to hard and often times their futures seem so bleak. But, I'm inspired to pray for them more, to work for reform in the justice and prison systems, and to enjoy every moment of the freedom that I so often take for granted.
One of my best friends died in her bed. Her husband came home to find her with the iPad beside her and her phone in her hand. She was not sick. It was a real sucker-punch for all of us. I've gone through all of the stages of grief, and now I'm dealing with the grief that comes with her husband moving on. Difficult, at best.
I received an annual job review that did not reflect my performance but was based on a personal issue my supervisor had with me. I realized that my effort, inteigence, experience and my professionalism wasn't important. I realized I am now being judged by my age, gender and who likes me and who doesn't, and I can be terminated at any time. I now feel fear at work, and realize that there isn't anyone to protect or support me. I feel resentful and fearful.
3 people in my life have been diagnosed with cancer (2 are terminal). It makes me feel like i should live for today and do all the things i want to do soon. Stop waiting... but we shall see if it takes
The most significant experience of this past year is that my husband left our marriage. Despite our troubles, I have been devastated. I have grieved harder and more deeply than I thought possible. Now, 8 months into this new reality, I am beginning to own my part of our failing, my anger, blame, fear, grasping, and how that has had a huge impact on him, and us. I see that I have been cracked open, my earth has been sorely shaken, but now I know I will not die. I will grieve my marriage, our changed family, for a long, long time. I am beginning to feel grateful, though, to my husband for having the courage to thrust me into waking up.
Crossed the Takla Makan, trip of a lifetime. Left me revitalised and inspired!
Started leading a chi gung class, of seniors like us. So rewarding, fun, healthy and some of the people even come back for more! It's free and freeing. Having more appreciation for well being, in our retirement time. Yay!
A significant experience I had this year was the chance to hike the Inca Trail. I was bewildered at the finish, when we reached Machu Picchu, that I didn't feel more elated. Everywhere around me, people were expressing tremendous emotional release and awe at the sight of this ancient city. I'm uncertain about my feelings surrounding the experience; the anticipation was certainly, for me, more exciting than the completion of the trek. I wish I had felt more grateful or inspired, but I seem to have lost the capacity for these feelings.
I finally got a great job in my own community! No more commuting (especially in the winter). My office is four blocks from my house. What a joy it is to have a slower-paced lifestyle, with the ability to come home for lunch to see my pets and enjoy my front porch. I feel more a part of my hometown, connected. The job is great, I love my co-workers. I'm being promoted (6 months after hire) to clinic coordinator. This is just the bomb. It took me 10 years of building experience here in Iowa and the right timing to break into a great job right here at home, but I did it!! I fully plan to retire here.
I made a life with Sara. We moved in together, learned to deal with each others quirks, and are now engaged. I happy and settled. I feel safe with her. I feel like a grownup, and that the pieces are finally coming together. I also feel more empowered to make choices. I am not locked into anything. She reminds me I can change.
I grew so much as a person. I found my faith again, I because closer with Chris, and I'm finally feeling at peace with life. I am so grateful. God has given me so much and I can finally see it. I can feel thankful for the life He chose for me.
Well, I was behind in a mechanics of materials class from the standpoint of being just a few points away from getting an A in the class. So, I studied my tail off for it. Even watched the Flyers game in the middle of the review session. That may not have been the greatest idea. However, it didn't matter because I got an A on the final. I did It. But when the grades went through I had a B+. I was outraged! I couldn't believe I had missed an A- by such a small gap. Even the tiniest numbers could be so important. So I went to the professor and asked him what my final numerical grade was. Sure enough, he had put it in the system wrong and I did in fact have the standing I had wanted. Am I relieved? Yes. Am I resentful? No. But I am inspired because I realized that even the little points can matter which is why each assignment, each grade, every point earned is a reward. Sometimes that little extra separates the good from the great, and I'm not just talking about grades.
Changing jobs (finally!) . I'm more confident, although more aware of my limitations. I'm both grateful AND relieved.
I bought a house! Ben and I moved in together to a house, even though my name is on the deed. It is very exciting, we're having our housewarming party this weekend. It should be great. I am also very excited about his ability to fix lots of things and stay motivated. It took us a long time to find one, almost 6 months and one sale that fell through, but honestly it fell through for the best.
In this past year, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me for over four years. It knocked my self-confidence on its ass. It deeply wounded me. It caused me to feel worthless and stupid.
I made a careful decision, including spending all day with the man prior to choosing, to entrust my life into the hands of an acquaintance for a three-week journey in Malawi in southeast Africa. Yes, I am all of those plus a dozen more adjectives: awed, mystified, enraptured, overwhelmed, touched, drawn, delighted, sad, amazed, challenged, stunned, changed.
Insisted my dancer sister ride bikes with me; she crashed and smashed her ankle. Her doctor-downer doctor described it as the break you don't wanna get. Now after two surgeries, and a lot of metal implants, she declares, "I have a clear path. I will do whatever it takes to recover." I am pained by her pain and inspired by her determination and grit.
There was a huge disagreement in my family that left me feeling isolated, hurt, angry, & confused. It affected the way I look at life, sharing, the amount of myself I put into others. Although it was very hard and my family & I will have to work hard to rebuild our relationships I am soooo grateful that it happened. It released something that allowed me to focus on myself and my purpose :) I am relieved to have this burden lifted but I also realize that I have a lot of work to do to rebuild my thought process, faith, and how I relate to the world. I think I would totally be a lie if I said I wasn't resentful. Being resentful is one of my larger battles. I am resentful over the time I have lost but still grateful. I need to realize how much this has helped me more than hurt me. My resentfulness is my one of my greater hold backs. I am definitely inspired to move forward and see the outcome of the new direction my life is moving. More importantly to not make the same mistakes, heal, and rejoice in for the new and be prepared for the next challenges to come my way :)
We traveled to South Africa. We thought deeply about racism in our own country. I am grateful for the opportunity to see amazing animals and people and places and geography - the Indian Ocean! a Black Rhino.
I raised $18,000 for charity this year. I walked 40 miles with Andie and Laura ( a fellow survivor) and raised $5,000 for breast cancer treatment. And then, with only a month and a half to train and raise money, I raised $13,000 to eradicate neglected tropical diseases. I climbed up to 19,341 feet with a group of 28 people (18 donating climbers and 10 guides) and raised $300,000. I only vaguely knew two people on the trip before I left. I met exceptional people, I tested my limits, and then I traveled for three more weeks in Africa. I had always wanted to travel to Africa and go on safari, and I did it and I did so much more. I saw lions and baby lions, I saw gazelles, cheetahs, leopards, elephants, pippos, wildebeests, caracals, cereal cats, hyenas, two rhino, baboons. And then I helped with a Red Cross program in Uganda. I met motorcycle taxi drivers in Northern Uganda. I met amazing red cross folks. All of it I had never dreamed was supposed to happen, but I did it as if it were always my dream. I'm proud of myself. I did it. I was scared to go because of all the tragedy at home and all the fear of someone needing me, but I did it anyway. I'm happy and proud and strong. I'm living life.
So many events this past year! I suppose I will choose moving away from the town where I raised my children to return to the town where I grew up. I am filled with hope and I am grateful that I have family to lean on.
I started college this year. While at this point it's relatively recent, I have felt myself change in some of the best ways. I have felt myself become stronger. I've really stuck to my values and have learned to stand up for myself. It used to be difficult for me to stand up for myself, but I now have become very vocal. If something makes me angry or upset, I will say something. It still feels weird for me, but going out on this new limb is healthy. I can't always work to make everyone around me happy. I'm grateful that I've found this new strength within myself, and I hope to see it grow into something even bigger.
I broke off my engagement to a woman I knew in my heart that I was not supposed to marry. I am exceedingly grateful, because if I had gone through with the wedding and stayed committed to that failing relationship I would not have fallen head over heels for the true love of my life. Fallen head over heels AGAIN, I should say, because he was my high school sweetheart, the only person who has ever loved me with their whole heart. We met almost a decade ago, and a large part of me always knew he was the one for me, but due to circumstances outside of both our control we couldn't be together until now. It's amazing how little sadness or anger I feel about the end of my relationship with my ex, even though she is the one who ended thingsāI just feel immense gratitude, and a bit of fear with regards to how close I was from missing out on this amazing life I'm now living.
Getting a new job and moving to a new city were huge things to have happen this past year. We partially moved in to our house in March, and then I completely moved in late September after getting a position at a new job. It all happened so quick too. The plan was for me to keep my job, and make the 1hr commute for a couple of years ... until things got off the ground with my husbands new business venture. Since I had the steady job and benefits, it just made sense. And then out of no where this opportunity came up in the city we were moving to and BAM! it all changed. Leaving the place that I had worked for 13 years was not easy. As much as it was a security blanket (it was all I had known for so long, and it was where I was 'comfortable'), it was also a shell (it was all that I knew). I left a lot of memories, good and bad, at that place. But it was a necessary break. It was something that was probably long overdue (not probably, it really was long overdue), and was totally necessary for my well being. And for us to really try and make our marriage work, it was something that needed to happen. As scary and as terrifying as it was, it has been one of the best decisions. Yes, I miss that city and I miss my best friend and my family. But leaving behind the weight that I carried around on my shoulders every day; leaving the feelings of confusion and inadequacy at my job ... it's been such a relief.
I just recently began to keep the Shabbat. I'm tithing like God asks and I have made a commitment to observe and celebrate the feasts. My life was financially, scholastically and socially spiraling down and I was getting soo very depressed. I could not find work and my pride would not allow family to help me. So after ending up in the emergency room I have made a 180* turn. I'm doing well in school, found a friend to help with the dyslexia Ron Davis program, I work part time when I want at gen-pak, I'm letting my family help me financially and I'm going part time at school to extend my VA post 911 bill timeline. I am supporting Israel with SUU CUFI we had a car float in the school parade. I got to hold the flag. I am still trying to find the kittens a home RMFR retracted their offer last minute but that's ok I trust God has a place for them. I submitted a shelter proposal to the city mayor and to the SUU community engagement center (CEC). I have a meeting with the mayor on Monday. I learned I have hashimotos and how to care for myself about inflammation. So I'm grateful for the changes that have come forth since I decided to keep Gods Shabbat. I am more inspired to keep on track with my aviation school and to not lose hope. I am so excited to learn all about the feasts and pray I may be in Israel next year for them. I am going to a synagogue to observe Yom Kippur and be mindful of the sacrifice Jesus has made for all for me. Even if it was just me..... Wish I could be a house of David and be immersed. Resentment....I have been upset because chazz did not act how I wanted him to he did not care for me like I needed. But I know now thank you Hale Dwoskin that I need to love him I can love him as is love the stuff I don't like because that's just who he is. And that doesn't mean I have to stay And I didn't. I'm resentful of the kittens because they keep crapping on my floor !!! I love them but they need to go. So it's not vicious on their part they r kittens still learning. I will choose to love them even when they dorky on my carpet. Oye'. Overall I'm just grateful for life for God making his ways known to me in a way that I understand that I am allowed to celebrate his feasts he wants me to even if not all my grandparents were jewish. :)
My parents began new lives. I am grateful that they are able to begin anew, continuing to discover aspects of their identities and of life that they had not previously had the opportunities to explore. I have been able to understand the discomfort of instability and insecurity, with the knowledge that few parts of life are permanent, and dependency can be as dangerous as it is cozy. For someone who rarely had to fear disappointment, I am now able to grasp how it feels to have no control over a situation, and for the results to be painful. I know that a fear of being alone is there, the fear that I will find nothing familiar in my life and be able to depend on no one. I am lucky to have lived 19 years without a sense of shattered safety, but now I fear I will not be able to find that trust once again. I have little reassurance in my life, and few people around whom I feel I can be vulnerable. Finding the strength within myself to forgive an unkept promise has been more challenging than I expected, yet these obstacles have allowed me to relate to others in the world who face this on various scales every day. For the New Year, I am looking to find ways to ground myself, to remind myself that I am safe, and I am strong, and imbalance is ok, because I am a constant in a world of change.
Significant experience? My Dad died 10 months ago. That'll tick that box. There are no positive emotions you can have about this. None. Don't even kid yourself there are. People might churn out that stuff about "it made me realise how short life is" blah blah blah, but that sort of feeling comes about a month afterwards and leaves again a week later. You don't have the energy for that shit when your Dad dies and you're left to help your Mum figure out what the hell her life now she's living it on her own for the first time in 40 years, for the first time ever; all while you're simultaneously trying to figure out what the hell your life is with 50% of its unconditional love cut away. Am I resentful? No. This happens to everyone; you can't resent something that's inevitable. But am I angry? Fuck yes. I have better things to be doing than sidelining my own grief to help my Mum through hers. But I've been lonely for years now, so I know what it's like, and I won't leave her to suffer its full extent, even if it means I'm losing out myself, losing myself. Even if it's dragging me down so far I can't see a way to recover the life I had and the person I was. I'm now just a floating face with the expression beaten out of it. I don't remember what my features looked like with light behind them.
I got to be present to help a beloved friend from going into severe dehydration shock. Because I'd been in this situation before and knew what to do, I'm doubly grateful (and, of course, tearfully relieved).
We were blessed with our son through adoption. It was a long and trying road to him but it was worth every twist and turn and I could not be happier. I am very grateful and blessed every single day but feel I should reflect on those feelings more often.
My father's death on October 5th of last year left me parent-less. Coming 2 years after my mother's death in December of 2011, it left me feeling more raw and exposed in the world. Even though I have been an adult for many years, having loving and supportive parents provided as sense of protection and safety. I am fully independent, but I always knew that they would be there to help me if a crisis should occur. Now, I am on my own (with my husband). I feel grateful for their long, full lives, and for the constant love they offered me. I feel sad that I will never see them, or hug them, again.
This May we took a family trip to Aulani, the Disney hotel in Hawaii. We mentioned the trip ahead of time to our 3 year old son - he became very excited about it. For the first time, he had the joy and excitement of anticipation. We had a great time. After the trip, he still talks about it 5 months later. It may be his first lasting memory, and our first shared family memory. So it is a major family milestone. I feel blessed and thankful to have taken him through this experience and shared it with him and my wife.
In August we had a family reunion on my father's side for the first time in 13 years, 17 since I had been to one. The reunion seemed very ragtag and unorganized at first, so I had to really twist my father's arm to go, since the man doesn't want to throw away money (or miles, even) on something unworthy. At the last minute, my brother also decided to come so 3 of the 5 blood relatives (minus my brother's kids) in our arm of the family made it. And what a joy the event was. Over 70 people showed up, and, yes, it was a little ragtag but who cares? It was so GREAT to see all those people. Even my understandably wary wifeā70 members of my own family in one place? Yikes!āwas charmed by the goodwill and congeniality of everyone. Much of my family has stayed close to the "homeland" (Minneapolis and Chicago, basically), and there was a little personal pride around how far our arm of the family had traveled from the original Heiman nestāPA, Maui, CA, and Mexico/Texas. Yet, I was a little sad that my life had taken me so far away and far removed from so many of these great people. Some of which won't be with us much longer. Who seemed to have an unspoken bond that did not include me. As I get older I feel the strong pull of family, the safety net it provides, the strength in numbers. I have some regrets about pulling so far away from it in the hope I would forge a more ownable identity. And that I never had children to keep the bloodline going, even if fatherhood is not for me. As the new year begins, I hope I can find more of the time to see family, whatever the differences. Here's hoping that at least I see more of my cousin Larry who has been living in San Anselmo for the last twenty years and I finally saw him again locally juts a few weeks ago. Blood is sometime just blood. But sometimes it's all you have. Don't let it slip away.
We got married. It was a long time coming and we finally made it happen. I still can't believe that between starting graduate school, working full time, planning a long distance wedding and caring for my dad that we pulled it off. I worry that there was so much going on that we didn't savor the moment enough. I am so grateful for Ken's presence in my life and for his unconditional love. And the laughter - the laughter makes a big difference. We have a lifetime of moments to savor together in front of us. I find myself trying to be more mindful of that - especially when we get overwhelmed.
Again, I write about losing a friend - this time someone who was young and dearly loved by her many friends and her family. This was tragic. I still feel bewildered and sad that I did not get to her, or did not know her pain, in time. She did not take her own life, but I believe she died of a broken heart. Interesting that "significant experiences" relate to pain for me. I could look to something more positive - like getting my Op-Eds published, and having an impact on the Opposition to Dominion Power at Cove Point. Maybe that will come up in another question!
I started a new job. It simultaneously filled me with excitement and terror. I am growing and stretching and sometimes I feel inspired and other times I feel exhausted.
This year, I faced antisemitism head-on, and it's lead me down a path to rediscover my Jewish identity. That has included teaching religion school, going on Birthright, and trying to figure out for myself what it means to be a Jew. It's left me really confused, because as a person who doesn't believe, it can be really challenging to figure out how to fit my Jewish identity into a life that has never revolved around one. I don't have a strong sense of community, don't really feel that going to Temple helps me, and don't find comfort in the local Jewish community. It's been really challenging, trying to figure out who I am, with little-to-no guidance.
I changed jobs. My former job was with the government and very stable. I left for a more dynamic role with a software company. I was scared but excited. The change inspired me. I am grateful and relieved to be doing something more geared toward my personality. It also enables me to be engaged with my clients, rather than in a more adversarial role.
The only thing I can think of is making the Dean's List at school for the first time. I had gotten the letter in the mail and was completely surprised by it. It was a good feeling.
This year I am up for tenure. I am so grateful that this has finally happened for me. It is hard for people to understand but if a person doesn't qualify for tenure, it basically means that they lose their job and may never work as a professor again. I have been stressed out about my job and keeping for the last five years. I don't know what I will worry about for here on out but it won't be this!
I began the last steps to finishing my bachelor's degree. I'm both inspired and grateful to have found something I feel fits my life and career perfectly. I'm relieved I didn't go barking up the wrong tree just to finish my degree.
We visited my daughter in Alaska. It was a wonderful family trip...lots of time together and great scenery.
I'm making a lot of sacrifices while going through school at the age of 52. One sacrifice I've made is to cut down my overhead and share a home with 5 others. The home was large, multinational habitance, but what I have experienced while living there is this: There are some people who are very inconsiderate, immature and no matter how nice or how many requests you have to make to ask them to be considerate of others, they just don't get it. When they don't you need to turn it up. One day I threw out a "house guest." Yes. I threw the asshole out. After my housemate came home with his friend after a late night of partying, drunk, they sat in an area that was not designated as a common area. They stumbled over a floor lamp making a crashing noise startling me out of my deep sleep. I checked-in to see what was going on and found the boracho passed out on floor over some broken household debris. Apparently, he missed the couch. I had an important test the following morning and needed my sleep, but could not get back to slumber due to these buffoons. Early next morning I woke in a fog. I text the house mate in charge to complain about the repeat offender about quiet hours. Her text back told me to take care of my dispute with the others. I thought my plan carefully, asked myself what if? Why? What I can expect after? While in that process, I've reflected that I've always been the nice guy, but most of my outcomes on setting healthy boundaries for these types of individuals somehow seem to fail. I arrived at my decision and on with my plan. I got-up, put my clothes on, and slipped on my boots. I walked slowly on the hardwood floor to the front door and propped the door open. Then walked heavy healed over to the unwanted guest and tapped the guy's hung-over greasy forehead with my stiff index and middle finger and while in his face, I quietly said "it's time for you to go. Now." He looked dazed, hung-over and pie-eyed with his random hair. I repeated myself. He slowly upright himself from the couch, reached for his phone and tried to text his friend to save his ass. "But why?" he whines. I replied "because one good turn deserves another, so OUT you go!" He kept texting, so picked-up his shoes and pack and him by the shirt and threw his sauced ass out the door. After, there was a displeasing commotion among the other housemates about the style in which I had handled the situation. I put in my 30 day noticed while in mid-term, which is suicide while taking intense college courses. It was a big inconvenience, but I managed to find a place and move-out. The semester turned out to be a disaster, but months later with hard work, I got my GPA up. Unfortunately, I have to take the course over. I can't say I was happy about myself, because it's out of my character for me to handle someone like I did nor didn't feel resentful. Before, I would never touch or hold anyone because it is an act of aggression, but I felt for once I stood-up for myself on a different level and I had showed-up for myself and my self-respect. Months later I caught-up with one of my past housemates and he said I was a legend living in the home, but the place is not the same without me. It's a flattering comment by, but I don't think of myself as a legend in that sense, but as someone standing for myself. I'm no different than the next guy who stands up for their self-respect. I now know how it feels and If presented the same predicament, I'd do it again and use the same processes before I execute. That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong. ~William J. H. Boetcker
20th wedding anniversary and trip to Hawaii. It made me reflective and unsure of my personal direction. Since Jen was weepy and sad, I was disappointed and drank a lot. While we were together as a family, it felt less than perfect and shallow to some degree. It was beautifully sad.
I got my dog, Honey. I adopted her from the Cache Humane Society. She's become the light of my life, my reason for getting up and for going home. She brings me joy when I don't think there is any left in my life. She makes me smile and laugh. Just having her beside me every night makes those nights easier. She's helped me get healthy, to think about something besides myself and to be more outgoing with others. She doesn't allow me to wallow in depression or self-pity. She wants to go out and explore the world and she needs my help to do it. I'm so grateful for her.
I went through 3 miscarriages. These miscarriages made me feel angry and hurt, and yet brought to mind how fortunate my husband and I are for our very healthy and wonderful daughter. The experience made me much stronger, and also a bit harder when it comes to keeping a place in my heart for another possible pregnancy. And, retrospectively, I feel a strong urge to try again, bring another amazing human into this world made up of equal parts my wonderful husband and myself, give my daughter a sibling, and also create a crazier family. I love my family so much!
In the past year I was gifted a free ticket to a 3 day retreat/seminar for conscious women entrepreneurs. This weekend literally saved my life. I had been struggling with deep depression about the future of my career. I arrived feeling lost and hopeless. The moment I stepped into the room where the event was being held, I felt seen and understood, welcome and spiritually embraced like I've never felt before. I opted to join the year long course offered during this seminar and have not looked back since. I am so very very grateful and inspired by the program and the women in it. We are all building our life's work separately but together.
At the beginning of July, I phoned one of my closest friends that I had more than friendly feelings for her. After I think trying to process the information, she told me 3 weeks later that she didn't think we should go there. I am somewhat conflicted at the moment as to how I feel about this. I think generally I am glad I was brave enough to tell her - I think I would be feeling worse at the moment if I was still turning it over in my head, wondering what she felt for me. However, whilst I told myself being turned down was the most likely outcome, I didn't prepare myself really for this outcome and just imagined what it would be like to be with her. And I am still doing that now, hoping she might change her mind even though I know rationally this is unlikely. I'm finding it difficult to separate the things she does for me because she is one of my best friends and finding signs that she has romantic feelings for me also. And there are still a lot of unknowns. I think our friendship can recover at the moment - apart from not talking about the woman she is seeing, things have been pretty normal between us. But could it recover after a kiss, after sex? Could it recover if I panicked about commitment? Could it recover if I realised I don't like women as much as men? But ending up with your best friend is the dream. And I doubt I will ever find anyone as great as her to spend my life with.
My teeth were finally finished. I didn't realize how much I had been living without, having no teeth for 2 years and very bad ugly teeth since a botched surgery at age 12. Almost 40 years of smiling only behind my hand and pain in my mouth and always feeling ugly. It's only been 6 weeks of the "new me", and I still hide my smile or smile only with my lips closed, but I'm enjoying peaches and crunchy veggies, and I hope that when I read this next year I won't feel ugly or be so surprised when I see those funny white things in the mirror.
I got out of my soul-sucking call center job and into a new, pleasant, happy job in the field that I've always wanted to work in! While I learned quite a lot at the old job, I'm so so happy to be in a job that I actually enjoy and feel great when I come home.
I don't think there's one experience, but I traveled more. I handled buses and trains and planes and car rentals in places I had never been. I did it well and with minimal fear. I took some time away from my office and worked for someone else in a new kind of environment. And I had fun. I'm really proud of myself. I'm inspired to do more.
I went to Penland school of crafts! It was an amazing and immersive experience. It's hard to believe that in just two short weeks I could make so many close friends. I know that if I ever go back, it won't be the same, and that my first Penland experience will likely eclipse all others that I may have. I will always love the family built there: team wabi-sabi wasabi fibonacci lobby.
I watched my bride and her daughters turn the corner and walk down the aisle towards me. With just moments to spare before giving my vows I fell from head-love to a deep heart-love that has made me the happiest I have ever been.
I had spinal surgery nearly a year ago. It's been an experience I never envisioned for my life and it has taught me how capable I am to handle life's challenges. It has tested my patience and my pain tolerance while also helping me learn to rely on others for help. I truly hope that this next year will bring a resolution to this issue so that it can be a part of my past instead of my present.
The current job I have was part time and became a full time salaried job - after 4 years of struggling after selling my business, I am finally on my feet again- not worried-no longer stressed out about my mortgage payments, property taxes- able to relax again- go on vacation- buy things for myself as well as my family and friends- help take care of my mother- grateful does not even describe how I feel. Grateful, grateful, grateful!!!!
The birth of my son. I'm grateful for a beautiful, healthy, sweet baby - and relieved to be done with pregnancy and childbirth.
My cousin died. Sad, upset that we did not have more time
In the past year, a lot has changed and a lot has happened. I decided to quit sugar, which has had a tremendously positive effect on me. I am happier, more focussed, find it easier to manage my stress and anxiety. My thinking is more clear and a lot calmer. It is not completely calm, but this change has impacted me deeply and I feel like I'm only at the tip of the iceberg at the moment. I am very grateful for the experience, as it has allowed me to connect with myself again. I'm relieved too that my belief in it working came to fruition. It has inspired me to do more, keep experimenting and hopefully to do something with this knowledge and the tools I'm learning.
I got married! I feel sometimes like I don't really believe that it's real. When he and I are just sitting around hanging out, I tend to voice these thoughts out loud - "Can you believe we're married?!" His answers is always yes.
My significant experience is more of a general shift in my state of mind and being. I've become more sure of myself and of the person I want to be, so I've been able to make more specific and streamlined decisions about my future and my present. For example, I'm more comfortable telling people about my mental health problems - I was recently rediagnosed with bipolar II instead of depressive disorder and that alone has made a huge difference. I'm also more open about my religious and spiritual beliefs; this year marks my first time celebrating Jewish holidays and I'm lucky enough to have a supportive sister who's celebrating with me, though she's an atheist. The biggest and most significant thing has been my decision to return to university. I start up again in January. I've been confused about school and my career and my future for, well, my entire life basically. A lot of things happened to lead me to where I am now, and where I am is confident in my new path. I actually have a specific and detailed plan of action now. a BSc in Psychology, which will lead to graduate school and a career as either a clinical psychologist or a researcher in cognition (maybe both?). I want to help people and I'm interested in the mind so it makes a lot of sense, especially with my history in social work and philosophy. I feel excited, anxious, rejuvenated, and inspired by this new station. I'm looking forward to things to come and I'm actually confident that I can achieve my goals. This is something that I've never fully had before, partially (I assume) because I've never had the certainty that I do now.
I got married. I has made me so happy. I am with a woman I love more than anyone in the world and I am grateful for her every day.
My best dog ever died March 19th after being sick for about 5 months. She lived with me for 7 years and was my constant companion. Sweet, gentle, loving,kind....my friend. And I miss her. She has left an imprint on my heart. It was hard to let her go...Which is probably why I went over and above taking care of her..but she was happy and as far as I could tell comfortable until the last few days and then I was probably in denial that it was the end. Its like that song..the end my beautiful friend the end. I am ever so grateful for Josie...she was a gift.
The most significant event is that I made the decision in early 2014 to retire from full time work. And, I took concrete steps to make it happen. I sold my home and banked the money getting ready for the move back to the UK. I opened a bank account back home, got my driving license setup and began looking for a retirement property. It was a really liberating experience. Things that only a couple of days before I made the decision were of major importance, became unimportant. Yes, I'm very happy and looking forward to the move. There are going to be challenges along the way and after the move, especially living on a reduced income but for both my physical and mental health, this is the right decision.
I finally managed to get a job at the local aluminium smelter. Been trying for 7 years. This simply means I work just as hard as I was - but I'm paid a hell of a lot more. So blessed to now be able to pay off our mortgage in 5 years rather than 30 years - plus we are going on an overseas holiday for 14 nights.....could not have done that before. I am eternally grateful for this opportunity and am striving to do my best at work each day in order to reach our financial goals. Excited to payout that mortgage by the time I turn 50 :)
It was a little more then a year ago-June of 2013-I got to travel to Israel with my parents, children and husband for 2 weeks. So grateful to be able to take the journey, relieved (have never traveled to anyplace that I had to think about my safety) and inspired. The land was beautiful and so were the people. The most amazing place was to be in Jerusalem and to experience 3 different cultures living in peace with each other. So glad I got to experience this trip with the people who mean the most to me! To climb Masada with my husband and my 70 year old mother was amazing!
My wife, who has some pretty scary medical conditions stopped taking medication so we could try to have another child. She's a few months along now, and in truth more than anything else I'm scared.
My son got married. My husband retired. Both were extremely significant moments. I am grateful and relieved about both. They were extremely positive, but extremely stressful events.
My nephew passed away tragically at the age of 22. It has made me sad, reflective, and in some ways inspired as he had such a positive and profound impact on his friends and the people with whom in came in touch during the course of his short life.
Suicide of 2 8th grade students and the way they were portrayed after the fact. I am deeply saddened that two children with their lives before them were in so much turmoil that they felt their only option was to end their promising lives. I am frustrated that school officials chose to keep all ujnder wraps rather than using the tragedies as a learning experience for all the other MS students.
In the past year i have graduated from uni and have had my first year as a graduate. It has been horrible. 1 year from graduation i still have no idea what i want from life.. I am about to start a job which is the same job i had before uni. And it has made me ponder. Should I have gone to uni. What do i want to do with my life. And should i go back and try a more open and less specific degree topic? It has made me feel depressed, confused and altogether unsure on the future.
A friend from college passed away. She was only 30 years old and died from aggressive melanoma, leaving behind a husband she started dating our freshman year, family and friends. I don't count myself among her friends. We lost touch years ago, within a couple years after graduation, but she was someone I always thought I'd recconect with. It never occurred to me I didn't have all the time in the world to reach out. So it's made me incredibly sad, both because for a vibrant woman of her age to lose her life is undeniably tragic, but also because I let her die without having one more conversation with her, one more laugh, one more memory. I've been inspired to try to live more fully in the present, to not waste a single moment, to try to reconnect with old friends - but I feel like I'm failing. And in failing, I'm failing both myself and her legacy. I hope I can figure out how to do us both justice.
Without a doubt, the most significant experience that defined this past year for me was when my mother experienced a severe brain episode and I believed we might lose her. Now, eight months later, I am exceptionally grateful and relieved that she is well and suffering no major deleterious effects. It was the scariest moment of my life thus far, however, going through those moments actually left me feeling somewhat liberated from the fear that so many of us have of losing someone dear to us. In those terrifying moments, I knew that God was there. And I knew He always will be. And I was able to let go of a longtime struggle knowing that peace ultimately lies with Him, both here and now, for me and my mom, and in the future - in the place and time we cannot yet define. I am also so grateful for the healthy changes I've seen my mom make in her own life. The temporary upheaval and fear that she experienced has given way to a positivity and optimism that is beautiful to see.
In basically about a year, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, went through chemo, got surgery, and became cancer-free again. It affected me first of all by making me realize that my parents wouldn't always be around and I needed to grow up and become independent. It affected me second of all by turning me into an emotional wreck and inspiring me to do things that damaged relationships. And third of all, it affected me by affecting the way my whole family and I saw each other. I think we take each other for granted less, generally treat each other more nicely, and are more honest and open with each other.
I came out to a long time friend that I have been crushing on in the middle of the night in a church parking lot. He told me he suspected. He told me he wasn't going to judge me, but he also wasn't going to date me. It was a huge relief.
MY dear cousin has passed away from an illness that was poorly controlled. Part of me blames our thoughts and upbringing of taking care of everyone but yourself first. If he had had proper consistent medical attention his final days may not have been so tragic . the fact that his well being depended so much on misinformation and possible lack of funds and time for himself, frightens me. As head of household with my husband i see ourselves being complacent about health care . Our minor symptoms go unattended or self medicated with any common pain reliever. THe main purpose of our exsistance is basically to make a living. I realize how exhausting it is and what a toll it takes on your body and mind.I refuse to live like this anymore!!!!
There was an incredible moment this past year...the moment in which I received a call...a new job! And not just any job--the job I'd dreamed that I would never have--or at least, not until I was at least 45, and on job 2 or 3! I would now be the Cantorial Soloist at a temple right near where I grew up! Being given the opportunity at 29? Without any formal training, other than the joy in my heart, multiple years of educational training (gee, I guess the teaching credential will come in handy at the Sunday school!) , and a sincere understanding of the need in my heart for a serious change? I've never been more thrilled, scared, relieved, or grateful. The emotions vary day to day, but I'm getting through it. It's only been a few months so far--but they seem to really like me. I'm not sure what to feel quite yet, other than relieved that it's working out. I'm nervous about the high holy days--and about Shabbat Shuva, with liturgy I've never sung, and a community that barely knows what I'm capable of overall! I hope that the year ahead is successful...I've never done yizkor, never done sukkot or simhat torah...I really hope it all works out. I LOVE what I do, and each day I wake up more energized (and exhausted). This is just the beginning!!!
Almost one year ago, I came to a point in my fiction writing career where I could do it full-time. That had long been a major goal of mine. I still haven't quite come to terms with it. A lot of days, I wake up and wonder whether I'm really a full-time writer--whether I'm actually allowed to do this. Other days, I worry I'll fall of the rails, and get way behind on my projects. The main way it affected me was this: it caused me to form a new goal. A much more ambitious one.
Had a miscarriage in August. Sucked pretty much all round, although I'm mostly okay thinking about it now. The silver lining is that it brought me much closer to a friend who also had a miscarriage.
Our house got broken into twice in 5 days. I lost lots of jewelry that were connected with memories. I don't really worry much about my safety in the house, although maybe a bit more than I think; since my credit cards were recently stolen, I had a tight feeling in my chest for at least one night thinking that an intruder may have just walked into the front door and rummaged through my drawer while i was home somewhere. Possibly it felt worse than expected because I knew that it really was making Ben feel violated and I didn't want to be a part of that. As for how the initial robberies have affected me 1 year later...I miss my jewelry. I don't feel much excitement wearing what I have, as it will take time to acquire new jewelry and stories. I don't think I am as eager to have nice things in the house either, although I don't shy from purchasing things for convenience. Overall, I don't think I'm as enamored with the house either. That is, when we discuss moving from the house for other reasons, I'm not as attached.
I fell in love. It affects me in every way. Some days it's tough. Some days I'm angry. But every day I am grateful because I now feel complete. I know what people mean when they say that now. It all sounds really cheesy, but being with someone who understands and supports you, makes everything else fall in to place also.
Recognized in giving a gallery talk that my art work showing in several simultaneous exhibitions brings the fragments of my life together, that it gives voice to my hidden self, that now far from being hidden, my identity bursts forth and surprises me. That the death of my son with AIDS is no longer a private grief, but a public display using art to express my son's spirit. When I paint his abstract bones, they are in bright dancing colors. As an only child of Holocaust survivors, my parents tried to hide who we were, but now my painting allows me to locates a self and to share a history that I have kept hidden. The art exhibition of my bold, colorful and many layered paintings have opened a public door to a hidden self. Very scary, but exciting. I invite the world to see me! I am inspired!
My wife of 28 years and I went to an amusement park in September. She has always loved these, and her love for the thrill of rollercoasters, and of being in the midst of people having fun, made me (a person who is scared of rollercoasters and doesn't like crowds) love experiencing that enjoyment with her. She's always pushing us to go on every ride, sometimes more than once, until I'm so exhausted I can barely walk anymore. But this time, we didn't even do all the rides once. It was very hot, and she doesn't do well in heat. She also got tired very easily, and has a lot of aches and pains now that we're both older (as do I, but not as much). At one ride, we were too slow to get seats together, and had to split up. When the young ride operator tried to fasten the safety harness on me, I was too fat and couldn't ride, but my wife couldn't see that. I was somewhat relieved, as it seemed to be a very scary ride. My wife did the ride, not knowing I wasn't doing it too, but she did not enjoy it, and when it was done, we were too. It was significant for both of us to realize that we're getting old. For my part, I'm sort of grateful for this; I've always wanted to be older, and now I am. But seeing my wife go through this, it also makes me feel sad, and nostalgic for the times when we could be those strange old people who actually were having fun like little kids.
My father died last December. He had been ready to move on for the last year before that and it was a blessing that we were able to give him a good death. He was in his own apartment, surrounded by family, and pain free. We were all able to say goodbye and to help him take that final breath. It inspired me to begin the process of returning to nursing as a Palliative Care and end of Life pediatric Nurse Practitioner. I will finally be doing what I love and value rather then chasing the $. I have been Lucky to have the support of my new love who while coming late in my life is a true joining of souls.
This year or a few months before, I through routine blood work found out that I am HIV positive- really no idea that I could be. It made me very mindful of today, and taking personal responsibility in all areas of my life. It was a very scary time, as I know few people who are living with this disease as I lost probably 24 friends in the 80s due to it. I think I have handled it well, and medically I am stable, undetectable viral load. It did make me take stock of my life, return to church, read about spiritual things and try to live one day at a time. Some days are diamonds but other days I get caught up in" why me "and then the day becomes more difficult. I am grateful I do have faith in the God of my understanding.
I tore my Achilles and was laid up for over two months, not able to drive and 'stuck' on one floor of my house. as a very active person, I sunk to a low for a little while, then with the help of a LARGE group of incredible friends, I was inspired to paint large canvas quotes, create in clay and be inspired every day. These wonderful friends checked on me often, took 'the gimp' to lunch and dinner and took such good care of me. Talk about being blessed!
My wife and I decided to open a store-front business for our online biz we have had for many years. I felt nervous, apprehensive, excited about it. The actual build-out itself was stressful. But at the end of the day everything turned out well as it always does and we are set to get the store rolling. And I'm excited and confident for our future success.
joining the cast of Cabaret here in the Villages was very rewarding. I made some lasting friendships and re-ignited an old interest in Theater. I am grateful for new friendships and to be living in a magical place such as the Villages.
My estranged former fiance passed away from lung cancer. We were able to reconnect as friends in the end, which I was grateful for. I was still angry that we ran out of time.
I got a full-time job in a field I love, and in Seattle. Moving to a brand new city (although one where I've spent time in), starting a whole new life, has been gratifying and rewarding. It has its moments, but moving out of LA was the best decision I've made. I realize how I was no longer connected to the place I used to call home, and it was time to find a new place to call home. 11 (almost 12) months later, and I'm proud to call Seattle my home.
Without a doubt, the most significant thing that happened was the Gaza War. Beginning with the kidnapping of the three boys and the constant acceleration of trauma upon trauma. Their murder, the constant barrage of missiles against Israel... and of course the war with my son fighting in it. Seriously, the most difficult time of my life. All of those feelings apply. Grateful that my son was spared. Relieved that it's over. Resentful of the hypocrisy of the world - including our administration who used equating terror with defense as a thinly veiled attempt to mask their hatred of Israel and Jews. And inspired by our amazing country. Our amazing people. Our resilient people. Our generous people. They showed all of the chayalim, including my son, their support, gratitude and appreciation. One word that was not listed was PROUD. That's how I feel.
I sold my house andmoved in with my fiance and her son. I am grateful.
I moved out of home into Moishe House Sydney. Inspired is definitely the best adjective, but grateful is also close. I have so much power to make change now, power that I never had in AUJS. However, to be a functional independent adult, something that wouldn't have happened without Moishe house's generosity, is something I am unbelievably thankful for.
I think I have two - the first is the death of my father-in-law in Europe. My husband was away for 7 weeks over the summer. It was the longest we'd ever been apart and I really missed him. Our family life (just me & kids) was just not the same without him and I an in awe of everyone who is a single parent. I really miss my father-in-law who was a lovely and kind man - in an odd way I feel more affected by my father-in-law's loss than my own fathers (two years ago). My feeling is mostly gratitude and appreciation for my health, family life, children, husband, having a job. It has made me want to focus on the positive and stop complaining or yearning for things I don't have now. To appreciate my life and life it fully in every moment. The second (okay, I might have a third) is giving up (again) on what I thought was a dream delayed. For the past four years I was pushing toward something that I don't think really would suit me and that I don't think I want to do at all. I had a whole bunch of good "rational" reasons for going in the direction I was but in the end I just tortured myself for not having taken the steps to make that dream a reality. Once I gave it up I felt overwhelming relief. I still have aspirations beyond my current role/job but I can see now how to go in a direction that is more aligned with who I am, not who I think I am supposed to be. I feel as if I've learned this lesson two or three times in my life - I hope it sticks this time. Third and significant in a different way -I have been attending yoga regularly for the past year. I am inspired by having fulfilled on this commitment to myself and am hopeful that it will spur additional commitment to myself in terms of taking better care of myself, more time for myself, doing more of what I want, spending time with family, not being so 'busy" all the time.
I lost my virginity this year. Something everything said was so important felt like such an insignificant thing the moment it was gone, like why did I wait so long? However, it did lead me to question what my convictions truly are, and caused many of my beliefs and assumptions about God, the world, and myself to be thrown into the air. So, a simple thing in the moment, but one that's already sent ripples long into the future.
Getting ready to sell my house and recovering from back surgery, still recovering. Sorta' grateful, wish I were completely healed. Selling the house, prepping for sale really, so hard and not even done yet.
The woman whom I will marry went from distant optimistic hope experienced only through remote senses, to my best and most cherished friend. The progression that took place could not be manufactured. Something deep within me stood up, unidentified, and took the post of commander as its own. I know I want her, but the shadowed commander has decided that I will do something about it. On the outside, and by the outside I mean what I think of myself when I'm not trying to partition the causes and effects, this thing manifests itself as some kind of "hormonal effect" or "native instinct". Somehow I know that this thing, this part of myself that is taking charge and integrating my mind into the current stage of life like a black hole of responsibility is really something greater than what I may initially think it to be. This is more than culture, more than chemicals and hormones, this is a gift of God. I love the mystery at least as much as I hate my lack of knowledge! This beast is too good a thing to come from me and far too complex. I am a simple creature in my mind and the appropriateness of my current subject to the life at hand is of an applied propriety that only a supreme being far greater than me could bring into my life at this time. Thank you God, for giving me the will and strength to lead this woman who will be my wife!
5774 was a mixed year. My brother-in-law died of Lung cancer compliments of agent orange from the Vietnam War. It is very difficult to accept war as a solution to anything. Celebrated our 20th Anniversary on Catalina Island I retired from IBM on 31 Dec 13 after 18 years. I turned 65 on 9 Feb 14. Signed up for Medicare I worked at Home Depot part time assigned to the Service Desk from March - June I started a new job in May as a contract Program Manager for HP. Travelled to Hawaii in Dec, Cuba in Jan, FL/NYC/Bos in July
Last October my step-dad died. I was helping my mom care for him the last 10 days. My mom moved in with me a few weeks ago until she can find her own place. Getting to be there for his transition and to support her was an amazing experience, especially since I live several states away and the timing was tricky to judge. He was such a good example of humility, patience, generosity, and supreme kindness and grace at a difficult time. Now my husband is such a gracious and kind host for my 80 year old mother, my sister is such a dedicated support for our mom, and mom is such a considerate housemate. I am so grateful for these team players in my life.
In October 2013, my husband Bob and I went to Delaware to see the annual "Punkin Chunkin." This was a big experiment for us; Bob hates camping. However, the experience of meeting interesting people and having a fantastic time changed his mind. We have since purchased a cargo trailer and are in the process of setting it up as a camping trailer; it will haul the supplies while we will sleep in our van. We will finally get the chance to test our new setup at this year's Punkin Chunkin, and I can't wait! This whole experience has inspired us to think about how we want to live after we retire (if we retire, that is). We have been talking about traveling around the country, following our noses, camping as we go, and just experiencing the country at a slower pace. Only time will tell if we get to live that dream!
One of the most inspiring moments for me this year ws when I was contacted out of the blue to adapt an academic article I had written into a article for the Rhodes Journalism Review. Rhodes is one of the top Universities in Africa for journalism and to have my work recognised and selected was a true honour. Made me feel inspired and incredibly honoured
My mother died. My mother who I had no contact with for more than 20 years. There is a laundry list of reasons for this parting of ways.I am sad because I lost a relationship that at one time was happyish. And I am sad that my son did not have a relationship with either her or my step father. And I am relieved that this tension is finally over. And there is the guilt:) This happened within the last month so I am not exactly sure how I will feel next week, next month, or next year.
The passing of my mother. It has made me free from being her caretaker, so relieved for myself, and for the end of her suffering. I am also relieved of my resentment about her narcissistic behavior that cause so much hardship for me and my siblings, but I am grateful that the resulting hardships I faced as a child and as a young man have tested my mettle and strengthened me. I have gained the ability to carry much on my shoulders calmly for myself, my family, and for my friends.
My grandpa passed away. Through it, I discovered so much about the man that my grandfather was, and also about how my other grandparents caused a chain reaction in my parents in which I saw the truth of their brokenness in their inability to set healthy and strong boundaries. I am learning to be grateful for knowing the full scope of truth, and the grace that comes with it. That I am not responsible for thing that were not my job to teach myself at such a young age.
This year, I took charge of my health. I am greatful beyond measure that my actions have worked, and that I was strong enough to actually follow it through.
A year ago this Friday (two days from now), I was "broken up with" by two people, a lesbian couple at whose wedding I was the officiant, whom I thought would be a part of my family of choice for the rest of my life. It was heartbreaking, abrupt, and remains unexplained to me. In the year since, I've grown a lot as a person, but I still remain flinchy. I have trouble trusting my old friends, and am afraid to make new friendships, because I'm not sure that I can survive another hit like that. However, my life otherwise is so good and so full that I honestly have trouble figuring out how I would have time to give as much of myself to someone as a real, true, deep friendship requires. I'm trying to come to peace with just loving what I have, because what I have is amazing. But I still seem to have that spark of "I wish"... plus I miss my friends. Not every day anymore, but still often and still a lot.
In the past year, I entered my first relationship. It taught me that that I could love in a capacity that I never knew was possible. I am incredibly grateful for this experience--for the love it as provided me, the teaching experiences where I have learned more about human nature, and the companionship for many years to come.
I gave birth to my 2nd son Elijah. I am so very grateful
I was laid off from my job in January, and it was just short of devastating. It was the first time that I was let go from a job, and I had mixed feelings about being forced out that day. In order to cope with the situation, I decided to begin taking my Architecture Registration exams. In 8 months, I've passed four out of the seven exams, and I hope to be registered by next year. I also gained employment within a couple week.s It inspired me to take my exams and work on my professional development in an accelerated platform.
My best friend of 7 years, and next-door-neighbour, committed suicide. He blew his brains out. He left me a note and for me to find him. I landed up on disability and seeing a psychiatrist twice a week (still am). It has turned my world upside down. I'm incredibly angry, hurt, traumatised, it reignited my PTSD from a previous incident 12 years ago (surviving an al Qaeda suicide bombing). In addition, three months after this happened, 95 percent of my company was laid off, including myself. It meant I lost my work visa and my place in the Green Card track. Luckily I got sponsored at the 11th hour for another job but there was a real fear I'd have to leave the country. And then I hurt my shoulder and needed surgery. It's been a ridiculously tough and harrowing year. I'm amazed at how resilient I've been but there have been days (hundreds of them) when I've needed scraping off the floor.
I switched synagogues and I met a whole lot of new people
My husband and I reconciled after being separated for 8 months. I am incredibly grateful every day for the changes I made in my life and the ones my husband made and that we can continue on our path together. I was also very relieved to be back in a stable, happy and healthy marriage.
In the past year my long term relationship with my live-in boyfriend ended. I moved out 6 months ago and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Some days I'm angry (that he moved on with another person almost immediately and expected us to be "friends"), some days I'm sad (I miss snuggling up next to him in bed at night), and some days I'm grateful (he made me feel bad about myself).
My first grandchild started preschool - he's nearly 3 and this is big stuff. Hiding behind a tree, my daughter and I watched him with all his little co-peanuts as they prepared to be picked up at the end of a successful morning. He showed me his own cubby, the classroom fish tank, his latest art project. Time with a grandchild is lived intensely in the moment. Who knew Iād feel such passion at my stage of life?
Being forced to reprimand my colleagues at work. It bothered me that they did not recognize their continued hateful statements. I am relieved that it is over and we have carried on. But they still resort back to old ways. I expect them to rise above pettiness and cooperate better in Billings, Montana!
I turned 50 and I am happy to be healthy. I feel like I need to say that or I will jinx myself. If I take my health for granted it will go away. I am sometimes afraid of what the next and last 1/2 of my life will bring. Will I stay healthy? Will I be able to care for my husband who has ms? How long will he be healthy? I would love to walk what I talk. I believe in being present. I believe in thankful and appreciating all I have. I sometimes, rarely but sometimes, slide into the me I don't want to be....the worry girl who thinks maybe she is so smart she can plan life out so well..outsmart fate and avoid pain. I want to be the girl who freely gives it up to G-d. I want to trust, to walk out his will and learn and grow. I want to be sage but sometimes I am just stupid. Hope 50 beige more wisdom.
My oldest daughter married. It was bittersweet because my husband, her dad, died 4 years ago. The joy of the occasion was saddened because he wasn't here with us.
I've decided to house-sit full time rather than renting, so I'm technically homeless and have been for a couple months. There's great potential for saving money,and I enjoy the regularly changing living environment. I gifted my furniture and belongings to others and I live out of suitcases... I turned 36 this year. I'm happier than I've been in a long time but simultaneously afraid that I'm living a hands-breadth away from failure as an adult. I'm not running away, I just enjoy moving around.
When I went to camp this year, it was my last year as a camper. The whole session was an amazing, inspiring, and significant experience; but one activity in general affected me the most. On one night our councilors asked us to be silent and to not talk until further noticed. They gave us post it notes and pencils to right things if it was completely necessary and we were told to stick the nots on our bodies after we had written them. We were only silent for about 2 hours and people were writing very unnecessary notes, I did not write anything. After dinner we went into a building and they played a very crewd Eminem song. They then played inspiring speeches and songs. I could tell exactly what was happening and because words are such an emotional and strong fact to me, I emediatly started crying. By the end everyone was crying and it was a very emotional activity. When it was over, I just went around to everyone muttering thank you and hugging them. I then went outside and hugged my favorite tree and I swear I felt a holy rush through me, as if Hashem was with me. This is one of the most important and significant events that has happened to me in the last year.
Robin Williams' suicide deeply saddened me. It shows me that you cannot trust the outward personality of someone to know how they really feel. It makes me try harder to get to know others & know their heart. It opened up conversations about suicide in a bigger way. I'm grateful for Robin's contribution to the world. His films & humor have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.
I have joined up with the United States Air Force. It's exciting by I'm still nervous about the future. Hopefully things will work out for the best.
I got married! I am happy, relieved, scared. Sometimes I get nervous that I wasn't ready to get married and other times I feel so content that I know I did the right thing. I love my husband and everyday brings a new challenge and a new victory!
This past year I recently picked up and moved to Boulder, Co from Chicago. I was nervous to make the initial transition but am so happy that I took the job. I am happy with the town and my work place. It is a bit upsetting that I left my family and friends behind but the environment here is much more my style. People always wonder what if. My mentality when deciding on the job was would I regret not relocating for the job. That what if is something that always would have haunted me and I could not pass up this opportunity. I could not have made a better choice.
I moved in with john. It made me feel excited and lucky. I never thought I would get to this point where I would be comfortable with someone I loved seeing me warts and all. And I'm still not totally comfortable. I am all too conscious of my warts and am afraid I have revealed too much and that he will realise I am not the perfectgirl he met on our first date, all plucked and waxed. I guess a bit of care is a good thing, not to relax entirely and take him/us for granted. But I should probably work harder at relaxing and being comfortable and confident in myself - warts and all - being more like the carefree person I would want to live the rest of my life with.
I had an abnormal pap smear that caused me to have to have additional screening for pre-cancerous cells. It made me scared to think there was that chance I'd be ill in a way that I couldn't be sure I'd be able to fix, and it made me think about how I'm living my life. I thought about if I only had a short time to live, and realized I'd not be doing the same things I'm doing. I am grateful that I was given that shock, and it's possible that I've been taking more chances and risks and going for what I want since that happened, though I don't think about it often. The tests were inconclusive but a very low likelihood that anything was truly wrong (I will go for an additional test in December), so I was able to put it behind me.
My oldest son nearly drank himself to death. I received a series of voice mails from him that became increasingly incoherent, the last one being irregular breathing. I had a clear mental picture of my son dead on his apartment floor, and felt the spirits of his deceased grandmothers imploring me to act to save him. I was able to rally his younger brother to intervene, as I was miles away in a different city. I am grateful I acted on the "vision" I received and that my son lived. I sometimes resent the fact that he still drinks to excess on occasion and has not fully acknowledged that he has a drinking problem.
A young woman showed up drunk at my apartment. I let her use the facilities and helped her to her apartment. It helped me to see if I could practice what I believed about helping those in need. I am very grateful it occurred.
My grandson was born! So grateful and blessed.
In 2013 I undertook professional formation for the unemployed for the first time. Going "back to school" was definitely not in my plans as it felt like a declaration of failure on my part at getting a job or an internship. Still, I was going to expand my knowledge of Spanish, a language I wasn't very proficient in, and I was somewhat excited about that. My teacher was quite simply one of the loveliest young women I had ever met (she was four years my junior). She was lovely in every conceivable way: lively, intelligent, humble, friendly, respectful, devoted to her job and her students; and she was delightfully cute, a petite brunette with a smile not unlike that summer I met her: warm and full of light. Although I was fascinated by her, the thought of crushing on my teacher was cause of self berating. I was 35 and (I believed) much too old for that. I was no longer a high school student after all. But there was no denying what I felt every time I was in class. It was powerful and sweet. Whenever our eyes met I would light up inside. And the times she came to my desk to correct my exercises? I was so happy to be so close to her, to be able to smell her discrete perfume, to watch her beautiful tiny hands touch the same papers I had touched seconds before and would touch again right after her and to have her full attention for a few seconds. And when I wasn't in class, I thought about her constantly. I tried my best to conceal my feelings from her because the last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable around me or my Spanish class. I think I succeeded. After the course ended and we no longer had a professional relationship, I tried to be a part of her life, always hoping that one day I might have a break. That proved to be very difficult as it seemed that she was keen to separate her professional life from her personal one. I tried to friend her on Facebook but she denied my request while friending four of my female colleagues from Spanish classes. I was devastated. That meant for sure that she didn't want to engage in any kind of relationship with me beyond the teacher/student one we had. The fact that we lived in different cities and hardly kept in touch helped me get over her relatively quickly. But I still think about her sometimes. If anything, I'm somewhat grateful for this experience because it helped me realise how I have matured over the years and how my attitude towards unrequited love has changed. Had this happened a few years ago, I would have been convinced that the Universe was conspiring against me to steal my happiness, that I was utterly unlovable and all girls/women would rather date douchebags instead of taking a chance on me. Nowadays, instead of finding a destroyed self confidence, I found a calm acceptance of the truth: that love is not something I'm entitled to or that I can demand for myself; that love is unexpected and out of control; that unrequited love will happen more often than not; and that although it hurts, it won't be the end of the world. I'll get over it. I'll be fine.
Last year, I was able to travel to Germany, Poland, and the Czech Republic to visit authentic Holocaust sites to increase my knowledge of that horrific event. I was so moved by my experience and so grateful to have the opportunity to pay my respects to all those who lost their lives in those terrible places - including some of my family members. Plus, as a teacher, it was an unforgettable academic experience as well as a personal one. July 2013 is a time I will never forget.
My Rotary Club is sending me to the Dominican Republic to explore a partnership with Strength for the Journey. The impetus is the need for an alternative energy source. I am so grateful it means I can go back and visit with Lindsey and make connections. I will be anxious to see a year from now how this played out. This connects my vocation with my spirit. My life is so full of miracles it is hard to find just one significant event.
Finally got a job in the field I want to work in. The pay is shit, the hours are shit, I'm stressed all the time about bills, but I still hope I can take the experience I'm getting and find a job where I'm happier with the pay and hours, because I still like the field.
Got married last September. We'd been dating since high school and it was something we planned on for a long time but finally decided to do. It was wonderful. I think about it every day and how I wish I could do it all over again. Only regret is that we didn't do it sooner, however, I think waiting made it so much sweeter and more special.
Finding a girlfriend. It was unexpected, especially the particular girl I've fallen for, who is a) too beautiful for me and b) on paper, wrong in many ways. I am grateful and happy, though I do worry about her a lot... I don't know if I'll still be with her this time next year (I hope so but fear not, as she's already kind of pushing me away) but I think she's done a lot to help me feel more attractive.
Plans to sell agency and agree to stay home with kids
This May, I married my best friend, in a beautiful backyard wedding. It was beyond stressful in the days leading up to the event, there were anxiety attacks and tears over the best number of coolers of beer to have on hand (seriously). But, the moment I saw my handsome husband for the first time that day, with him in his jacket and the wrong shoes because he couldn't find his dress shoes, all the worries were gone. Then, walking down the aisle, surrounded by 40 of the closest, dearest friends two people could ask for, was a feeling I wish I could bottle up and sprinkle on myself when I'm having a bad day. The collective love we felt was like having everyone wrap their arms around us in a giant hug. Being married to my husband is a blessing, but having those people there to witness it was an honor I never want to forget.
I changed jobs. It was hard, I walked away from what was probably what I wanted, knowing it was bad for me. I traveled to give myself a change in point of view, but was very resentful for a great deal of time after I started the new job. Only later did I really accept that I was in complete control over how many of my goals for the change I was meeting. It's very possible I let myself be unhappy unnecessarily for too long.
The sexual experiences I had this summer were significant because it was an experience that I felt like I didn't have a lot of control over but also made me feel more mature. It was a good experience and also a very emotional one.
In the past month and a half, I've been in talks to leave my job and become an independent contractor. In a sense this bends the rule of the question, since it's an experience very much still in process, but I feel like I'm at the very apex now, and the rest is denouement -- the important experience has been the adjusting to and accepting the opportunity. I am very much grateful that the opportunity came to me, since beforehand I was feeling trapped and unsure that I could make such an opportunity happen myself. I'm also relieved, since there's now a promise of less stress in the new year, both due to work environment as well as financial impact of a much higher pay rate. And yet I'm also starting to feel a bit anxious -- is there a downside that I've not yet noticed, or worse, turned a blind eye to? I hope that's just a side effect of waiting for the transition to be complete. The gratefulness certainly dominates.
During Christmas 2013, I had the blessing to meet up with all of my cousins in Miami. It had been years since we had all been together. It was a very eye-opening experience because as the oldest male in my family, my role has always been elevated in comparison to my cousins. I am the future head of the family and there was always a lot of pressure for me to succeed and set the example. These pressures always drove me to behave within certain parameters around my cousins that never allowed them to get to know me for me. I am grateful for being able to share with them during that Christmas because it allowed them to see that I am a person as well. We didn't have to behave as we did when we were younger and they got to see me as the perfect and flawed individual that I am. It helped us to strengthen our bond and it shed light on why my sister is the way she is. While they only had to "deal" with me during certain times, my sister's time with me was never-ending. This encounter allowed us to learn more about each other and to recognize that although we do know each other, we really don't. But we want to. And that marked the beginning of the blossoming of our relationships.
I spent two weeks studying in New York - and it wasn't what I learned, it was two weeks where I got to explore and experience the new and it reminded me how much I loved London, but not because it is London, but because it is a global city. It confirmed to me that my 'homesickness' isn't silly, it's sensible and it refocused my plans
Grief at lost of hospice job.
Letting go of a large government contract that was my bread, butter and identity. I was angry at first bout all the hurt holding that contract cause so I was depressed for several months after letting it go and very fearful. I am very grateful now at exactly a year later. I am relieved of no longer having to deal with non-payment, furloughing staff and being late on rent. My weight has gone down, blood pressure is under control and most importantly, my A-1c is under control.
A significant experience this past year was letting myself be admitted to hospital. I often like to think I'm stronger than I am, and I've always struggled with asking for help. I don't want to appear weak. I like to think I'm independent and can handle things on my own. Going in to hospital reminded me that the doctors, and nurses, and even my boyfriend are all people I can go to for help. They want me to be happy and healthy, and they will do as much as they can to make that happen. I think it helped that I was admitted in January. It reminded me that as much as I tried to I can't run away from my problems. I enjoyed my time there, my doctor regularly checking in on me and just talking to me - because he knew I didn't have family in the country. Being in an elderly ward while I was only 20 was something to experience as well. My roommates were definitely interesting and the nurses were so nice and friendly. Then there was my boyfriend who had never set foot in a hospital in his life but he came every day to see me and just to spend time with me. It was a much needed reminder that I'm not alone, and that its ok to stop and ask for help. Especially when its really needed.
The most significant experience this past year was my wedding. It affected me in many ways. Initially, the day couldn't come fast enough. The planning was difficult, and at times, we weren't sure we wanted to be getting married at all. Then, the day finally came. My wife did an absolutely incredible job planning the best wedding ever. I guess when I look back on things, the planning wasn't that bad after all.
My father has Parkenson's and had a bad reaction to medication which made him go out of his mind for a few days- in which he was driving and pulled over twice. It took months for him to "return" to some sort of normalcy. In the meantime I had quit my job and basically moved in with him. After much delay, he agreed to finally get on the waiting list at an independent/assisted living community. The past few months have been spent cleaning, organizing and getting his house on the market. The house sold and we moved him in less than 30 days. I'm relieved that he is living in a place where he will be taken care of the rest of his life because I was a terrible care giver and found that I had been putting my entire life on hold to take care of him. Now I can just be his daughter and not be his nurse. I will always wonder if it was too soon- could he have lived on his own longer? But not having to worry every time he misses a call I think he might have fallen gives me such peace of mind. This processes inspired me to get my own finances in better order and to take out long term care insurance for myself.
My mom died. Left a deep hole. It was only by her death that I could physically feel my life's needy-ness for her. I had wanted her to love & see me in a different way and though I had done much work around this issue and thought I was pretty clear, it took her death for the little girl inside of myself to stop grabbing and pleading. And, with this release I have been able to understand and see her in a much greater way than before. I can see her version of love and take it for that. I'm responsible for the hole in my being; have been from the start. I'm continuing to grow up. Blessed be my mother. I am less and more.
I had two similar significant experiences. Getting the only jobs I've had in 2 years. I was grateful and relieved although the jobs are more stressful than sitting on the couch looking for work.
I realized my marriage had ended emotionally, and that it needed to happen legally. I took the steps to complete the process my (ex)husband began. I am relieved the uncertainty is over, resentful he couldn't be more honest and emotionally faithful, grateful to be employed when it happened & to have such great support. A little afraid of what the future holds, still. But overall, I am confident I made the right decision, happy I had the strength to follow through.
ahh, a significant experience for me was moving 0ff-campus. I have mixed feelings about it because the circumstances leading to it were kind of awful (in short: I was going to be living with someone who tore me down a lot and probably would have led to me being miserable for forever and a day). in some ways, I love it so much. I have a fireplace and a kitchen and the rent is great (plus all my utilities are included! no worrying about monthly bills! no worrying about quarters for laundry). but I miss having easy access to everything and feeling connected to on-campus life. I feel a disconnect and I'm not sure how that'll impact me yet.
Entering into an intimate relationship. It made me feel very nervous. Truthfully, I wasn't attracted to my partner. Wonderful from the sex standpoint. Complimented by her.
I raised enough money to pay for my teenaged daughter to go on several trips. I was happy that I could provide access to these experiences and that would help her have a more worldly view. I was so grateful that I am in a position that I can work and could manage my money and scholarships to do this. I felt like a good parent. I did resent my x-husband for not helping, or paying child support in any consistent manner. So pulling it off without incurring any debt was very sweet.
After five plus years post-divorce, I believe that all financial and other ties between my ex-husband and I are finally finished. I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from me. I feel free, finally.
I have contact dermititis. I am an automotive mechanic, so I come into contact with a lot of diferent chemicals daily. I have gotten to the point where I can contain it most of the time, but sometimes a reaction will take me by supprise and I end up missing days of work. I feel that I am a very good mechanic and at the age of fifty I don't think I can learn another trade or skill that will pay as well as what I earn now. I just feel frustrated that my body is letting me down, that I am not earning a full paycheck all the time, and that I am not fulfilling my obligation to my wife and childern.
In 2014, I fulfilled a lifelong dream of moving to a major city: Seattle. I have wanted to live here ever since I watched Frasier as a little kid -- I was a weird little kid. Making it happen didn't come without a lot of preparation and a bit of struggle, but things are finally starting to even out. Even through the more difficult parts, I never felt like I was doing the wrong thing or that it wasn't going to be worth it -- somehow I knew this is where I was meant to be. Now that I'm here, I feel a lot more at peace, even when I'm just at home. I'm grateful for this moment in my life, and I'm more excited than ever about all the things my future could hold.
I lost a staff member from my three staff business and thought we would struggle to cope. As it turned out two months later we have become more efficient and have absorbed the work he was doing and saved alot in wages. Couldn't be happier.
I was told I had cancer. It made me stop and think what was important in my life. It made me face the fact that life ends. I was tremendously sadden by the fact, but at the same time relieved. Because I felt relief, I felt ashamed and incredible grief over the fact that I did not mourn over the fact I was would possibly die sooner than later. I had made the decision to do nothing. To allow my body do what it would do- and I felt calm about it. Like a weight taken off my shoulder. I felt hope for possibilities. Perhaps I should not have felt such. So now, I ride a roller coaster of exams and tests. Yes, No, Yes, No.
Me: Ellie moving to Florida. It was a big milestone for Ethan but I made it bigger than it actually was. Her moving I guess left me feeling without a safety net. The transition did not need to be as long as I made it but I'm glad I kept it that long. How does that make me feel? I can't answer that. Maybe relieved because it's done. I may be wistful because he's growing up. Not more comfortable, though. John: Changes at work - Kevin and Ron being let go, while initially caused a lot of headaches, their leaving is now paying off allowing me to have more quality work/life balance. Ethan: Saturn and Jupiter. Going to the Planetarium.
Around Christmastime last year I went back to the UK for six weeks, first with Simon and Asher then Simon left. It was great to see people again, and to introduce them to Asher. I felt very content with my lot. At the same time it was a very emotionally draining experience and at the end of it I was very relieved to come back to Australia, to Melbourne which feels like home. I felt more comfortable afterwards with the idea that I might go back to London to see people less regularly now that I have a family, the trip allowed me to settle more.
I decided - well, I'm in the process of deciding - to make New York City my home. Again. This city is always challenging to me...but it's home in so many ways. Home is not always easy. It should accost us, push us forward, make us look deeply inward and come up with something real and true.
I managed to get through an arduous trip to Peru and the Andes with a group of 12 photographers, mainly from other countries. AT times I didn't think I would make it, but I persevered and accepted the support of others.
My surgery last Sept, as reflect today I realize that life is short and just when you got that you forget and get all caught up in the pettiness of life. Sooner or later you will be dust. So was all that small stuff worth it? Of course not, but human nature is G-ds humor!
My husband always says " when the student is ready, the teacher will appear", a Buddhist proverb that happened to me this year. I decided I wanted to learn something new so I went on Craigslist and found 3 listings for classes - horseback riding, guitar and Tai Chi. The only one new to me was Tai Chi. I signed up because I had wanted to take martial arts as a child and I was afraid to do it. Afraid of not being flexible enough, afraid of looking foolish, and afraid of not being the best. I like to be the best and I have let the fear of not being the best stop me from doing many things. in fact, a month, I tried to quit Tai Chi because I didn't like feeling I wasn't the best. But, I hated quitting. Quitting did not fit in with my new vision of myself. It felt uncomfortable and wrong to quit. So I told myself I would write my teacher and if he was the least bit encouraging, I would jump on the chance to go back. I would beg to go back and promise not to quit again. He was warm, gentle and kind, and I went back. Now it is the most rewarding activity in my life. I'm leaning techniques and skills in both Tai Chi and Kung Fu and studying on my own, too, about breathing, Qigong, Ba Gua and other things. It's been the most rewarding physical and mental experience of my life and I know much of that has to so with knowing I overcame my own fears and that I am ready to give my best and be my best. Yes, I am grateful, relieved and inspired.
I had a two month relationship with someone who told me they were moving away on our first date. I continued seeing them even though there was a very close ending in sight. Though, now, I am aware that there was a great lack of substance to the short lived encounter, I "fell," for this person quite hard. Their feelings aren't and were never reciprocated in the course of the two months and a few months subsequent, all while I desperately attempted to maintain contact. I feel deeply hurt and confused and mostly ashamed at my lack of self respect for not walking away very early on when it was clear they didn't feel a connection or make efforts or show interest and excitement in me as a person. I do feel grateful in a way, through the hurt, because this is a lesson I've had to learn and something I've had to examine about my reoccurring behavior for quite a long time.
I had an aha moment in July when I realized that I was going to be in CT for Alex's wedding weeks before the beginning of the fall semester, and with access to a car. It was the perfect opportunity initiate contact with faculty and staff at SHU to set up a time to visit campus to see if I could re-enroll in my bachelor's and complete my thesis. Part of me is proud of taking the step to ask about getting back into school. Part of me feels like I was acting on pure adrenalin and out of necessity, fearing a missed opportunity that I would kick myself for for the rest of my life. How often do I get to CT? How often to I have my own autonomy and use of a car? If I didn't do it that weekend of the wedding, I probably never would have. About a month and a half has passed since my visit to SHU. I've had contact with my thesis advisor, reviewed some of my previous work from years ago, but still have to crack open books and journals to develop my thesis statement and get back into the swing of writing. That's my goal for this week. I still haven't told my family about going back to school and only three of my friends know- Alex, Kate and Kristi. I want to share the good news but I'm afraid that my expectation of their reaction is too high and will be let down by them. I'm also afraid of letting them down by not finishing. So, I need to manage my expectations and manage my time. I'm grateful that Kate brought this up back in last November over my birthday weekend when I was clearly going through a tough time emotionally since my recent breakup from Ben, and again in July when they were visiting for the Billy Joel concert. There's been an ongoing feeling of incompleteness. That when other facets of my life seemingly fall apart or just don't go as planned, there hasn't been a safety net there to remind myself, "Hey, you're ok. Look, just because this one thing in your life is kinda crappy, there are so many other things that make your life pretty awesome: fulfilling career, career advancement opportunities, deep social connections with a network of colleagues and local friends, etc." I've felt like those things have been lacking so I'm working on this one piece that will hopefully open a door that's been dead bolted (by my own will/fear) for quite some time. And that is pretty fucking awesome. Maybe I'll apply to a graduate program and be in school again this time next year. I'm still on the fence about teaching. Is it what I truly want or just that it's been at arms length for so long that I think it's what I want? Financial security concerns me and I wonder if I should choose a more lucrative profession. I think back to my favorite teachers when I was in school and the impact they've had on me, and recalling that I wanted to be like them. We'll see. I think I need to remind myself that there's more than one way to be happy. There isn't only one route and one destination. (Related: I also need to become less caught up worrying about having a good time or contributing to others' having a good time and just *be* present and enjoy.)
I have finally found a combination of three different antidepressants that seems to work for me to control my periods of utter black despair. I have been depressed to a greater or lesser extent for over 40 years, so this is a big deal. I am very grateful to the doctors who got me to this point, but it makes me feel a bit sad that it has taken this long.
Travelling throughout Central and South America was a very significant experience for me in several ways. First, it was incredibly energizing, invigorating and so much fun. It was truly fulfilling a dream I had had for some time. I learned so much -- language, culture, history -- and met incredible friends. I learned how to be self-sufficient and I found it incredibly empowering to feel like I could do anything and go anywhere. And I felt overwhelming gratitude-- first, that I had the opportunity and the time and resources to do this trip, but also grateful for the people and the communities with whom I visited - who shared with and taught me so much, pointed me in the right direction, cooked me delicious meals, helped me get through a logistical challenge. I constantly marveled at how many things seemed to just fall into place and work out.
We have managed to achieve our goal of a major trip in Europe to follow our family roots. It was most amazing better than expected, as my husband said it was like a second honeymoon in our 42 anniversary year
Last year, I lost my job. But also a friend who was my colleague on the same job. After we both lost the job, he ignored me completely. I've tried reach for him a few times, but i got no response. Life lesson: If you really like a person, you try to connect. If the other person doesn't reply (after a few tries), disconnect. Life is too hard to miss the ones who don't miss you.
My father died in May of 2013. It was heartbreaking but a relief at the same time. Heartbreaking because he had Alzheimer's and died of renal failure. Watching him die was worse than watching my mom die the previous year. It was a relief because my sister and I wouldn't have to try to persuade him to move to a memory care facility. He would have felt so betrayed. It was also a relief because watching the Alzheimer's slowly take over was so sad and so painful. He's with Mom now. I loved him, even though our relationship was complicated and full of anger and pain and regret.
I both broke up, and began a reconciliation, with my partner of six (or is it five?) years. I feel grateful and inspired, and a little resigned, as we begin again.
I had been feeling super foggy-headed so I was praying to have my mind back.... Sort of a quiet, desperate prayer. I heard about the book, "the Exercise Cure" and started exercising regularly. My mind is sharper.
I savored traveling to Cookham with my wife to see Stanley Spencer's paintings exhibited in his home village in Berkshire. We took the train from London to Maidenhead and then Cookham, walking across the roads and landscapes we had seen in his art. We took a path around the village and saw how Spencer transformed his reality into his visions on paper and canvas and murals. This helped us better understand how an artist sees what we all see, but how an artist can, inspired or disturbed by life and love and faith or its lack, illustrate it differently, with the insight and depth than our mundane, less-informed or superficial responses. This affected me as I realized how the human reflection on our surroundings and reflections can change how we view them, artists or not. I was grateful to have the chance, waited for most of my life, to travel to Cookham, 6000 miles away, and to visit the setting which dominated Spencer's creations. My wife and I shared a powerful moment together, as we both learned about one of our favorite artists that day.
My first real boyfriend was definitely big. I had my 5 boys in 5 days thanks to tinder, and two months later met my boyfriend. It has shown me how much it takes to be in a relationship and how important it is to love yourself first. "You were beautiful before he said you were." I am extremely grateful for how loved I am (he hasn't said it yet) and how part of a new club I feel, though it feels less genuine because we met online. It has been a total shift of mindset, having to take into consideration someone else's time and feelings. Taking account of friend's feelings is a very different investment than a significant other's. I have spent so much time by myself with non-committal relationships that it's difficult switching to this new one. I am extremely happy though and love learning about myself through this relationship. I love myself more than I did before, especially because I feel appreciated. I have chosen to invest in myself through yoga, reading, and books about happiness. I am consciously choosing to spend my time on things that I enjoy as opposed to things I feel obligated to do. I am choosing where to invest my energy because I only have so much of it. Overall, I am grateful and curious as to how I will move forward, handle challenges with grace, and expand my comfort zone. I am happy, I am loved, I am alive.
Buying a house in the mountains in Colorado, we were very grateful to find such a wonderful place to call home.
My mother turned 60 in April. Back story: My birth father is not a part of ym life in any way and hasn't been since I was 11 and he had an affair with my mom's best friend (his best friend's wife) and my mother finally left him after years of his physical abuse of my sister and I as well as her, on top of his alcoholism and drug abuse. The only person I knew from his side of the family is an uncle I had never met who lived in Orlando. Everyone else had passed away before I was born or when I was too young to remember. My uncle and I had communicated over the years via cards when I was young, and he and my mother would write letters, etc. As I got older, I started building a relationship with my uncle and learning about one another via email. He even sent me $100 when I graduated college, being a more supportive figure in my life than my father had ever been. His wife passed away a few years ago, leaving him and his son (my cousin who I had never had any form of communication or interaction) with no other family at all. I suddenly felt compelled to gain an even deeper connection to these 2 blood relatives, though I had never met them. Since my mom was turning 60, I thought it would be quite special to take her to Disney World. We had never been, and she has not really traveled anywhere before due to income restrictions. I am a single, full-time professional, and decided to save to treat us both on this lavish trip, though unsure how to make it happen. My mother is on Welfare and Disability due to recent hip replacement surgery and I knew she would not be able to contribute. She had not been to any theme parks for a great many years, and had not flown further than one trip from northern California to southern California. I knew this would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for us both. I was very concerned about financing this lavish trip (I myself had never had a true vacation beyond a weekend here or there), but knew I was going to make this work. Since my Uncle lived in Orlando, I reached out and suggested we all meet at last. I figured we would find a way to meet up for dinner while we were out there, or they could join us for a day at the park, etc. To my surprise, my Uncle was not only absolutely down to make the meet up happen, he and my cousin instead gave us the best trip of our entire lives. It turned out my cousin worked at Disney World, something I had no clue about as we had never connected and my Uncle and I only spoke about each other and sometimes my birth father. As a result, my cousin was able to get us free tickets to all of the Disney World parks. I couldn't even believe it. Additionally, my Uncle insisted on paying for our hotel for a full week in Disney World. And they both wanted to join us for the majority of the trip. We were also treated to special VIP line access (great for my mother who was wheelchair bound and had difficulty in the long lines) and VIP seating for fireworks shows and more. I fell apart at this generosity. I couldn't comprehend this kindness and these gifts to my mother and I from family we hardly knew. I found myself writing my uncle back after hearing this news and I could not stop crying. I was beyond grateful and touched by these insane gestures of love. The trip was incredible. my mom told me it was the best time of her whole life. We had an amazing time getting to know my Uncle and cousin over those few days together at Disney World. And we all found something that was lost and missing in each other - human connection, kindness, and family. They had lost their wife/mother; we had lost our father/husband. And together we were able to connect and build relationships and friendships. I was 31, my cousin was 43, my mom and Uncle were both 60, and here we were, meeting, and reaching out, and sharing experiences and loving our old but new family. I will never forget that trip, and my heart swells with gratitude and love. Reach out and make those connections. Family really is everything.
A significant experience I had was the ending of my friendship with Windsor. It has affected me profoundly. I have been so sad and even thought of suicide last month ( not just because of Windsor...). I still don't understand how one can drop a friend after so much intimacy...a flick of the switch and adios to a relationship. I did learn from this. Certainly there were many, many signs of his inconsistency that I chose to ignore. How could I do that to myself? I was so weak. So now I want to work on my integrity...to make sure if I tell myself that something is amiss, even if I feel torn about leaving, I need to examine the wrong and see it for what it is and think of the consequences of staying with someone with such negative behaviour. There is no relief. Only a healing scar and anger. I feel mistrustful now. Definitley resentful. I no longer even long for a life partner. I'm ok being single. And I do feel inspired about working on self honesty -- if it smells bad, it most likely is rotten. Why delude myself that it still could be gtood to eat. Oh. And my anger. I wish I'd been calmer and not so reactive. This has taught me to take a few minutes to become calm again and the knowledge that this takes practice. So I am interested in meditation and Buddhist philosophies now that suggest that we try to stay in the now -- the only moment that really exists. It also helps not to speak or write to someone out of anger.... I'm in a calmer place now but the anger is still there. I'm not in that place yet to calmly and lovingly speak to him about his behaviour but I'm enjoying the feelings of getting more and more peaceful.
I got to spend meaningful time with my oldest child away from the day to day shuffle of daily life... I am grateful
My third daughter got married to her college honey after an 8 year courtship. I am grateful and relieved and joyful-- I see them both make the other so happy and at peace. I have worried that their evangelical church would affect their partnership but I think they will be who they are regardless.
The whole moving to another state getting away from work drama No, we're staying, learn to cope, sell the house and find another one FAST mess. That was significant. And enduring. And tiring. And a roller coaster. Now that I'm thru it, I'm grateful. I knew during the ride to Let go. Let God. But that is of course easy analytically, and difficult emotionally. Hopeful. Stressed. Eager. Worried. Nervous. And now, quite pleased. Glad to be here. Glad I have my friends close by. So blessed at how the house(s) turmoil resolved itself. Thank you Lord!
The death of my ex husband and father of my children It was horrific and life altering in the worst way. I'm resentful that he's no longer here to parent our children and that he's left to raise them alone.
In May I graduated with my master's degree. While I'm proud that I competed the program I do regret taking a job immediately after graduation. I'm not happy with the job.
I went to Israel and eastern Europe this summer. The experience changed me and how I look at Judaism forever. We went to Auschwitz and what was left of the Warsaw ghetto. When we landed in Israel for the first time, I felt like I was home even though I'm not a citizen of Israel. I would really like to go back to Israel within my life time.
I moved in with my girlfriend of two years and couldn't be happier with the decision.
I had a very surgery on May 12, 2014 that I thought would be easy - it was a repair to my urethra to remove mesh that had eroded into it. It tuned out to be a far more complicated surgery than expected and I went home with a foley catheter for nearly a month. The foley was more painful than the surgery! I developed a UTI an then asthmatic bronchitis and the severe coughing irritated the position of the foley. I had always been a person who could tolerate a significant amount of pain but I discovered that I was no longer that person. I had great difficulties enduring those weeks with foley and subsequently I lost all the ground I had gained with the pelvic floor physical therapy. I was ferociously incontinent of urine and this so upset me that it affected every aspect of my life and my relationship with my boyfriend. I could not go far or socialize much due to incontinence and I stopped drinking more water due to that but I need to drink the water as I only have one kidney. Due to my pulmonary function, my doctor told me no more more surgery until I can lose at least 40 lbs due to the risk of dying on the table. I became even more despondent. There were many other factors going on with my boyfriend and our living situation and having to move and finally I realized I was moving into the beginning of a depression and I was having anxiety attacks and almost a panic attack. I finally saw my doctor yesterday on 9/23 (she is Hassidic) and was placed on anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety. I am a retired psy nurse and felt that I was at the point where I needed some medication. It took me a while to ask as this has been going on for months. I don't know if I am grateful or not. I know the spiritual thing to say is to be grateful for all illnesses and challenges as it helps us to grow and be stronger but I don't feel that way at present. I guess I do resent the incontinence but have been told that it is all related to my mental attitude and my thinking and that I could turn this around without the need for further surgery. I am not sure if I believe it all .....but those close around me whom I trust believe it. Do I feel inspired? right now I'm too tired and too negative to feel much of anything. I have been slowing losing pleasure in things that used to always give me pleasure like swimming....in psy terms that's called Anedonia. I had forgotten the phrase and just remembered. In spite of all of this, I still county my blessings. I have a wonderful partner in life who is the sweetest man. I have good friends who love and respect me. I know I can become easily despondent and I try to fight this. I have lost 3 very close and special friends since January 2014...the last being a week ago on 9/17 and a beloved friend of 37 years on June 28th. I think of them often. I am inspired by the bravery of others I know now personally dealing with health crises far greater than me and then I feel ashamed for my feelings , ashamed that I am not as strong or resilient as I used to be. I know that I've always been very hard on myself and I guess this is no exception.
I was laid off at the first of the year, and just began working again. The journey back to employment brought up so many feelings. I was initially relieved, as I didn't much like my job, and I'd be able to collect unemployment, and regroup. However, I also felt embarrassed at losing my job, and found myself less and less motivated to find new employment. The more I didn't use my time well, the worse I felt. When my unemployment ended, I still didn't have work. I was very depressed for several months. And, when an opportunity for a great job came up during that time, I found myself unable to apply. I felt inadequate. I was baffled that I couldn't achieve my own goals and desires - I realized that while raising my kids, I'd always managed to keep it together for them, and I was so sad that I couldn't seem to pull it together just for myself. I'm relieved that I'm working now, and I really want to unravel more of the complicated reasons why I got so stuck.
I was voted in as the Chairperson of my local Roller Derby League. This means I am now responsible for 40 women, and associated officials, and our League 'brand'. It's a mixed blessing - while I feel honoured that the girls chose me to represent them, the added stress has negatively affected my health. Add to that, a group of skaters, led by an ex-Chair, left the league and formed a breakaway league... my diplomatic skills have never been tested like this before! While I've learned a tonne about people management and organisational politics, and it's a wonderful thing to put on my CV, I'm really torn about standing for a second term, because: 1) The stress is pretty major 2) I'd like a second term to 'do it right'; 3) I really don't think I'm the best person for it; 4) There may not be anyone else. I'm leaning towards not standing, since I have other things I need to focus on.
Almost a year ago my son and the woman he loves had a baby, which means I have a new and completely delightful grandson. I have two daughters who each have two children ranging in age from twelve to eight who are, though we live in different cities, a huge part of my life. I visit, hear their stories and thrill at their passions, personalities and how each of them has their own distinct preferences, talents and desires. I also love that they all love one another. They've met their new baby cousin, which was a real treat for them. The treat for me is that I have our newest babe a taxi ride away ~ a little one who is funny and adventurous and still trying on new behaviors and abilities and who brings joy to my heart and puts a huge smile on my face without leaving town, though I will be going to visit my daughters and grand kids soon and can hardly wait.
I won a major book award for a book I struggled long and hard to write and publish. It was incredible to have the affirmation after such a long haul.
I had my first post-college relationship. It was amazing while it was happening, but nearly broke me when it ended. Still, I'm glad I got the chance to love someone so deeply.
On April 28th of this year my mother passed away. The manner in which she departed this earth was unexpected and shocking. How did this affect me? How didn't it? Initially, I found myself feeling incredibly heartbroken, abandoned, guilty, misguided, confused... do I go on? Just compound the aforementioned with a plethora of negative, emotionally charged adjectives and there I am: a tornado wild with feelings. I should have been a better daughter, I should have been more supportive, I should have picked up on some of the things she had said, I should have been enough for her. But in situations like this, one can't think I, I, I. How narcissistic. Remember: Her decision. Her choice. Her grief. I, I don't understand it, but I am learning to respect it and I am learning to cry and scream and talk about her even when I know that it's making someone uncomfortable because their discomfort with death and suicide doesn't trump the fact that I had a mother, that she existed, that she lived once, and that she loved me totally and completely and that love still courses through my veins. I found (and continue to find) myself surrounded by people who love me, receive words of wisdom, guidance, encouragement. They say, "You are strong." I hear the words grinding in my bones when I feel my heart race, legs shake, and all my mind and body can stand to do is to crumble and let the sadness drown me . . . but I still stand. The strength I have found in myself this year is her strength, the love I feel for those around me is her love, the confidence and energy to continue to keep myself moving on are all characteristics that are so clearly inherent, from her. I am strong. There are people who love me. There are people that I love. I need to remain strong, to be solid, to be present, to allow myself to feel happy, to care, to be kind, to strive for excellence, to make her proud.
The most significant experience that has happened to me in the past year is my mother's death. She'd been in failing health for some time, with a live in companion/caregiver for 4 years. Because of that caregiver, it had become increasingly difficult to visit Mom. The last time I saw her was between Thanksgiving and Christmas. She died on Jan. 8, 2014, in an intermediate care facility. She'd been there for just one day, transferred from the hospital after a brief illness. They'd hoped to help her build up a bit of strength before going home. But between assessment appointments she died. It's given me a lot of work to do. My brother, whose health isn't great (he missed Mom's funeral because he was in the hospital with pneumonia), and I own the house Mom lived in. Getting the caregiver to move out was our first task - that took a couple months. At the end of March, we were ready to work on the house. My son, youngest daughter, and I spent weeks of Mondays (my regular day off) cleaning the house out, room by room. We got to know the guys who receive donations at the thrift store. We hauled broken and dirty things to the landfill. We moved many boxes of photos & keepsakes to my house. The youngest daughter lived in the house for a few weeks, deep cleaning the place. Over the summer, we got down to repairs. And painting every room. And removing the ratty carpet in the bedrooms - which revealed hard wood floors! Soon we'll be ready to put it on the market to sell. I'm a little resentful that my brother hasn't been able to help more. But I know he would help if he could. I'm grateful to have had my mother for so long - she was 88 when she died. Today is my 57th birthday. She lived to see all her grandchildren grow up. She saw 5 great-grandchildren (my niece's children) born. She saw my son married. She's not around to see that his wife has left him, and they seem headed for divorce. I have no living parents now. The only links to my father are an uncle and an aunt, the only links to my mother are 5 cousins - other than my brother. I have become the older generation.
In the past year I changed positions at a new job, and I was recognized as an employee of the month within this Company. The other significant thing that happened was that I bought a house. this was thanks to my mother doanting the deposit, I can never be more thankful to her than I currently am.
On this day one year ago, I finished my chemo therapy and my one year journey of treatment for breast cancer. My cancer journey affected me in giving me perspective on my strengths. I am grateful to be healthy after completing the journey, for the friends and family that supported me and that I did not have any of the profound side effects from the array of treatments. I am relieved to be finished with this journey and know I will be healthier because of it.
The place I work experienced huge organizational change, which included significant layoffs. I am angry and hurt, but also just so tired. I am also hopeful that because this is such a big change, maybe it will lead to something great for me down the road that I just can't see yet.
Unfortunately this year has been quite dull. Although I had fun hanging out with friends and doing typical things, nothing too new/exciting has happened. I am kind of stuck in a rut this year. It has been financially stressful and emotionally stressful. I also got into my first official car accident this year, which sucks. I hope next year is better.
It was necessary to put my partner (with advanced dementia) into a nursing home. I am relieved. I still feel as though I need to watch out for her. I visit the nursing home every 2nd or 3rd day.
I moved home from texas. I'm grateful to be home, but I've also changed. I like being alone more. My independence is a huge part of me. I don't have time for mundane and trivial things. I'm less patient. Bolder.
Jp: my close friend, aged only 55, died of cancer. I find it hard to believe. I'm surprisingly not angry. I dream of him. I guess I am disturbed. Np:my daughter held an amazing surprise party for me and my girlfriends. I felt overwhelmed and perhaps not worthy. Rs: the celebration of my life at the museum last week with so many people wishing me well just before my 86th. I have a continuing feeling of appreciation; I was surprised.
In the past year I have been mourning the death of my husband Reg, who died on June 11, 2013. I have tried to come to terms with his passing, to be comforted by my faith, by my son and my family, and to learn to live without the man who was a part of my life for over 40 years. I am grateful for the love and support I have received, but the loss of my husband is the most traumatic event I have ever experienced.
I have had so many life changing experiences in the past year it is hard to pick just one. 1. Purchased my first home 2. Started a new partnership 3. Started a new job 4. Friendship evolved into a relationship 5. Coworkers became close friends It has been life altering. I am relieved, excited, anxious, exhausted, inspired, accomplished, driven, but above all else I am grateful for these experiences. It has been the most pivotal year thus far and I feel very blessed to have those around me to share this with me and help me acheive these moments that I will never forget.
My grandson was born. When I was a child, I didn't think I would ever love anyone as much as my parents. Then I had my daughter and I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I love her. When Trystan was born, I knew my love had come full circle, and now I know how it feels to have lived a life filled with love.
Working for labor ready. It was the most significant experience I've had in a long time. I am grateful because they kept calling me back by name and that was reaffirming and made me feel good about who I am.
I got diagnosed with Breast Cancer which gave me the impetus to restore a broken relationship. It made me learn to challenge my fear and learning the meaning of self forgiveness. I am both resentful and inspired.
I got married this past year. The planning, the process, the event. It was really emotional and intense at times, but ultimately was such a fun and awesome experience. I won't forget walking up to the chuppah. Knees were shaking. The bedeken ceremony and seeing how happy she was, and how much crying was going on. How much we were IN the moment. Everything was so surreal but also so grounded and happy. Was great to spend time with friends and live it like we dreamed. I'm feeling really grateful that I have an amazing and caring wife. We're silly together. She hugs and kisses me all the time. She's mine. I am hers.
I left my job that was making me feel frustrated and doubting my self worth. It was a scary leap of faith because I didn't have another job lined up but I had faith that something I could love would come along. I'm so glad I did because I was able to get a job in education, which I have been interested in since childhood, and it has been one of my favorite all-time jobs.
Our company had an external safety audit which could have affected our ability to work for certain companies and which could have had a negative effect on the company and its employees if we did not pass; fortunately, we passed the audit. I was extremely relieved. I was extremely stressed by this event and, in retrospect, I was somewhat bipolar in how I handled the audit. I am upset that I let some things slip and get to the point where I was uncertain that we would pass in certain areas of the audit, and that I, in a very literal sense, could have done more to insure that we would pass. Essentially, I procrastinated to the point where I couldn't possibly get everything I needed done and/or looked after and was crossing my fingers. On the other hand, I am glad that I was able to stick it through to the end as I wasn't 100% certain I was going to make it. Now on to bigger and better things.
My husband died in February after a year long illness. It was sad and many times it felt so futile. I was grateful that he was able to remain at home and make the transition to death in his own bed with me and the dogs at his side. I was relieved that he was not suffering anymore and a bit guilty that I felt released. Now 7 months later I have driven across the country round trip and spent the summer with my family on the east coast. I plan to spend the next few months deciding what to do next.
Achieved a state of calm like I haven't experienced -- literally -- in decades. Grateful, somewhat relieved, somewhat happy.
Funny, it's been almost exactly a year ago now that I started working in Hattiesburg, which is an hour and a half from my home...which means that for the majority of the week, I don't live in my own space with my husband, my puppies, and my things. I tell myself that it's OK - lots of people have commuter marriages, that this is a reality of the world that we live in and that we have friends who work off-shore, which means that spouses (usually the husband) are gone for weeks at a time - at least we get to see each other on the regular. But I hate it. Almost every minute of it, I hate it. I hate that the State of Mississippi is so damn cheap that school districts closer to where I live can't afford to hire me. I hate that I can't find a job that pays anywhere near as much as what I'm making here. Don't get me wrong: I'm grateful to have a job. That month without it was hard, and the memory of June - December 2011 is still relatively fresh and new in my mind. I still fucking hate it.
I stopped keeping my distance from my co workers at my job. I always kept to myself when my children were home but now that they are away at college, I decided to attend some of my friend's parties, plays, events and dinners. I stopped declining invitations. How did it affect me? I was surprised at how I felt about my co workers. I never knew how much I cared about them. It opened my eyes to be more accepting of others and to believe the best of others.
My wife and I went to the Antarctic this January. It was a trip of a lifetime. Apparently, only 1 in each 1.5 million on earth ever set foot on the Antarctic land. The continent is like none other on earth, and it is contrast on contrast. We went from brilliant sun and snow to overcast and ice floes. We were nose to nose with seals and penguins. It is so extreme there, there are no plants - no grass, no trees. Yet life thrives there notwithstanding. Huge mammals like Weddell Seals and the gigantic Humpback Whales thrive on tiny krill. Underwater, in salt water temps below the temp of ice cubes freezing, life is slow moving but still apparent and in its slow way, eloquent. We also got out of the ship when we "parked" on the ice shelf and walked about with a few penguins in this grey and frozen landscape where there was no horizon to discern. It was quiet and profound. Life under our Creator finds a way ... always. Whether is is people like Shacklelton's crew who scratched out a miraculous life until rescue, or the sweet-faced seal whose nose was a few feet away from mine, creatures great and small have found a way to carve out a life. It gave me even greater respect for all living things, and the Grand Designer who made these things thrive in the puzzle of life.
Living in Saco was depleting my reserves to dangerous levels and I had to take action on my own behalf before I became ill, physically or mentally. I changed my mind about a commitment and moved our family back to Portland. Its ok to change your mind, and accept help.
My department at work was reorganized and our management changed. Nobody lost their job and I am thankful but, it was an anxious time for everyone the first 6 months. I kept focused on the work that needed doing despite the reorg and was recognized with a promotion. I am grateful for the work ethic my parents taught me.
Dad had another stint in the hospital this year. It was quite frightening. He was found to have complete renal failure. It required surgery, a week long stay in hospital, and daily home care from a visiting nurse when he was finally allowed to go home. The emergency situation terrified him. He told me so. We talked about it extensively, not extensively for the average family, but extensively for the two of us. Personally, I was a tense, anxious mess for a few weeks. We don't get along so well. There's a terrible history between us that's not forgotten. Too much has happened. But I do genuinely want him to heal and change for the better. I hope he wants that too. Time will tell.
I'm pretty grateful I finally made my dream come tue: travel to the US. Now I'm more engaged to keep going learning the English language
I have not had any particular significant experience in the past year. Nothing extraordinary in a single event. That is not a bad thing. The few people close to me have been good for me (and I for them, I hope). I have met several people who have enriched my life in some ways. I have continued to be mostly healthy and mostly hard-working. Geez, I haven't bought a new house, a new car, gone on vacation or anything like that. I suppose I am boring, and that is fine. And, yes, I am grateful for that. Very grateful.
One of the most significant things doesn't have a true date or time I could pin down. It would be when I truly began to train myself in the gym. I wasn't going just to go or to lose weight. I was going because I want to be strong, I want to be healthy, and because I finally started liking myself. The confidence I get from throwing heavy shit around and lifting it up and down is astonishing. I know that I can take on anything. I know that I am a better and happier wife/mother/friend/person. I like myself. That's my moment.
My unmarried daughter with mental health issues and learning disabilities decided to have a baby. It was devastating news for many reasons, including that we were still supporting her financially and she has a strong sense of entitlement. Once pregnant, that became an excuse for not working, for bad behavior that was in reality similar to pre-pregnancy. It caused a lot of stress about finances and her ability to be a parent. She never considered the impact on us. Resentful. Now the baby is here, and I adore her. Loving the baby once it was here was never the issue, but all the surrounding responsibilities and drama were really taking a toll. It's early days, but it seems my daughter is stepping up to the plate and thus far being responsible. Relieved. I have wanted to be a grandmother, and this little girl is so beautiful and precious. Grateful. I realize that my husband and I have to be the role models and providers of intellectual stimulation and education, and I must be the role model for cultivating any sense of a spiritual life. I am discovering insights and ways to do those things that will also bring me joy. Inspired. And waiting to see how it turns out.
I went to see a Reiki healer and she opened doors I didn't know were even closed. That hour was life-changing. Since that afternoon, I've cleaned up the potholes that I allowed others to make in my soul, started looking for God - still not sure there -, had straight up conversations with the people I thought were heros to me, and confronted a long ago suicide attempt. I am a happy soul and have started taking care of me, even though my mommy/wife guilt still show up on my radar. I am grateful and inspired and scared, but ultimately know that it's my only life. I have lots of years to go and I get decide how they go.
My husband lost his job 10 months ago. That one thing has completely changed MY life. At first I was worried for our family. And then I thought, "A door closes and a door opens" (thinking of him, his doors). But the door that opened was for me. I realized I was ready to start a new chapter in my life and recreated myself. Things have unfolded very organically, but whereas 10 months ago I was a stay-at-home mom homeschooling my kids with no plans to work, I now have a full-on creative business online and in person. I am teaching four art classes a week, renting a studio, posting my art online, attracting attention, meeting new people, inspiring them, helping them own their inner artists...and more. This new work, this door I walked through, is a perfect combination of all the strands of who I am. I never planned it. I didn't dream it all my life. It just happened and it happened because one door closed and another door opened. I'm excited. Scared. Grateful. Very grateful. I feel very full and like I am living a very abundant life right now. Anything is possible.
Husband and I took our 14 yr old granddaughter on a trip to paris and province . It was an opportunity to build a relationship with her and have a more intimate experience. Now when we see her she has a big smile on her face and is glad to see us.
In the past year I experienced many meaningful events. But the one that seems to stick was when I went to my home town with my sister to celebrate my dads 80th birthday. Dad is a lonely man who has pushed almost everybody out of his life, but he loves deeply and almost painfully and he is in a form of pain he cannot recognize in his current circumstances. We didn't do much together, and it was a short trip. But he filled up with love and joy before my eyes. He made me feel special and I felt capable of making another person happy. That was unexpected, and i cherish it.
I became vegan. It gave me new perspective on food, health, and ethics. I'm truly grateful to the curiosity that led me to learn more and make this change.
My very elderly aunt, my late father's only living sibling asked my cousin to bring her to my home for a visit. This was a year since my mother passed.It was a long trip for them. I felt honored, loved, comforted and grateful.
The suicide of our daughter-in-law six months ago was devestatting. It has made me rethink all the beliefs I held about suicide, depression, survivor guilt and faith. It will reonate and continue to impact our family in ways I can't begin to forsee.
Jamie, Andrew, Allie and I went on a Mediterranean cruise for the kids' 16th birthday. It was significant because the kids turned 16, we went to some fascinating and beautiful places, and because we were together for 10 days without everyday life keeping us from enjoying the time and each other. I am very grateful that we are able to afford such luxuries and are able to take the time to enjoy them. I am grateful that, no matter what happens in the future, we had that time and we have those memories. I'm relieved that we were able to spend the time together before the kids start driving and spend a lot more time away from home. I am inspired because I spent time with the people I love and admire most of all. Even though I've always known it, I am inspired by how intelligent, quick, open-minded, kind and funny the people closest to me are. They make me want to be all those things, too.
My son confronted me about his continued resentment about my remarriage, and his hurt, and entitlement, unwillingness to accept my new family. I am sad dissapointed, and in a way relieved to hear him at least voice his angst.
I left a 10 year job and to work in a field I completely know nothing about! It's a chance for me to be with family more- to be close to home and to be more involved with my kids. I've been able to be with them in the mornings, evenings, weekends and holidays. I am grateful that a friend, who barely knows me or my work ethics, vouched for me (someone without experience) for the position. I hope to be able to repay or pay the good karma forward. I am challenged and rewarded with the fact that I'm surviving in my new "unknown" world.
I met Mark. It has changed me in that I am in a loving, MATURE, committed relationship. No more "man-boys". No childish games. I love him more than anything. I am incredibly grateful that I met him. He is the most patient, caring understanding man that I have ever met.
My partner and I bought a house! It is a mixed bag emotionally. Scary. Exciting. Proud. Guilty. It seems like a major accomplishment and like selling all the way out. But it happened!
I sold my house and moved with my mother and daughter from Reading to Natick with my boyfriend and his daughters. It was a difficult transition but now I am grateful and glad I made the leap of faith.
In the past year at age 58, I obtained my license to be a clinical mental health counselor thus making me dually licensed (few months prior licensed alcohol and drug counselor). One, means I can actually support myself and my family doing what I love. Was able to get a better job, working with people I enjoy working with, and working with all ages of clients. I am grateful that I was able to do this, stay the course, returning to school at 50 to get my masters and then working very entry level jobs to get supervision hours. No resentments. Inspired - every day. Life is hard and as Adrienne Rich wrote, "...we can count on so few people to go the hard way with us." I am honored to be a part of others process.
A dear cousin/confidant/friend committed suicide. I was extremely sad. At the same time, I was relieved she was out of the chronic pain she had suffered for many years. My cousin had devoted half of her life to a job she disliked for much of that time. Her health problems and suicide made me question the high priority I have given my work. My family and friends seem more precious to me and yet I am still prioritizing them after my work. How do I change this without becoming a burden to the people I love? This is a question I put to Hashem and that I take into the new year.
My mother died two weeks ago today. I am sad but also relieved and thankful that she did not suffer. I miss her and feel that I have seen her in a new light now that I am mature and I reflect upon her whole life. She was an adventuresome, independent and strong woman who influenced me greatly in ways I only now recognize.
A significant experience that occurred in the last year is moving to Australia to study! I'm so excited to become a teacher, I feel motivated and happy to reach out to students and learn how to become a better teacher! Next week I'll be on prac and I'll be getting firsthand experience with Australian students.
Three huge experiences in the last year: First, I quit my job at NCPHS. The job itself was a perfect fit for me, but the management was horrifically dysfunctional and crazy-making, and was taking a huge emotional toll on my life. I tallied up my finances and quit. After having huge stress every week, my Chinese doctor said "Stress almost normal" the week after I quit. I felt hugely relieved. Event 2: I bought the first new car in my life. It symbolizes so much -- I started re-building my credit over a year ago with a personal secured loan from my credit union, so I was able to get a loan. The credit union also provided a car buying service, which made the whole thing easy as it could be. I love, love, love my new car, and named her TOA, for Triumph Over Adversity. Event 3: I wrote a book. It is in revisions, but I completed the first of Runaway Rembrandt and went to the Mystery Writers Conference at Book Passages, then blazed through a second draft. I also saw three agents, one of whom wants to see the novel when I get it ready for publication! A very triumphant year.
This is a looong story: A subordinate complained to my manager that I was excluding her. Whilst my Manager was on my "side" (my subordinate is a known nutcase, and has made a number of similar complaints about other colleagues - yet has never seen the common link... ie HER), working in a government organisation meant that we has to follow the proper procedure for dealing with complaints. It was a long, arduous, and very stressful process; it almost went to Industrial Relations (meaning a permanent mark on my HR file) When I was *finally* allowed to hear her actual evidence for her complaint and & defend myself - it turned out to stem from something that went back 2yrs (an issue that we had already come to blows over and I (& my Manager!) thought had been dealt with. All the other "evidence" she gave was flimsy and insubstantial, and I was able to show without a doubt that I had not excluded her, and she was just trying to stir up trouble. The upshot of it all was two fold: On the one hand, I was personally and professionally shattered - I was questioning my own integrity. I was also terrified of being branded a bully - not that the words were said, but it was her implication - and my self esteem was so non-existent that I was worried that my colleagues would believe her. On the other hand, it forced me to re-evaluate my priorities in the workplace and life. It awoke me to the knowledge that I want more from my life; having such a personal crisis opened up my mind/heart/soul and I was able to see how unfulfilled I am in current job. It gave me the opportunity to look deep within and try to find out what I need to be doing to make me truly happy. I was (and still am - this only happened last month!) quite resentful that a jealous old ladies paranoid fantasies impacted on my life so much. But it was also the kick up the bum that I needed to make positive changes to my career and to my life
My boyfriend of three years moved up to Boston to start grad school, and now we are finally living together after nine months of long distance. I'm proud that we got through this challenge so successfully, relieved that we're on the other side of it, and beyond excited to be starting this next chapter of our lives together.
I saw Foster the People with my dear bf "Gil Faison." I have never been to a better concert. I knew all the words and danced my heart out and I wasn't even self-conscious about it. Mark Foster is just amazing. He does little groovy dances onstage to get into the music and I was just beside myself 17 times becus I just couldn't hold any more excitement and fullness and joy. The whole day hangin out in Columbus with a cool cat was also a highlight. It made me feel grateful and inspired. The end.
I made a goal to take charge of my health. I started eating healthy and I am 50lbs lighter than my heaviest weight and so far have dropped over 30lbs. I am grateful to give this gift to myself, because for the first time I do not feel socially awkward. I am more sure of myself. I am inspired to continue this journey, because I feel confident and that confidence is being reciprocated. This change has given me hope again to find love, build a strong career, and built a family. I feel like I am on a journey to change my life and can envision life successes as being possible.
This year I quit my teaching job after 12 years of being there full-time, and to start my own business. It was very scary and took me a long time to finally come to this decision, but has been a wonderful experience and very invigorating. All of my loved ones, friends and colleagues completely supported this decision, which only helped to reinforce that this was the right time to do it. I am relieved, inspired, excited, scared, and uncertain, but not at all regretful. This experience has given me the courage to take even more risks, and has shown me that patience and perseverance will result in many open doors. My challenge now is to keep pushing forward into the unknown!
10 months ago I married the love of my life. After 7 years together we tied the knot. It was an unbelievable experience. Planning together. Making decisions together. Negotiating. Negotiating with others. All the while keeping our eyes on the prize, not the party, but the commitment. I'm lucky to have such an amazing partner who I work so well with. I am so grateful to have gone through this experience. A truly once in a lifetime experience.
In the past year I have had many significant experiences but the most significant was my realization that remaining in the moment at all times was the only way to be grateful, relieved, resentful or inspired about any "significant" experience. Otherwise, you lose the experience even if you don't think that you have. So when I get this 10Q back next year, I will measure my progress of living in the present moment. It is a long, slow journey but one which leaves me extremely grateful, relieved, inspired but never resentful. After all, life just is, there is nothing to resent, but that realization also comes with great practice!
I got a promotion! Seven months after formally requesting it - 15 years after my last title promotion - and hearing NO response - my requested promotion came through - along with a nice healthy raise. Grateful - yes relieved - yes suddenly aware of new responsibilities which I had not actually foreseen - also yes.
I went to Africa for the first time. And completely alone. I was only there for 5 days but it reminded me of how independent I am and how kickass that can be, especially when I was 6 hours away from the capital of Ethiopia, on a boat in the middle of a lake, and within 100 yards of wild hippos. It reminded me I need to take care of myself and do things for me, in addition to all I do for others. It's something I tend to forget, so holding on to an experience like this helps me center (or try to center) on how I want to have some balance in my life.
I realized that I was letting others take advantage of my professional insecurities. I recognized the behavior and worked with someone to help me believe in my worth. I am very grateful to the person who helped me work through this issue as well as relieved that I have overcome this major obstacle to finding meaningful work that compensates me appropriately.
My father-in-law died this past summer. He was an incredible man. Father to 5 boys, he was a great force. He never called me his daughter-in-law, but rather his daughter. My siblings and myself have never gotten along with our father, and my father-in-law was all the things in a father that I needed and had been lacking. In a very short period of time-while he lay dying in the hospital and during the shiva-I learned tremendous life lessons: about myself, about my family, about my husband and his father. I remember the minutes after he died, calling my best friend and wondering, does the world know what kind of human being it lost today? It made look at the life I live in a different way. To take a step back and look at it from the perspective of other people; how other people live their lives and why. But mostly it made realize how important family and friends and a community really are in a person's life. I was inspired to not be scared of the things I would normally be otherwise; for instance, having more children. Because my father-in-law was the person that he was, he inspired me and will continue to inspire to always be the best person I can be. To do the right thing. To give to other people and to learn.
I started to run. I wanted something for myself, a new set of life goals. You know, at a certain point in your life, you begin to realize that you stop naturally achieving things in the progression of life. You go to high school, your sweet 16, you graduate, you become an adult, you go to college, you graduate, you marry, you have kids. Then, for the most part, these automatic achievements just start to fade. I always had goals within the list above, but that's easy. Since I had achieved all that, I wanted to do something different, something for myself. So I did. I signed up for a race. I started small, and kept going. Last weekend, I finished my first 10k. Next spring? My first half-marathon. I'm not fast, exactly, but I'm determined. This is the first time in a long time I've stuck with a goal plan. I "hate" running as much as I love it, but it empowers me and makes me feel alive. I can feel all parts of my body moving in sync to make this happen, and it's truly a beautiful thing. I am grateful, I am inspired, and I am empowered. It's a simple physical activity, but I have been mentally and physically transformed.
I moved from Seattle to New Orleans in March. I left behind good friends. I also left behind a bad, off-again-on-again relationship that was emotionally very, very painful and toxic. I am...... dead inside. I miss my friends often. Some are visiting me but after six months here, I love the city but feel very alone. I don't have anyone 'close' here. I'm not sorry I moved, though I wonder if things might've levelled out if I didn't. I wonder about a relationship with someone else working out, if I'd stayed. And I wonder if I shouldn't have left my ex but also feel he should no longer be my responsibility if he could not be there for me emotionally. I am grateful for my freedom, but being totally untethered is scary sometimes. And sometimes very sad.
I quit my job and I feel relieved and relaxed.
Jesus christ, a significant experience? I met and hung out with Emo Phillips, a comedian I grew up listening to since middle school. I'm incredibly grateful and inspired by how gracious and kind he was.
The death of my brother-in-law, at age 53, from a drug overdose. It has been a profound source of sadness at points, for me. But for the most part, it has affected me indirectly through my husband, who lost someone whom he had a complicated relationship with, who he loved and who he has grieved for deeply. I am grateful to have known him, but regretful that I did not get to know him better and resentful that he did not allow me or my children to know him better.
My mother died two months shy of her 102nd birthday; having mixed emotions - some relief in that she obviously was suffering near the end, and some guilt in that I only saw her about once a year (we lived 1700 miles apart), and she passed away while I was stranded in an airport on my way to see her one last time...
I've fallen in love twice this year. Both times I told the girl how I felt about her and both times my feelings were unrequited. I'm getting used to this, sadly. The first time, I kinda knew the response I'd get. She doesn't really do boys. But I thought I had to tell her all the same. I figured it would help us both out: it would stop me living in doubt and it might be nice for her confidence to know how lovely she is. I'm grateful that I had the courage to do it instead of stewing on it in painful doubt for months. I'm relieved to have an answer. I'm saddened that it was a "no", but at least I know. I dealt with it by talking about it with two close friends. One of them challenged me to ask another person out. So I did. I asked out this other girl that I'd met through work at the beginning of the year. I liked her immediately, but I figured she was so lovely she was bound to have a boyfriend, so I didn't do anything about it at the time. The challenge from my friend helped me. It gave me a reason just to take the plunge. I asked her out and she said yes. We had 5 lovely dates together and after the fifth, I told her how I felt about her. She wanted some time to think about it, but the signs weren't good. Indeed they weren't. She was quite upset when she told me that she wasn't in the right place at the moment and couldn't give me what I want. This was harder for me to accept because I'd got my hopes up, but I do accept it - even if I don't agree with it. To be honest, I still have (very) faint hopes it's not over, but I know that's not fair on her. We've agreed not to talk to each other, but we still have occasional contact on social media and email. I was saddened by this and it made me grumpy for a few days after we'd agreed not to talk to each other. I'm mourning the loss of the future I'd imagined together. Again, I worry that I take things too far and fantasize about a future in my head instead of living in the real world. I'm trying to smile because it happened rather than cry because it's over. It certainly was a lovely way to spend the spring and early summer and I'm grateful for the wonderful time we had together.
I'm on my second post-graduation job. I spent all that time hoping to be employed, and now that I am, I wish I weren't. The contradictory human condition.
The most significant experience in the past year was the death of my mother. Her physical absence from my life can never be measured but I am grateful for her unconditional love which I will carry with me always.
The biggest thing was getting married, and the events leading up to it - working hard on being radically honest, and finding unexpected grace.
I was very lucky to spend two whole days speaking to people who have succeeded in my field. It made all of my goals and ambitions more reachable but also lit a fire under my ass to push myself even harder. But it made all these things I want more tangible. I have been working on a film for two years and it has been a bit of a drag sometimes pushing through it day-by-day, but I can't help but realize that after these days, I was able to more clearly see that it was all reachable and tangible.
My first unplanned pregnancy at 32-years-old in May/June. I don't think I'll ever forget this, so in a year I imagine it'll still be fresh to me to think of it. The sperm in question came from someone I believed I'd spend my life with. Only a few short months later, he bailed on the relationship claiming that though he loved me and only me, he'd come to the uneasy realization that to achieve his career dreams (which would keep him on the road), he'd have to let our relationship go. What an asshole. I'd had an abortion earlier, when we were new and shiny and I didn't see that coming. Now that he's gone, I don't blame him for that, at least no more than I blame myself. Sometimes you do everything right, and still things go wrong. Chalk it up to bad timing for all of it. I don't have regrets. I am though, fascinated by the experience of it from a personal standpoint. And politically, maddeningly upset that women are subjected to the judgement, bullying and downright harassment I was grateful to avoid for making the same choice I did. I also wonder if I'm too old now to ever be presented with the decision again, now that he's gone and I turn 33 this month.
The death of a dear colleague and mentor has brought about feelings of regret for not getting to know him better, and sharpened my sense of the ephemerality of our existance.
The Camino. It helped me to remember how to experience life with effortless gratitude. To experience the joy and simplicity of living - the beauty of being in nature all day, the appreciation of moving one's body, flowing in and out of social interactions, belonging to a loose group of worldly citizens - all doing the same thing. Walking, discovering, being. I loved it. I even loved myself. There was none of the 'if only I change this, life will be so much better.' It was just as it was. Not every moment wonderful, of course. There was lonliness, sometimes alienation, sometimes feeling 'old', sometimes feeling 'apart'. But it passed and there was plenty of the other - belonging, feeling competent and able. I am so grateful to have had the experience.
Three weeks ago I retired. 4 days later my husband was diagnosed withParkinson's Disease. These two events of both joy and loss have been the two most significant events in the past year, perhaps in my entire life. The intense and opposing emotion bound up togetherfor the past three weeks have affected both me and my husband greatly. I am grateful I am now home and retired since I was away from home 5-6 days per week with my career. Iam not resentful but I am fearful. The unknown is well, unknown...the future and our plans have completely changed. To what and how and for how long is only a guess. In a sense I am inspired by this new challenge but only have I had this feeling after prayer, support, tears and much talk. The future is still open but still also under the care and guidance of a loving God. Some days this brings relief, others it brings questions, still other days it bring anguish.
My son asked his long time girlfriend to marry him. He asked his grandmother, my mom, to use her engagement ring. My father gave it to her in 1950. They were married 49 years before he died. My father has been dead 13 years. Rob had the ring professionally cleaned and appraised. It looks beautiful on Leslie's hand and my mother is so excited that he wanted to use her small diamond ring for his love. The jeweler who cleaned it said that it was a very good quality but small diamond and the setting was excellent. He said it is a ring that someone should wear. I am very happy and excited to see Rob move into this stage in his life. He makes my world happy by his goodness and sense of fairness and justice. Leslie is a lovely woman. She loves him very much, you can tell in the way she talks about him, acts towards him and works with him. San Diego 10/27/14.
I was given a raise and a promotion... and then another promotion, that I'm still not exactly sure I wanted. I'm grateful that my higher ups seem to hold me in high regard, trust me to run and build the team that I have been a part of for 2 years now, but I definitely don't feel like I'm qualified for the job. I am grateful, and I'm looking forward to being inspired at the promotion... I might even be relieved when time for raises comes along, and I start getting paid somewhere close to what my position and my work product are actually worth... At the moment, I'm just kind of blase about it all...
The most significant experience of this past year for me was the day of my wedding, July 12, 2014. The day was magical. It was uplifting. It was perfect. It was spiritual. It was amazing weather, too! It was a fairy-tale. I am beaming just thinking about it, and all of the love I felt on that day. I am extraordinarily grateful for the people who surrounded me, for my grandparents who I know were up above smiling down, for my beautiful family and friends, and for my husband. My amazing husband. Just thinking about it all makes me smile and feel good inside.
I wrote an essay for the RAS about why I haven't quit surgery, why I didn't quit. It was a really good experience to think through why I do this (and submit myself to the experience), as well as the challenges I faced with my husband that we came through. Plus, the essay was well received and won 3rd place in the country. This was very reaffirming. It helps me to feel a part of this profession despite my struggles at this hospital.
My dear, sweet Mama died a year ago this Friday. It is probably the most significant experience of my life so far. Since my dad died when I was a child, I'm now, with my brother, an adult orphan at 29. I'm not sure I'm even at a point where I can reflect on how her death has affected me, but this year has been one of the most difficult, but also one of the most liberating, of my life. I have at turns felt intensely lonely, incredibly supported, exhausted, energized beyond belief, desperately sad, aching in missing her, grateful for her amazing love, exhilarated by my quest to do the things I've always wanted to do, and painfully aware of my mortality. I've dulled my pain with wine, weed, shopping, TV, food, sleep, hyper-socializing, and sex. I dyed part of my hair pink. I thought about getting a tattoo (which Mama would absolutely hate.) It's strange. I always thought that my parents dying would be the worst thing that ever happened to me, and it has been awful. But it has also been strangely liberating. Before, I worried about everything. I was cautious to the point of paralysis. I always thought, "What if?" Now there is no one standing between me and death. Now I feel inspired to live the life I imagine, because there is no one whose authority I trust enough to follow besides my own anymore. Now I am accountable to no one but myself. Life is fragile and short. I want to spend my time on earth doing exactly what I want to do. I miss Mama in my heart and my bones and my skin and my toes. I've worn her wedding rings in a necklace constantly since she died. I wear her clothes to feel closer to her; I stay in her house to feel her presence. I want to call her, to hug her, and take care of her forever. I talk about her in the present tense, as though she is still here, because she is for me. I want to tell her about how I've taken up surfing, and drumming, about the new TV mystery shows I know she would like, about the guys I'm seeing, to get her opinion about who I should date. The best I can do now is to live my life to honor hers. She wanted my brother and I to be independent, healthy and happy, adults. Let her love be our guide. Let her memory be a blessing.
I was faced with dealing with "Under Death Sentence" Inmates/Patients. I have a great deal of uncertainty or ambivalence. These are truly evil and truly tragic people in an impossible situation. I do not want to be part of their deaths, and do not want them to use me to gloss over their lives and deeds. Some scare me. Some I pity. All make me wish there was a way to actually know them and how they came to be in this terrible place. Yet, I think each of them wish to bury that part of themselves while it consumes their souls. I sometimes wish I could unhear, unsee, unlearn, unknow these things. I wish there were a way to share this without giving any part of the burden to anyone else.
Someone that I thought was a friend and someone who respected my abilities, acted totally the opposite of what I would have thought. I was really disappointed even though in the situation of 'a contract renewal' - maybe because of the situation I recognize that the person's worst behavior and values were on display. I learned that one cannot assume or expect anything. Hopefully I will remember this before the next time I am again in the situation.
Nanna developing serious illness and needing to move to full time care. Feel sad but determined to value family and the time spent together with family and friends.
I was married to my beautiful wife in June. The ceremony and following reception affected me deeply. It was a day where we were surrounded by our two immediate families. We were both profoundly touched by the love we felt on that day. The ceremony solidified my commitment to my wife and inspired me to be more open, supportive and honest with her.
I was challenged professionally. The new teacher evaluation shattered my self confidence. I hadn't ' realized how much of my sense of well being came from these reviews. It brought me to my knees! I wept, cried out, and berated myself for failing at a job I had excelled at for 29 years. I took it personally. It hurt my home life, the children, and my work. I very nearly quit teaching, despite the positive feedback from peers and students and parents. Finally I had to wrestle that demon. I won, but it was a hard victory and left me tenuous and still a bit scared. I learned that my worth is not measured by a stranger with a clipboard.
I met a man who I embarked on a year long journey with that has been amazing and terrible and confusing and sad. I compromised myself and my dignity at times to please him and to make sure he stayed with me. I do believe I have grown tremendously in my sexuality, but at what cost? I deserve to be loved not just fucked, yet I keep going back to him trying to please him, knowing that he will never change or be what I need. I'm disappointed in myself for my inability to walk away and for hurting people in my life who truly love and care for me in order to stay in the good graces of of an individual who doesn't respect, love or cherish me in the way I deserve. I hope I can do better for myself in the future, because I do deserve it, even if it's hard to realize that now. If I could Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind him, I would.
We did a documentary that was sold together with the local newspaper. It was not as successful as we dreamt, but it made me go out and offer our work in new ways.
Getting to travel for work and demonstrate the great fit I am for my job and being able to shine and build something was certainly amazing. The best part of the job is meeting people and interacting with their cultures and assumptions and expand my own perspective. This without a doubt was the most inspiring thing that happened again and again this past year, having my expectations and assumptions challenged and interacting with amazing folks.
I trained for and ran my first full marathon, for charity, and completed it! I felt thankful for the great support from my Team in Training coach, good about raising money and awareness to fight cancer, and better about myself. The training experience and commitment to the cause were great stress relievers and life levelers.
I got married this past year on 11/29/2013. This was a miracle in and of itself. I married the most incredible woman. Now the rubber is hitting the road. After 3 years of bliss, we are quickly moving forward with plans for the future. To me, some of this seems to fast- but as older adults, we don't have time to tarry. I am VERY grateful. I am occasionally stubborn, maybe close to resentful for change. I am inspired by the depth of love and respect we share.
Waking up in the early hours not knowing where I was and feeling fear that is out of control,all encompassing terrifying dark black deep fear. I am relieved beyond words that I have now taken control but still slightly anxious of it happening again.
I got engaged (and am about to be married in three days). Since I never planned to be married, it definitely shook my world up, but I'm grateful and inspired. Honestly, the obligation scares me, but the possibilities reassure me.
I finally received an accurate diagnosis for my health not "mental health" problem and had corrective surgery. All along I had Achalasia and was misdiagnosed for many, many years and took medication that I may have never needed. I have been symptom free since 5/28/2014! I did not fully realize how debilitating the pain that I was in for so long was. I can eat and drink what I want and am no longer afraid of my next "panic attack". It is so important to advocate for yourself and keep discussing a problem that is not getting better with the treatment that a doctor prescribes. I really had to hit rock bottom to get there through an ER visit and wish I had trusted my instincts more and listened to my loved ones. I am so thankful for a wonderful GI doctor and an amazing surgeon at Yale for changing my life!
My daughter married her soul mate last May 31. She mey him in high school but they made their careers and found each other again 18 years later. She was a single mom with a 15 year old son and he loves them both as a man should love his wife and child. It inspired me that she never settled and took on the responsibility of raising her son and waited until she found the right partner for the both of them.
This past year has been filled with a whole lot of growth and change. If I had to choose one specific event, I would probably say my participation in an Encounter trip, and my involvement with Encounter and the conflict as a result of that trip. Although I already knew a lot of what I had seen, I felt a deep sadness as a result of the trip, and a fiery desire to share what's happening there with others. I think I also realized how much I want to work to make this world a safer place for all to live, and how passionate I am about that sort of work. It inspired me, but also disappointed me, made me very angry and sad and confused. I feel as if I've lived a whole lot this past year, experienced a lot. Grandma's passing is still raw and I'm dying to figure out if I'm grieving still and how it all affected me. I miss her so deeply. My move to the South brought with it lots of experiences that challenge my identity and also push me to think about what I really want in life. My relationship with Amir has helped me to see what I want in a partner, and also the sort of love I don't want (what I don't want to settle for). That experience still hurts- I feel so much love for him. this answer is a bit of a mess- I'm working to forgive myself, and I hope in a year looking back on where I am emotionally right now will feel cathartic but also inspiring. I hope I find acceptance in myself
A significant experience in the past year... Hmmm. I don't feel like there was one. I do feel like there is one coming. I turn forty in 6 months. And I can't wait!
My 3yr old son forgiving me 6 months after I returned from deployment...he was bit by a baby rattle snake and wanted me to sleep in the hospital bed with him and not daddy. That one day changed our relationship.
My mother passed away. I feel relieved for her, she was 91 and her life had become increasingly difficult and uncomfortable. She lived well, pursuing her interests and maintaining positive and loving relationships with each member of the family. And she had a good long run. I'm sad for me though. I will miss her terribly. We had always been close, and in the last decade I became her companion, defender and portal to the world. I spent an increasing amount of time with her, and now there will be an enormous hole in both my heart and my schedule.
My cat died unexpectedly. I try not to think of her. Minor health things, new job. No. Nothing really significant. So I'm mostly grateful.
When I completed this challenge last year, I was in the middle of going through a breakup with a man I had been with for five years and had been planning a future with. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. This would be a difficult time for any woman, especially one on the cusp of turning 30 like myself. I completed this questionnaire last year at a time where I felt lost, angry, hurt, self-loathing, confused...you name it, I felt it. Fast forward 365 days and I have reconnected with an old friend who introduced me to his friends, I traveled around Europe for two weeks with several of these friends, visited them numerous times and became a part of their family unit, visited Texas with these same friends, and finally moved out of state in July. This past year brought me the support and the courage I needed to take my life by the balls and make a leap of faith and just live. This past year taught me not to settle. It taught me that with the encouragement, support, help, and love from people who genuinely care about me that anything is possible. I'm grateful to have had the opportunities that I have had in the last year, and I'm so completely thankful for these friends I've gained. Situations and relationships change as people grow and evolve...or in some instances stay stagnant. I've learned to eliminate toxic relationships and situations that no longer serve me or my well-being. This past year has brought me a new living situation, new friends, new town, new city, new job...so many new things that at this time last year I only hoped would maybe sorta happen. To see that almost everything I hoped for happened makes me feel extremely thankful, grateful, inspired, alive, happy, and positive. Compared to last year I feel it's almost a 180-degree turn. I hope that this year brings more of the same joy and happiness. (Side note: I had a much better reply typed out, but my computer browser reloaded on me and I lost it...typical of me, haha)
I planned and pulled off a trip to Peru, hiking a very challenging course that felt almost impossible at one point. During the hiking and the rest of the trip, I felt so incredibly fortunate to have the time, support of my family, finances, and dream to have made it there. I left Peru wanting to take more control of my life and my happiness, embracing my true nature and strengths, and hoping to find humor in situations I used to take too seriously.
This year I finished my doctorate and graduated. I feel both relieved and proud of this accomplishment. I can't believe the process is completed. I am so grateful of the many new meaningful relationships that have formed throughout this journey. I look back and realize how my perspectives have hanged and my passions have become now fine tuned. I am now better able to understand the systems and appreciate my role. I do to know if I will ever embark on such a long project as this, and I am grateful it is over and I can move on.
When my wife had a seizure, I thought for a time that I might lose her. For the first few weeks after it, I continued to worry often. I now think she's okay and that the seizure may have been a one-time thing. Only time will tell.
My mother has recently been diagnosed with cancer. She is just now coming to terms with the diagnosis, but doesn't yet have all the information she needs. Treatment has been delayed as it has taken some time to find the primary cause of the cancer, initially her GP referred her to a haemotologist as he believed it was myeloma, and the doctors have been focusing on relieving the issues caused by the degradation of her bones caused by this metastasis. (Apparently she has to be well enough before they will start chemotherapy.) This is how they found the cancer; back pain, a radiologist that was due to give an epidural to relieve this who wasn't happy with what he saw, a referral to the haemotologist, who then requested a bone marrow biopsy which showed it wasn't myeloma and then a leision biopsy that confirmed adenocarcinoma without clear indication of the primary site. It has now been confirmed as lung cancer, there is a family meeting on Monday which will give some answers to everyone. As a nurse I have had a slight (dis)advantage over my family, but luckily as a realist you come to terms with life a little quicker and get on with what needs to be done, while still hoping for the best. At least after Monday everyone should be on the same page and what little knowledge I have I can share openly, rather than keeping what I know to myself as I don't have all the answers and a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Am I relieved - ask me again on Monday night.
I took a traveling job that I swore I wouldn't take again. It has been very difficult to maintain my relationship with my partner because I promised I wouldn't leave our home again and I was/am gone for 6 months on the opposite side of the country. I am grateful for the income and to travel to a few new places but I am scared that the most important relationship in my life now might be strained.
I bought my own home in Feb 27, 2014. At 56, it is the third home I have owned, but the first I have owned by myself. Post divorce it feels so good to have a home that is mine. I am beyond grateful. I feel like an adult again. I have a home base for myself and my children, who are adults and do not live with me anymore, but who love the house and can call it theirs and store their stuff here. Owning a home makes me feel whole again. This is a major step in regaining my sense of self, confidence and ability to feel comfortable in my place in the world. I can call this lovely townhouse home. I invite friends and family here. I can be hospitable and feed people , because my home feeds and nurtures me. During my divorce and the total financial and emotional collapse of my husband, the losses were too many to count. I did not know if I was ruined or would scrape by. More importantly, I could not imagine a future for so many years, much less buying and establishing a happy home. That is what I have now. I am so very grateful.
I had a hole in one on the golf course. I was on cloud 9 for quite some time because, first of all, it is rare to get one, and secondly I was with my husband and two of my best friends when it happened. It was a day to remember because never in a million years did I think I'd ever get a hole in one. Im not that great of a golfer.
I made a commitment to bring the arts back into my life and share any modicum of talent I have with the world. This is what I feel I am meant to do; it brings me joy and pleasure and lets me help people feel. I am very grateful for this and for the people that created opportunities for me to do this. They have been so generous. I am inspired to do more of this, and doing this has become a reminder of the importance of noting what comes naturally, our gifts that come from some incredible force of nature.
What started off as a vacation has turned into an unexpected semi-permanent move. I don't know. Yes@no, no@yes, almost, and sometimes. A-fish-out-of-water
i bought a house and i am so greatful
We opened our commercial kitchen. I am so relieved and grateful to have it. We have shown it off to some clients and it is a serious point of pride.
I finally started a new job after three years of unemployment, and I am SO grateful and SO delighted!
I took my firstborn child to college. I cried buckets for months, really, and I still feel a little bereft; we are close, he and I, and I miss him. But i'm unbelievably proud of him, too. He's a good person, he is smart, and he is going to do amazing things. I have always told him that he should go and do what he honestly desires to go and do, and let it take him to amazing places. I told him not to be held back by any misplaced sense of obligation to parents or by any feeling of pressure. My way of saying, You Do You, Baby. I might live to regret saying it, in my own selfish way, but I am trying hard to set him free to live a wonderful life.
Attended Mastering Leadership Dynamics -previously Farr. It has shown me a new way to look at myself and others.
I traveled to Guatemala for 8days. During my short time there, I connected with a family who "adopted" me in San Juan La Laguna. They welcomed me into their family of 8 children and showed me around the town. I happened to be there during their week long celebration for San Juan. Grandparents and great grand parents came and the mother cooked her traditional meal of chicken soup and Tamales in her outdoor kitchen over an open fire. This is the way they cook every day. The meal was humble, but made with so much love. They treated me like an honored guest. The children dressed in their traditional Mayan clothes and danced a traditional dance and included me in the dance, showing me the steps. The grandparents shared their stories of pain during the genocide in which one of ther children was murdered. I drank Quetzalteca, a sweet liquor, with the elders. I took the children out to have fun on the carnival rides, and bought each family member an article of clothing which they badly needed. At the end of my stay, they gifted me a hand made Huipal, a hand woven shirt with embroidered roses. The children cried when I left. I am so grateful for this experience, sharing a family's traditions, hearing their stories, celebrating with them their cherished holiday. I was humbled by their generous hospitality and welcoming spirit.
June said "Daddy" and "Mommy". It warmed our hearts. It was also very relieving because with her hearing trouble we were very worried about her speech delay. Especially nice, was when she associated us with the words and asks about us during the day when we aren't around.
Being diagnosed with primary cancer for the third time was a shock. When I found it was rarer than my previous breast cancer 21 years ago, I was shocked and concerned not for me, but for my family who has had their share of tests of faith over the years. Whilst undergoing chemotherapy I felt fear for the first time. Me the strong woman who deals with everything was teary at times when I thought I would never be well again. But still I would not show those tears in front of my loved ones. I was resentful that I had been chosen yet again to go into battle with this dreaded disease. I started to lose my faith but still went to shul. The rabbi explained that I had to lose my faith if I was to regain that strong connection I once had. I believe he was right. I am now ten weeks out of chemotherapy and my faith in God and Judaism is once again growing strong and I am reconnecting with my synagogue. I am grateful for being spared again, to live life to the full and experience new things. I no longer despair over my health and look forward to travelling over the next year.
The birth of my daughter was a very significant experience this past year. The love and light that shines from my daughter into me reminds me everyday of how blessed and grateful I am to have her in my life. There have been days that have been a great struggle, but I look at her and I know that every sacrifice I make is for her and the love I have for her.
The birth of my nephew occurred this past year. There are many new ways to love. I have, for certain, found another one. The time we spend together while his mama and daddy are at work has been very special to me. I wondered if I would love him like I love my own children. In all the positive ways, I do love him as if he is mine. But I also have loved watching his parents grow along with him.
I have had several significant experiences this year. 1. I developed a pulmonary embolism and could have died 2. My husband asked me for a divorce 3. I bought a new house and began to rebuild a residence The one that I would pick to discuss is buying a house and rebuilding my safe haven. I am an introvert that is surrounded by people all day, so having a haven, a place to be still and to recharge my batteries is critical to my well being. After it became evident that my marriage was going to end, there was a time that we still shared a house. This might have been some of the most stressful time in my life because I lost having a safe zone. My house became a tension filled and unwelcoming, so finding a place to make safe again was so important. I am slowly doing this. And I have felt every emotion possible in the months since. Joy when the fence went in, keeping my dog safe. Anxiety and aggravation during the whole loan process. Loneliness during that first night on my own in the house. Relief when all the kitchen boxes were finally unpacked. Pissed off because I have to do this to begin with. Excited because it's mine, mine, mine to do with whatever I want. Pride when the new color turned out just right. Worried that I am making decisions based on emotion, not rational thought. On, and on, and on. Mostly, though, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a support system. Grateful that I am learning how to ask for help. Grateful that I am learning that some people find joy in giving help. Grateful that I am not alone, even during this time when I should feel the most alone. I would never have chosen the circumstances that led me to rebuilding my safe haven -- but I am a better person for knowing what support and help I have for life's ups and downs.
I married a wonderful man. I am happier than before but worried that I will not be enough to keep him happy. Yes, I am grateful....and inspired.
Had my son. It greatly affected my life, not only emotionally, but every aspect. Affected me in areas I didn't even realize emotionally and mentally. Not a relief or the opposite as it takes a lot of hard and tiring work, but is so rewarding. I love him more than anything in the world. I guess you could say inspired, not resentful at all. It has also brought me closer to my wife.
A significant experience that has happened to me is, that I realized how much debt I have from credit cards. As my husband & I are getting ready to purchase our first new home, this debt is causing us to have a higher interest rate :( This is though inspiring me to save my money, and pay off gradually.
This past year, we moved from Austria to Singapore. Having not yet started work, I'm still feeling very transitory, and it has opened up great new possibilities in the coming year. It has given me time to reflect on what I want and how to achieve this. And, it has made me realize that I am not a slave to my fears. I am relieved to be out of the cold and dark, but saddened to have left the most rewarding job I have ever had. I feel hopeful, and I am trying to make the most of my liminal period.
A close friend of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her doctor at Johns Hopkins treated her; she went into remission, it recurred and they told her there was nothing they could do. My friend, not one to shy away from intellectual pursuits decided to spend her days finding a doctor who would not give up on her. Now she is in treatment with a reputable doctor who is not in a big practice and she has hope again. And I have hope for her survival.
My mom died on December 18, 2013. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, she was being consumed by cancer, but no amount of knowing could have stopped it. And no amount of knowing could have kept the light on in my heart when she left. This world is a dark, dark place. I was there and saw her alive the week before, I had to leave for a week, but I should have stayed, I should have been there at the end, because she was so scared and in so much pain. I'll never forgive myself for not being there with her for the scariest and most painful thing in her life.
I went back to work as a social worker. This experience has lasted the full year. One year ago, I started part time, and then in January I began filling in for another social worker and gained full time hours. By March 31, I had found a new position at a different company working full time. I am so grateful for being hired and being given a chance in the dialysis world. I love my job. I am so proud of myself and I have come so far in 12 months. I feel like I can do anything.
I began a doctoral program spending 3 days a week 200 miles away from my family. It changed my life completely in both positive and somewhat negative ways. Positively because it is something I have always wanted to do and it certainly pushed me in ways I didn't think possible. Negatively because it took me away from my family and thrust me into an environment that is sometimes unhealthy (too much competition, pettiness, etc.) I continue to be thankful and inspired. I think it is also beneficial for my children to see their mother work, sacrifice, and work hard to achieve goals.
I got an apology from my mother that I never thought I would get. It lightened me and opened me up a little. I'm grateful and still processing it. It is allowing me to move to a more positive place where I am my own success story.
Today, the Chicago Tribune covered an event that I had organized on the front page. It was a welcome visit to a Muslim school that had moved into the building formerly occupied by my child's school, Solomon Schechter. They covered it as a Rosh Hashanah story of hope. I am relieved, inspired, grateful and astonished.
I left my job - where I worked for an organization I (mostly) believed in and where I was valued but could not grow. It's the first time I've quit a full-time job. I am happy to be in a new place where I can grow, but nervous that I will not find a place where my work is as important and can make an impact.
I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I feel blessed to be a member, but continue to ask "why?" too often to feel the grace of the atonement more clearly or hear the Holy Ghost for guidance.
I sold my home because my family became upside down on our bills. We ended up using the positive equity and paid off all our unsecured debt and have a little extra left over. I was grateful to sell the home because we had no way out of our financial situation. I'm inspired of the future because I'm learning more about personal finance and optimistic about our future. Hopeful by next year we would have enough for a down payment for another home.
I finally was able to leave my horribly abusive boss. After nine years of both physical and emotional abuse I found a new job that allowed me the opportunity to quit while holding my head up. Saying goodbye to my friends and saying goodbye to the work I had developed over a decade of my life was significant. It has been hard to adjust when you have lost a bit of your center. Starting from scratch with new people, with new expectations is hard, but I know I can do this. I want to be able to hold my head up for all the things I can do. She did not take that away from me.
I am getting my masters in library science, and got fired from my job at the library this year for signing up to read stories to kids. A couple days before this, I was told in not so many words that I should consider quitting my master's and just seeking work in the circulation area of the library. Just one problem. I believe circulation is a huge part of librarianship, and I think that a degree is very helpful for that, whether or not it's where I end up. But I got fired because I signed up for storytime before I was "properly trained", despite having done a storytime activity and receiving emails sent to a group asking for storytime leaders. It was one of the worst days of my life. I was not expecting it one tiny bit and it has left me SO bitter and SO angry. I just can't let it go. I just can't let it go. I put my best into that job and I got fired for trying to go the extra mile. I love the library field and I want to be in it. I want to make a difference. I want to connect people with information and stories that make them smile and think and learn and be whisked away. I am still going for my library degree, but a part of me feels so defeated, like I am never going to be anything, like this is all pointless, because the only thing they seemed to care about was marketing. That's important, but what's really important is the people that come in every day. I just want to make them my priority. I just want to serve the public. Please let me serve the public. Please don't let this be my last library job. Please let me find a job that I can be proud of that appreciates my people-centric philosophy. I just want to make a difference like so many others have made for me. I just want everyone to have the experiences with books that I have had, to be taken away completely and share these vivid worlds and learn all this new information. Please let me get there. Please make it mean something.
My husband & I went on a mission trip to India. It was amazing. I was joyful while there and also joyful to return home. God showed me some things about myself...keep my eyes focused on Him, not what others are doing and together my husband & I make a great team if I choose to be on his team. I want to go back next year but am worried it won't work out because of summer guests.
I started school to become a therapist. Fucking amazing. Didn't expect or think I'd ever find my "calling" in work. And then I did.
The most significant experience I have had this past year is my trip to Indoor Nationals. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Originally, the plan to run Indoor Track was to prepare for Outdoor Track. I spent all of 2013 fall preparing by myself with the help of a coach; I worked on form, proper technique, and strength. The goal was to be prepared for the Indoor season; something I have never ran until I was a junior. As a way to test my progress, in early December I ran an open college meet. That meet went par, not really sure how much I improved from the 2013 Outdoor season because I was unsure of how to run the 800 on an indoor track. Then Indoor season started, I was swept into the fold of freezing, often night-like practice times that left me miserable (however, looking back on it I feel a sense of nostalgia whenever I inhale the cold morning air). For the first few dual meets I did okay, I felt unsure of how to compete in the Indoor distances until I hit a state meet. Before I go any further, the primary event I ran was and still is the 600m, a race that many hate but I happen to enjoy. At that state meet, that specific meet, I suddenly felt that I had found an untaught pace that only experience could teach. I dropped over 5 seconds and placed fourth overall. My time topped the leader board for two heats, not bad for someone in the first heat of 4. Ecstatic as I was about my new PR more good news was to come. My friends told me that I had qualified for the first level of the Indoor Nationals for 2014, I never planned on that. Later I found out that I was several seconds off the top tier for nationally ranked high school athletes. The next few state meets, I steadily dropped time in increments, but by the end of the season I soon became ranked 10th nationally and came within reach of breaking a school record. Now, Indoor Nationals is nothing that I ever experienced before. I came in ranked 10th from the 600, little did I realize that it didn't mean squat when the distance reverted to Outdoor distances. I ended up running the 400m, an event I had limited experience to. Not only did it show, but I finished 2nd to DFL. But then I realized how much success I had, I came into Indoor for the first time at an older age, inexperienced, and came out with a national ranking. I had improved far more than I had anticipated, and now I have the experience to help me know how to prepare for the next indoor season, which I eagerly await.
My brother revealed to me that his girlfriend is pregnant. He told me when I came for a visit when she was 7 months along. The fact that he didn't reveal it before he had to, was because he didn't want to be judged - at the same time was grossly irresponsible of him, as he is broke, living with my dad, and it my dad that is supporting him, his girlfriend, and their other baby. Clearly, he has no regard for my Dad, or the burden that he is putting on my Dad. Let alone the question of whether he should be having kids at his age. Later, before the baby was even born, it sounds as if he has fallen in love with another woman - whether anything happens between him and this other woman I don't know. How did it make me feel? I already have conflicted feelings about my brother - alternating between feeling as if I should help him more (financially) vs. Thinking he needs to grow up, mature, and act like a man. Now I think he is mentally ill, and just not a very nice person. Not sure I want to interact with him more than absolutely necessary.
Our family's around-the-world trip left me super inspired! Leaving NYC for a year allowed all of us to take inventory of what we value in our community. We learned more about what we treasure and what we are lacking here in America.
This summer I started my first official job, at a Shawās supermarket. I had some community service experience beforehand, so I had somewhat of an idea what to expect from working for actual pay. As it turns out, there is a significant difference between working for three hours at my own, deliberate pace and working for six hours at what seems like warp speed, always knowing that two or three more people are waiting in line behind the current customer. The worst part is standing for those six hours. I thought my legs were going to give out those first few days, but fortunately, it gets better. Alternating between being a cashier, bagging, and bringing in shopping carts from the parking lot that people leave on an incline, waiting for it to roll into someone elseās car all seem to shorten the time until I can punch out. The wage is decent, $8.15 an hour with regular wage increases, and the hours are flexible. Even though the job is tedious, it is valuable working experience, and that never hurts a college application. Plus, imagine how awful eight or ten straight hours would seem if my only experience was three.
This actually happened 1 1/2 years ago. It was the loss of my father. His passing has always been a thought I avoided. I believe I have never loved anyone more than my father, and I believe he may have loved me more than anyone else. We did not always agree and sometimes had significant arguments. Yet, our love ran deep. I nursed him during those last days and we totally switched roles. He trusted me more than anyone, even his beloved wife of 65 years, my mother. Somehow, being with him those last days made his passing so much easier to accept. I am grateful and relieved. I am also inspired, as I feel it is now much easier to accept end of life on this earth.
This year I walked away from a six year marriage. It was filled with frustration, anger and most of all apathy. The opposite of love isn't hate.. It's apathy This change has shown me that I can stand on my own two feet and that I can do anything. I don't need a man to feel validated
As a senior I got into my first real relationship with a girl I had previously "dated" in the eighth grade. She and I hadn't talked since then and at the beginning of senior year we started talking again. I fell in love with her. Hard. Like imagine diving off the empire state building without a parachute and hitting concrete, hard. She and I dated for 11 months and broke up because of college. I think its a shitty reason to break up but it made her happy so whatever. I'm really happy that we got together, she changed me. I know this sounds really dumb and cliche, but she made me a better person, and that wasn't and isn't bullshit. I'm so happy that this happened, but I'm really sad at the same time, because, yes, we broke up. The worst (and best part) was that it was a very clean breakup, we both knew it was going to happen from the beginning, hell, we didn't expect the relationship to even last as long as it did. This means that even though she is my ex, she is also still my BEST FRIEND, I couldn't bear losing her as a friend. So she still means the world to me. I know that "stuff" is going to happen in college and it makes me so jealous that it isn't with me. I wish I didn't care about her and that I could just get over it, but every time I do, every single time I try, I just end up reminiscing about all the good times we've had and just end up crying. I wish I didn't care, but I do, so much, and I just can't help it. So I guess to answer the question. I'm overall grateful that it happened because I'm a better person because of it, and I'm glad that I'm able to care about someone as much as I do about her. I still love you sheep, and I know that it will never change. Ever. I'll love you no matter what, as a friend or a boyfriend or whatever. Forever and always (somehow) yours , Monkey.
My job was eliminated when the company I worked for was purchased. It made me grateful to have a position and surprised at my willingness to try something I never would otherwise have been interested in. Even more unbelievable, I made it work and enjoyed it.
My husband and I were going to purchase a cabin in the mountains. The property was directly across the street from our current vacant lot but it was already developed with a house on it. We put a bid in and were qualified for a loan. We were planning on selling one property to buy another. I love our lot it gives me a feeling of well being and peace. I was conflicted between giving my husband his wish, a house in the mountains, or maybe never being able to build one on our lands. After talking to my husband about these feelings, he agreed with me that the vacant land had more meaning to us and we pulled out of the deal. I was so grateful that we were able to communicate and come to a successful conclusion.
Moving to Boulder, Colorado was a major experience for me in the past year. At least so far, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I've been so happy, I love this city, and I love everything about living here. There are so many activities to take advantage of, and I live in a great apartment with my boyfriend. It has showed me how important it is to chase your dreams and take on challenges and new experiences, even if it is unclear what will happen in the future (and even when not everyone supports your decision).
about a year ago i was in a miserable position at my job. i work to live and the position needed to be held by someone who lives to work. i found an opportunity, via executive coaching, to change from an account management role to a role in human resources. my initial thought looking back was that i am relived to not hate my job anymore, and i am, but when i took a bit to think about it, the one word that feels right to me-the one that makes my stomach hurt a little-is proud. i am proud of myself. that decision has allowed me to changed my life.
My sister gave birth to her first child - the first child in our immediate family. She'd planned a home birth, but the baby was breach, and she ended up in an emergency c-section. The baby was born healthy, and everything seemed fine. But a short time later, my sister passed out several times. She was rushed back into surgery, but the doctors had difficulty finding the hemorrhage, and the event was nearly fatal. Though I was hundreds of miles away, I felt very connected to my sister the whole time. I felt her life slipping away. Until I was able to see her in person a few weeks later, I didn't feel completely whole again. The feeling of losing my sister was the worst I've experienced in my life. But seeing her and her baby together was far more moving than I had expected. Though she and her husband decided not to get sonograms during pregnancy, she knew her baby would be a girl. She named the baby Hope, long before she was born. I usually think of myself as a very rational, down to earth person, but the connection my sister felt to her child and the connection I felt to my sister sent me into some deep thought. Whatever else comes from all of this, I am more glad than I can say to have my sister still here, and I'm already so proud of the mother she has become.
Separation from husband. It hurt but there is also a lot of relief on my part. I don't feel like I have to act a certain way just to keep the peace. I feel freer to choose my path now.
One Friday night last fall, my oldest son told me that his girlfriend was pregnant. He wanted to keep the baby, but she wasn't sure. Before they could figure things out, my son totaled the family car the following weekend. He was drunk and got arrested. He assaulted the officer who arrested, and of course, he was underage at the time, so it was all a huge mess. He got kicked out of school (where I was a vice president at the time), didn't have a job, and couldn't drive. His girlfriend hung in there with him, and so did we and so did his brothers, and in the spring he started back to school, he got his license back, and in April he and his girlfriend had a lovely baby girl. He has been a good dad--and she has been a good mom, and the rest of us are playing our parts as grandparents and uncles. It is hard for my son and his girlfriend to do this; they are not married and may not get married. But we are all trying to help each other and so far, it is working.
I got fired for the first time in my life. At 34 years old. I've been unemployed for almost 3 months now....I'm just about 1/2 way through my unemployment benefits (which are a complete joke...but allow me to keep my car) and I have fallen into a black hole of depression so far that I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to get out of it. I have completely lost interest in damn near everything I love. I stopped exercising, quit eating well, and just generally don't give a damn about anything. I have managed to read more....due to the fact that I have some time on my hands...but that's about it. I wanted to learn how to crochet....that's kind of fallen by the wayside too. I want to be productive...but just don't have the energy anymore. I want to sleep and just disappear into the void of darkness that seems to be quickly absorbing my soul. Yeah....aren't I just a ray of sunshine? Hopefully next year will find me in a better spot.
I will name 3: I met Milo. I quit my job at SEIU. I got a dog. Oh and I bought a house! Now I am searching to find a memorable experience, the feeling ---- I find myself searching for memories of fun and community. I was Paleo for 6 months or something - and at the beginning it was with the Wilkes Barre team. I felt really good and right in my body. Just typing this makes me want to eat sweet potatoes. I spent so many nights at TGIFridays or Applebees. Guacamole and Chips. Salmon. I shopped at Wegmans. Basically working for SEIU was a whole lifestyle - living on the road, in a hotel. I spent probably 80% of nights in the last year in a hotel. It was an amazing experience and then it really stopped working for me. I really enjoyed being part of a team on new organizing campaigns - being in it with someone - sharing the load. But once we got to the contract campaigns it was untenable for me. I was lonely, overworked, miserable, and the work was tough too. My expectations were squashed so it was hard to keep charging forward, leading workers, when it just wasn't inspiring to me. I felt like I was holding a big titanic like boat up, and any minute it would sink - and everyone would see my failure. What people saw was my success, and my bowing out in the middle of a campaign. I'm struggling to find a path that is right and meaningful and important for myself. I'm spending several hours a day at the shelter right now and fostering Ralph, the blue fawn pitbull. I am exhausted every night (is that the exercise or going back to eating sugar and wheat?) I'm pet sitting. I've kept Ice Cream alive for almost 3 months now. I love this dog. I am so grateful for the animals in my life. I'm grateful to own this house, too, but keep having nightmares where it falls down. It's difficult to have minimal employment and such a huge responsibility. Right now I am just so happy that it is fall again - I can feel myself grounding, feeling the earth, feeling myself again. Soon it will be chilly. Soon there will be pumpkins, and right now Ice Cream is snoring lightly at the foot of the bed.
I was re-hired by a company I had left for several months in order to pursue another opportunity. After the other opportunity did not work out, I was grateful to be re-hired part-time and eventually full-time by my previous employer. They continue to demonstrate grace and compassion to this day. As an added bonus, I now have a terrific employee who was brought in while I was away from the company.
Scott's death. Mostly I've felt discouraged, scared of the world in a whole new way. Changed forever. It's been a journey, I was thinking that this time last year, I was still in shock, unable to cope with the most mundane tasks of the day. Now I feel capable of the day to day but my soul still aches and I feel both this sense of urgency and regret.
My wife had a cardiac arrest. She survived CPR and coma. I was shocked relieved overwhelmed concerned felt responsible many different emotions
I got a new dog on my birthday last year. She is a Great Pyrenees, a breed I never owned before. Her name is Phoebe. She definitely has a mind of her own, and is a big and powerful doig .. but she has invigorated my life, and made me see things more from her youthful perspective. The breed is powerful, but protective, and she has reaffirmed my belief that is natural to look out for those whom are weaker and have less than you. She's not a hunter or a fighter, and if harrassed or attacked, she will just put a paw on it, and quell the confrontation. She reminds me and teaches me every day how to handle difficult situations
The many changes in my relationship with my partner has put me out of balance, not knowing where to go. Realizing that I do not have any direction and that my line of life had taken as many curbs as I allow because, and I allow all, because I am not capable to direct it. It had affect me profoundly. I found my self without too much energy, and at loose, like a sailboat that is lost in the sea. No matter where I look I can found the way to land. I am not resentful, I am not Relieved, I am not inspired. But although I am grateful, I feel like nothing will change or have too. But I want changes to happen. I am not happy where I am. Will I do something. Not sure.
Finding out that my dad is dying. It has made me re-examine myself is so many ways. My relationship with him, my step-mom, my brothers, even my friends. I am learning to be grateful yes, for every day, every moment that we have with him. Resentful and mad, even "hating" this disease that is taking him away slowly and exhausting trying to be "strong" for him.
I was hired at a new school! Whohooo! What a brave choice for me to leave a job that seemed wonderful on paper (but was really a miserable place to be and poorly run) and come to a new and BIG change in my life. It's been an intense transition but I'm feeling good about it already and feel like I'll be doing REAL work and REAL teaching.
Too many experiences all pop out at once, I can't even narrow down one. I became involved in my first serious relationship which was all together a relief, a comfort, and much too short-lived. I think about him all the time. I enjoyed his company, his humor, and he got me through a strange transitional point in my life. I also made two large moves--both of them momentous and very significant. One felt like a defeat, a resignation, a hibernation even. A chance to collect myself and rest through the winter. The other, more recent move was a terrifying springing forward into the unknown--into grad school, a new job, and a new city. The transition was incredibly difficult and I'm still adjusting. So far, I'm very happy with my choice. The whole year was full of large, important life choices and cross country moves.
During the year 2013 I travelled back home in West Africa y to visit my parents. It was a very memorable moment as I got the chance to chat with my mother and my siblings. I am very grateful to have been able to go back to my roots because not many people are able to go back home once in a while. I know so many people that have not been able to go back since they left their countries. I am inspired by things I saw: There are so many things we take for granted in the developed countries. The happiest people I have ever come across happen to live in places we think are the poorest of the poorest. people have so little to go by, but they are so grateful to be alive or (and) healthy.
I'm going to answer this as the last 365 days, not the last calendar year (as in 2014). I got married to a man who I love. We've been together for a long time - geez, 8 years now I guess? So I wasn't expecting making it official to change anything for us, but it somehow did, at least for me. I feel like we're more committed to each other - before, we'd fight and he'd say, well I guess you'd better break up with me then. But he hasn't said anything like that since (though we've certainly had fights). We're in this for the long haul, and where we said that before, now it feels like we mean it.
I heard my knee would need to be replaced . . again. I felt some relief that at least there would be a solution. I felt frustrated it would take me until January of the next year to have that solution take place. Living with pain for 8 months made me angry and the previous surgeon for making a mistake. I felt more angry that he blew me off when I told him the knee wasn't working. My focus has become one of figuring out how to content with the situation, how to maintain my life during the situation and to focus on what positive changes I how to come out of this. I chose to let go of my anger. I want to believe that he, the surgeon made a prudent decision based on what he felt was the best course even though he was mistaken
My partner and I had a large miscommunication that lead to almost breaking up. I am still shaken by this and unsure how the future will unfold for us. This was the second miscommunication, causing me to wonder if the battle scars can be repaired or if they ever were. I am relieved that we manage to think clearly and communicate effectively again. I am worried though that we can sustain this type of consciousness for the unforeseeable future and all its challenges and rewards.
I had a baby May 4, 2013 and I am grateful. I wanted so much to have another child and feel blessed to have been given the chance once again. Yet, there is a huge part of me that is upset and resentful towards my ex for leaving us shortly after the birth. Felling abandoned, but blessed all at the same time is conflicting. My son's continue to inspire me and teach me that love knows no boundaries and has no conditions. They are truly light and love. THAT makes me feel complete and whole and knowing my love for them is above all else. We will be O.K.
One of the most wonderful days of my life was March 15, 2014. I married m best friend
Today I buried my Mother. Her body now rests in a beautiful, sunny field a quarter mile from where she was born. My sister told me that before everyone arrived at the cemetery this morning, there were dozens of butterflies floating around her grave...
Gosh, which one? I bought an investment house. We didn't know everything we needed to know at the time. We made some mistakes. Time will tell if it was a good idea or not. For now I can backseat it, after putting in many hours upfront - when I had the time. We were on strike for 5 weeks. I really did not want to go back. I got scared looking at the list of the students in my classes. I just wanted to be retired. Now after 4 days back, I am having so much fun with my students! It's humbling to realize that how I thought I would feel is not how I have ended up feeling in practice. I can do this work and enjoy it. With both experiences - mostly relieved -but also humbled and grateful.
I got divorced and fires within 2 weeks. Neither was too much of a surprise--the job because I deserved it, and the divorce because she made it clear for a long time it was coming. I am now incredibly resentful towards my ex wife and terrified about my new practice. I have 1 client, and he's pro bono. I have 2 kids to feed.
A significant experience that has happened in the past year is that we spent a lot of summer traveling the world. We went to France, both north and south, North Carolina with family and to Germany and Austria. This was time that we spent together without the everyday distractions. It has brought us closer together. Overall though, this was a significant year for us. Significant events happened with each of the children: the oldest became a father, the next got married and bought a house, the third had a terrible breakup but now owns her own house, the little one got a career job and is financially independent. We are proud empty nesters with a vibrant life ahead of us.
The amount of significant experiences that have happened in the past year is overwhelming. I began a new on campus job during senior year of college, and took on some big responsibilities. I had the opportunity to take some of the most incredible classes with brilliant professors who pushed me, supported me, and helped me grow in my thinking so much. I felt my role on my ultimate frisbee team shift as I owned the status of senior, and all that meant on and off the field. I applied for many jobs for after graduation which forced me to think deeply about how I truly wanted to spend my time in the (what seemed like) immanent abyss. I graduated from university (with a job), I took action in the face of an anti-semetic incident, I returned to my gymnastics camp and took on increasing responsibility through running educational clinics for visiting coaches, I worked on my relationship with my parents, and I adventured across the country and spent a month living, learning, creating, and pushing myself in a warm, supportive, and loving Jewish environment. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in ways I never had before, and the people around me saw me in ways that I do not see myself, although I am slowly learning to. The incredible love, care, attention, and intention I experienced during that month, and the pieces that remain in photographs and phone calls has had a huge impact on my life. On my emotional connection to myself and others, on decision about my work life, and on my connection to Judaism and my family. The effects are innumerable and they make me grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired, and so so so much more, which in itself is a beautiful thing. This has been a year of change, of growth, of transition, of owning new roles, of connecting to people in new ways, and of seeing my own interactions in a fresh way. Mostly I feel amazed and overwhelmed. This year feels big, whatever that means.
Went on great American road trip. Grateful to have a happy, healthy family and a solid vehicle. Love this country and it's treasures. Love the treasures that are my spouse, kids, and parents. I really am living the dream.
I think of the good, big, milestone events when I reflect on a year as this question prompts. I bought a house. I started a new job. I started making real money. I paid off a huge chunk of my student loans. All of these things make me feel more secure in my life, more settled, more adult. I am grateful for my successes and my luck. These things also make me tired, though. A house is a lot of work. Smart money management is a lot of work. Maintaining a healthy, loving relationship with my husband as we divide these responsibilities is a lot of work. In some ways, being just out of college where the only thing you cared about is where you were going on Friday night was a lot easier.
This year, we traveled to San Francisco and Portland. Visiting Portland had a profound effect on me, on all of us, I think. Randi and I, for the first time in many, many years, actually considered what it would be like to move away from Connecticut and to this new and different place. It made me excited and nervous, wondering if might ever happen, what would happen if we did move to the West Coast, and what our family (her parents, my mother) would think/do without us as close as we are now. The trip inspired me to think ahead to a time when we might actually move away from Connecticut, to think that Connecticut might not always be our/my home, that there's so much else beyond our little corner of this vast world. I'm curious to see if I'm as excited about the prospect about moving to Portland a year from now.
So many significant experiences from a new leadership opportunity at Dashbid to purchasing a new home to sending my first child to college. For all these things I am greatful, hopeful, inspired, and fearful. And for all these things I should thank God and my family.
I decided to become independent. Both artistically, creating my own theater company and mounting my first independent show, and from a relationship. In both cases, I found I had lost my sense of identity. I was doing things because that was what was expected of me. I didn't even know what I wanted anymore, except I knew I wasn't fulfilled. I am still finding my identity now. This process will probably always be. It is painful for the moment, as my world shifts drastically.
The most significant experience of the past year happened shortly after 10q ended. It feels like so long ago. Only a year?! My husband was going to have surgery, and be there for only a few days. I was prepared: mentally ready, financial documents gathered, every minute of our 3 year-old daughter's time covered by various friends and family. Then 3-4 days in the hospital became 1 1/2 weeks. My husband became demanding and verbally abusive on the pain meds. I felt I was over working our families with babysitter requests. And then, relief: my husband came home. For 26 hours. Another trip to the ER and 3 weeks later... I was exhausted. I had comforted a 3 year-old, my husband, was away from home 15 hours a day (between daycare, work, driving to see my husband). Stressed out didn't cover it. And then came the recovery at home. A year later, and he's still not working or helping much, despite a release to return to work. Resentment comes in waves. Relief comes in waves. Stress, depression, anxiety... happiness, joy. Every year seems like training to face a harder year; a year filled with harder challenges based on the same themes. Every year, I learn just how strong I am.
In the past year I lost my mother to cancer. We had been estranged for over five years and due to anger, fear, and stubbornness I waited a day too long to go home. She was past the point mentally of recognizing me. She passed the next day surrounded by my father, sister, and myself. I've spent the last twelve months rebuilding my ties with my family and that wouldn't have happened if my Mom was still alive. But I would be lying if I said I don't have any regrets at not having a chance to say goodbye.
My sons Bar mitzvah. It was inspiring and I am grateful. Not only did he learn much of the Torah reading himself, but I did a reading myself with my father havin the Aliyah!
Wow. Where do I begin? I got married in April, then got pregnant in May. And we're moving across the country to start our family within the next month. It's been a big year. While the wedding ceremony was a huge deal, the pregnancy seems to be the most significant experience... ever. I've been profoundly impacted. My self-care has increased and deepened, my interests have shifted (I'm obsessed with pregnancy and childbirth), and I became reinspired by yoga. Amazing! I'm extremely grateful. I love it. I don't feel resentful about it, surprisingly... though I am terrified at moments. I hope to successfully pull off a Warrior Woman Home Birth. And I hope I'm a good mama. Wish me luck. <3
Finally accepting and acting in the fact that I want to be a teacher. I don't know the exact time but God has put a lot of signs and encouragements out there for me. I feel relieved and at peace in the decision. I know it will continue to be a journey but I am excited to see what the next year holds.
I finally told my employer that I want to find a new job. This was one of the scarier things I've done - I'm the main breadwinner in our house (with two kids) and if I cannot find another job, we'll be in major trouble. While it's been stressful being in this in-between stage, I'm grateful for the support I've received. And I'm so relieved to be able to feel honest again.
I completed my first 100 mile bike ride. It made my feel strong, that I could accomplish more than I imagined, and it's something I can do again. I am grateful for my own strength and inspired by the people who have multiple sclerosis for whom I rode.
One year ago I sent my oldest child off to college. It has been very hard. I was so happy for him when I took him off to school. I am excited for his future. What has been the most difficult for me is that I am now doubting myself as a parent. I love that child so deeply and I have felt that I did not develop a strong enough relationship with him as he was growing up because he really distanced himself from me and from our family his entire Freshman year. I could tell he was struggling late in the year and yet he did not reach out to us for support or just to confide. He came home over the summer and I feel like he was very angry at first. As the summer went on we became comfortable with our relationship and our relationship really was great at the end. We could be honest and just talk. Now he is gone again and it is so painful to know that he doesn't need me. I am happy for him. I am grateful that he has this opportunity. I worry about his future at school. I worry for our relationship. I know that I need to give him space yet be tenacious. He needs to know that I love him and that he is not an island separate from his family. He needs to know that I respect his independence and that I will not judge him. I need to work really hard on the "not judge" part.
I began to take my higher needs seriously. I started working on the writing project I've been putting off for years, and investing in coaching and classes to make it sparkle. I started showing up for yoga regularly, consistently. My life has been transformed, and I am humbled and grateful.
I got my 200 hour yoga teacher certification. It has effectively changed my relationship to my life. Even when I fall off my practice for a while, I feel I have deeply grounded tools to come back to to help. I also have so much more compassion for myself and others. I have come to appreciate the hard work I do and have found connection to my strength. I don't get as caught up in the things I don't do and give my self a lot more slack. I trust my self more and have much less self doubt.
Moved to Florida to be with my family. Little resentful as I left my job and placed all my belongings into storage and most felt I shouldn't leave Virginia
I moved back to Texas after 20 years away. I didn't want to come. And I don't like it. These are not "my" people. There are some, but it is hard to filter through the Jesus believers, Republicans and non-Feminists. I'm from "Austin" which has value here, but I'd rather harken back to New York and I still miss Atlanta. I don't feel safe here. And it's ugly. And so so flat.
ELDP was significant / amazing / incredible. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to participate in it and meet the war fighters at the tip of the spear. ELDP almost directly resulted in my promotion into a new and amazing position. Obviously another significant (on a much more huge scale) experience was the birth of my son Ben. We are the luckiest family in the world that he was born healthy and is a super happy and easy going child. He brings joy to our entire family and only sometimes is a pain in the ass :)
I changed jobs and moved closer to family. Relieved and happy
I took a 2-week long meditation retreat for the first time this year. I was terrified about spending 2 weeks dealing with my own internal monologue, worries about self-worth, my friends, work, and marriage. The first few days were terrible, and I took a considerable amount of anti-anxiety medication to get through those early days. But I did get through them, and the retreat turned out to be one of the top experiences of my life. I came back with such a profound sense of gratitude and connection with others - even people I don't know. Slowly, over time, that gratitude and connection has faded, maybe not to baseline, but I know it is something I can tap into again, and I look forward to doing another one soon.
I bought my first condo. I am feeling a little overwhelmed, uncertain, a little excited. And like a grown up!
In January, after two previous hospitalizations for depression, my 15 year old daughter took a large overdose of potentially fatal medication. She was airlifted to an intensive care unit in another city. I drove to be with her on the middle of the night. The man who was my boyfriend drove with me. We got out of the car in the parking garage. It was bitterly cold, and the dampness of the parking garage at 3 am made it even colder, the kind of cold that you feel in your bone marrow. I went through the empty hospital to her room. She was unconscious. I lay down on the couch in her room and wept. The two nurses spoke in whispers around her bed. She vomited. They cleaned her up and changed her gown, in the same matter of fact way I take care of my elderly, debilitated patients. I watched them and was grateful, & I cried some more. One dark haired nurse brought me a blanket, and asked if there was anything they could do for me. No, I said. I want to be grateful for this experience, for the times I've found my precious daughter covered in blood, her eyes glassy and far away. It's horribly, awfully difficult. But I am grateful, in the bitter way people who grow in spite of themselves are grateful. I'm grateful she's alive, and that we have another chance with her. I'm grateful there have been other people I've met on this journey, who have given me love and support when I really didn't deserve it. And I'm hopeful that somewhere is the other side of this, that we'll make it over and say, "Remember that? It was really awful. " Mostly, I want to be able to live through this, and see her grow into an adult, and know I did the best we could. It isn't over. Looking back and saying we survived is still a dream.
I sold my house and nearly all my belongings, a lifetime's collection of things I had found useful or beautiful. I moved into an RV with my Great Dane puppy. How I feel about this event changes almost daily, but the underlying current is one of relief. I'm pretty sure I will be able to more directly and effectively access the healing I need from this place.
Having a falling out with my housemate...Caused great stress to my life...I am grateful that we met and found a house together to get me on my feet moving to the bay area with my twin boys///It was good for a year but I find her to be a bitch now and am glad to be moving on to greener pastures
Graduation was a fairly significant experience in a number of ways. As a mom or parent, watching your child graduate from high school is monumental and brings up a roller coaster of emotions, ranging from pride and excitement to tears and anguish and even an exploration of my own mortality. As a CSD staff member, it was significant, particularly because it was our first one and seemed like such a culmination of hard work that began when my kids were so young and was really like nothing I had expected. How did it affect me? I'd say in the end I grew from all of it as an experience. It seemed so big and overwhelming at the time, but in the months that have passed, it really looks like another milestone that has come and gone on, as one more step forward in watching my kids grow up.
My son has gone from being homeless, mentally ill and addicted to drugs to living in a sober living community in Arizona. This year he started using heroin, and I just about gave up hope. I'm still worried, but he went to two excellent rehab/dual diagnosis programs (in California and in Tennessee) and now for the first time I actually have real hope that isn't based on wishes and dreams, it's based on the reality of his situation. I am profoundly grateful.
Diagnosed with Emphysema five years ago. Recent Pulmonary Exam by specialist in a first class hospital reveals I do not have, and never had emphysema. Medical Incompetence.Initially very angry and depressed by treatment and original diagnosis I am relieved, and very grateful.Depression lifted.
I started studying with Partners in Torah. I was jaded at first, the same way I had reacted in middle school and high school in Israel when Tanakh was part of our curriculum and it all seemed so archaic and irrelevant and I didn't make any effort at all. But this time, within a few weeks and a few parashot, I had become so fascinated, not only with the plot line and characters, but with individual words and phrases. I realized that the Torah is endless, that every word can send me off into another line of inquiry and study, which makes my own mind feel limitless. Then I was assigned a new partner and started exploring prayer and emuna, which now gives me a window onto the mystical and personal aspects of Judaism, also absent from my upbringing and education. I am grateful that I finally appreciate Jewish learning and have an opportunity to grow beyond my cynical, limited consideration of God and Judaism.
I was having some issues at work and growing resentful and angry. I finally was able to sit down with my supervisors and explain where I was coming from and we were able to come to an understanding . I was able to stop resisting their their programs and let go of my anger. It was a positive experience I have been much more effective at work and I am able to leave work at work.
Early in 2014 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Ultimately, it made me allow those who love me to care for me, but not without maintaining a sense of independence and dignity. Surprisingly, the chemo therapy wasn't as terrible as I imgained it would beā but do not be fooled, as an independent and ambitious person, it was not a desirable experience. Having completed chemo, I feel more connected to those who have gone through or are going through chemo and would love to be a sounding board for those about to or going through ABVD chemo regiments.
After leaving the hospital, my confidence was sapped. For a long time I lowered my standards for my abilities out of fear that I would wind up back in the hospital. What is significant is that I have built myself back up by continually proving to myself that I can work harder and be better than the selves I have been. Although I am thankful that I got the opportunity to amaze myself by rising up, I'm hurt that I had to get to that point to begin with. Nobody wants to think of their success in the framework of a colossal failure.
I moved from my hometown and my daughter went away to college.
I graduated with my bachelor's degree while married and with 3 kids. WHAT?!?! I never dreamed I could achieve that. It seemed like such a high goal to shoot for. I am grateful to have had the support I needed to do it. I also realized that I could be an inspiration to other Latina women and that gives me the courage to keep going. I applied and got accepted into a grad school program. I am grateful to be able to represent!
My nephew was diagnosed with Leukaemia. I was and am upset, angry and terrified, but at the same time I have been inspired by his courage and overwhelmed by the support for him from friends, family and the wider community. It's made me re-evaluate my perspective on life and think about everything differently. Good things have come from this but we'd all rather it hadn't happened and we're all hoping like hell for a good outcome.
This year, I got married! This was an incredible experience not only because I got to make a lifelong commitment to my love, but it brought together our families in such a great way. We are a mixed couple (I am white Jewish and he is Trinidadian Christian) and we expected some drama between the families. This drama never came! This was a DIY wedding, and all of our family and friends came together to make it happen. It was unbelievable. Additionally, everyone loved our ceremony (that had a very Jewish feel) and got to know each other throughout the night. People came from all over the country and even Germany for this day. We both have never been so happy.
The most significant event was my divorce. After years of a loveless marriage without physical or emotional intimacy, I gave up trying and tried instead to find peace on my own. So I found new friends, enjoyed the busiest summer of my life. I'm grateful for these people in my life, for the chance to grow beyond the constraints and try to rid myself of resentments. It's hard though. I run into my ex-wife at temple twice a week, and although the divorce was simple, the after effects are not. At least for me. So I struggle with trying to figure out with tshuvah means in the context of trying to forgive and be forgiven. I know this is something I will have to do whether she joins me or not. For my own healing. I've written a new song, determined to renew my creativity and move forward to a better more fulfilling life.
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired? When you died I lost something about the sea. I used to stand staring out over the water my feet nearly numbed even in August. I used to feel an umbilical tug, a sudden sense that all else had been just a conceit, a joke I didnāt realize I was telling because there was no way I was ever anything more than tethered to this horizon as simply as a sacrificial animal is allowed a ropeās length of freedom from the stake. It was a good feeling. I felt attuned to my own condition. I liked to look down as the waves pulled away under my feet and I liked the subtle way the wet sand blanched around me like blood leaving the body. We used to find that we could understand each other here. The day you died I was very far away and when I could stand I went outside and stood at the sea. But I couldnāt feel you. And either in came or out went the tide.
My son left for college. We were so close, now he is just GONE!? Rarely even texts me, treating me the way he used to treat his biological father. Don't get me wrong, there had been what I like to think is a natural aggregation of little annoyances, irritating the CRAP out of one another. Arguments happened more often the last school year, definitions of respect were tested to the brink. I know he has found the closeness we once shared with a bunch of great dorm guys. He will find himself there. Learning what he WANTS to learn. Earning the degree that I never did. We keep bees as a hobby. When you work a hive, there is a point where so many individual voices are buzzing their own sounds individually in circles around your head, all other noise is drowned out. Sometimes it is very zenlike. A cacophony of emotions in this empty nest ranging from proud to lonely. I would appreciate some zen in the coming year.
Two groups of girlfriends have turned their backs on me with little to no explanation. It's always my fault. Even if I apologize, it's my fault. I can't move past it. I just want to be alone and stay alone and not trust another person.
I moved from my town of 42 years to the heart of a big city, Denver. I am inspired, liberated, and excited
I got to go to New York for the NMUN conference. I was alone in committee, but I still managed to contribute to our draft report segment and even get up in front of everyone and talk. It has taught me that facing my fears is worth every penny and I had the time of my life.
One significant event was the protracted experience of Cayla's injury and then subsequent track season. The main effect on me personally was the extent to which I was emotionally invested in not only her success, but the whole ordeal of her recovery, healing and work to get better. Though she did all of the work, I felt invested in it way more than I perhaps realized. It wasn't until after her amazing Kingco 2 mile that I emotionally let go of all the angst and worry and was truly able to celebrate her success with the one person in this entire world that could completely relate - my wife. Honestly, when I think about the well of happiness that we as parents shared that evening, contrasted with the complete devastation 6 months earlier, the one common theme between these two extremes was that we both as parents loved Cayla so much. I think there's a beauty in the purity of shared happiness as well as despair as they both draw from the same spring.
I had a baby! I'm grateful and completely overwhelmed. I've been trying and waiting for this for quite some time, and motherhood is more intense than I expected. The birth process was crazy and amazing, and knowing that my body built and is sustaining this human is mind-blowing. It's very easy for me to get wrapped up in stress about things like how to get my baby to nap better; I hope I can focus on appreciating the beautiful things that happen instead of worrying about the challenging things all the time.
My husband interviewed across the US and ended up taking the new job. I left my job, my family and sold our home. I was doing okay just adjusting and found out I was pregnant shortly after. I am so happy and excoted to be having our baby! We have tried and not been successful but I'm also sad because I'm away from our famiky and our comfort. We are now debating about moving back home. My husband is not to happy with the neq position and I'm homesick. I'm.not resentful about the move but I'm more relieved my husband and I are on the same page. This move and pregnancy has brought us closer more than ever, and that i am extremely grateful for.
A good friend moved overseas a few months ago. It was emotional to see him leave Michigan. I relived some painful moments of despair and overwhelming sadness again. He was there to talk to, calming me when I felt I was loosing my faith and life. He helped me stay focused and stable. Yes, I am grateful for knowing this individual. Him leaving has shown me how involved he was in my healing and focus to getting back on my feet. I am still sad that he has moved away but I know he is enjoying his life. He is growing in rich experiences and I feel challenged to do the same; I am going back to college to get my master degree in Public Administration and training my first intern. I feel like I am growing professionally and academically.
I'm struggling to answer this question and it's only the first one. I signed up for 10Q this evening, after a long discussion with my spouse about my commute home and my day at work. Leaving work today I felt grateful and thanked G-d aloud for my family, for my job, for coworkers like Alexis and Jacey to whom I can talk. On my drive home, I thought about the coming holiday and my thankfulness of being able to take days off work to go to shul with my husband. I thought about asking to be written in the book of life for another year...and then I remembered that Sharon died this year and I began to cry. I cried the big, ugly cry that turned into heaving, gasping-for-air, pull- over-the-car cry. I rolled up my windows, kept Joe Stevens' acoustic folk playing loudly and sobbed in my car, parked on the side of the road. Yet, when I came home this evening, signed up for 10Q and saw the first question, I immediately thought of work. And then I thought, "Jo, you're thinking about work because you were just talking about work. But, is it the experience you want to write about?" And so I shut down my computer and didn't write. Throughout the evening I thought about the significant experiences I've had. I thought about getting a job and ending unemployment. I thought about quitting drinking. I thought about losing Sharon to cancer. I thought about getting married. All things that happened this year. Later, looking in the mirror, I thought about giving up dyeing my hair blonde- and what that meant for my first step in reclaiming my self, my body, and my body image. And then I came to write. See, under this confusion about what to write about is a misunderstanding of the question. When I'm asked to "Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year..." I read..."Describe the most significant experience that has happened to you in the past year" and "Describe the event that most people would think is significant" and "Describe the event that you'll want to read about in a year and other people will be most interested in reading now"... The interpretation of the question goes on and on. And, in reflection, leads me to realize that the significant thing that happened this year was not a single experience but, rather, a year-long process. This year I began the process of not only having feelings, but listening to them and interpreting what might be underneath them. I began the process of examining my thoughts and the voices (the "shoulds" and "coulds" and "whys") that lie behind them. This year I began to understand how my thoughts and feelings play out in how I act- with my self, in my relationships, and in the world. And then I began to work on honesty and boundary-setting. I have not been perfect this year. But, my significant experience in learning to listen to and respect my thoughts and feelings, as well as reflecting upon my behaviors, has led me to many wonderful endings. Now, I stay sober. When I am tired, hungry, lonely, anxious, depressed, scared, sad, angry, happy, bored....I do not pick up a drink. I don't even buy the bottle. It's taken a while to get to this point and it's difficult still, but I don't. Now, I give myself a break. I can set boundaries around work to limit the projects I take on and the hours I stay at the office. I said "No" to adjunct teaching this fall 2014 for the first time in 3 years. The money wasn't worth the stress. I've cancelled dates when I was tired and needed alone-time. I've told my partner when I need to go out. I've limited the number of days I can vacation at my family's home. I make time for swimming and walking. I often go to bed early. Because of my experience this year, I am pondering my next steps. Instead of blindly following the "I have to get a PhD because it's the only 'dream' I've ever had and I have to achieve and be the best" next step, I'm slowing down to think about it. Yes, this sometimes makes me feel lost and wonder if I'm flailing in my career. Yet, it also makes me feel proud of myself. If I apply for PhD programs it's going to be because I *want* to. Not because I think I have to - to please my family, prove my worth, or otherwise. Most days I would not describe my reaction to my experience this year as relief. Some days I am relieved to have feelings. In moments, especially when I'm anxious or if my partner and I are mis-communicating, I feel relieved that I usually have skills to step back, understand what's going on, and articulate it. But mostly, I find my experience to be a ride. I may be jammed in rush-hour traffic, cruising down a country lane, flying through a roller-coaster loop-de-loop, or progressively relaxing and attuning my senses as the passenger on a motorcycle; whatever the case, I'm moving somehow and going somewhere. There may not be an end to this experience of feeling, thinking and doing- I expect there isn't- but there's security in knowing that it's happening, that I'm driving, and that I have the skills I need to do so.
I took my firstborn to college. I was very proud of her and how hard she had worked toward that day. I was overwhelmed with sadness that she wasn't in our home. I missed all the things we shared and wished for more time. 18 years can go by like a New York minute. I'm thankful for technology to keep in touch. And ultimately excited for all the new adventures and discoveries she will have.
My professional life took a 180 when I voluntarily quit my 9 to 5 to pursue the arts full time and be my own boss. I am inspired, grateful and very proud of myself for doing something I had thought about for a long time. It made me realize that I can do whatever I set my mind to, and that my life is ticking by - I'm not waiting for anyone or anything to do what I want! :)
The answer is twofold, both parts connected. (a) I took the leap, in a total act of faith and lack of preparedness, into a full-time private practice.... and failed to thrive. I knew this was the risk coming into the year when the last writing contract ended at the end of November 2013, but things looked so promising then that, had I been able to sustain that benchmark, I would have been fine. But the cyclical ebb and flow nature of the field meant that a small roster shrunk abysmally over the spring and hit rough drought by the end of summer. And while it's slowly starting to rebuild now, ten months into the experiment, it's still not to self-sustaining level yet, and I'm going back into contract tech writing. (b) I accepted a lot of financial aid this summer from friends, one in particular who made me at least two, if not a secret third, offer of aid. No expectations, no strings attached, just... help. I could not have gotten through this summer without that support (this friend, my mum's, a couple of others), but I struggled like hell with admitting I needed it. As a part of that struggle I touched a lot of old anger and hurt about a failed marriage, and admitting that the one source of help I *did* want was never going to be there for me... but that the friends who were there, who did see my struggle, and who made their resources available to me, are more precious than just about anything I have ever been graced to touch before. It has humbled and terrified and confused me. But mostly, it has saved me, and sometimes there are no words for that.
I became a teacher. I am grateful and exhausted all at once. It is an emotional roller coaster every day. I am thankful for the opportunity and pushed to work harder than I ever have before. I still struggle with feeling appreciated and knowing whether this is the right path for me. I do find inspiration and feel that I am making a difference in the lives of young people. But the change is incremental and so much slower than I would have thought. Highschools are incredibly challenging and seem to struggle with introspective. But this is what I wanted and it's almost fluke that I am now living my goal for this year just when I though all hope was lost. Starting a new career has changed my life completely. It's made me think about education differently and how like any job, sometimes you struggle to find inspiration. Furthermore, sometimes I feel like an impostor, unable to rise to the occasion or shoulder the incredible bourdon. I am too genuine with students and this has yet to change. I didn't think I would care this much.
I am separated from my wife (and children at present). At a certain level I am relieved, but am likewise ashamed, and miss my kids. Likewise, I am somewhat hopeful that my life is to get more joyful and happier in coming months..
Joined a Protestant Christian American church to keep the little job I have with them. I felt very good about it. I thought Jesus may help me achieve goals. I discovered myself confronting the same reservations I've had with religion that I thought I had answered, and needed to find a way to accommodate that. I right now have decided to believe in God on Sunday, and the rest of the week to be a rational, reasoning person.
I moved to Virginia for the summer to nanny for a rockstar. It was fantastic! I am so grateful. I got to spend time in the countryside and have everything I needed within access. And I made lots of money. And I encountered new and surmountable challenges. It was rough in patches for sure. People are tricky. But I enjoyed myself a lot. And I enjoyed all the new people I met. And I got to spend so much time with myself. It turns out spending time with just me is awesome. And I got to let go of caring what I look like for two months. I got lady softness all over my tummy and I didn't give no fucks. And now I've lost some girth but I still have the softness and I love it. I don't check myself in the mirror so much anymore. And I got great experience and can charge more for my services now. The hard part was when they were inconsiderate of my time and wellbeing. All of the time. But whateves, I don't take it personally. I still lucked out.
We got a puppy. That seems trivial, but adding another member to the family was a pretty big decision. I feel like I'm supposed to learn, "oh, it will all work out," but actually, I think the planning and worrying I did helped prepare us for this big addition. I can imagine a scenario where having a puppy could really not work out, and I'm glad that I freaked everyone out beforehand so we went into it with out eyes open. He is wonderful and a great addition. He brings the family together and is a source of fun and love!
I found a musician who was playing cover music and I was able to help him and his band "The Jason Gisser Band play the Chance in Poughkeepsie NY . They played as an opening band and secondly as headliner band Sept 19 2014. It made me feel good. I am grateful he gave me a chance. Relieved it went well...Inspired for future gigs
My mom moved to Washington. Next my father is moving to Washington. They are moving there to be closer to my brother among other reasons. I am left here. I'm ok with it now, but I was sad for a while. I don't have the best relationship with my mom, and I feel that now I never will.
I was on my way to falling in love. Then I got dumped. It threw me for a loop for a while. I didn't know how to recover. I'm on my way back to having some self-confidence.
My father passed away one year ago (the day before rosh hashanah) and I have spent the past year adjusting to it. I am SAD he is no longer around but GRATEFUL for all the years I had him - he was a wonderful dad. I am RELIEVED that he is not suffering any longer (he had a long battle with cancer) and is in a better place. I am INSPIRED by his life of service and his gentle giving nature. I am STRENGTHENED by the way our family has come together to support each other in this time of grief.
I realized how much my friends and family mean to me, and therefore decided to move back to the Midwest, to St Paul. One month in this is proving to be the best decision made. Overall I am now happy and enjoying life, spending and investing time with people that mean so much to me, and learning and growing and rediscovering me.
I watched my elderly mother behave indifferently towards her grandchildren at their Bat Mitzvahs and finally realized that her incapacity for love is equal opportunity and not just something directed at me. I am grateful for that realization; it takes some of the edge off my pain.
The decisions to finish graduate school with a masters instead of a doctorate wa fairly impactful. The time to sit and learn some humbleness and to realize where I want my life to go felt selfish, but really it challenged me to think about god's intention for my life. I feel so blessed that I have the luxury to make big changes like that, and to really look to the future. I'm also hopeful because I feel that God carried me through the transition and showed me that sometimes he's walking a winding road too. Through all the stress and fear, I see that I'm right where I need to be.
After 3 consecutive miscarriages, we gave up and started down what we thought would be the long road to adopting a newborn. After our home study was completed, and through a random chain of fateful events, we held our 3-day-old son in our arms--less than two weeks after our paperwork was completed. He happens to be the most adorable, sweetest, and happiest baby on earth, too, as luck would have it. Nothing impacts a life more than a new baby, but nothing else could ever match the joy either. Our older daughter has given up having 100% of our attention, but even she admits that it's been well worth it. Grateful, relieved, resentful (of the crap I had to endure to get there), inspired? Yes.
We travelled in India, and the strongest impression was made by the Old Town and Ganges banks in Varanasi. It was an eye opener, I saw a part of an absolutely different world, almost like a parallel reality. I am very gratefull that I was given such an opportunity.
Realized that I do love Richard. I feel happy, inspired, sometimes jealous ... maybe more often than I'd like to admit. I'm grateful to have him in my life. He's been very good to me and has taught me a lot. I now listen to news radio and I feel more in touch with the world and what is going on. Thanks Richard !
Significant experience. Let me see there have been so many that it seems countless this year. Transforming my relationship with Dan from one of engagement to best friend. I feel so grateful for him every moment, our relationship and my capacity to love and grow within that spaceā¦ I am grateful that we decided collectively that we could let each other grow apart but also with each others support. I am in Portland right now and he just returned from Montanaā¦ following his heart, and it is big and there is so much potential that i see and want to see come to fruition with all my heart. It is funny to see someone elseās happiness for them, understand it and visualize it when sometimes your own seems to vague. I am relieved in some sense because it felt like such a struggle sometimes to fit within a space that is forced ā¦ looking at farms and feeling so much that this wasnāt my life. There was no space or sense of grace within my heart there. I would also talk about peru but I am still in it. I am strung thin from the experience but thereās a deep feeling that I was there for a purpose both personally and professionally. There was heart ache, sadness, new love. I am not resentful for experiencing death but I am confused and processing. I am inspired, exhausted ā¦ unsure where all this will take me from the open doors at National Geographic ā¦ the platform, North Faceā¦ and most importantly with H. I want to hold his hand and kiss him and press stopā¦ sit on the shore and loose the unrelevent ties to work and chaos that seems so unimportant in the face of everything that happened. I am also unclear where I want to be and New York is not it ā¦ but I want to be in a place that feeds my soul, with community and nature and a range of emotions that are inspiring. This is my truth now and I see that clearly when I am with him. But in the same breath I am responsible for my own happiness, my own health and everything that comes with that. Be grounded and find that place within myself before I can properly hold someoneās loving hand not as a crutch but as a companion. So that is my inspiration to find that peace within myself to complement all else.
I started a new job! I am grateful to still be able to work with kids at iMentor and inspired to be able to make a difference in urban public education in a different way than being a teacher. I feel bad that I couldn't teach longer though, I was just so burnt out. I'm a little resentful at the limited scope of the organization too, we only work with high-functioninig, high-attendance, successful NYC schools. What about the rest? At least there are still 3,000 low-income minority students benefiting from our program.
When the war in Gaza started I was very surprised to see the global anti-semetic sentiments. I could not believe that in this day and age (especially in the US and Europe) that hatred of the jews was so widespread and widely accepted. There aren't even that many jews in the world. There also seemed to be no difference in sentiment regarding israelis (who were engaged in the war) and all other jews. The holocaust wasn't so long ago and, for the first time in my life, I felt like it could happen again. I was astounded by the level of support for Hamas, who was indiscriminately launching rockets into Israel. I've never been very politically engaged regarding judaism or israel but suddenly I felt that I needed to be part of the discussion. I feel sad for the jewish people but hopeful that we will survive and thrive.
This year I experienced true humility - three job applications and three different levels of rejection. I also allowed myself to take a risk - leaving a job with all the right tangible and intangible benefits but one that I dreaded waking up for - and I took a leap to enter a position where I have no prior experience and where the pressures of performing and measures of success are clearly quantifiable. Leaving what feels like no margin for error, everything exposed and no where to hide. I'm grateful that I took the risk and landed where I am because I believe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, even when it's hard to remind myself of that sometimes. I'm scared of the unknown and that fear usually keeps me safe and snug (and stagnant) in my comfort zone. Now I have to prove myself doing a job that requires a specific skill set that I know I possess somewhere deep down but that will challenge me everyday to confront and overcome some deep-seeded insecurities that sound something like: "when will they realize that I'm not as good as they think I am?" And I'm also calmer, more centered and happier than I've been since I entered the field. I wake up wondering what the day will bring and with a nervous excitement that burns low and slow and steady.
This past weekend, I completed my first half ironman! I am so relieved it is over. I am glad to say that I accomplished the 70.3 miles but also so relieved to be done. Two workouts a day really puts a toll on your body, mind and relationships. It takes up a lot of time to train for a half ironman. I went through a range of emotions during my training from being excited to racing the event to hating the training that I had to put it. I had to deal with a lot of stress that I put on myself to complete the training and the event. Right before the event, I had a mini panic attack that I wouldn't be good enough, that I wouldn't finish and that I was going to fail. However, I prayed to God that I would have the strength and confidence in myself to know that I was good enough and could achieve my goal. I was able to relax and know that I would be taken care of. I probably won't do another half ironman very soon but it inspired me to know that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. I am so grateful that I have the ability to swim, bike and run. I know that so many people don't have this opportunity for one reason or another so I thank God that I could achieve my goal.
I entered into the fall season of my life. The signs of age crept in like a villain wreaking havoc on my body, the ever curious hot flash ( I thought I was going to spontaneously burst into flames), unexplained moodiness ( I am sure my family wouldn't have been surprised by spontaneous combustion) , insomnia,and night sweats. After correlating these symptoms I had a wide variety of emotions, fear, regret, relief, sadness and finally relief. I am grateful that I have passed the stage where I feel the need to prove myself. I can finally relax and begin my journey into old womanhood. I can start to act on my oddities without worrying who is looking. I can trade my too short skirts, cramping high heels, only get them zipped with a hanger tight jeans in for clothes that I can breathe in. I am resentful that my body has succumbed to gravity, resentful that I am tired even after 8 hours of being in bed. But most of all I am resentful of the time that I see ticking, ticking, ticking away. Minutes that should be spent floating down the Ganges, exploring the Amazon, hiking in the Andes instead of stuck behind a desk, scrubbing the toilet, attending inane meetings that mean nothing... I am relieved to know that many centuries of women have passed through this time and have found peace with themselves and their journeys. Relived to know that I am half way done..God willing... but most of all I am relieved when I make it to the bathroom on time. Inspired. Today saw bright amber leaves of the aspen glistening and waving good-bye, like the bright colors of youth and I waved back in awe.
Seven months ago, I learned that my wife was having an affair. She asked for a divorce, and I begged her to stay. She drank excessively, was emotionally absent, and verbally abusive. She lied to me and told me that she had ended the affair, but still wanted a divorce. I found multiple times that she was lying. However, I still desperately wanted her to change her mine and for us to remain married. Originally, I was very shocked and horrified. Now, I am relieved. I am grateful to be free of the reigns of her control. I am proud to have learned a very hard lesson, and I am ready to move forward with a life that is my own.
SIx months agoMy dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He had a successful surgery just three weeks later. Nevertheless, I witnessed him fighting to recover, in excruciating pain, and saw what end of life could possibly look like for him when his time comes to leave this earth. It was heart wrenching to witness and his mortality was screaming in my face. At 84 years old going on 85 he was an amazing warrior. We were all gripped with fear about whether he would survive the recovery process after he jumped the first hurdle of successfully making it through surgery, with a favorable report from his surgeon. He was and is a role model to campaign with full force for the life we are still blessed to live. His gratitude for his family's compassion is endless. Wonderful questions from this Q10. Am I relieved? Grateful? Inspired? All the above. His fortitude and gratitude for all the love his family and friends gave him during this incredibly difficult phase of his life will be a powerful and heart rending memory that will stay with me and warm my heart forever.
Unfortunately, my tale commences with several cliches. Life has never failed to intrigue or astonish. It has been quite difficult, especially for someone as juvenile and mature as myself. There is no doubt I can proclaim a litany of occurrences which would leave most people in awe, but there is one pivotal moment which I vividly recall in disgust and admiration. The exact date was April 20, 2014. In less than 24 hours, I would be embarking on a journey with the intent of serving others. Lugubriously, I did not have the opportunity to voyage to the pulchritudinous beaches of Dominican Republic. For my life's entirety, I was told to opt for those with less. Little did I know that I was amongst the most destitute of creatures. I had done a disservice to myself by serving others. In other words, I had ceased to care for my well-being at the satisfaction of my parents and friends. April 20 happened to be Easter Sunday. The holiest day of obligation in the Catholic Church. Before the church bells resonated throughout the neighborhood and the aroma of flowers satiated the atmosphere, I lay there. Still. Mute. An illicit sentiment overcame my spirit on such supposedly joyous day. As Emily Dickinson states, "It was not Frost, for on my Flesh I felt Siroccos ā crawl ā Nor Fire ā for just my Marble feet Could keep a Chancel, cool ā " The experience was all so familiar that I had acquired a deftness for welcoming it. Thereafter, a sense of joy was provoked every time it arrived. This was a signal suggesting an end. The next day, I found myself wrapped in the most sacred bandages, God's bandages. My mother lay by my side like Mary and Jesus. From that day on I began to tell myself that I am God. That YOU are God. That WE are God. But before we can be God I have to be God. Annette Vaillancourt once said, āSelf-love diminishes no one. It blesses others.ā I could not agree more.
So many significant events this past year... From trying to kill myself, to touching the western wall. I am overwhelmed with emotion by this mere thought. I found love in New York City, returned there many times. I made great friends, had incredible experiences with them, and got to feel what it is truly like to feel apart of something. I finally broke free of my depression, and found Judaism. I made pilgrimage to Israel. I'm finally happy. Grateful simply does not describe what I feel. I am saved.
My son & daughter's B'nai Mitzvah. It was the most beautiful day of my life and I am grateful to all who helped make it happen, inspired by my children's grace and poise and relieved that all went well.
The end of my mourning period for my mother. It served as a significant release from old messages and permitted me to become my own person at last.
I was fired after 6 months working. It started when a new member had some troubles to adapt herself to the team. I never liked the treatment of the boss with the "probie", i was the probie and i never felt happy that way, so when it started i preferred to avoid this kind of trouble this girl talking to her about all the things will happen. The boss felt my attitude as a traitor, but i am feeling good because i preferred to help a friend rather than leave her.
I lost my cousin to cancer. There was so much more that could have done to be with her, but I could not let go of my other duties as a mother and teacher. I think of what I lost when she left, and also what I gained. There is a depth beyond which I cannot see but can feel must be there. She was so strong through the end, she must have been in so much pain but still was not anyone but herself. Hospice said that we die as we live, and she did. Always the lady, true to herself and what she loved. I only wish I could have been there at the end, but I had taken advice from someone I shouldn't have. I should have listened to myself instead. What have I learned? Don't ever lose you sense of humor an trust yourself.
The most significant event of the year was a combination of graduating top of my class and completing my senior project. The stress and strain that went into getting to graduation and completing my project was unreal. The joy I felt delivering my toothbrushing education program in Rwanda was incredible. My family was proud of me, my school was proud of me, but most importantly, I was excited I could accomplish such a large dream. I strongly feel that without the educational push I received and my desire to be the best, nothing ever would've been possible. I'm thankful for the experiences that I had, relieved that the stressful fear is over and excited for whatever may come next.
I'm living in my newly renovated apartment again, the work 99.9% done. After I returned this summer from a long vacation for the first time since doing a major post-reno clean-out, I walked in and thought, "I really like this, this is really nice." Although I wish I had the money to finish everything all at once the way I'd like, little by little things are coming together. Slo-mo, of course, the way I always get things done. But what's the rush? In all likelihood, this will be my home for the rest of my life. Is that good? Not sure.
Well, there are 2 really: a) We determined that the choice of college for Evan was not in his best interest, worked to set up a plan B, and then, when they said yes, we did have Evan start at Salisbury University, and go on a leave of absence from Goucher. All in all, relatively, I think this was a pretty well executed transition. No way to know for sure that this was the right thing to do, but all considered, with the major being better developed as an option at Salisbury, our cost being 1/2, and with a real hope that the environment might be somewhat less distracting in a positive way, after what was really a surprise acceptance, Evan chose this, and we supported the choice...though he also got in to St. Mary's and to York College. And, then, b) my mother's health took a serious down turn. Not sure when exactly...but for near a year, I"ve been going over each Saturday & Sunday evening, spending on average near 5 hours away from the house each weekend evening with her, helping. Re (a)...I'm hopeful. This is uncharted ground Re (b)...doing this, I"m grateful to be able to do this, both from the point of view of having a supportive family, and also, the experience of helping my mother is surprisingly positive, and I feel I"m coincidentally learning some things, like maybe patience and related caring skills. Maybe very slight resentment (seeing the prompt for this question). But...not so much. And, when there's an unusual conflict....I am genuinely grateful for my mom to have a great helping team, and a good doctor.
I had a Detached Retina and it affected me greatly - with my loss of vision in my left eye. I am SO grateful that God restored my eyesight after surgery and also that I have so many friends that stepped up and helped me through this ordeal. I al so relieved that it is behind me and I am ready to tackle what is in store for me next! God is good!
Sale of Family property with subsequent disconnect and tension with siblings. Sadness
2 family deaths, a new job. Grieving yet invigorated by new job as it is a positive change of career direction.
My adult son who had been sick started feeling healthy enough to work again go out and start living. It was a relief and I feel grateful. I was extremely worried about him and felt helpless to stop his suffering. Meanwhile, a close childhood friend's 20 year old son just died and I feel devastated for her.
I was able to make a shift from tense and angry and irritable to relaxation and enjoyment. I feel like I somehow broke through a barrier that has kept me trapped for so many years. Color me grateful!
My brother Tony passed away. I feel inspired by it, he was incredibly brave, strong and a true hero. He has inspired me to work harder, love more and be better. He lived his life to serve others and he has inspired me to do more.
My father's suicide this year affected every second of every minute of every day of every week of every month this past year. Every single fiber inside of me shifted that day and continues so. I am grateful for the shift in perspective, for the flashlight in the darkness of my 28 years pushing down the thoughts that something may be wrong with my family, with our outlook. I am resentful that he left me. I am inspired to get the fuck over this someday.
A new granddaughter was born in April. It was a very difficult pregnancy for her mother, my younger daughter. I was absolutely exultant at this baby's birth. All those months of holding back my excitement, keeping my daughter's pregnancy secret as she asked me to, and dealing with her terrible anxieties made this joyous event even more joyous. I am still filled with happiness every single time I think about this little girl. And I am still amazed at how little I let my daughter's fears affect my own hopefulness.
Death of mother-in-law. Freed up time with husband but that is outweighed by guilt and sadness that is pervasive. learned many lessons. difficulty with feeling didnt do enough for her and now shes gone, yet she didnt want more. at end she wouldnt communicate. wish she had a better relationship with Michael. Nothing is worth all these feelings-- if you have a feeling or issue, deal with it while person is alive because theres no chance once theyre dead.
I got engaged. Sunday, September 7th, i mentioned in passing that i didn't like the color green. Stacy seemed both surprised and somewhat distressed, i kind of thought it was funny and then forgot about it. On the 9th of September, that Tuesday, Stacy sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out to dinner somewhere nice. We hadn't been anywhere in a while and Stacy almost never offers stuff like that so I was excited and said I'd love to. That night when she got home i suggested that we go on Thursday night, becasue i had kickboxing on Wednesday. She said she wanted to go on Wednesday, at first she tried to play the "but you've got school on Thursday," but I got home in plenty of time, when she still insisted on going on Wednesday I was getting kinda suspicious, it was funny more than anything else. She was in the kitchen and kinda dancing around and refusing to make eye contact. I was like, "What's wrong with Thursday?" And she replied, still not making eye contact and grinning stupidly that she had a dead line. I was like, "A deadline for what?" And she just danced around some more (literately, she was kinda hopping around like a little kid that had to pee) At this point i became suspicious that she was going to tell me that she was ready for me to ask her to marry her. I assumed at the time that Allie had given her a "deadline" to tell me by. I spent the day being anxious and excited by turns. Mostly excited. I got dressed up and headed down to pick her up from work and then we headed over to the restaurant (fogo de chao). The food was, as always, fantastic. And when we were about half way through the meal i asked, "So can you tell me about your deadline now?" She said yes and then pulled out a ring box. I was actually surprised I hadn't expected her to get me a ring. I'm so picky about jewelry. She asked if i wanted to travel through all of space and time with her and I said yes. She didn't get down on own knee, but i actually preferred it this way. She'd also asked the hostess to put us in an out of the way spot. The ring was pretty but much to delicate for me, plus the stone was green. Which is why she got so freaked out and why she had to do it on Wednesday b/c the deadline to return the ring was Friday, and she wanted me to have time to exchange it. I was really excited. She seemed to be excited as well. This is important b/c I had asked her two years earlier and she had /not/ been excited. She still a little wary. But i'm very pleased. The week afterward I kinda panicked a little, thinking i had to do all the wedding things right now! RIGHT NOW!! And it made me a little crazy. All i did was talk about the wedding at first. And that seemed to get on Stacy's nerves which made /me/ nervous that she really /wasn't/ ready. Which made me /more/ panicked. So it was a bit of a vicious cycle. I'm calmer now, and I've spent a little time in my head figuring out what i want out of all this. I want the wedding to be held in a beautiful place, I want ritual and I want that ritual to be intentional. So I want Brad to officiate, and I want to set time aside to talk about how we envision what being married means and what we want from it and each other. So i'm still excited and now i'm much calmer. But my excitement is a bit tempered by the fact that i know i can't overwhelm Stacy.
I became the lone full legal & custodial parent of my niece earlier this year. I am so thankful for the blessing she is. She challenges my thinking & motivates me to be better than I've ever been. I am proud to be working as hard as I can to create a calm, blessed & fruitful life for us both.
My mother attempted suicide, I believe it was more of a cry for help. She ran out of benefits and would have been kicked out if her apartment the following month. My wife's mother passed away in then beginning of this year so I didn't know how she would react in helping my mom (We both believe my mother did a stupid thing). Surprisingly she said we should bring her to live with us, I thought it a good idea too but I was worried about the conflicts it may cause. Now a few months later there are some issues. I believe my wife feels that my mom should act similar to hers (in a way). That she may have been unprepared or understand that my mom would be different from my wife's idea of a grandmother. I am grateful, resentful and relieved. My wife opened our home to my mother and my mother has been a great help. It upsets me that my mother attempted suicide, that she really spent her time on unemployment getting high ( she confessed to my wife and not me) and that she may be acting cold towards my family when I am not home ( my wife's objective view). I'm upset my wife's view point of a grandmother relays heavily on her mothers relationship with the kids. Her mother was no angel and did things that highly upset me. My wife feels that my mother should leave in a year. I believe we should help her develop good relationship skills with our kids that she didn't show me growing up, my wife already doesn't seem to want to. My wife doesn't want me to resent her if this doesn't work out. I feel I may if she lets a year go by without helping my mother to be someone better than she was before she came. What would have been the Point in helping her n the first place. Right now I'm torn.
The clear winner: My sister's ALS diagnosis. I am shocked, angry, frightened. I am flipping my life over to take care of her, which is something I never anticipated doing for anyone. Grateful that I am free to do so; horrified that I need to. No words.
Three come to mind but the question calls for one so...I will say the death of my cousin CDW and two friends BLCII (actually 11/13) and AL. I understand that death is a part of life but when it happens it puts you in another space. These deaths were untimely to me but of course "the maker" knows exactly when everyone's time is up. I was saddened by these deaths because each person had a special place in my heart. They were also people I'd known since my youth and from that perspective contributed to the woman I am today! I am grateful to have known Curtis, Mr. Clark, and Auntie L.
I recently had my first big success as a writer. Instead of making me happy, it made me realize how tenuous success feels. I felt as much confusion, anxiety, and the need to do more as I did joy or satisfaction. Probably more anxiety and confusion than joy. This success made me both want to work harder and achieve more and made me realize that my happiness in life might not come from my work, no matter what that work is. My family, my friends, the day-to-day moments of happiness--those are the things I think will make me feel the most successful, the most content. I still want to achieve great things as a writer--supporting myself and my family with my work and connecting with an engaged audience--but that may not be the be all end all after all.
The completion of the rental house renovations. What I should feel proud about is tarnished by the disgust of how much money I've spent. What should've been a fun side job has been all-encompassing and overwhelming with every weekend going towards it. Made worse by the commitment to rent it before it was even done, and the financial consequences of paying for the tenants temporary housing is since the work wasn't done on time. I'm left with a mix of conflicting emotions. Mostly relief that it's done. And while I've enjoyed the project and the contacts I've made, I question my judgement in being able to find another project that will allow me to do this again while also penciling out. That and how do I overcome the time pressures of pushing such a project forward with a day job that demands most of my attention? And then there's the fact that I'm not involved with or engaged with my family. What is this doing to my kids as their dad isn't around to take on my share of the parenting responsibilities. And is there a deeper avoidance issue that I'm running away from?
I met a man quite randomly in NYC last October and had a conversation with him about his dogs. He offered one of his dogs to me as he had stage 4 lung cancer and could not keep them all. I did eventually adopt one of his dogs and he is a little ray of sunshine everyday in my home. In the 4-6 wks before the man passed we spoke on the phone multiple times and I cherish those conversations and always will! My daughter said she didn't feel there was anything random about mtg, but that the mtg that meant to be, somehow.
I came to peace with my break-up with Meaghan. It took me leaving the comfort of the East Coast and the corporate world as well as the support of six amazing roomma